how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (Full Version)

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behavingbadly -> how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/19/2010 6:58:51 PM)

if they're new to the lifestyle. how can i say that it irritates me. what's the point of being into bdsm if they let you decide everything.



poise -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/19/2010 6:59:38 PM)

...very very carefully [8D]



LPslittleclip -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/19/2010 7:25:20 PM)

respectfully discuss it with your dominant and see where it leads. if you feel the need of more restraints on you or more tasks then your dominant needs to know.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/19/2010 8:17:02 PM)

Your previous posts indicate that you are u nhappy with your playmates more often than not...

If a polite discussion gets you nowhere, perhaps you are choosing the wrong people?



LadyPact -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/19/2010 8:52:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

respectfully discuss it with your dominant and see where it leads. if you feel the need of more restraints on you or more tasks then your dominant needs to know.

Yeah, like you've ever had that problem.  LOL.



LadyNTrainer -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/19/2010 10:57:36 PM)

You communicate honestly about you and your needs, not about her "shortcomings".  There is no such thing as too strict or too lenient in a universally true sense, only whether or not someone is a perfect match for YOUR level of desire for strictness.  If you are judgmental and negative, viewing someone as "not a real Mistress" or even "not a strict enough Mistress" because their desire for control has not been a good match for your desire to be controlled, it's unlikely to end well. 

Everyone has a different language of love.  Feeling loved can be as simple as explaining your language to your partner and asking them to try harder to speak it.  But don't make the mistake of assuming that your language is the universal one, or blame your partner because they don't speak exactly the same one.  You both need to put some effort into active translation and clear communication.  Eg, "It makes me feel loved and submissive when you are more strict and controlling.  I really appreciate it when you are strict with me."  



AquaticSub -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/19/2010 11:15:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

if they're new to the lifestyle. how can i say that it irritates me. what's the point of being into bdsm if they let you decide everything.


It's entirely possible they are delegating because they want to use their power to not have to be bothered with these decisions.

Have you considered flipping this? Instead of "You aren't strict enough so what is the point of you being into BDSM" how about "I require someone who is more into micro-managing so why I am with someone who isn't into that?"



LadyConstanze -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/20/2010 12:35:17 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

if they're new to the lifestyle. how can i say that it irritates me. what's the point of being into bdsm if they let you decide everything.



What a lot of others have said on the thread, personally I don't want to micromanage and if I have to decide even very simple things for them, I kinda lose interest, if they want to play with me they should be grown up enough to make responsible decisions, I don't want to feel like I'm in kindergarden, now I understand a lot of other people want that kind of behaviour, which is fine but then they are not right for me and I am not right for them.

I suggest taking your needs up with them in advance and if they are interested, give it a try, if it is nothing they want, keep on looking.



SexyBossyBBW -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/20/2010 12:46:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly
if they're new to the lifestyle. how can i say that it irritates me. what's the point of being into bdsm if they let you decide everything.
As someone else said, Vewy carefully.  I didn't think I had sadism in me, until a cutie said I was "too nice."   We both remember that night fondly. [:D] 

It's always a tricky line determining these things, because each human is different, and negotiating level of submissiveness, is full time work, and requires a lot of communication.   I've said it before, my best slave was a submissive, and my most difficult submissive was a "slave."    The slave wanted to be directed 24/7, especially when we were together; but he failed to communicate those directions I gave, which would cause him to resent me, and than behave like a passive aggressive brat.   That ultimately led to our break up.     Part of my fault, was inexperience.   

My advice is, respectful request for open communication, without negative consequence, should be accepted, from any reasonable dominant.
Good luck,    M



YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/20/2010 12:47:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
Have you considered flipping this? Instead of "You aren't strict enough so what is the point of you being into BDSM" how about "I require someone who is more into micro-managing so why I am with someone who isn't into that?"


i agree, sometimes the two go hand in hand.

Figure out what you need her to be more strict on and ask her very politely to work with you. Let her know that you need some of your freedoms taken away but, be sure to start small. Especially since she's new to it and she'll need to get used to it as well.

Like begin with having a set time to wake up and go to bed each day which, with extenuating circumstances can't be all that difficult to achieve. Then, have her help you establish a routine each morning, followed by an evening routine. Ask her if you may call to check in with her at certain times during the day so she knows what you're up to, and also that you're doing okay.

