RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"?

RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (Full Version)

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LadyConstanze -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 10:52:48 AM)
I'm so with Lady Hib on this, manners don't cost much and they usually make people feel good, it makes living together easier and nicer. Getting up and offering a person a seat who's elderly or needs it seems to be normal. Though I have to admit last week in the tube in London I got up to offer a pregnant woman my seat and some rude guy took it before the pregnant woman could sit down (I swear I wasn't even standing straight and he was in like a shot), we looked at each other, raised our eyebrows, he was hiding behind his paper and I couldn't resist tapping him on the shoulder and asking very friendly if he would like a prize for snatching seats that were offered to pregnant ladies. He was huffing a bit that he didn't see the pregnant lady (yeah right) and made no move to get up, both people to the left and the right of him offered her the seat then, she said it's OK and didn't want to take it, one of them said loudly "Don't blame you, I don't really want to sit next to him" and made a face as if he smelled something horrible, a few giggles around, the seat snatcher got off at the next station - I doubt he wanted to get off, because it was hardly worth sitting down... Shame that the weather was so grotty and I wore flat boots, it would have been one of the situations where you try to catch your balance and by mistake step on somebody's foot with a stiletto heel... Of course I would have apologized...

RapierFugue -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 10:54:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze Though I have to admit last week in the tube in London I got up to offer a pregnant woman my seat and some rude guy took it before the pregnant woman could sit down (I swear I wasn't even standing straight and he was in like a shot), we looked at each other, raised our eyebrows, he was hiding behind his paper and I couldn't resist tapping him on the shoulder and asking very friendly if he would like a prize for snatching seats that were offered to pregnant ladies. He was huffing a bit that he didn't see the pregnant lady (yeah right) and made no move to get up, both people to the left and the right of him offered her the seat then, she said it's OK and didn't want to take it, one of them said loudly "Don't blame you, I don't really want to sit next to him" and made a face as if he smelled something horrible, a few giggles around, the seat snatcher got off at the next station - I doubt he wanted to get off, because it was hardly worth sitting down... That's the London way. If in doubt, take the piss [;)]

lovingpet -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 10:57:19 AM)
Nope. It's not a dominant or submissive thing at all. It is a simple matter of not being raised by rabid wolves. lovingpet

lizi -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 11:30:33 AM)
Gotta love people who know everything. There should be a rule that whenever someone else wants to generalize for a whole group of people that they get put in a corner for a time-out. My Dom is extremely polite and mannerly in his words and actions. He is a caring, nuturing man and I consider myself a lucky woman. The dichotomy of having a man that treats me respectfully in public and roughly in private is amazingly hot. This woman is mistaking having manners as weakness, how silly. I've always been under the impression that 'being a gentleman' is a very strong and confident thing to do - it is extremely sexy and a desirable quality in any man of any orientation. If I was ever with someone who was rude to me it would be the last time I saw them.

LadyConstanze -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 11:38:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue That's the London way. If in doubt, take the piss [;)] I shall try to come to terms with that concept... I'm used to people pushing to get into the tube first and all that, but that was possibly one of the rudest things I've ever seen during rush hour and then the cheek to put up his free Metro edition up before him sort of "Can't see you..." Snatching the seat that is offered a pregnant woman, wound me up a bit, if you see somebody who's obviously pregnant or elderly, it's just the done thing to offer the seat. I bet the people who don't do it are the ones who'll complain first when they get a bit on...

RapierFugue -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 11:45:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue That's the London way. If in doubt, take the piss [;)] I shall try to come to terms with that concept... I meant, those that ripped the piss out of the "bad" chap. I have to say I find London generally one of the most polite major cities I've lived in, but of course there are always exceptions.

LadyRian -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 11:48:29 AM)
I seriously don't know what"s happened. Rudeness, and the acceptance thereof, seems to have cut a giant swath across every segment of the populace. I've met many exceptionally well mannered children and young adults, I've met many exceptionally poor mannered older and old adults. It doesn't matter what age, race, or gender, some folks are rude as hell, others are not. Some of the rudest people I've met had parents who tried to bring them up to be courteous. I know, because I remember growing up with them, and knowing their parents. Somehow, in spite of all their parent's best efforts my peers turned out to be less than gracious.

LadyConstanze -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 11:50:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue That's the London way. If in doubt, take the piss [;)] I shall try to come to terms with that concept... I meant, those that ripped the piss out of the "bad" chap. I have to say I find London generally one of the most polite major cities I've lived in, but of course there are always exceptions. I agree, London and NYC usually get a bad rep, but both are amazing friendly and polite places... Oh I was being a bit sarcastic with "trying to come to terms", I found taking the piss in a very friendly way leads to better results than being very confrontational, though for a fleeting moment I did entertain the thought of ripping the paper away and saying "You impolite git who stole the seat, get your flabby ass off and let the pregnant lady sit down. And I mean NOW!"

