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Have you ever gone too far? - 12/7/2010 3:32:13 PM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
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Hi all. I was wondering if any of you Masters/Doms have ever gone too far with a slave/sub. Physically, emotionally, sexually, mentally...in any way really? Did it cause irreparable damage to the relationship, was it an accident or was it done on purpose? How did you feel about it?

On the flip side, I'm wondering how the other side feels on the stuff above. How did you deal with it? Are you fine with the end result, regarding your choice on how you handled it?

Post #: 1

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/7/2010 4:07:38 PM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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Yes, but not in the sense that you mean.

Once, I met a woman at a munch and took her outside and played with her - a CLEAR violation of protocol. I lost a lot of respect in the community for that and rightly so.

There have also been a couple of cases, one in which I made eye contact with a bottom during a play scene and got chewed out for it later, and another when I stroked a sub's face after properly getting permission to do so from both her and her mentor, and she whined about it to a DM. I told the DM that she never complained while I was playing with her and she was not harmed in any way, so tough beans.

I felt bad about the first case, kinda like everyone was making a big deal of the second, and pissed off in the third.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 2

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/7/2010 4:18:55 PM

switch2please

Posts: 494
Joined: 12/5/2008
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Tickling is a hard limit for me and puts me in a very bad headspace. It's happened a couple times accidentally, but he realized it and knew to stop the scene and how to comfort me. Not pleasant, but no harm, no foul. Had he tickled me intentionally, I would have been out the door as soon as possible.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 3

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/7/2010 4:53:38 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

There have been times when things have been said or done that hurt me or him unintentionally but I have never once felt it was too far. He or I apologized and we moved on. It's never been anything that I felt played a big problem with us. We're both mature enough to admit mistakes and just move on from them.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 12/7/2010 4:54:05 PM >

(in reply to switch2please)

Post #: 4

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/7/2010 5:16:28 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

We had a friend with whom We often co-Topped. One party, We walked into her scene, as We often do, but this time, didn't have the submissive's permission. Apologies all around, of course, but the guy never really did talk to Us after that.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 5

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/7/2010 5:19:52 PM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

I've had one scene where the Dom did a mindfuck that I wasn't expecting, and it messed with my head in a way that neither of us foresaw. It caused a bit of a rough patch for me, but I knew he was well-intentioned and we worked things out and learned from the experience.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

There have also been a couple of cases, one in which I made eye contact with a bottom during a play scene and got chewed out for it later, and another when I stroked a sub's face after properly getting permission to do so from both her and her mentor, and she whined about it to a DM. I told the DM that she never complained while I was playing with her and she was not harmed in any way, so tough beans.

I felt bad about the first case, kinda like everyone was making a big deal of the second, and pissed off in the third.

Unless the bottom and sub told you not to do those things or objected when you did them, it sounds like they were making a big deal out of nothing to me too.....

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 6

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/7/2010 8:07:47 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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Yes, my ex owner went too far with me emotionally. I dealt with it the best I could, until I no longer could and he let me go.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 7

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/7/2010 8:32:06 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu

Unless the bottom and sub told you not to do those things or objected when you did them, it sounds like they were making a big deal out of nothing to me too.....

Well, there WAS a rule about not intrerfering with a scene, but I didn't think of eye contact as interference. But the face stroking thing was ridiculous, and I told the DM as such. The sub's mentor was apologetic after he learned she had complained.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to graceadieu)

Post #: 8

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/7/2010 9:00:05 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I have gone too far in any number of ways. Most times you cuddle, talk things out, laugh, cry and go on. If you have a history of "going too far" with someone at some point they are going to lose trust but if it is clear that you normally get it right and were playing on the edge, stuff happens.

I remember being at a party and flirting with a Domme I had seen around a few times and she was telling me how she liked to be "taken" without negotiation. I looked her right in the eye and asked "no negotiation?" and she replied "no negotiation" and so I grabbed a hunk of her hair right then and there. Her only response was "not here"...but she went and found a private place we could play. Another time I did something similar but the response was a knife pointed at my groin, NOT GOOD!

Like is about taking risks and knowing which ones are better bets than others.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/8/2010 5:43:11 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

= FR =

Yes, I've gone too far on a, thankfully, small number of occasions. Fortunately not so far that a good chat, and some aftercare wasn't able to fix it.

I agree with SimplyMichael - if it happens a lot, then there's a potential "trust" / "Communication" issue.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 10

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/8/2010 6:19:13 AM

RapierFugue

Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

Hi all. I was wondering if any of you Masters/Doms have ever gone too far with a slave/sub. Physically, emotionally, sexually, mentally...in any way really?

Yes, I have. I once meant to get off at Junction 27, but missed my turning and we had to take Junction 28 instead, then turn around and go back.

Nightmare.

