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getting to know someone - 12/25/2010 9:23:43 PM

ISOPussySlut

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/21/2010
Status: offline

I haven't been on the site long, but I can see already how this is going to go. There are lots of sub/slaves who want to be owned or trained. Not so many Domme/Mistresses available. You think that would work in our favor.

I realize not everyone will be attractive to me. I know what it feels like to think someone is not attractive physically, only to spend time with them and grow to appreciate the person inside...I just don't know how that can happen when guys don't care for emailing more then a few times.

So how do you know who to pick out, do you pass by the many males who are not attractive to you? Do you take a chance with them instead?

Post #: 1

RE: getting to know someone - 12/25/2010 9:42:23 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

You already know how this is going to go? LOL. Give it a few minutes, because I'm probably about to get nailed to the wall.

I do pass by folks if I don't find them physically attractive. They don't have to be Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp (best examples I could think of) but at least average looks. I really don't have the time, or the desire, to get to know everyone to see if I might find them more attractive as time goes on. There are just too many folks out there to put that kind of time investment into everyone.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ISOPussySlut)

Post #: 2

RE: getting to know someone - 12/25/2010 9:55:19 PM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

LadyPact, please think back, just a touch. Sure clip is gorgeous <from what little I've seen of him in his avatar.> But before that, what were your filters?

Mine are currently less on attractiveness and more on the three most important (to me) attributes of an s-type, namely "attitude, attitude, attitude." If that first e-mail is a one-liner or if their profile is empty or if they address me as "Master," they get a "work on your profile and / or approach" message. I also might, if they've caught my interest at all, check on date of joining; maybe how many posts.

Short answer to "how do you know who to pick out?" Depends. LOL!

Oh. As to the "I can see already how this is going to go" line (and LP's comment on that same line) I'll just post a copy of my tag-line.

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

If I don't post a copy and ever decide to change it, I can't really refer to it because when sig-block is changed, it changes everywhere.

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 12/25/2010 9:57:16 PM >

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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Member: VAA's posse

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Post #: 3

RE: getting to know someone - 12/25/2010 10:32:52 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

LadyPact, please think back, just a touch. Sure clip is gorgeous <from what little I've seen of him in his avatar.> But before that, what were your filters?

Thank you very much.

quote:

Mine are currently less on attractiveness and more on the three most important (to me) attributes of an s-type, namely "attitude, attitude, attitude." If that first e-mail is a one-liner or if their profile is empty or if they address me as "Master," they get a "work on your profile and / or approach" message. I also might, if they've caught my interest at all, check on date of joining; maybe how many posts.

Lance, My Dear, truthfully, as I'm getting older, My standards are actually getting tougher. I've gotten to the point that I want more than good attitude. I want initiative. I don't want to hear how they want to learn about all of this. I want them to show Me what they are doing to learn all about this.

As a side note, I'm the same way when folks type up a note and address it as "Dear Mistress". One of the quickest ways to get a protocol lesson from Me and make Me inclined not to be interested in them. (I could rant on this topic, but I'll spare you. Suffice to say that I've recommended books to a number of people recently.)

quote:

Short answer to "how do you know who to pick out?" Depends. LOL!

Yes. I don't want this to come across as don't pick any of them. LOL.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 4

RE: getting to know someone - 12/26/2010 10:42:07 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I've gotten tougher too, and much less sympathetic. I don't care how beautiful someone is, if they are stupid, ill mannered, or lazy!

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 5

RE: getting to know someone - 12/26/2010 11:36:07 AM

brown09

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/4/2009
Status: offline

this is an interesting thread to me. thanks for starting it.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 6

RE: getting to know someone - 12/26/2010 1:51:52 PM

ISOPussySlut

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/21/2010
Status: offline

I only meant that I've been on the look out, in the vanilla world for the last 4yrs. Then someone introduced me to these personals because I have a poly home. Going through profiles (compared to vanilla profiles) I thought that I would hopefully have an easier time sorting through since my own primary male is submissive and treats me like a Princess.

In the vanilla world 90% of guys are not my type at all, leaving 10% that are, but alot of those are either out of my dynamics whether it be age, distance, appearance, wanting children etc. Leaving me an even smaller number to pick from. Going through these profiles I'd say 35% are my type but alot of those are also out of my dynamics, distance, age, fetishes.

(in reply to brown09)

Post #: 7

RE: getting to know someone - 12/26/2010 2:52:47 PM

SthrnCom4t

Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline

I go more on how someone communicates than what he looks like. My 'type' can't be narrowed down by physical characteristics, as I've had many different flavors and enjoyed them all. I look for those with whom compatibility levels would be high. Is he comfortable in his own skin? Does he seek personal enlightenment? Does he pursue in a way I like to be pursued? Do we enjoy the same things in life, outside kink and the bedroom? Can I respect him for where he's been and where he's going, before his interest in me influences his life?

