Do things happen or do we make them?

Do things happen or do we make them? (Full Version)

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sunshinemiss -> Do things happen or do we make them? (12/14/2010 9:00:15 AM)
quote: Sometimes, when you quit looking so damn hard for something..............................it finds you. Do you think this is true? I for one think that nothing changes unless something changes. And I think there is a balance - live your life with passion and don't be desperate for X (whatever X is). You will draw toward you what you want, but you must be wise enough to see it when it is in front of you and brave enough to leap! Welcome to my own private Taoism... What do you all think? (Hill William - I'm taking your quote from another thread... but it could have come just as easily from my own brain. It's been a topic of discussion lately.) best, sunshine

pahunkboy -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/14/2010 9:40:47 AM)
To some extent I agree with it. Tho one does have to be open to ideas- and concepts and people and let them in when they knock. Easy to say "I am busy, not now, rain check". Not that I would know- hiCUP freakin plenty of fish- and local guy- who is pissing me off.

Termyn8or -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/14/2010 9:55:43 AM)
Maybe I'm shallow, but I can comment on finding things. I have given up finding things around the house many times. Needed a hacksaw one day and I know for a fact there were at the very least two in this house. The standing joke here was "I know for a fact I have at least two of them, so we'll do what we always do, buy another one". That day, for whatever reason my neighbors couldn't find one either, so I did buy another one. Now that the job is done I have four hacksaws and my neighbor has at least two. Or is it people you mean ? I know if you're trying to hook up with a hottie at the bar it doesn't pay to appear too eager. Same with for example a job interview. But I think one does have to look in order to find. Maybe it's more a matter of patience. If you're looking for more than a fling, tryig to find that special someone, patience seems quite virtuous. Not just in finding, but the "leaping" as well. Maybe Murphy's Law is more like it rather than Taoism. T

Musicmystery -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/14/2010 10:00:01 AM)
quote: Do things happen or do we make them? Yes. Take ego out of the equation. Things don't happen "to" us or "because" of us solely. We are neither that important nor that powerful. We are with the rest of what is. No more, no less. Despite what our racing minds try to tell us.

Jaybeee -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/14/2010 10:55:26 AM)
Both.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/14/2010 11:37:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss quote: Sometimes, when you quit looking so damn hard for something..............................it finds you. Do you think this is true? I for one think that nothing changes unless something changes. And I think there is a balance - live your life with passion and don't be desperate for X (whatever X is). You will draw toward you what you want, but you must be wise enough to see it when it is in front of you and brave enough to leap! Welcome to my own private Taoism... What do you all think? (Hill William - I'm taking your quote from another thread... but it could have come just as easily from my own brain. It's been a topic of discussion lately.) best, sunshine I think a lot of people block themselves, they are just running round with blinkers on and don't see chances. Others are giving off vibes, I think if you're a negative and nasty person you are far more likely to attract other people that are nasty and negative... You can't change the world but you can change yourself and therefore influence what happens to you....

Jaybeee -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/14/2010 11:41:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss quote: Sometimes, when you quit looking so damn hard for something..............................it finds you. Do you think this is true? I for one think that nothing changes unless something changes. And I think there is a balance - live your life with passion and don't be desperate for X (whatever X is). You will draw toward you what you want, but you must be wise enough to see it when it is in front of you and brave enough to leap! Welcome to my own private Taoism... What do you all think? (Hill William - I'm taking your quote from another thread... but it could have come just as easily from my own brain. It's been a topic of discussion lately.) best, sunshine I think a lot of people block themselves, they are just running round with blinkers on and don't see chances. Others are giving off vibes, I think if you're a negative and nasty person you are far more likely to attract other people that are nasty and negative... You can't change the world but you can change yourself and therefore influence what happens to you.... Zum beispiel?

LadyConstanze -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/14/2010 12:03:21 PM)
I thought that would be pretty obvious and simple, if you are angry you are giving off those angry vibes, no matter how much you smile, people will stay away from you, also anger clouds your judgment.... Positive outlook, be a positive person, help that old lady across the road or carry her shopping bags for her, it will make you feel better, you walk around smiling, you get a completely different feedback from people. I found that with people who happen to be out of work, a lot of them fall into a slump, misery attracts misery, instead go out, do a class, volunteer at a charity or anything like that, it will build up your self-esteem, worst thing you can do is walk into an interview with low self-esteem and a "not sure if I'm capable of doing the job but I'm desperate for a job" feeling, they will pick up on it, if you feel better about yourself, you sell yourself better.

Jaybeee -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/14/2010 1:10:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I thought that would be pretty obvious and simple, if you are angry you are giving off those angry vibes, no matter how much you smile, people will stay away from you, also anger clouds your judgment.... Positive outlook, be a positive person, help that old lady across the road or carry her shopping bags for her, it will make you feel better, you walk around smiling, you get a completely different feedback from people. I agree with the idea that you teach people how to treat you, but I think most people do that teaching unconsciously - in the above you advocate making a conscious change. quote: I found that with people who happen to be out of work, a lot of them fall into a slump, misery attracts misery, instead go out, do a class, volunteer at a charity or anything like that, it will build up your self-esteem, worst thing you can do is walk into an interview with low self-esteem and a "not sure if I'm capable of doing the job but I'm desperate for a job" feeling, they will pick up on it, if you feel better about yourself, you sell yourself better. Do you do that for a living, counsel unemployed people or something? Call me a snob, but I feel there's something inherently distasteful abut having to "sell yourself", back when I worked for other people I'd go into interviews and sometimes ask the company why I should join them (for my last gig it worked!!).

JstAnotherSub -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/14/2010 2:01:11 PM)
I believe things happen when they are supposed to. I am not sure if we help or the cosmos have control though. Something to think about.

