The BDSM/Spanking question (Full Version)

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becca333 -> The BDSM/Spanking question (4/29/2006 11:38:53 PM)

Hi all, I'm very new here and just learning the ropes.

I've arrived here from the spanking end of the spectrum.  Now, I haven't studied this much, but I just assumed that spanking was one part of a wide range of activities (yes, probably the 'nice' bit) and that it's all under the umbrella of BDSM.   I've done the spanking thing, and light bondage (probably incredibly light by the standards here), blindfolds, anal play - just the simple stuff. 

But I've seen a few comments on the forum here that have made me wonder.  Is spanking a welcome part of BDSM?  Is it part of the family, or a totally separate activity?



Phoenixandnika -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/29/2006 11:42:29 PM)

I personally do not consider spanking part of bdsm.

How many men do you know that while having sex spank their partners? I know alot and I don't consider them into the bdsm scene at all. Although if you pull out a paddle and tie  up your partener that is a different story. *laughs*
 
I don't think there is a hard set rule for what is or is not consider "BDSM".
 
Different strokes for different folks.
 
Nika{Phoenix}



BitaTruble -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/29/2006 11:45:22 PM)

There is a sub-group called spankophiles whose sole fetish is to spank and/or be spanked and it falls under the S/m part of BDSM. You are more than welcome here, becca.. pull up a chair and have a sit.. um.. if you can. ;)

Welcome to the boards.

Celeste



becca333 -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/29/2006 11:48:01 PM)

I'm using 'spanking' here to include using anything from hairbrushes up to crops and canes.  Is there a line where it crosses over?  A handspanking isn't BDSM, but a caning is?



becca333 -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/29/2006 11:49:06 PM)

Thanks Celeste - I'll sit carefully.



Phoenixandnika -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/29/2006 11:50:31 PM)

spankophiles?
 
Cute name for a group.

I hope I didn't come across like I was saying it wasn't part of "bdsm" or that you where not welcome because that is your "kink" I was simply saying to me it is something I personally don't consider exclusively "bdsm".Now canning , paddles,and other items used for spaking are considered bdsm. To me there is no solid list of what is"bdsm" play and what is not. Defintions vary just as people do.
 
 
 By the way welcome to the boards. It's 3 am so forgive me if I am coming off wrong.
 
*laughs*
 

 
Nika{Phoenix}



BitaTruble -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/29/2006 11:53:53 PM)

If you are really into spanking, check out http://shadowlane.com Avid spankophile website. ;)



BitaTruble -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/29/2006 11:59:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

spankophiles?
 
Cute name for a group.

I hope I didn't come across like I was saying it wasn't part of "bdsm" or that you where not welcome because that is your "kink" I was simply saying to me it is something I personally don't consider exclusively "bdsm".Now canning , paddles,and other items used for spaking are considered bdsm. To me there is no solid list of what is"bdsm" play and what is not. Defintions vary just as people do.
 
 
 By the way welcome to the boards. It's 3 am so forgive me if I am coming off wrong.
 
*laughs*
 

 
Nika{Phoenix}


I'm not sure what toys have to do with it? If you use toys, it's BDSM if you use your hand it's not? Can you clarify the 'why' of that for me.. maybe tomorrow when it's not 3 AM? lol

;)

Celeste



becca333 -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/30/2006 12:04:27 AM)

This is where I get confused - if I'm over his knee and he's spanking me with his hand we're not BDSM, but if I'm blindfolded and tied over a table, and he's caning me or using the crop, then we qualify?

I always thought it was all just part of the same thing, but creeping in from the shallow end of the pool. 

And thanks for the welcome, folks - I'm hoping to learn a lot here.



nikaa -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/30/2006 12:05:17 AM)

Personal opinion I suppose.
I know alot of couples who "hand spank" During sex and don't consider it bdsm play or themselves involved in bdsm. Again we all have different views on what we considers bdsm play and what we don't.I don't think my opinion of it is right or wrong simply my opinion.
 

becca, something I was told along time ago.
Don't let others definitions or labels define you. You, your actions, your heart define you. Labels are simply that and labels always peel away with time.


I am off to bed.
 
Blessed Be
 
Nika{Phoenix}



BitaTruble -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/30/2006 12:10:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

This is where I get confused - if I'm over his knee and he's spanking me with his hand we're not BDSM, but if I'm blindfolded and tied over a table, and he's caning me or using the crop, then we qualify?

I always thought it was all just part of the same thing, but creeping in from the shallow end of the pool. 

And thanks for the welcome, folks - I'm hoping to learn a lot here.


It's all good, becca.. if you embrace it, that's all that matters. No one else has to, ::although I certainly do!:: but I don't think that anyone will frown on you for being here. ;)

Celeste



becca333 -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/30/2006 12:13:28 AM)

Thanks!