RapierFugue -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 11:53:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I agree, London and NYC usually get a bad rep, but both are amazing friendly and polite places... I agree entirely, on both counts. Smashing places, both. Paris we can agree to differ on, since IIRC you're pro and I'm anti [;)]

leadership527 -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 12:03:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lovingpet Nope. It's not a dominant or submissive thing at all. It is a simple matter of not being raised by rabid wolves. LOL - yeah but tell us what you really think. In all seriousness, much as I'd love to agree with you, I don't. I get it that other people are using different definitions for these words and that, in fact, there are entirely different world views driving the viewpoints in some cases. There are lots and lots of examples of people here on collarme basically asserting that being thoughtful and being dominant are mutually contradictory. It's not my place to tell them what is and is not "dominance" in their eyes. If they've got a definition and it's working for them then booyah! Nor do I think that my own personal definition of what constitutes "good manners" is necessarily shared by the entire population. Just like everything else, there's a fair bit of subjectivity in questions like these and I must acknowledge the reality of that if I choose to live in reality.

81song -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 12:13:22 PM)
I don’t get it; one should always be a gentleman or as I like to say remember what you Mom taught you. It is not that hard and folks around you will appreciate it. It does not have a thing to do with top or bottom. It des have a lot to do with respect.

lovingpet -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 12:14:06 PM)
That was a very subly tone of text there wasn't it? snickers While I understand what you are saying, the fact remains that not only are these things not mutually exclusive, they are completely unrelated. Some people (and by some nowadays I mean most) have perfectly fine relationships without the niceties of car doors being opened, etc. Their relationships are healthy and their interaction suitable to them (or at least I would have to assume so). Then again, there could be all the manners in the world and cancerous issues lying just under the surface. Everything screams to the outside world that they are the perfect couple, but behind closed doors is a tragedy in the making. There just is no correlation at all to me. Dominance and submission have nothing to do with it. Obviously, I prefer to be treated like a lady in some ways, but a man's doing so makes no value judgment for me regarding his orientation to the world. And if I am being blunt, then I would have to also state that even rabid wolves occasionally decide to nurture what would have normally been their prey. Either way, the animal is no less the kick-your-backside, frothing predator. His kindness or lack thereof makes him no more or less a wolf. Maybe that's more clear. See why I don't bother with being direct? [&:] lovingpet

LadyConstanze -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 12:22:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I agree, London and NYC usually get a bad rep, but both are amazing friendly and polite places... I agree entirely, on both counts. Smashing places, both. Paris we can agree to differ on, since IIRC you're pro and I'm anti [;)] I'm not pro Paris, I just think as a foreign woman you have an easy time in Paris... As a foreign guy, maybe less so...

81song -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 12:45:37 PM)
Yes NYC does get a bad rap and you will find the most friendly people, just try asking for directions sometime. And after 9/11 I noticed folks were, well very different and it was all for the good.

LadyConstanze -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 1:02:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: 81song Yes NYC does get a bad rap and you will find the most friendly people, just try asking for directions sometime. And after 9/11 I noticed folks were, well very different and it was all for the good. Lived there for 2 years and apart from the rent prices and the fact that you have to search high and low for good bread (almost like being in the UK), hardly any complains about NYC, one of the places I love and that feel like home. Smashing people, none of that LA fake friendliness with "How are you? But just don't tell me the truth..."

RapierFugue -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 1:07:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze and the fact that you have to search high and low for good bread (almost like being in the UK) Eh? I've got 3 excellent bakeries/delis within walking distance [;)]

81song -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 1:28:37 PM)
Well I was born in the city and I am sure you can find some great places. In Newburgh there is Rockland Bakery which is great.

LadyConstanze -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 1:39:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze and the fact that you have to search high and low for good bread (almost like being in the UK) Eh? I've got 3 excellent bakeries/delis within walking distance [;)] You have to live in Germany, Austria or Italy to know an excellent bakery will have at least 10 different types of bread (fresh bread, fresh means baked less than 2 hours ago) and a considerable amount of different bread rolls. This is what I call a normal bakery, not a particularly great one...

LadyConstanze -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 1:42:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: 81song Well I was born in the city and I am sure you can find some great places. In Newburgh there is Rockland Bakery which is great. NYC does fantastic bagels, but you know at one end of your street a good bakery that is in competition with the bakery at the other end of the street. Though I do have to admit that Morrison does an eatable fig and walnut loaf...

RapierFugue -> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? (12/9/2010 1:49:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze You have to live in Germany, Austria or Italy to know an excellent bakery Absolute bilge. There are many places in London that do this sort of thing. It's more commonplace in rural areas in France, Italy and other countries than in rural areas of the UK, but to make a blanket statement about "the UK" as you have is wholly and entirely incorrect. You've been living in the middle of bunghole nowhere for too long [;)]

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