RE: True Mistresses vs. "fake mistresses"

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RE: True Mistresses vs. "fake mistresses" - 12/11/2010 11:39:55 PM

BadBoyDamien

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/7/2010
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Thanks to all for nice advices, thoughts ...

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Sounds like you just went to this one thing, and chances are you stumbled into a group of socially inept people, the way they reacted and started fights sounds a bit dodgy, a bit like if you stumble into a dive in the bad part of town.

I noticed that fetish parties are not all the same, some are great and some are just plainly not worth your time, it really depends on what kind of people they attract.

As for treating a waitress bad for no reason at all, that's such an instant turn off, it's one of my biggest turn offs.

Talking about problems, that depends, I mean if I meet somebody for the first time and we get along and he or she tells me about a problem and I encountered something similar, I might mention it, sort of "Yes, our neighbors also tend to have loud parties, can be highly annoying during the week..." Playing superwoman and acting invulnerable isn't a sign of dominance but rather of insecurity.

You know find some nice munches and groups and get to know the people on a human basis first, I guess you were talking to the 5 women because you were attracted to how they look, great looks don't always mean they have a great character.

Yeah, that's part of the problem. I didn't really truly know them on a human basis. I knew a thing or two, but clearly not enough.
They all ended up being the type of people I wouldn't even want to be friends with.

I also agree about problems-talk. However, it's one thing just talking about them, mentioning them, but a completely other thing just outright whining about them, the first time you meet someone.
I always try being open-minded and not judge anyone, however, such a thing makes my alarm go off.

You mentioned that playing a superwoman and acting invulnerable is a sign of insecurity ... That was the main problem! In the beginning they looked like that, acted like that, to the point where I became suspicious. And those suspicions proved to be correct later on ...

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
The part that I highlighted in red is almost a contradiction. It's very hard when you're new to have good screening processes because you really don't know what you're screening for.

Yeah, that was my main point! Being a "newbie", it's very hard to have a good screening process.
(when I wrote that I always use a very good screening process, I meant overall in life; but that's not possible yet in this instance here)

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Post #: 41

RE: True Mistresses vs. "fake mistresses" - 12/11/2010 11:49:04 PM

BadBoyDamien

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/7/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh
While your answer is all well and good...and what a person SHOULD say...I think, given some of your other comments, it's just that, what you feel you should say. We all have a certain amount of expectations when meeting someone or going into a situations, even if they seem to be minor expectations. You mentioned in another comment to a question I had...

It's not about what I "should" say, it's more about the fact that I always try to look at things as objectively as I can and then go from there.
I mostly look at things from a "doubt everything" standpoint, which often leads to my opinions mostly being somewhere in the middle ...

As for expectations, yeah, I answered that in the next quote, when you asked the same thing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh
...which suggests you did have certain expectations of the women you mentioned.
I bolded the one part in the above quote in particular because it stood out to me as a test. I get the impression you expect to be 'kept in line' by a woman and will test her to see if she can perform to your expectations. Yes?

Actually, not really ... Because, if I HAD to "test her", that would mean that something is wrong.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh
And I don't play 'I'm more superior than you' games. ;-/

Seriously, not every woman...dominant or otherwise...likes to have to perform feats of amazing mental abilities everytime she wants to interact with her partner (even if it's only a part-time/short-time partner....with no expectations ).

Oh, you got it wrong. I was talking about the overall impression, not having to prove/show it in every-day interactions.
For example, if I knew someone was intelligent, she wouldn't need to do anything that would prove she's intelligent!

It's just that lack of intelligence is a massive turn-off for me. It's just not negotiable.
Someone could be a true Goddess in every other aspect, but a lack of intelligence would turn her into a "frog" in my eyes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh
As a "newbie" doesn't mean you're a "newbie" at interpersonal relationships and communication....or does it? This all seem to go back, in my opinion, to looking for a "mistress" before looking for a woman.

This actually goes back to what I wrote at the beginning of this post and the "doubt everything" part. Being "sure" is such a strong word, especially for someone who's a "newbie".
That's what I meant by it ... I can't be "sure" until I truly experience something, can I?

