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The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/29/2006 11:38:53 PM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

Hi all, I'm very new here and just learning the ropes.

I've arrived here from the spanking end of the spectrum. Now, I haven't studied this much, but I just assumed that spanking was one part of a wide range of activities (yes, probably the 'nice' bit) and that it's all under the umbrella of BDSM. I've done the spanking thing, and light bondage (probably incredibly light by the standards here), blindfolds, anal play - just the simple stuff.

But I've seen a few comments on the forum here that have made me wonder. Is spanking a welcome part of BDSM? Is it part of the family, or a totally separate activity?

Post #: 1

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/29/2006 11:42:29 PM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

I personally do not consider spanking part of bdsm.

How many men do you know that while having sex spank their partners? I know alot and I don't consider them into the bdsm scene at all. Although if you pull out a paddle and tie up your partener that is a different story. *laughs*

I don't think there is a hard set rule for what is or is not consider "BDSM".

Different strokes for different folks.

Nika{Phoenix}

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 2

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/29/2006 11:45:22 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

There is a sub-group called spankophiles whose sole fetish is to spank and/or be spanked and it falls under the S/m part of BDSM. You are more than welcome here, becca.. pull up a chair and have a sit.. um.. if you can. ;)

Welcome to the boards.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 3

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/29/2006 11:48:01 PM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

I'm using 'spanking' here to include using anything from hairbrushes up to crops and canes. Is there a line where it crosses over? A handspanking isn't BDSM, but a caning is?

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

Post #: 4

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/29/2006 11:49:06 PM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

Thanks Celeste - I'll sit carefully.

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 5

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/29/2006 11:50:31 PM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

spankophiles?

Cute name for a group.

I hope I didn't come across like I was saying it wasn't part of "bdsm" or that you where not welcome because that is your "kink" I was simply saying to me it is something I personally don't consider exclusively "bdsm".Now canning , paddles,and other items used for spaking are considered bdsm. To me there is no solid list of what is"bdsm" play and what is not. Defintions vary just as people do.

By the way welcome to the boards. It's 3 am so forgive me if I am coming off wrong.

*laughs*

Nika{Phoenix}

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 4/29/2006 11:53:54 PM >

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 6

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/29/2006 11:53:53 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

If you are really into spanking, check out http://shadowlane.com Avid spankophile website. ;)

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

Post #: 7

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/29/2006 11:59:48 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

spankophiles?

Cute name for a group.

I hope I didn't come across like I was saying it wasn't part of "bdsm" or that you where not welcome because that is your "kink" I was simply saying to me it is something I personally don't consider exclusively "bdsm".Now canning , paddles,and other items used for spaking are considered bdsm. To me there is no solid list of what is"bdsm" play and what is not. Defintions vary just as people do.

By the way welcome to the boards. It's 3 am so forgive me if I am coming off wrong.

*laughs*

Nika{Phoenix}

I'm not sure what toys have to do with it? If you use toys, it's BDSM if you use your hand it's not? Can you clarify the 'why' of that for me.. maybe tomorrow when it's not 3 AM? lol

;)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

Post #: 8

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/30/2006 12:04:27 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

This is where I get confused - if I'm over his knee and he's spanking me with his hand we're not BDSM, but if I'm blindfolded and tied over a table, and he's caning me or using the crop, then we qualify?

I always thought it was all just part of the same thing, but creeping in from the shallow end of the pool.

And thanks for the welcome, folks - I'm hoping to learn a lot here.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 9

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/30/2006 12:05:17 AM

nikaa

Posts: 357
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline

Personal opinion I suppose.
I know alot of couples who "hand spank" During sex and don't consider it bdsm play or themselves involved in bdsm. Again we all have different views on what we considers bdsm play and what we don't.I don't think my opinion of it is right or wrong simply my opinion.

becca, something I was told along time ago.
Don't let others definitions or labels define you. You, your actions, your heart define you. Labels are simply that and labels always peel away with time.

I am off to bed.

Blessed Be

Nika{Phoenix}

< Message edited by nikaa -- 4/30/2006 12:07:50 AM >

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 10

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/30/2006 12:10:40 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

This is where I get confused - if I'm over his knee and he's spanking me with his hand we're not BDSM, but if I'm blindfolded and tied over a table, and he's caning me or using the crop, then we qualify?

I always thought it was all just part of the same thing, but creeping in from the shallow end of the pool.

And thanks for the welcome, folks - I'm hoping to learn a lot here.

It's all good, becca.. if you embrace it, that's all that matters. No one else has to, ::although I certainly do!:: but I don't think that anyone will frown on you for being here. ;)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 11

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/30/2006 12:13:28 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

Thanks!

*Wanders off to think up another question...*

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 12

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/30/2006 12:36:31 AM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

This is where I get confused - if I'm over his knee and he's spanking me with his hand we're not BDSM, but if I'm blindfolded and tied over a table, and he's caning me or using the crop, then we qualify?

