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vampir2124 -> Pay? (4/29/2006 5:42:39 PM)
I am reasonably new to this lifestyle. But i was wondering, having approached several dommes, is it usual to be charged £50 a week to talk to them and £30 an hour on top of that to meet up and/or talk on the net. I would willingly sumit myself to a domme but financially i cannot afford rates like that, its surely just prostituion and not living the lifestyle?? maybe i have missed the point of the lifestyle, but if a domme treats me like she should i would either willingly or be told to give a tribute, out of respect i would obviously offer a domme presents in tribute, but should there be a standardised charge?? Any help would be appriciated.

Reasonable -> RE: Pay? (4/29/2006 5:54:02 PM)
You boys are a glut on the market,and a huge waste of time,if some money cannot be made. They probably won't fuck or suck you-so it doesn't qualify as prostitution. You'll have to jerk off instead. Find the right one to pay some initial tribute to,and she may reduce or have you for free-if you serve well. 0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 Now the above is basically what you are going to run into. Not what I really believe it SHOULD be. I'm sorry to have to say this, but you are at the bottom of the food chain in the bdsm world. And most of the ladies out there who'll take on pets for free,have one, or two,or ten or twenty.........you get the picture. What do you have to offer that makes you special enough to interest one?

MadameDahlia -> RE: Pay? (4/29/2006 5:54:25 PM)
There are Lifestyle Dommes. There are ProDommes. There are teens who sneak online to squeeze money out of unsuspecting men (and sometimes women). Figure out which one YOU want. Figure out which ones are writing to you. And then decide whether or not your interests mesh. If not... hit delete and move on. There are so many Ladies out there seeking a submissive... you don't need to waste your time with those who are ONLY interested in your finances. You may also wish to revise your profile. In many cases a laundry list of fetishes calls to those who are trying to make a buck. Profiles that stress building a relationship, getting to know a person, devotion in service first and foremost will be less of a target for those interested in what's in your wallet.

Jasmyn -> RE: Pay? (4/29/2006 6:05:20 PM)
So you have some fantasies that have you playing a subserivent role and that makes you a submissive. No it actually makes you someone with kink tendencies. Sex, humilation and shame. A great deal of 'lifestyle dommes' have little to no interest in what it is you seek. Try S&M sadists & tops to get your fantasies fullfilled. Sometimes ya gotta pay for ya pleasure, sometimes ya don't.

Proprietrix -> RE: Pay? (4/29/2006 7:36:17 PM)
Holy shit, are we doing the money/tribute/gift/prodomme/lifestyle domme/pay-for-play/real/prostitute thread, again???? My suggestion is do a search for the term "tribute" and read the miles upon miles of argument on this subject. (Grab a coffee. It'll take a while.)

Jasmyn -> RE: Pay? (4/29/2006 7:39:08 PM)
Just coffee? Might I suggest a thermos, and provisions for three days.

darq -> RE: Pay? (4/29/2006 7:47:57 PM)
I'm starting to become suspicious that maybe people just like to argue about this topic ... vamp, honey ... seriously now. Look at it from a vanilla perspective for a moment ... If you wanted to date a girl and it became apparent to you that everytime you took her out she was going to expect lavish gifts, the fanciest restaurants, and essentially to be swept off her feet every moment with you emptying your wallet over and over again, would you keep taking her out? If paying as you go is the sort of relationship you really want, then maybe you should get a higher paying job to support it. But since it seems that you dont want that, hold out for a Domme who doesnt demand such things. Yeah, you may have some pretty lonely nights for awhile but she's out there and she's worth it.

thetammyjo -> RE: Pay? (4/29/2006 8:32:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: vampir2124 I am reasonably new to this lifestyle. But i was wondering, having approached several dommes, is it usual to be charged £50 a week to talk to them and £30 an hour on top of that to meet up and/or talk on the net. I would willingly sumit myself to a domme but financially i cannot afford rates like that, its surely just prostituion and not living the lifestyle?? maybe i have missed the point of the lifestyle, but if a domme treats me like she should i would either willingly or be told to give a tribute, out of respect i would obviously offer a domme presents in tribute, but should there be a standardised charge?? Any help would be appriciated. I wouldn't say you should be charged anything unless they are in the professional domination business. If a charge is mention, then that's a prodom. Not all women into BDSM are prodoms, not all women into BDSM are doms at all in fact. If you don't want a prodom, then you need to contact other people, perhaps figure out why you keep contacting only those who will charge money, and see if you can have other expectations before you contact someone.

