Married Masters

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LoveSparkie -> Married Masters (12/21/2010 7:14:29 PM)
I have met quite a few woman who have Masters that are married. Some have wives that are in the lifestyle, others have wives that prefer to be left out of it. I am confused by this a bit. Why would anyone devote themselves so much to someone who was already taken? Wouldn't they always be put 2nd after His wife and family? It seems like there is no future in that for them. I could be wrong though. Is anyone in this situation? What is your take on it?

Killerangel -> RE: Married Masters (12/21/2010 7:21:17 PM)
Some of these women with married Masters don't know they are married....at first. By the time they find out they are already attached and listen to the things he tells them about how much he cares and will of course make time for them.

OsideGirl -> RE: Married Masters (12/21/2010 8:00:25 PM)
The answer is: it depends.

AquaticSub -> RE: Married Masters (12/21/2010 9:32:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie I am confused by this a bit. Why would anyone devote themselves so much to someone who was already taken? Wouldn't they always be put 2nd after His wife and family? It seems like there is no future in that for them. I could be wrong though. Is anyone in this situation? What is your take on it? Depends on the people involved. Valyraen is married to me. We are also poly. I do not expect, nor desire, for any of his other girls to be second to me. I expect him to tend to who needs tending and to divide his attention between us based on our individual needs. Something we discovered when he was last feeling out a potential girl (who I adored then and still do - she is one of my very best friends) is that I actually wanted him to interact with her and would give him little pokes to have her over/interact/etc. [:)] Pity things didn't work out with her but I'm glad that we became such good friends despite life throwing up roadblocks in terms of a romantic relationship.

LPslittleclip -> RE: Married Masters (12/21/2010 9:38:08 PM)
both my Mistress and i are married to others its called polyamory. i am collared to my Mistres and serve Her, her marriage is primary as is mine. the D/s is something that my wife fully knows about and allows as she cant provide that for me. it works for U/us as everyone has full disclosure and can say no. every poly family is diffrent

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Married Masters (12/21/2010 10:15:48 PM)
Perhaps they are happy being always second fiddle, perhaps the men in question doesn't treat them as second fiddle, if you really want to know, you'll have to ask the women themselves. We can only speculate.

tazzygirl -> RE: Married Masters (12/21/2010 11:09:04 PM)
quote: I am confused by this a bit. Why would anyone devote themselves so much to someone who was already taken? Wouldn't they always be put 2nd after His wife and family? It seems like there is no future in that for them. I could be wrong though. Not everyone requires to be put first. Not everyone feels threatened. Some women can handle it, some cant, just like men... some men are meant to be poly, some arent. As far as the married and hiding it issue. I, personally, find it impossible to believe a man, or a woman, is trustworthy if they cant be honest with their primary partner. As you can see by Aquatic's post, this isnt always the case. Not everyone in a poly relationship has to hide it. clip is also a perfect example. [:D]

LadyPact -> RE: Married Masters (12/22/2010 12:16:14 AM)
Please do Me a favor. Don't lump all of us in the same group. It's not the married part that is the qualifier here. There's a huge difference in the situation if you're talking about married and cheating as opposed to married and poly. The funny thing is, we don't have situations where any of us feel like we're second best. It just doesn't work like that for us. We focus so much more on areas of fulfillment. The kind of stuff that is really hard to explain on a message board.

tazzygirl -> RE: Married Masters (12/22/2010 12:52:52 AM)
Let me point this out emphatically, since this seems to be a sore spot for you, LP. Married and hiding is cheating. Its not cheating if all parties know, imo. I have been part of a poly household, so i do know what i am speaking about. How you took what i said way out of context, i dont understand. No one was "lumping you into the same group". In fact, i was pointing out the honesty of your relationships. If you dont wish to be held to that standard, then i can understand. ~edited because, reading the other post,. i think i took something out of context.

LadyPact -> RE: Married Masters (12/22/2010 1:28:20 AM)
Oh, tazzy, it certainly isn't you. I have no reason to believe that you are confused on the subject. Instead, it is the greater populace. So easily, people think that we are all the same. Yet, I would be so disgusted with other methods. Often, I tend to think that others find Me judgmental for thinking such. At the same time, I can not help it. A Master of his home is not terrified that his wife discovers his interests. How does one not see him as a coward? If I should have that position, I could not see Myself as the same. It is a fault of My own, that I am so judgmental.