I don't like to micromanage on a regular basis, so how does he manage his time, finances, etc? Does he like connection, or NEED connection because he's insecure? Does who he is, inspire and attract Me? How attracted to Me, is he?

The best profile I've seen in a long time I read last night. The guy is in Sweden, but if I were single and had the time and energy, he'd be worth pursuing (in my book anyway).

But all those are just what I look for...........ISO, what are you looking for? WHO would be a good compliment to you (not necessarily your clone, but a good fit)? Also, I actually found Otter on www.polymatchmaker.com....not a kink site at all. :)

Good luck!

_____________________________

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

(in reply to ISOPussySlut)

Post #: 8

RE: getting to know someone - 12/26/2010 3:01:09 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Quick semi-hijack. Sthrn, I hope that you and Otters had a wonderful holiday and best wishes for a Happy New Year!

ISO, for what it's worth, the site that Sthrn suggested wouldn't be a bad idea. It's kind of a toss up because this site has much more about finding D/s partners, but it's always good to be mindful that not everybody here is poly. Same the other way around. The other site, everybody is poly, but only some are interested in D/s.

That probably should have been something that I mentioned earlier as well. If somebody lists themselves as monogamous, as a poly person, I don't pursue. That one is too much of an incompatibility in My book.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)

Post #: 9

RE: getting to know someone - 12/26/2010 7:05:01 PM

LovelyLady39

Posts: 14
Joined: 11/11/2010
Status: offline

Yeah PMM doesn't get much traffic but I am there

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 10

RE: getting to know someone - 12/26/2010 7:57:41 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ISOPussySlut
So how do you know who to pick out, do you pass by the many males who are not attractive to you? Do you take a chance with them instead?

It depends on how they will be of service. The best houseboy We ever had wasn't attractive to Us at all. They really only need to be attractive for Us if We're going to have sex with them.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to ISOPussySlut)

Post #: 11

RE: getting to know someone - 12/26/2010 10:08:18 PM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

Actually, with that handle, I would imagine you get a boatload of responses... If you already know how it's going to go, you believe you know what is in everyone's heart and mind, and there is little chance you will see a decent potential when it comes along.

Good luck, and a little patience might be helpful. M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to ISOPussySlut)

Post #: 12

RE: getting to know someone - 12/27/2010 1:27:10 AM

ISOPussySlut

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/21/2010
Status: offline

I've checked out polymatchmaker in the past, just like on here there are lots of 'dead' profiles that are years old.

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)

Post #: 13

RE: getting to know someone - 12/27/2010 1:39:02 AM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

I can understand why one would not want a photo up, and why one might say one is 99yo... But you say those things, have no photos of yourself, and ask that the solicitor be

quote:

ISO: real, straight, submissive or slave male, ages 25-45. No experience needed. Must be attractive to me.

Are you being real, Dominant, and attractive to the responders with your stats? Doesn't the potential slave have to feel an attraction toward you as well?

Sure, in a perfect world, we'd have our choice of desirables come crawling, and automatically feel the attraction and devotion to us, and the service we desire, but even assuming that, how do you tell "real" vs "fake?" M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to ISOPussySlut)

Post #: 14

RE: getting to know someone - 12/27/2010 1:55:58 AM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

I would suggest that hanging out here on the forums, will be helpful. All types post here, and you may catch the attention of one you desire. As far as I know, there is no easy way to find someone you find hot, and interesting, no matter how many people out there call selves sub or slave (or Domme/Master). A relationship is a relationship, unless you're looking for play partners, in which case, I highly recommend joining groups, and meeting people that way. M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to ISOPussySlut)

Post #: 15

RE: getting to know someone - 12/27/2010 4:03:11 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW

I can understand why one would not want a photo up, and why one might say one is 99yo... But you say those things, have no photos of yourself, and ask that the solicitor be

quote:

real, straight, submissive or slave male, ages 25-45. No experience needed. Must be attractive to me.

That's totally possible. I've met awesome people when I've been in that situation. It's about having profile text that inspires trust even though you don't have a photo/list your age.

Having a photo and listing an age doesn't make anyone any more real, you know. Those things are easy to fake. Writing with authenticity is harder and a thousand times more important, and although I haven't viewed her profile, her posts show the OP to be a clear and feminine writer. So IMO your criticisms are missing the point.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)

Post #: 16

RE: getting to know someone - 12/27/2010 11:21:43 AM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline

I am not big on the photo thing. IF a Domme insists of having a photo me before she will even reply then I already know she is not for me. I want to know first if the Domme has similar interests as me. To me there is no point persuing a relationship built on physical attributes when you do not like each others interests. I know people like eye candy, and there is nothing wrong with that, its just not what I am seeking. I want to know whats in the mind!