AAkasha -> RE: Pay? (4/29/2006 10:59:24 PM)
I think there is a reason this topic comes up a lot from subs who are shocked and complain that "all" the femdoms around collarme are looking for money, tributes or gifts. There's a reason all of us "non pro" femdoms that frequent the forums scratch our heads because we know WE are not propositioning these subs for cash nor do we use that approach. The simple fact is that new subs on collarme make one or both of these mistakes: 1. They write a fetishy, fantasy filled profile that screams desperation and the pro femdoms flock to those subs because their profile reads like a "wish list" and wish lists are easy to accommodate. They come across as needy subs that really have no clue -- easy pickins for women who want to shake down a guy for cash. 2. They search the profiles and get erect and start writing to the women with the hot photos, sexily written profiles, who list out all the fetishy, nasty acts they want to do. These "personals" read like "a dream come true" because they are written to get a man's dick hard so he writes and is ready to open his wallet. These subs skip over the plain jane profiles of normal looking women who write sensible profiles that are not about fucking them in the ass, sitting on their face or locking up their dick. They may enjoy ALL of these things; but they certainly don't write a profile smeared with it. The sub then spends a few days on collarme and thinks all the femdoms here are out for cash. The reality is, all the ones that get him hard are; and that's what they come on here designed to do. When the subs start reading the forums and interacting they realize that the fantasy is just that -- a fantasy. Advice: If a profile (or a woman contacting you) is "too good to be true" -- guess what, you are right. Unless you want to open up your wallet. Akasha

Reasonable -> RE: Pay? (4/29/2006 11:01:58 PM)
sighs...........darq.............repeat after me pro pay non pro no pay. I don;t ask people to build houses for me free either.

Reasonable -> RE: Pay? (4/29/2006 11:04:16 PM)
The big deal is that instant graticifation costs. Any relationship does-and even with a non pro,you still have to earn it. This isn't a freebie "MacDommes" dudes.

Najakcharmer -> RE: Pay? (4/29/2006 11:28:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: vampir2124 I am reasonably new to this lifestyle. But i was wondering, having approached several dommes, is it usual to be charged £50 a week to talk to them and £30 an hour on top of that to meet up and/or talk on the net. I would willingly sumit myself to a domme but financially i cannot afford rates like that, its surely just prostituion and not living the lifestyle?? maybe i have missed the point of the lifestyle, but if a domme treats me like she should i would either willingly or be told to give a tribute, out of respect i would obviously offer a domme presents in tribute, but should there be a standardised charge?? Any help would be appriciated. May I direct you to this thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_337540/mpage_14/key_/tm.htm#350309 I cheerfully talk, as in socialize in a friendly way, with BDSM folks of all orientations. Don't care if you're dom or sub, male or female, gay or straight, this is my leather family and I am a part of this community. When I am approached in a sexual manner by a submissive who says he wants to "talk" but who actually just wants to use me as a sort of fancy prop to act out his kinky sex role, with no regard for me as a human being and no interest in friendship or community, I would direct him to a pro domme because that is where he needs to be. He isn't my friend, he isn't part of my leather family, and he isn't a member of my community, by his own choice. And no, I don't want to "talk" (translate: be nonconsensually used so he can act out his kinky fantasies) to this guy. If I was a pro, I would in fact charge for time spent in this manner. Since I'm not, I tell guys like this to go away and find a pro. I am not interested in this kind of shallow, selfish, one-way transaction. I am not interested in being used as a prop for some stranger's submissive fantasies. So please, say what you mean. If by "talk" you mean be friendly and real, great. Let's talk. Let's be friends if we have some non kinky things in common to enjoy intelligent conversation about. If by "talk" you mean something else, then yes, you do need to negotiate for a D/s session. Negotiation means that you state what you want and what you are willing to give, then you listen to what your partner wants and what she is willing to give. A pro transaction is pretty straightforward. What you want is to act our your slave role, and what you are willing to give is some money. It's automatic that you can find a partner who will accept that negotiation and say yes. A non pro transaction is a little more complex. What you want is to act our your slave role, but what are you willing to give that a domme might want from a submissive partner? Love, caring, frendship, romance, devotion, being available on weeknights and weekends, making your partner really happy, being emotionally available, etc? Find out what your prospective partner wants, and think very hard about whether you can give it. If you are interested in getting involved in your local BDSM community (assuming there is one), then you will be able to meet and talk to people socially for free (or maybe the cost of a burger if it's a Munch; a function in a restaurant means you buy your own meal). If you just want to "talk to a domme" in the sense of phone sex, or cyber sex, or any other form of dominant/submissive roleplaying, if you are not prepared to be sociable and friendly and nice to people of all orientations in the leather community, then you need to stick with pros or find a partner to negotiate a different kind of exchange with.