Little things like this, broken down can seem a lot easier to work with as opposed to "BE SUPER STRICT WITH ME, TAKE AWAY ALL MY RESPONSIBILITIES, TELL ME WHAT I MUST DO AT ALL TIMES!!!!"

i myself tried doing the super strict micromanaging thing, and i failed miserably. Kudos to you if you're able to make it work. Just remember to be polite, come up with some ideas yourself that you think will work and don't whine or demand.



LaTigresse -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/20/2010 7:05:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Your previous posts indicate that you are u nhappy with your playmates more often than not...

If a polite discussion gets you nowhere, perhaps you are choosing the wrong people?


This. Take responsibility for YOUR choices.



slavekal -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/20/2010 9:01:12 AM)

I have run into that.  Ms. Mlicious can be a fantastic Mistress, but she tends to be something of a counter puncher.  I wouldn't mind it if she were a bit more forceful sometimes.  It can be a tricky subject to bring up.  



LadyConstanze -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/20/2010 9:44:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

I have run into that.  Ms. Mlicious can be a fantastic Mistress, but she tends to be something of a counter puncher.  I wouldn't mind it if she were a bit more forceful sometimes.  It can be a tricky subject to bring up.  


Wouldn't it be an idea to give her perfect service for a while? You know really surpass yourself. We humans are creatures of habit and if we experience something pleasant for a while, we take it for granted and tend to expect that



PeonForHer -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/20/2010 9:45:10 AM)

BB, I was wondering if you'd be able to make more headway with your suggestions to a dominant about her dominating style if you were to try to appear more submissive and tone down your aggressive, 'ready for a swordfight', Amazonian look?  Just a thought.



slavekal -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/20/2010 10:19:18 AM)

I do that, Lady Constanze.  But when there is little or no feedback (and I am getting hypothetical here, not really about Ms. Mlicious), the motivation wanes.  A submissive does not get inherent joy from doing dishes.  But if mistress instructs him to, that's different.  There is a world of difference between passively accepting service and demanding it.  Pretty big difference between commanding and asking, "Oh, hon, can you do me a favor?".



LadyConstanze -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/20/2010 10:25:37 AM)

It shouldn't be so hard to mention that she should demand it, it's all communication, I knew some (very few) guys who actually wanted to do it because their motivation was to be of service. I think when in doubt it is always a good idea to step "out of character" and discuss each other's needs and wants honestly, might not be as thrilling if she finds it out herself, but in the long run a lot less problems



slavekal -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/20/2010 11:29:24 AM)

I try to do that once in a while, and I try to add a little humor whenever I can. I sometimes answer just the way she asked..."Sure, when I get a minute, I will do you a favor." That's ususally all it takes. She really is wonderful, but if she was about twenty percent more forceful, I wouldn't be mad about it.



Wickad -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/21/2010 12:54:52 AM)

(fast reply)

So, ... I say "You up for lunch?". He says "Sure. Where do you wanna go?" I say "I'm not sure. Where do you wanna go?"

At first glance this may seem that I am letting my submissive partner make all the decisions but that really isn't the case. When it comes right down to it, I'll have the final say in where we go but at that moment I don't really have a preference so I'm willing to see what he comes up with. I think a lot of submissive folks take our (Dominant folks) asking for input as a acquiescence of our authority. In many cases we're just not that concerned about the details as long as the overall dynamic is maintained. The above example would end very badly if 'he' told me where we were going - lol.

Wickad



Jaybeee -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/21/2010 1:41:44 AM)

Interesting how most of the dommes don't think about severity, but fall back on the female reticence for management.



SexyBossyBBW -> RE: how do you tell a mistress that they're not strict enough? (12/21/2010 2:15:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee
Interesting how most of the dommes don't think about severity, but fall back on the female reticence for management.
I disagree.   I think a lot more information would need to occur, before you could say that.

Micromanaging is not everyone's cup of tea, and simply because we allow you a say, does not mean, you have equal say.   As a dominant, it's easy to say, you will always do what I want 100% of the time.   As a human being however, I do derive some satisfaction in being in a relationship with an enthusiastic sub/servant, so I do consider whether we are compatible, when he admits to enjoying things that I'm averse to.   It's a relationship, even if we name it and M/s one.     M



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