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What BDSM means to you? - 12/22/2010 3:18:31 PM

LoveSparkie

Posts: 56
Joined: 12/17/2010
Status: offline

People hear the terms BDSM or "the lifestyle" and mostly automatically think "Oh being tied up during sex..ect". In fact I admitted to a friend that I was a submissive and he said "I never took you for someone that liked to be beaten."

It aggravates me a bit. I feel its much more then all that.

So my question is: What does this lifestyle mean to you? What does the role you play mean to you? Is it all just fun and games for you or much more?

_____________________________

"You'll never know the good with out the bad.
It's not until you experience pain that you will know pleasure.
It's not until you experience heartbreak that you will know true love.
It's when you face death, that you truly love life."
~Sparkie~

Post #: 1

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/22/2010 4:06:07 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Hey, don't knock being tied up during sex. It is my most favorite thing. Takes me from zero interest in sex to on the boil in seconds flat! I wants me some of that. (He's out of town for a couple of days).

Beyond that, it's that we've discussed everything in advance. No unexpressed expectations. Everything got worked out to the best of our ability. Which means there's very little to disagree on since we share a remarkable amount of compatibility.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 2

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/22/2010 4:18:14 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I think of D/s being different than BDSM. I think of BDSM as focusing more on activities, while D/s focuses on the mental aspects. Add 'em together, and you have the lifestyle, or at least a lot of it.

As a D, it means that I am bigger than myself. I am responsible for myself and for my sub as well. And that I get service from the extra responsibility.

And the sex is great.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 3

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/22/2010 7:05:55 PM

LoveSparkie

Posts: 56
Joined: 12/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Hey, don't knock being tied up during sex.ity.

Oh no no, I'm not. I love it too. haha. I'm just saying, there is more to all this than just that.

_____________________________

"You'll never know the good with out the bad.
It's not until you experience pain that you will know pleasure.
It's not until you experience heartbreak that you will know true love.
It's when you face death, that you truly love life."
~Sparkie~

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 4

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/22/2010 7:31:48 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie

So my question is: What does this lifestyle mean to you?

Well, you have to understand that We feel BDSM is different than Ms. BDSM, to Us, is a description of actions while Ms is a description of relationship dynamics. Yes, technically, "DS" stand from Dominance and submission, but even that is different than Ms, to Us.

quote:

What does the role you play mean to you?

This is part of Our destiny... to be a Master is a spiritual journey unlike any We've been on (and We've explored a lot).

quote:

Is it all just fun and games for you or much more?

This implies that, if it much more, it can't be fun and games, too. Everything should have, and be done with, joy!

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 5

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/22/2010 7:34:52 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

lifestyle and roleplay mean nothing at all to me. I don't do either one.

I asimply react to a dominant personality man by being submissive towards him for many different reasons.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 6

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/22/2010 9:23:14 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Yep this gets my vote.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

lifestyle and roleplay mean nothing at all to me. I don't do either one.

I asimply react to a dominant personality man by being submissive towards him for many different reasons.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 7

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/22/2010 9:30:23 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie

So my question is: What does this lifestyle mean to you? What does the role you play mean to you? Is it all just fun and games for you or much more?

It really doesn't mean much. It's just me. Nothing more and certainly nothing less.

I'm a nutty, foolhardy, bold, insecure, bubbly woman who thrives on kneeling to a dominant man I love. I don't submit and I don't live this because it's kinky, because it's 'better' or 'deeper'. I do this because it fulfills me. Because it is me. Submission isn't simply part of role play in my dynamic (though we do role play in the bedroom), it's a personality trait.

A lot of people have great, deep philosophies on BDSM and the lifestyle and they are all well and good. But I don't think this requires more trust. I don't think it requires deeper understanding. I don't think our relationships are more meaningful.

That this relationship feels so special, so wonderful is because I am finally in the relationship where I get to be me. That's what this means to me.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/22/2010 9:32:13 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 8

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/22/2010 9:44:03 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie
So my question is: What does this lifestyle mean to you? What does the role you play mean to you? Is it all just fun and games for you or much more?

I'm going to get blasted for this. I just know it.