tazzygirl -> RE: Married Masters (12/22/2010 1:38:17 AM)
I can understand a man being so in love with his wife that he would not want to risk losing her. Even a dominant man. I can also understand a woman not being able to fullfill those needs of a dominant man if she is not submissive. But, a man so in love with that woman would not risk losing her for a fling. I agree with your assessment that such a man who lies is a coward. Those who use excuses such as children or money are using those as excuses. The reality is... the type of man who would lie to his wife.. or the type of woman who would lie to her husband... is someone who will lie to anyone to get what they want. If thats a judgement... then so be it. Im willing to accept that. [:D]

kiwisub12 -> RE: Married Masters (12/22/2010 4:03:05 AM)
Perhaps they are afraid of committment. I had a vanilla friend who for years carried on an affair with a married man, producing a kid - and as far as i could tell, though she said she wanted more, she was afraid of what would be needed to sustain a full time relationship. She wasn't happy as things were, but she never balls up and did something about it. I think she was a little screwed up. Please note that this isn't directed to anyone - it is my take on one persons experience, and my analysis (true or not).

kalikshama -> RE: Married Masters (12/22/2010 4:58:46 AM)
I get hit on by married cheaters all the time, in fact, they may be the majority. They may believe that subs will be too submissive to call them on their BS. My regular play partner is in an open, long distance marriage. I quickly realized the limitations of this relationship for me, and am seeking more relationship-oriented men. While I am poly, I want to be Alpha, and in residence. 10 years ago I was given the opportunity to join a poly household. While I was very fond of all involved, since my position would be lower than the wife, baby, and possibly dog, I declined.

DesFIP -> RE: Married Masters (12/22/2010 5:37:40 AM)
OP, you have young children who take up a lot of your time. Could it not be said that therefore you aren't available for a full time relationship. After all, you're attending soccer and basketball games, dance recitals, helping with homework, etc. So if you only are available one day a week to spend time with someone, why would it matter if they are busy with their family, coaching basketball or soccer, driving to dance class, helping with homework and only have one day available to spend with you?

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Married Masters (12/22/2010 10:27:31 AM)
and what if the spouse or partner doesn't wish to know, it's probably rare but I do know some people know their partner will have others and doesn't wish to know the details or anything about it. quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl Married and hiding is cheating. Its not cheating if all parties know, imo

tazzygirl -> RE: Married Masters (12/22/2010 10:38:25 AM)
Not knowing the details isnt the same as not knowing. Accepting the fact that your partner will cheat with the caveat of not wanting to know the details is the same as agreeing. No cheating involved.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Married Masters (12/23/2010 11:15:54 AM)
~FR~ Married and cheating is waaaay different than married and poly. In my mind: Married and Poly = Good. Married and Cheating = Bad. I used to have a Dom Who I later found out was married and cheating. I loved Him but, yes, I left Him. I reasoned if He would lie to His wife, the person He promised love & devotion to at the altar, He would lie to me, and He DID. Why be with a liar? ~sweetsub~

LoveSparkie -> RE: Married Masters (12/23/2010 12:47:19 PM)
Oh no, I'm not lumping everyone into the same category here. I should have been more specific, I apologize. I was more referring to the woman who are subs to men who have wives that are unaware of whats going on. I personally knew someone who was in a relationship where her Master was married, his wife knew, and basically just said "Don't give me any details and I'm fine." Things worked out for them. I am more confused on the woman I've met who are keeping themselves a "dirty little secret". I suppose its the same as a vanilla relationship and an affair going on. It just seems like these woman devote much more time and I just start to think "for what?"

AquaticSub -> RE: Married Masters (12/23/2010 1:23:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie I am more confused on the woman I've met who are keeping themselves a "dirty little secret". I suppose its the same as a vanilla relationship and an affair going on. It just seems like these woman devote much more time and I just start to think "for what?" Bingo. They are getting something out of it. Maybe it's the drama, maybe it's getting to complain about how their relationship is so fraught with issues. Some people, until they change, seem quite determined to keep themselves miserable. It's like the folks who stay with people who make them miserable. I'm not talking abusive situations but the ones where both partners seem to be miserable, one or both cheats, they complain to their friends all the time about their partner, etc. I don't get why they stay either but they must be getting something out of it.

LadyPact -> RE: Married Masters (12/23/2010 1:40:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie Oh no, I'm not lumping everyone into the same category here. I should have been more specific, I apologize. I was more referring to the woman who are subs to men who have wives that are unaware of whats going on. I personally knew someone who was in a relationship where her Master was married, his wife knew, and basically just said "Don't give me any details and I'm fine." Things worked out for them. I am more confused on the woman I've met who are keeping themselves a "dirty little secret". I suppose its the same as a vanilla relationship and an affair going on. It just seems like these woman devote much more time and I just start to think "for what?" No apology is needed. If anything, I should probably be offering one to you and to tazzy as well. That "in reply to" feature can lead to confusion at times, because I tend to read the whole thread and reply in chronological order. I think it really is just about the same as vanilla 'dirty little secret' category. Kinky folks are no better or worse than our vanilla counterparts for stuff like that. I don't even think it has everything to do with the fact that they are getting the kinky sex with the other woman and the vanilla sex with the spouse. It's probably broader than that. With the holiday approaching, I do have a soft spot for the gal who is going to be all alone because the guy who is so important to her will be with his family.

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