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RE: True Mistresses vs. "fake mistresses" - 12/12/2010 12:13:03 AM

BadBoyDamien

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/7/2010
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CynthiaWVirginia, AAkasha, LadyNTrainer, you all touched a similar subject and I agree with all of you.

I'll try addressing a similar thing. I don't mind if a woman is firm, strong-minded, determined in public, quite the opposite, I really like it. However, that doesn't mean that same woman can't be classy & sophisticated at the same time!

For example, I mentioned the one who started treating the waitress like crap. If, for example, that same waitress was providing a bad service, and she firmly criticised her, I would consider that a positive!
Being firm, strong, not letting others push you around ... those are qualities I really appreciate! However, being plain rude, obnoxious, hurtful is a whole different story. Especially to random people!

Behaving in private is a different story, but in public, I expect a certain amount of class in people I interact with, no matter if they have dominant, submissive or other type of personalities!

quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh
I'd be curious to know what the OP would have thought of the 5 women he mentioned minus the "femdom" thing. If he was just meeting them as women...nothing more/nothing less.

That's the thing. I'd be appalled by them! Probably even more!

quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh
Oh well...enough wondering for today. I hope the OP takes to heart the advice given to him here and I wish him the best.

I will. And thanks!

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Post #: 43

RE: True Mistresses vs. "fake mistresses" - 12/14/2010 3:51:14 AM

DommeKeliDallas

Posts: 311
Joined: 1/27/2008
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You are only 27 years old.
Not everyone is going to be EXACTLY what you want when you want it.

A lot of Dommes won't see subbies your age because of the no experience/immaturity factor.

KNOW that the world isn't perfect, people aren't perfect and even you aren't perfect.

There are no "fake Dommes"...only fake expectations.

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RE: True Mistresses vs. "fake mistresses" - 12/14/2010 10:15:12 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeKeliDallas

You are only 27 years old.
Not everyone is going to be EXACTLY what you want when you want it.

A lot of Dommes won't see subbies your age because of the no experience/immaturity factor.

KNOW that the world isn't perfect, people aren't perfect and even you aren't perfect.

There are no "fake Dommes"...only fake expectations.

I actually don't agree with the highlighted above. There are some women in the scene who are basically playing a role, just like there are some men who do it. From what I've observed, men tend to do this because they feel it's a better angle for sex. When women do it, the reason can be money, an easier dating pool, or having different opportunities. If it wasn't the case, the term bait and switch wouldn't even exist.

Being twenty-seven isn't the same hurdle as age would be if he were five years younger. The OP is smack dab in the middle of the TNG range, which isn't a bad place to be. Not every Dominant female out there is in her forties or fifties.

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RE: True Mistresses vs. "fake mistresses" - 12/14/2010 1:30:53 PM

liks2plzlf

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Joined: 7/21/2005
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You must have mixed me up with someone else. I'd kill to be 27again. I agree with LP on fake dominants. After thinking about it, isn't a back handed bitch slap, a pimp slap?

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Post #: 46

RE: True Mistresses vs. "fake mistresses" - 12/14/2010 1:47:59 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeKeliDallas
There are no "fake Dommes"...only fake expectations.

Well, there are certainly some scammers who are strictly out for your money and who may not even be female, let alone dominants.

However the term "fake" has been pretty devalued in our community, because its most common application seems to be by bitter, disappointed people whose prospective partners didn't instantly gratify all their kinky whims or jump to be in a 24/7 relationship with them. Eg, "You're not a REAL DOMINANT because you didn't beat me and fuck me up the ass on our first date." Or the one we hear more on the male dom side, "You're not a REAL SUBMISSIVE because you didn't instantly kneel and give me a blowjob when I ordered you to." Doesn't matter that their first date was at Starbuck's.

Unrealistic expectations generally make for very bitter people, and if they can't admit that there is a problem either with their expectations or their own lack of desirability, they may blame everyone else for their inability to get laid. It tends to be a big red flag for me if I see someone complain that all they've ever met are fakes. The common thread in all of their failed meetings is them, and that's what I tend to consider as the most likely possibility as to what actually went wrong. Either they have unrealistic expectations that have more to do with porn than with real life human relationships, or they have similarly bad criteria for picking partners (eg, they only contact women whose profiles are straight out of porn, so all they are finding are the pros and the scammers). Neither is a very good sign.

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