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 17

RE: getting to know someone - 12/27/2010 9:36:45 PM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW
I can understand why one would not want a photo up, and why one might say one is 99yo... But you say those things, have no photos of yourself, and ask that the solicitor be
quote:

real, straight, submissive or slave male, ages 25-45. No experience needed. Must be attractive to me.
That's totally possible. I've met awesome people when I've been in that situation. It's about having profile text that inspires trust even though you don't have a photo/list your age.

Of course anything is possible; I too have met people, sight unseen. I do however, expect someone to offer the details they ask of me, to be fair.

quote:

Having a photo and listing an age doesn't make anyone any more real, you know. Those things are easy to fake

Exactly! And my point is, that she is faking them, and perhaps making herself harder to find by some.
An inspiring authentic profile you say heh?! Glad you've got the secret formula. M

< Message edited by SexyBossyBBW -- 12/27/2010 10:01:12 PM >

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 18

RE: getting to know someone - 12/28/2010 1:32:44 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW
Of course anything is possible; I too have met people, sight unseen. I do however, expect someone to offer the details they ask of me, to be fair.

And what makes you so sure she doesn't? It's perfectly possible to tell someone your real age and send them a photo in a cmail. You're assuming all sorts of details about her private communications. I've never met anyone unseen, but I've met people without posting a photo on my profile. There's a difference between the two.

quote:

quote:

Having a photo and listing an age doesn't make anyone any more real, you know. Those things are easy to fake
Exactly! And my point is, that she is faking them,

No she isn't. Not having a photo is not the same as faking a photo. Listing your age as 99 is not the same as faking your age-it's a clear refusal to answer the question in public. Only an idiot would think she was actually 99.

You seem not to be clear on the meaning of the word 'fake' if you think that's what she's doing.

quote:

and perhaps making herself harder to find by some.

Which she's clearly decided is worth risking for the reduction in spam, and I'm not going to blame her. But seriously, you're making mountains out of molehills on this one. Photos and age listings in a profile don't really matter.

quote:

An inspiring authentic profile you say heh?! Glad you've got the secret formula. M

No secret formula. Just a sense of self in the writing. Most of the women regulars on this forum have it, tbh.

< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 12/28/2010 1:34:02 AM >

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

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Post #: 19

RE: getting to know someone - 12/28/2010 2:33:11 AM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
And what makes you so sure she doesn't? It's perfectly possible to tell someone your real age and send them a photo in a cmail. You're assuming all sorts of details about her private communications.

I'm assuming nothing. If she does open up in her emails, great, but she hasn't given that here... So you too are assuming she does. I am noting a minor lack of authenticity on the OP's profile. I'm reading her question, looking at her profile, and asking whether her being evasive is the best way to attract, real, honest potentials. If she is searching specifically for communicative, open submissives, it would be helpful if she were open, honest, and communicative herself, to foster trust.

quote:

Having a photo and listing an age doesn't make anyone any more real, you know. Those things are easy to fake

Exactly! And my point is, that she is faking them,

quote:

No she isn't. Not having a photo is not the same as faking a photo

She may not be faking a photo, and is within her rights, as long as she isn't asking for a photo. However, if she is uncomfortable sharing simple things as her age, and appearance, I would think it unreasonable for her to ask openness from her intended subs. If you are asking open communication from the submissive,be open with him/her. I don't think the OP is being insincere, as much as making her search more difficult, bey being guarded, while asking for openness. I'm suggesting that being able to provide information that you require, is the easiest way to have open conversation, and establish trust. M

quote:

Listing your age as 99 is not the same as faking your age-it's a clear refusal to answer the question in public. Only an idiot would think she was actually 99

It isn't? Saying I'm 20yo, is not faking my 40+ years? I take words posted on the internet at face value, unless/untill I'm corrected by the writer. I don't take it upon myself to dig for the truth. I'm open with my information, and expect the same from the other.

quote:

You seem not to be clear on the meaning of the word 'fake' if you think that's what she's doing.

You seem to be not clear on authenticity, if you pick, and choose what you're going to be authentic about, and feel your parameters ought to be universally accepted. Only an imbecile would lie/omit truths, than rationalize it with "but it's the internet, I'm the dominant, we'll eventually get to the truth, and you'll accept it."
Sure, be fat, and say you're skinny, or be 60, and say you're 30 because you're a domme, and that is okay. Demand that he be attractive, but pay no attention to what he may find attractive. Lies of omission mean nothing after all, especially if one is dominant. M

< Message edited by SexyBossyBBW -- 12/28/2010 2:37:26 AM >

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 20

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