*Wanders off to think up another question...*



Emperor1956 -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/30/2006 12:36:31 AM)

quote:

This is where I get confused - if I'm over his knee and he's spanking me with his hand we're not BDSM, but if I'm blindfolded and tied over a table, and he's caning me or using the crop, then we qualify?

I always thought it was all just part of the same thing, but creeping in from the shallow end of the pool. 

And thanks for the welcome, folks - I'm hoping to learn a lot here.


Well, maybe its BDSM, unless its Tuesday, then its not.  Unless you are a same-sex couple, and it is.  Wait...you are from Australia?  OH, well then spanking isn't BDSM unless you use a flogger, which because you are "down under" means the tails go the opposite way and ....

My point?  Don't worry about a label.  I think it is incredibly silly for people to say "oh, that's NOT BDSM, oh that IS".  Gee...you're in the club, or not, based on some clueless arbitrator?

FWIW, and only based on My experience, what defines "BDSM" for Me is the exchange of power.   So in that analysis, a spanking done purely for sensation and to "warm up" a partner (and nothing wrong with that) would not be BDSM, but a spanking done for sadistic pleasure of the Top, or as part of a role play, or as punishment would be.  But again, why does it matter?

Oh, and in my experience there are two groups of people who draw this line, and both do it to "distance" their kink from what they see as too extreme.  The first are spankophiles who are somehow convinced that OTK or Victorian spanking is not BDSM or even sexual!  (The original Shadow Lane books and videos -- and I've known those folks for over 25 years -- had no penetration, no orgasm...basically no sex.  spank spank spank, caress, moan...and CUT.  They have since very much gone over to the dark, fun side.)  The second group are those that really befuddle Me:  Christian marriage traditionalists who incorporate a whole bunch of spanking and discipline into their lives, all in the name of their God, and all loudly claiming they aren't one of us sicko weirdo types.  Thanks, but I'll stay here on the weirdo kinky side with My friends.

Welcome!  Have fun.



gypsytasha -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/30/2006 12:50:27 AM)

who cares  i believe it is a beginning of using pain to stimulate and make erotic yur secxuaal activities i love it personaally and don't be doing anal and spanking me i go absolutely wild with desire and willl do most things to please   my sweet Master :} [:)]



ClassAct2006 -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/30/2006 1:15:15 AM)

Of course spanking is part of BDSM; why on earth not? Either it hurts and you like it because you're a masochist or you like male control/dominance/power as I do and then you might like it precisely because you don't like it as it were....



obis -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/30/2006 3:49:48 AM)

I agree with ClassAct, of course it is a part of BDSM. Maybe it's the only part you like, but it is a sadomasochistic and d/s activity. Probably the only thing that makes it stand out is how common it is for non-BDSM identifying people to play with it from time to time -- but the same could be said of blindfolds and restraints, which are common in the "vanilla" world.

I'm curious that you say you got the impression it wasn't a "welcome" form of BDSM -- it's such a fundamental form of pain play and discipline for so many couples, I can't imagine how it would be unwelcome.



agirl -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/30/2006 4:24:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: obis

I agree with ClassAct, of course it is a part of BDSM. Maybe it's the only part you like, but it is a sadomasochistic and d/s activity. Probably the only thing that makes it stand out is how common it is for non-BDSM identifying people to play with it from time to time -- but the same could be said of blindfolds and restraints, which are common in the "vanilla" world.

I'm curious that you say you got the impression it wasn't a "welcome" form of BDSM -- it's such a fundamental form of pain play and discipline for so many couples, I can't imagine how it would be unwelcome.


Further to this ..... there are people who do not include physical pain at all in their Power Exchange relationship...Spanking, cropping, caning etc...are activities...that may or may not take place in an M/s or D/s relationship. They don't define it.

Regards, agirl



bandit25 -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/30/2006 4:30:31 AM)

Nah, don't get hung up on what is and isn't bdsm.  I know people who can and will go on for days about "this is bdsm, but that is not".  Who cares?  It's what you like and don't like together...what you define your relationship as that counts.  Just do it.



feastie -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/30/2006 5:01:17 AM)

An occasional slap on the butt when having sex probably wouldn't be considered a lot of S/M play.  But, I think an OTK spanking, whether with a bare hand or an implement, would definitely fall "under the umbrella".  It doesn't really matter if you enjoy any of the other activities or not, but then, you may read about something that you'd love to try [:)]



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: The BDSM/Spanking question (4/30/2006 5:30:52 AM)

It's interesting, because I have run into more than a few "spankophiles" since spanking (including using paddles, hairbrushes, straps mmm   where was I?) is definately something I enjoy immensely.  Spankophiles have their own very thriving spanking communities that don't cross into other BDSM-related activities, and often seperate themselves in their minds from the BDSM folk.

Me?  If you enjoy it, it's all good.  I don't worry too much about labels.



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