For Me, it's the whole spectrum. It can be fun and games. If it wasn't, I probably wouldn't do it anymore. Where else can you sing "if you're happy and you know it" while you're beating someone's ass? I get to do stuff that most people only fantasize about.

Then, ask Me what the leather life means to Me and I'll probably have such a heartfelt reaction that the words coming out won't make much sense. I'm not nearly articulate enough to express My thoughts. It's more than I can say on a message board. I just know what it means to Me inside. It doesn't have to be that for everyone. I just know what it is to Me.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 9

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/22/2010 9:54:51 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

For Me, it's the whole spectrum. It can be fun and games. If it wasn't, I probably wouldn't do it anymore. Where else can you sing "if you're happy and you know it" while you're beating someone's ass? I get to do stuff that most people only fantasize about.

Well... You could probably do that with some/most of my vanilla friends. But even my vanilla friends are the weird ones.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 10

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/22/2010 10:13:19 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

True, but would they be naked?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 11

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/22/2010 10:21:44 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I just see BDSM as meaning Kinky play of some sort...... But I do appreciate that many equate it having a D/s aspect to it as well... even though I see it as two seperate concepts that can co-exist rather nicely together. But being able to co-exist doesn't mean they are always there in every given situation.... some are situations is just kinky play or just some sort of authority power transfer. It doesn't have to be both.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 12

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/22/2010 10:50:50 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

True, but would they be naked?

Quite possibly.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 13

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/22/2010 11:05:12 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

In that case, I'm thinking your friends could be friends of Mine.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 14

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/22/2010 11:26:06 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

*peers around sneakily* Ask them their thoughts on carrots and get back to me about what they said... Also how many people have to be in a room without their shoes on to constitute an orgy.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 15

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/23/2010 3:39:30 AM

princedorian

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/21/2010
Status: offline

It is a state of mind, I suppose. The one when you feel pleased while being (in my case) humiliated or ordered around by someone else, someone you call your master, or longing for it. It's a willingful act of offering your body, your mind to someone else, even if its for a short period of time. It can be fun, serious, therapeutic, addictive, but to me the element of giving yourself up is the crucial one.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 16

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/23/2010 3:51:34 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie

So my question is: What does this lifestyle mean to you?

It doesn't. BDSM, for me, simply implies activities...bondage, disipline...and "roles" (top/bottom-giver/receiver)...sadism, masochism. I know there are folks who like to have a certain amount of mystique around these activities/roles, but this isn't what it is for me.

Also, as others have said, I see the activities of BDSM as being, at times, seperate from the dynamics of D/s or M/s.

quote:

What does the role you play mean to you?

I identify as a switch so my "role"...top or bottom...depends greatly on the energy between myself and my partner.

quote:

Is it all just fun and games for you or much more?

It can be...or not, depending on many different contributing factors. This isn't a "lifestyle" for me.

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 17

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/23/2010 4:27:02 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

The sunny award goes to: Lady Pact:

Yes, folks there it is...

Sunny
Quote of the Day:

Where else can you sing "if you're happy and you know it" while you're beating someone's ass?

Congragulations, please redeem your prize at the door.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 18

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/23/2010 4:28:03 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

The sunny award goes to: Lady Pact:

Yes, folks there it is...

Sunny
Quote of the Day:

Where else can you sing "if you're happy and you know it" while you're beating someone's ass?

Congragulations, please redeem your prize at the door.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 19

RE: What BDSM means to you? - 12/23/2010 6:18:47 AM

mbes

Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
It really doesn't mean much. It's just me. Nothing more and certainly nothing less.

I'm a nutty, foolhardy, bold, insecure, bubbly woman who thrives on kneeling to a dominant man I love. I don't submit and I don't live this because it's kinky, because it's 'better' or 'deeper'. I do this because it fulfills me. Because it is me.

A lot of people have great, deep philosophies on BDSM and the lifestyle and they are all well and good. But I don't think this requires more trust. I don't think it requires deeper understanding. I don't think our relationships are more meaningful.

That this relationship feels so special, so wonderful is because I am finally in the relationship where I get to be me. That's what this means to me.

I was all set to start typing, when I realized this works about as well as anything I could say.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 20

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