Hillwilliam -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/14/2010 2:08:58 PM)
I'm kinda flattered that something that came out of my pointy head became a topic. I think it has to do with the 'vibe' you throw off. When you are 'looking' I feel you throw off a 'need something I dont have" vibe which women, at least, dont seem to find sexy. When you are pointedly NOT looking, I, at least, seem to throw off a "I have every fucking thing I need" vibe which appears to attract people. Just a theory.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/14/2010 2:20:02 PM)
Yes, changing yourself, nothing wrong with that, isn't that what we all aim for, to become better people and that starts at home... Nope, I don't do that for a living, it's just something I noticed in 2 people I know, and when we needed people for my department my boss suggested I talk to them as I will be responsible for training them and bringing them up to speed (and the last person he employed for this department turned out to be a complete waste of time who talked a good talk but that was it) and I noticed that the people who gave the insecure vibes were all people who had been laid off. I go on interviews even if I am not that interested in a job simply due to the experience, and you know, if I expect a rather generous pay check from them, it's only fair that they want to know what they're getting for it. In case one of the people applying for the job would have asked me why he should work for the company, I possibly would have smiled sweetly, pointed out that he applied and that I agree that maybe he shouldn't as he doesn't seem to be terribly interested.

littlewonder -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/14/2010 5:23:10 PM)
We make things happen. God just steers us in the direction he wants us to take.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/14/2010 6:31:36 PM)
Littlewonder - that reminds me of an old Russian proverb - pray to G*d but keep rowing to shore!

littlewonder -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/14/2010 6:39:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss Littlewonder - that reminds me of an old Russian proverb - pray to G*d but keep rowing to shore! I forgot about that quote. My aunt used to say that quote all the time.

DesFIP -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/14/2010 6:48:28 PM)
When all you're focused on is one thing, you can't see what's required to make that happen. Instead you obsess about the goal instead of the journey. Stop obsessing and you will start progressing.

Jaybeee -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/15/2010 2:07:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I go on interviews even if I am not that interested in a job simply due to the experience, and you know, if I expect a rather generous pay check from them, it's only fair that they want to know what they're getting for it. In case one of the people applying for the job would have asked me why he should work for the company, I possibly would have smiled sweetly, pointed out that he applied and that I agree that maybe he shouldn't as he doesn't seem to be terribly interested. Then he'd be within his rights to point out that you advertised, although that would be a petty reply to the alarm bell you just rang. The reaction you've described above is characteristic, in most cases, of a poor interviewer (or an interviewer of of very poor people). In every single interview I'd had (except where I was a contractor, or the few with agencies), the interviewer tried (usually without the prompt of "Why should I work for this company?") to speak directly about the benefits of working there, the company's plans for growth, the possibly of rapid promotion etc. This is professional interviewing. If I'm interviewing some ex-convict or ex-military then I might choose to remind him of the value of work, but I wouldn't insult a man who could potentially earn my company millions (unless it were a tactic when interviewing a Sales Manager or Ops Director to see how well he copes under sudden, unforseen and unreasonable pressure ) The reason your candidate is asking why he should work for your company, is because he IS interested - not because he isn't. You and whoever else is sitting in are first people he meets, and he will judge the calibre of staff according to the evidence in front of him. Please remember that!!

DMFParadox -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/15/2010 2:27:23 AM)
I have a friend who quit looking. As of the time of this writing, he's been single for 8 years, and is not happy about it. But he's still not looking. I'd rather not fall prey to the availability heuristic if I can help it, but damn, he's a pretty vivid example of when that statement is not true.

DMFParadox -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/15/2010 2:31:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jaybeee quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I go on interviews even if I am not that interested in a job simply due to the experience, and you know, if I expect a rather generous pay check from them, it's only fair that they want to know what they're getting for it. In case one of the people applying for the job would have asked me why he should work for the company, I possibly would have smiled sweetly, pointed out that he applied and that I agree that maybe he shouldn't as he doesn't seem to be terribly interested. Then he'd be within his rights to point out that you advertised, although that would be a petty reply to the alarm bell you just rang. The reaction you've described above is characteristic, in most cases, of a poor interviewer (or an interviewer of of very poor people). In every single interview I'd had (except where I was a contractor, or the few with agencies), the interviewer tried (usually without the prompt of "Why should I work for this company?") to speak directly about the benefits of working there, the company's plans for growth, the possibly of rapid promotion etc. This is professional interviewing. If I'm interviewing some ex-convict or ex-military then I might choose to remind him of the value of work, but I wouldn't insult a man who could potentially earn my company millions (unless it were a tactic when interviewing a Sales Manager or Ops Director to see how well he copes under sudden, unforseen and unreasonable pressure ) The reason your candidate is asking why he should work for your company, is because he IS interested - not because he isn't. You and whoever else is sitting in are first people he meets, and he will judge the calibre of staff according to the evidence in front of him. Please remember that!! Well put.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Do things happen or do we make them? (12/15/2010 3:34:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DMFParadox I have a friend who quit looking. As of the time of this writing, he's been single for 8 years, and is not happy about it. But he's still not looking. Interesting. I often ask people, "how's that working for you?" Oftentimes we make a decision that come hell or high water, THIS is how we are (are not) going to do things. And then we lose out on any manner of blessings because we are so stubborn. In AA, they say nothing changes until something changes. I love that. Your friend (and all of us for that matter) can continue to do things as we do them, but if we want change, I think we need to make it happen... not out of desperation, but out of curiosity and faith in ... ourselves? the universe? people? I'm back to balance... It usually comes down to that in my world, though. best, sunshine

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