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ORIGINAL: meatcleaver
Online is fluff but can unfortunately be very distressing because ones emotions can be fooled into believing there is something real about an online relationship.

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ORIGINAL: Halcyone

Every example you gave is something that falls into the realm of the physical. The S&M side of things. I think if you go back and actually read my replies, you'll see that many long-distance and cyber relationships fall more in the D/s and mental/emotional side of the spectrum.

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ORIGINAL: Halcyone
Yes, physical is a challenge and often lacking in this sort of interaction because we have to be more than usually creative and double careful to manage it safely. But the lack of it does not make those relationships fantasy. There are plenty of live-in D/s couples who do not engage in S&M and they are no less real than those who do.

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ORIGINAL: NINASHARP
Ahh but this is where the fantasy ends and reality begins... You say that Cyber "falls _more_ into the mental and emotional side of the spectrum" You're kidding me right?  Well I personally don't think that is the case at all. Anyone ever being in r/t servitude, physically, stirs up quite alot of emotions, mentally, spiritually, and I for one, can not have a physical moment, without the emotional or mental levels there as well. I am not sure that anyone who has been in a physical scene would disagree that emotions both mentally/spirtual levels in real time play far exceed what they ever experienced from a cyber/ LD relationship.

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Nor does the r/t physical play exclude the challenge of imagination and creativity for face to face interaction. It all looks great on paper though.  I never implied that those who have relationships outside of cyber, w/o s/m but with d/s in their relationship, are less real.

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ORIGINAL: Halcyone

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ORIGINAL: NINASHARP
Ahh but this is where the fantasy ends and reality begins... You say that Cyber "falls _more_ into the mental and emotional side of the spectrum" You're kidding me right?  Well I personally don't think that is the case at all. Anyone ever being in r/t servitude, physically, stirs up quite alot of emotions, mentally, spiritually, and I for one, can not have a physical moment, without the emotional or mental levels there as well. I am not sure that anyone who has been in a physical scene would disagree that emotions both mentally/spirtual levels in real time play far exceed what they ever experienced from a cyber/ LD relationship.

To clarify, I did not say that online or LD relationships are more emotional, mental or spiritual than a real-time relationship. I said they have less of the physical and more of the emotional and mental to them, by necessity. In a sense, they are less of an S&M thing and more of a D/s thing.

If you believe that physical S&M is essential to a relationship, then yes, you are not going to be able to understand or explore the depth of connection that is possible in an online/LD relationship. But it is possible for others to do so, without it being "not real". That was the point I was trying to make. Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it doesn't work or isn't real for someone else. There are many flavors of Kool Aid out there.

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Nor does the r/t physical play exclude the challenge of imagination and creativity for face to face interaction. It all looks great on paper though.  I never implied that those who have relationships outside of cyber, w/o s/m but with d/s in their relationship, are less real.

Again, I am not saying that real-time excludes those things. You asked how an online/LD relationship works. I've explained how it does, what goes into it, what's required from both parties in it. I'm trying to answer your questions, not imply that cyber relationships are better in any way. They are different. Not less, not more, simply different, with different challenges, advantages and requirements.

That said, if you meet someone who has only played online yet claims to be capable of taking a hundred lashes from a bullwhip...yeah, they're full of it. I won't argue with you there. But you can't take that person's BS and smear everyone who uses cyber as a tool in their relationships. That's not fair. There are plenty of us out there who realize the realities and limitations of online interaction.

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ORIGINAL: NINASHARP
...
I guess I had it in my mind, the cyber scenario, of being served tea in a chat room with the sub on his knees. Thats not for me. I also mention the ones who have mailed me to serve miles away, and who are probably  married and possibly cheating, and looking for a cyber relationship. Again, thats not for me. I do see how others can get caught up in it. and thank you again for the clarity.

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ORIGINAL: Halcyone
That's a fair question and I gave some general examples in my first post to this thread. To be more specific... <snip>

What I get out of it is the love, support, encouragement and control from the dominant man I fell in love with. I recognize that being in the same room, acting as Sir and miss, would be and will be different from what we've experienced while apart. But the emotions behind what we do are not dissimilar.Many of the actions and tools are the same.

Edited to add to the list of things we do - And yes, sometimes we do cyber each other. We're both writers. We both recognize that words on the screen aren't real. They certainly have a real effect however, in the hands of someone who knows how to use them.

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ORIGINAL: NINASHARP

There are people here on CM whom claim to be dom/sub, Master/Mistress,  that have actually never had a real time experience in their life as of yet, but yet they state opinions as if they are authorities on any given subject.