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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 2:40:49 AM

phoenixmoonn13

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for me its imortant to love we both are inlove with each other and with the 24/7 D/s dynamic its wonderful

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 4:12:12 AM

wandersalone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

It seemed as tho I would date a girl for a month or so ...and they would tell me they loved me. It happened more often than I care to remember. Dunno I stopped believing them... doubt that helps but that was my experience with the L word.

BadOne

errrrrrr SB, are you sure they weren't saying loathe rather than love? They can sound similar in your foreign accent you know

I am another that would think someone falling in love with me and vice versa would be a good thing in my D/s relationships

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 4:14:24 AM

DesFIP

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Giggles at wanders.

OP, if this is a personal submissive then don't you also care about him? Why would you have taken him on, welcomed him into your home if you didn't have warm feelings towards him? In any case, you owe him the truth in return. Because dallying with someone's feelings, using them without caring about them is just wrong.

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 4:41:16 AM

slavekal

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Who wouldn't fall in love with Mistress Alexandra?

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 7:32:55 AM

sweetsub1957

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomForce
and how you deal with it.

That makes it sound like a bad thing. i would never be with Someone i didn't love or Who didn't love me. In any case, i would say being truthful with the person is the best way to deal with it.

~sweetsub~

~edited for wording~

< Message edited by sweetsub1957 -- 12/16/2010 7:34:20 AM >

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 7:37:18 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomForce

how you deal with it.

You mean like it's a problem?

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 8:30:35 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomForce

how you deal with it.

You mean like it's a problem?

It can be a problem, a bit like if a friend starts feeling romantically attracted to you and while you might love him as a friend (or in her case as a sub) or care deeply for him, you still might not want to be partnered with him. In cases like that it's hard to keep the friendship alive.

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 9:21:42 AM

submitting4U

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i am one who is a sub and very much in love with a professional domina Yes, she procurred my submission and i see "love" as a primal attachment. One time i pushed the limits and she cruelly punished me for taking her for granted. She set the rules, enforced them in all ways and i comply even though i suffer for more closeness. There is a reality i must accept and deal with and i do. So, take charge of the sub, deeply he or she wants that anyway, set limits, and punish transgressions hard. Discipline a sub like a dog ... we usually respond in kind!

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 9:32:46 AM

sexyred1

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When someone falls in love with you, it is generally only a problem if you don't love them.

Simple, really.

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 9:37:58 AM

sarafin

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I feel there is a difference between the romantic love of a vanilla relationship and the *feelings between a Master and slave. In my search to become the soul property of One Master, I find myself searching for a word other than *love.

The flowers and candy and romantic dates are sweet. I love to watch that stuff on TV and to see it happening between others. Now this isn't to say I wouldn't enjoy it to some extent, but it isn't a core need of mine.

Giving my life over to a Master, becoming all that He desires and craves is how I would show, what others perceive as, love. His use of me, His allowing me pain or in allowing me to be of service to Him is how He shows His love for me. I tentatively use the word here, only because there is a lack of a better word.

He would care for me and protect me as He would any important piece of property. I would hungrily be His most loyal slave. For me that is love...in its purest form.

I guess it all depends on the type of relationship one enters. Maybe *love and your idea of what that means should have been the first thing you both talked over. When you build a foundation between potential Master/slave it's a very important issue.

I just think that in a true M/s relationship, Love...well...that doesn't even come close to what it really is. (Smiles) Maybe love is a vanilla myth made up by candy and hallmark companies to sell chocolate and cards.

< Message edited by sarafin -- 12/16/2010 9:41:51 AM >

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 10:07:01 AM

LadyPact

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I'm very much in agreement with Lady C on the subject. Since our situations appear to be similar, I think we have the same thought process on the subject.

My romantic involvement in My life is with My primary partner. This doesn't mean that I don't love My sub. I'm just not in love with him. We absolutely have a deep affection for each other at this point. (We've even had folks come on the boards who have met us and said that they would have thought that we were in love because of the bond that we obviously have between us.)