MsMacComb -> RE: Pay? (4/30/2006 2:10:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha I think there is a reason this topic comes up a lot from subs who are shocked and complain that "all" the femdoms around collarme are looking for money, tributes or gifts. There's a reason all of us "non pro" femdoms that frequent the forums scratch our heads because we know WE are not propositioning these subs for cash nor do we use that approach. The simple fact is that new subs on collarme make one or both of these mistakes: 1. They write a fetishy, fantasy filled profile that screams desperation and the pro femdoms flock to those subs because their profile reads like a "wish list" and wish lists are easy to accommodate. They come across as needy subs that really have no clue -- easy pickins for women who want to shake down a guy for cash. 2. They search the profiles and get erect and start writing to the women with the hot photos, sexily written profiles, who list out all the fetishy, nasty acts they want to do. These "personals" read like "a dream come true" because they are written to get a man's dick hard so he writes and is ready to open his wallet. These subs skip over the plain jane profiles of normal looking women who write sensible profiles that are not about fucking them in the ass, sitting on their face or locking up their dick. They may enjoy ALL of these things; but they certainly don't write a profile smeared with it. The sub then spends a few days on collarme and thinks all the femdoms here are out for cash. The reality is, all the ones that get him hard are; and that's what they come on here designed to do. When the subs start reading the forums and interacting they realize that the fantasy is just that -- a fantasy. Advice: If a profile (or a woman contacting you) is "too good to be true" -- guess what, you are right. Unless you want to open up your wallet. Akasha (Heavy Sigh) As usual virtually the only messages Akasha replies to are anything to do with pro-dommes, money and how she is "real" and few others are. Yet she is also one who makes money from this. One can only surmise that this hostile attitude is pure jealousy as other "money dommes" are making more than her or getting more action, or both. What IS your obsession with money and prodommes? Its all you talk about and for the most part the only messages you reply to. Nice job insulting all the "plain jane non pros" here. The implication that (as you stated) the only profiles that can get a guy hard are pros also implies that normal women are what? To boring and ugly to arouse a guy to erection? To lame to get his attention? Also how no normal "plain jane" woman can be "too good to be true" without being a money sucking gold digging whore is yet another insult. Why do you want to come here and insult and demean so many women? Why is it so hard to believe that some men may worship the ground a "plain jane" woman walks on? Why must you belittle his affections and the stature of the woman he loves and/or desires just because according to you if she's not "pro" she's not worthy of attracting a man and she has no value? Go back and LOOK at how you replied to see how fake your tiresome replies are. They are YOUR words, not mine, not a new sub or anyone elses. And allow me to point out that YOUR mistake is trying to point out (as you said) "The simple fact is that new subs on collarme make one or both of these mistakes". I'm not quite sure who it is that has been blowing smoke up your ass telling you that you are God and the all knowing authority on all things CollarMe/S-M/B-D and fetish related but news flash for you honey, they have been lying to you. Its people like you that encourage people like me to stay here. SOMEONE has to tell the truth as you and your personal (money making) agenda is so far from it that it perverts the entire lifestyle for the majority of people with alternative interests and persuasions.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Pay? (4/30/2006 2:47:19 AM)
Your profile says nothing about wanting a relationship. If you want to indulge your kinky fantasies, the best way to go about it is by joining a local group and being nice to folks already there, hoping to win favors with a top. Otherwise, good luck attracting a woman who wants to top you to your specifications with no strings attached without money entering the picture. M

vampir2124 -> RE: Pay? (4/30/2006 2:50:12 AM)
thanks for the various messages sent back, just to summarise i havent paid anything as this is clearly not what i want, and from above most of you seem to agree, i have been looking into local muches and there seems to be one about 30 miles from where i am so i will pop down next time there is a meeting. I have contacted a lot of people on here, half of which havent had photos, in fairness if i just wanted to get hard id go watch a film or something or go out to a club and pull a girl. But again that isnt what i want. Thanks again, it has made me think more about what i want.

Slavebitch11 -> RE: Pay? (4/30/2006 3:05:34 AM)
Not all Dommes are pro's, be patient and you'll find what you're looking for. Hope you dont mind my sayin so, but i'd change that initial tag line on your profile if i were you........sounds too aggressive and challenging. i'm sure theres plenty out there looking for what you have to offer. i wish you luck. quote: ORIGINAL: vampir2124 thanks for the various messages sent back, just to summarise i havent paid anything as this is clearly not what i want, and from above most of you seem to agree, i have been looking into local muches and there seems to be one about 30 miles from where i am so i will pop down next time there is a meeting. I have contacted a lot of people on here, half of which havent had photos, in fairness if i just wanted to get hard id go watch a film or something or go out to a club and pull a girl. But again that isnt what i want. Thanks again, it has made me think more about what i want.

