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how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/7/2010 6:36:22 PM   
behavingbadly


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Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline 		and try to get them to be into it if you saw they might be into some aspects of lifestyle. how would you tell them?
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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/7/2010 6:44:39 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I really have no idea what you mean by "serious bdsm" so I have no idea. I see no reason to ever tell anyone what I do with my life. Just seems like a cry for attention to me.

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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/7/2010 6:49:24 PM   
KatyLied


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From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I have found the best way to tell anything is to open my mouth, form words, and let them fall out.

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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/7/2010 7:02:32 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		So far I've never had that conversation. But I have had revealing conversations and if I want to get to the point, I start by asking them things and just starting general conversation...like What do you think of such-n-such? Or I was reading a fasinating article about such-n-such, and start talking about it.

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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/7/2010 9:25:32 PM   
AquaticSub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

and try to get them to be into it if you saw they might be into some aspects of lifestyle. how would you tell them?


I opened a drawer full of sex toys and floggers and cuffs and told Val he could use them on me when he felt ready.

It certainly opened the discussion... From there we went to various lifestyle events together and I told him what various things meant to me.


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/7/2010 9:50:48 PM   
Valyraen


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

and try to get them to be into it if you saw they might be into some aspects of lifestyle. how would you tell them?


I opened a drawer full of sex toys and floggers and cuffs and told Val he could use them on me when he felt ready.

It certainly opened the discussion... From there we went to various lifestyle events together and I told him what various things meant to me.



Admit it, it turned you on even more when my reply was, "How many can I use at once?"

OP, my suggestion for broaching any serious topic is always the same: sit down and actually talk about it. You can have all the resources in the world, but none of them are going to hit exactly the note that resonates as you.

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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/7/2010 9:54:26 PM   
BurntKitty


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Status: offline 		Ohai! Wanna use this paddle on me? Kthxbai.

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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/8/2010 5:02:46 AM   
TheLadyEliza


Posts: 13
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline 		Mmmmm. I told my best friend when she wanted to attend an event that I was attending with my Dom. It was a "semi-kink" event and I knew I was on the board to get a flogging. So I had to sit down with her and say some thing along the lines of :"hey, you know that thing we are going to? You know they have a kinky room, right? Yeah, well... I may be spending most of the night in that one."

It seems to me that you are more trying to tell a partner type person than a friend type person, and I don't know if you even have semi-kink events available to you (mostly just a dance party/club with one area reserved for those interested) but I found this worked well for me. Maybe you could modify by just taking them there and "accidentily" finding the kink room. Their straight out reaction should tell you a bit. If it's good, you can just do the follow up of, well, I think it's exciting!

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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/8/2010 5:21:23 AM   
crazyml


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Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		I guess it depends.

With nilla girlfriends the answer would always be "Gradually"

I like the idea of going on a first date and waiting till she's just sipping on her Sauv Blanc and saying "So, how'd you like it if I took you home, stripped you and spanked that gorgeous ass of yours" ;-)

I introduced my last nilla-conversion to "dressing up" by suggesting we go to the "Skool Nite" at a local night club and was (later the same evening) able to introduce "spanking" by telling her that she'd been a "bloody naughty girl".

Then it was a case of "Ding ding! Non-stop to the end of the pier!"

Another thought has occurred to me - This topic would make an awesome series of youtube sketches... "101 ways to tell your partner you're kinky".

Any takers?

[Edited to fix horrific grammar snafus - or at least the ones that I could see]

< Message edited by crazyml -- 12/8/2010 5:28:04 AM >

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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/8/2010 6:32:06 AM   
AquaticSub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Another thought has occurred to me - This topic would make an awesome series of youtube sketches... "101 ways to tell your partner you're kinky".

Any takers?



I'd do it.


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/8/2010 6:48:34 AM   
LadyConstanze


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quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

and try to get them to be into it if you saw they might be into some aspects of lifestyle. how would you tell them?


Depends why and what, if they are just friends, I would casually test the waters, if I would consider the person as a potential partner, yes then by all means...