Due to the intimate nature of a dynamic, I think that some folks do confuse that intimacy with being in love. It can be very easy to do, especially when someone is reaching places within themselves that they may not have experienced before. Sharing that with another human being can give the illusion of greater emotional attachment than what really exists.

What would I do? If I had only one partner, I'd be looking at what kind of dynamic that I wanted and if I'd like romantic love to be a part of that.

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 4:42:49 PM

Michael75

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There are two courses of action available. Continue the relationship or don't. Darth Vader offered a decent guide as to how to decide which is correct.

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 5:09:18 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

It seemed as tho I would date a girl for a month or so ...and they would tell me they loved me. It happened more often than I care to remember. Dunno I stopped believing them... doubt that helps but that was my experience with the L word.

BadOne

errrrrrr SB, are you sure they weren't saying loathe rather than love? They can sound similar in your foreign accent you know

I am another that would think someone falling in love with me and vice versa would be a good thing in my D/s relationships

hold on just one cotton picken minute.... I have to turn up my hearing aid

BadOne

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 8:47:00 PM

lizi

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My Dom and I weren't looking to fall in love but we did and we're pretty pleased with that. It's been awesome.

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 9:07:29 PM

SAMHAIN09

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEmily6

I find that they are much more cooperative in this state.

I do to though in my experience it's not love it's lust.

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 9:30:54 PM

Awareness

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Depends if you want them as a partner and depends upon your ethics.

I back right off if they're not partner material. The D/s trust dynamic has deep effects which cannot be underestimated. Using those feelings for gain breaches my own sense of ethics.

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 10:31:38 PM

SAMHAIN09

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Depends if you want them as a partner and depends upon your ethics.

I back right off if they're not partner material. The D/s trust dynamic has deep effects which cannot be underestimated. Using those feelings for gain breaches my own sense of ethics.

Yeah love must be there any other reason is not right.

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/16/2010 11:15:44 PM

Charles6682

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How does one define love?If one love's another in a vanilla relationship,that is one thing.If I "love" my Domme,it would be so in a Dom/Sub manner.I do think I would have some form of feeling's for someone I am trusting my life with.I wouldn't expect anything in return because those are my emotion's,not her's.Of course,I don't seek the vanilla form of love.Been there,done that.I just don't feel like myself.I feel like myself when I am submitting to the right Lady.

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/17/2010 2:10:18 AM

allthatjaz

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I'm with Lady C and Lady P on this one.
I have been in a full time relationship with someone and still had male subs. It only became a problem when a sub fell in love with me and it became a problem because it started to disrupt our lives and all sorts of emotions, like jealousy, reared its ugly head.
Like Lady P says, you can love your sub without being in love with him and in many situations that line between the two can't be crossed.
My partner was good enough and trusting enough to let me have my own male sub. He did that because he believed that I wouldn't be falling in love with another and jeopardizing what we had.
So long as you make it clear from the start, as I always did, that this is not a forever relationship and that you will never be life partners.

To the op, it sounds like you have already seen the warning bells and you need to act quickly. Its not pleasant and you will probably feel like shit but if its not what you want then don't, whatever you do, lead him on.

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RE: Your sub is falling in love with you - 12/17/2010 4:59:12 AM

barelynangel

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To me, this is a hard concept to adjust too. I am of the mind that a slave WILL fall in love with the one who has mastered her. To me, its a concept of how could she not. However, i am not comfortable with the opposite. So what do you do? Perhaps understand where its coming from and realize that the dynamic in and of itself is a concept wherein the emotional depth a slave exists in because of master. The only other thing i think you can do is explain that you won't love the slave, that you will hold them in excellent mastery but your love is for that which you see as your partner in life, not a slave. As long as you don't use that love to manipulate the slave in a negative way, then just let it be. But you will have to keep it within your grasp and understand its there. As long as you are honest in YOUR beliefs to the slave. But be aware, this could be easily what the slave is in love with. You, who you are. You can't stop it, but you can put it in perspective for you both.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 12/17/2010 5:00:43 AM >

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