AAkasha -> RE: Pay? (4/30/2006 6:31:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsMacComb (Heavy Sigh) As usual virtually the only messages Akasha replies to are anything to do with pro-dommes, money and how she is "real" and few others are. Yet she is also one who makes money from this. One can only surmise that this hostile attitude is pure jealousy as other "money dommes" are making more than her or getting more action, or both. What IS your obsession with money and prodommes? Its all you talk about and for the most part the only messages you reply to. Nice job insulting all the "plain jane non pros" here. The implication that (as you stated) the only profiles that can get a guy hard are pros also implies that normal women are what? To boring and ugly to arouse a guy to erection? To lame to get his attention? Also how no normal "plain jane" woman can be "too good to be true" without being a money sucking gold digging whore is yet another insult. Why do you want to come here and insult and demean so many women? Why is it so hard to believe that some men may worship the ground a "plain jane" woman walks on? Why must you belittle his affections and the stature of the woman he loves and/or desires just because according to you if she's not "pro" she's not worthy of attracting a man and she has no value? Go back and LOOK at how you replied to see how fake your tiresome replies are. They are YOUR words, not mine, not a new sub or anyone elses. And allow me to point out that YOUR mistake is trying to point out (as you said) "The simple fact is that new subs on collarme make one or both of these mistakes". I'm not quite sure who it is that has been blowing smoke up your ass telling you that you are God and the all knowing authority on all things CollarMe/S-M/B-D and fetish related but news flash for you honey, they have been lying to you. Its people like you that encourage people like me to stay here. SOMEONE has to tell the truth as you and your personal (money making) agenda is so far from it that it perverts the entire lifestyle for the majority of people with alternative interests and persuasions. I forgot to mention the other scam artist type -- the femdom that is the "champion" of the poor, oppressed submissive and makes sure she tells them there is nothing wrong with their approach, no matter how crass it is. She makes sure she never offends any poor, helpless sub online, making sure he will go to her web site and pay for her brand of domination. You think she is dominating these guys for free? I don't hide the fact that my site is a pay site (after being free ten years); but I don't come here and blow smoke up subs' asses just to win more subcriptions. You blow so much smoke up their asses it's hard to read your posts. They can always visit below to also see your true colors: http://www.collarchat.com/Why_So_Many_Dommes%2FDoms_Self_Esteem_Issues_%28Repost%29/m_334864/tm.htm Akasha

givemyall -> RE: Pay? (4/30/2006 6:41:17 AM)
Ooooh I think I will become a pro-sub..... I'll bend over and you can blow as much smoke up my ass as you want - for a price of course lol.... I would have said that I was laughing my ass off - but with all the smoke up there, I could get charged with polluting the atmostphere. Claire

NINASHARP -> RE: Pay? (4/30/2006 7:29:17 AM)
Shit... I got accused of advertising as a prodomme in my profile, after asking the masters take on having serving and then finding out the one you serve (a live in situation) wanted to be your slave. This particular question was about being in a 24/7, after collar, contract, and servitude on my part for 2 years, and the roles deceptivly reversed. I thought it was a sincere question. All I got was flack about how I mention I was _once_ a prodomme in my profile, and sending mixed messages, which had nothing to do with my posted question. I don't understand why all the fighting over tributes, pay, etc.. Prodoming, from my own experience, is a paid scene (not sex for cash, nor coning unwilling novices, it was evident I was a prodomme, when I did advertise) and it was always consensual on both my part and the paying sub, subjected to my limits and negotiations of course, and most of all the allocated amount of time of the session. I never had a sub in my dungeon give me a tribute and expect sex, hoping maybe but never did they say, what about SEX? Ok, so I had a list of printed rules, which I gave to the sub, before entering the dungeon, and that was the first one. Frankly, from my point, prodoming was clock watching. I think that is the biggest difference between prodoming and lifesyle Mistress, though not saying its the only dynamic in either relationship. Clock watching was one of the main reason (not the only reason) I closed my dungeon and stopped going pro. But hey if you list a website in your signiture, it could be considered advertisement. Thats ok to me, paid site or not. I'm not here to judge anyone. Just comparing styles of doming. Until then, Mistress NINA

darq -> RE: Pay? (4/30/2006 7:30:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Reasonable sighs...........darq.............repeat after me pro pay non pro no pay. I don;t ask people to build houses for me free either. I have no idea what inspired this ... But ok. :)

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