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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/8/2010 7:01:21 AM   
UmbraDomina


Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline 		With my current partner, as the relationship progressed into something more then just friends, I felt I need to tell him. (he is vanilla, or mostly lol) I sat him down and said hey I need to talk to you.......... you know how I like to pin your arms down during sex and you have told me I am kinda wild in bed.... well dear you don't know the half of it.........lol lucky for me he has been very open minded, he himself has no desire to take part in the lifestyle, but he has no issues with the fact I do take part in it. He has attended a munch, and will eventually attend more and a party or two.

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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/8/2010 8:25:18 AM   
switch2please


Posts: 494
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline 		I'm pretty open, so when I'm getting to know someone I just ask if they're kinky.
The answers range from "No....." to "Oh hell yes!"
If they're not, no harm no foul. I was curious. If they are, we have more to talk about.....

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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/8/2010 8:31:47 AM   
shivermetimbers


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Joined: 6/7/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

and try to get them to be into it if you saw they might be into some aspects of lifestyle. how would you tell them?

The nilla girls I was going out with, it was pretty simple. You start out asking very basic stuff, or telling them basic stuff that isn't too alarming. I asked one girl if she would tie me up and sit on my face. She really enjoyed doing that. Then we worked in some ass play, some spanking, and you know, pretty soon all those little dark fantasies start pouring out, because she was with someone she knew she could trust.

So, like what's been said already, go slowly, and most of all, build trust. You don't want to "shock and awe" someone with your "serious BDSM", and once they trust you, you will find, they probably will let you know the roads they have traveled in their minds, and want to do in real life.

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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/8/2010 8:40:18 AM   
switch2please


Posts: 494
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline 		- misunderstood the previous post, edited appropriately -

I would bring it up in conversation first. Light bondage and queening could cross the line for some people. I like to establish where the boundaries are first, before encouraging someone to play. I don't want to surprise someone with something they may not be into, and I don't have to worry about fun ideas being rejected when things get hot and heavy.

< Message edited by switch2please -- 12/8/2010 8:41:36 AM >

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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/8/2010 10:11:42 AM   
81song


Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		I would agree with many of going slow is a good thing. But I would say be as up front as you can early in a relation. I have been in a relation or was in a relationship for about 3 years and she is the greatest. But because of so many miles between us it did not work. The point here is I did tell her of my kink early on and she did not really understand and I think somehow she was thinking I might be healed in some way or another, good luck UmbraDomina, you sound like a hoot that was funny.

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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/8/2010 3:23:41 PM   
DommeKeliDallas


Posts: 311
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		You're very cute.
Just open your mouth and TELL him.
What a lucky guy!

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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/8/2010 4:53:59 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly
and try to get them to be into it if you saw they might be into some aspects of lifestyle. how would you tell them?

So perhaps I'm just totally naive, but it seems to me that an awful lot of men would respond well to something along the lines of a playful, "Hey, how about something different tonight in the bedroom" type statement. I mean... to hear the story here on collarme... ALL guys think constantly with their cock. You'd think it would be pretty easy to convince a cock to engage in some experimental sex IF DONE IN A LOVING AND CONSIDERATE WAY. I suspect that approaches like, "A real man would...." probably get less success.

Note. Of all the men who responded well to the original statement, only some of them are actually going to enjoy activity X. That's still a wonderful communication in my book, not a failure.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/8/2010 5:24:57 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		ya know I've never in my life had to tell someone I was into "kinky sex" <whatever that means>. I have always simply dated dominant personality men and I let the relationship just progress as it may. I've yet to find a man who didn't have some kind of fetish even if it wasn't something I particularly enjoyed.

Then again I don't have a lot of fetishes or kinks. I'm more about the person I'm with than anything else.


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RE: how would you tell someone you're into serious bdsm - 12/8/2010 5:41:11 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Well.. had Carol been into masochism, she certainly would've needed to tell me that somewhere along the 15 years of our marriage since up until recently such things weren't even on my mental radar. Carol does tell me lots of things that she might want to experiment with... even now at the 15 year mark.

I'm assuming from the OP that this is something like, "She wants to be bound and whipped" or somesuch. It's the sort of thing that isn't going to be intuitively obvious to an awful lot of VANILLA men. Accordingly, I'm opting for the talk option as opposed to the ESP pills choice.

Your like me and Carol. You're more interested in the relationship as a whole than any specific activity within it. But for someone who has something important to them, then it needs to be discussed.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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