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 11

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/8/2010 7:34:17 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue
Yes, I have. I once meant to get off at Junction 27, but missed my turning and we had to take Junction 28 instead, then turn around and go back.

Nightmare.

Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on.

sashays off this thread, humming a fine tune

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to RapierFugue)

Post #: 12

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/8/2010 7:42:43 AM

Jaybeee

Posts: 532
Joined: 2/2/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

Hi all. I was wondering if any of you Masters/Doms have ever gone too far with a slave/sub. Physically, emotionally, sexually, mentally...in any way really?

Yes, I have. I once meant to get off at Junction 27, but missed my turning and we had to take Junction 28 instead, then turn around and go back.

Nightmare.

Nutcase.

_____________________________

Mastery in motion since 2005

Women of the world, submit!

(in reply to RapierFugue)

Post #: 13

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/8/2010 8:02:36 AM

RapierFugue

Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee
Nutcase.

Well yeah I could have gone cross-country but I didn't have sat-nav back then, so figured it wasn't worth the risk of getting lost.

(in reply to Jaybeee)

Post #: 14

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/8/2010 8:28:25 AM

switch2please

Posts: 494
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline

Poise - love the new pic

(in reply to RapierFugue)

Post #: 15

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/8/2010 9:01:21 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Yes, there have been occasions that I've gone too far. I think that's true of any of us who push a bit during play. Even for those who don't, accidents happen, signals get misread, or the proper information isn't always given. I'm of the firm belief that any top who tries tell say that all of their scenes have always gone perfectly, without a single issue is either full of shit or they don't play frequently enough above a soft spanking to have run across the issue yet. On some occasions, things have been solely My fault, others they were My fault, but I didn't have all of the information from the bottom to work from, and others it's been outside sources. It's something that happens, you deal with it, and then you move on.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to switch2please)

Post #: 16

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/8/2010 10:49:30 AM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm of the firm belief that any top who tries tell say that all of their scenes have always gone perfectly, without a single issue is either full of shit or they don't play frequently enough above a soft spanking to have run across the issue yet.

Hi LadyPact,

Someone once said that same thing and it has stayed in the back of my mind. I have actually thrown that question out a few times and received a range of responses. And I question how I would handle that but who knows until the time gets there, if it does.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 17

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/8/2010 11:54:13 AM

SirGeoffrey1

Posts: 12
Joined: 12/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Yes, there have been occasions that I've gone too far. I think that's true of any of us who push a bit during play. Even for those who don't, accidents happen, signals get misread, or the proper information isn't always given. I'm of the firm belief that any top who tries tell say that all of their scenes have always gone perfectly, without a single issue is either full of shit or they don't play frequently enough above a soft spanking to have run across the issue yet. On some occasions, things have been solely My fault, others they were My fault, but I didn't have all of the information from the bottom to work from, and others it's been outside sources. It's something that happens, you deal with it, and then you move on.

This. Very much what LadyPact says.

Things can happen during play that are not fun at all for various reasons. If you are not prepared for them, then you are being foolish. As the dominant partner, I have found that there have been several times when I must be the advocate for the sub I am playing with because they do not fully understand the consequences of what they are asking for.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 18

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/8/2010 12:03:58 PM

soul2share

Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline

Once, the dom I was involved with went too far trying some breast torture. He tied them up and was hitting them, and I ripped out of a set of soft restraints at the same time he realized that it was too much. It was this instance that made me realize that breast torture is a hard limit. He wanted to stop the scene altogether, I told him no, but to just give me a bit to regroup. He got me water and did what he could for me physically to help me get me past the pain of getting untied...OMFG!!!

The one time I walked away from someone was when he told me he had every intention of using a hard limit as punishment. For something that I didn't even see as an infraction...it was so minor that I can't even remember what it was. Something said during an IM is all I remember. And what really pissed me off was that he didn't even see his actions as a betrayal of my trust.....he said "awwwww, it was just a mind fuck"....yeah, right!

_____________________________

I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"...people are starting to take it as a challenge!

*Not a fuck was given.*

(in reply to SirGeoffrey1)

Post #: 19

RE: Have you ever gone too far? - 12/8/2010 4:35:39 PM

LadyRian

Posts: 486
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

I did, and I've never forgotten it.

My ex was an extreme masochist. I always did my best to ensure that I wound the scenes down before causing any long lasting physical damage, but there was this one time where we were both enjoying things to the point where I went too far with the flogger. He knew I was going too far, wanted me to, and I was remiss in letting myself be carried away by the heat of the moment. I realised, and did stop immediately, but it was obvious I'd gone too far. I felt terrible.

I cared for him afterward, just held him gently all that night, but the thing which scared me the most is that he wanted me to go that far again, and perhaps even farther.
We broke up a few months after that for other reasons, but I learned a valuable lesson that night.

_____________________________

"Dodging bullets since 2010"

(in reply to soul2share)

Post #: 20

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