I always thought it was all just part of the same thing, but creeping in from the shallow end of the pool.

And thanks for the welcome, folks - I'm hoping to learn a lot here.

Well, maybe its BDSM, unless its Tuesday, then its not. Unless you are a same-sex couple, and it is. Wait...you are from Australia? OH, well then spanking isn't BDSM unless you use a flogger, which because you are "down under" means the tails go the opposite way and ....

My point? Don't worry about a label. I think it is incredibly silly for people to say "oh, that's NOT BDSM, oh that IS". Gee...you're in the club, or not, based on some clueless arbitrator?

FWIW, and only based on My experience, what defines "BDSM" for Me is the exchange of power. So in that analysis, a spanking done purely for sensation and to "warm up" a partner (and nothing wrong with that) would not be BDSM, but a spanking done for sadistic pleasure of the Top, or as part of a role play, or as punishment would be. But again, why does it matter?

Oh, and in my experience there are two groups of people who draw this line, and both do it to "distance" their kink from what they see as too extreme. The first are spankophiles who are somehow convinced that OTK or Victorian spanking is not BDSM or even sexual! (The original Shadow Lane books and videos -- and I've known those folks for over 25 years -- had no penetration, no orgasm...basically no sex. spank spank spank, caress, moan...and CUT. They have since very much gone over to the dark, fun side.) The second group are those that really befuddle Me: Christian marriage traditionalists who incorporate a whole bunch of spanking and discipline into their lives, all in the name of their God, and all loudly claiming they aren't one of us sicko weirdo types. Thanks, but I'll stay here on the weirdo kinky side with My friends.

Welcome! Have fun.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 13

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/30/2006 12:50:27 AM

gypsytasha

Posts: 15
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: seattle washington
Status: offline

who cares i believe it is a beginning of using pain to stimulate and make erotic yur secxuaal activities i love it personaally and don't be doing anal and spanking me i go absolutely wild with desire and willl do most things to please my sweet Master :}

(in reply to Emperor1956)

Post #: 14

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/30/2006 1:15:15 AM

ClassAct2006

Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

Of course spanking is part of BDSM; why on earth not? Either it hurts and you like it because you're a masochist or you like male control/dominance/power as I do and then you might like it precisely because you don't like it as it were....

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 15

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/30/2006 3:49:48 AM

obis

Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline

I agree with ClassAct, of course it is a part of BDSM. Maybe it's the only part you like, but it is a sadomasochistic and d/s activity. Probably the only thing that makes it stand out is how common it is for non-BDSM identifying people to play with it from time to time -- but the same could be said of blindfolds and restraints, which are common in the "vanilla" world.

I'm curious that you say you got the impression it wasn't a "welcome" form of BDSM -- it's such a fundamental form of pain play and discipline for so many couples, I can't imagine how it would be unwelcome.

(in reply to ClassAct2006)

Post #: 16

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/30/2006 4:24:26 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: obis

I agree with ClassAct, of course it is a part of BDSM. Maybe it's the only part you like, but it is a sadomasochistic and d/s activity. Probably the only thing that makes it stand out is how common it is for non-BDSM identifying people to play with it from time to time -- but the same could be said of blindfolds and restraints, which are common in the "vanilla" world.

I'm curious that you say you got the impression it wasn't a "welcome" form of BDSM -- it's such a fundamental form of pain play and discipline for so many couples, I can't imagine how it would be unwelcome.

Further to this ..... there are people who do not include physical pain at all in their Power Exchange relationship...Spanking, cropping, caning etc...are activities...that may or may not take place in an M/s or D/s relationship. They don't define it.

Regards, agirl

(in reply to obis)

Post #: 17

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/30/2006 4:30:31 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Nah, don't get hung up on what is and isn't bdsm. I know people who can and will go on for days about "this is bdsm, but that is not". Who cares? It's what you like and don't like together...what you define your relationship as that counts. Just do it.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 18

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/30/2006 5:01:17 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

An occasional slap on the butt when having sex probably wouldn't be considered a lot of S/M play. But, I think an OTK spanking, whether with a bare hand or an implement, would definitely fall "under the umbrella". It doesn't really matter if you enjoy any of the other activities or not, but then, you may read about something that you'd love to try

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 19

RE: The BDSM/Spanking question - 4/30/2006 5:30:52 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

It's interesting, because I have run into more than a few "spankophiles" since spanking (including using paddles, hairbrushes, straps mmm where was I?) is definately something I enjoy immensely. Spankophiles have their own very thriving spanking communities that don't cross into other BDSM-related activities, and often seperate themselves in their minds from the BDSM folk.

Me? If you enjoy it, it's all good. I don't worry too much about labels.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 20

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