mistoferin
Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
quote:
ORIGINAL: catize
Dominants are not therapists.
I have read articles by dominants who believe they can provide 'healing' of past abuses just by virtue of their dominance. That is dangerous territory indeed.
Counseling and therapy belong within the confines of professionals.
I couldn't agree more... However... I would say the choice to move past one's abuse is only in one persons hands... and that is in the hands of the Victim. It is not uncommon for some victims to stay victims many years after the abuse has actually stopped. I do believe the OP was trying to make reference to this but over generalized the situation and made some over-generalized behavior links. Yes some victims come into the BDSM lifesytle and continue to spin the abuse. It is not uncommon for victims of abuse to turn themself into self-abusers. I think that is one the most damaging things an abuser can do to their victims!
I am my girls Master not their therapist. I provide support and encouragement, but I am not there to FIX them. They are to FIX themselves. If I want my car fixed... I take it to a mechanic. If I want my house fixed, I get a carpenter. You want your mind and thoughts fixed.. get a therapists. Now having said that.. Not all Mechanics, Carpenters and Therapists are created equal. Some are better than others. Some are just more suited to the task at hand than another. The individual needing the help must not be blind to think the professional is all knowing and wise. Sometimes one should and does seek second, third opinions. But the difference between a Dominant giving such an opinion and that from a Professional. One likely has actual experience and training in counceling on these issues of abuse than the other. Yes, I would agree that a Dominant is likely to know their submissive more than any Therapist will know the submissive. However, this intimate knowledge is not a replacement to actual experience and training.
I would add that Victims don't stick out as much as the OP impression seems to imply. Victims and self-abusers can go very unnoticed. There is actually mental conditions that don't actually become readily apparent except when an intimate relationship ensue between to people. Borderline Personality Disorders is a good example of this. There are flags to watch for... but to be honest... few individuals actaully know what flags to watch for with regards to these various conditions.
Finally, it is a incredible thing when another person can lovingly support and encourage the healing of another from abuse of the past. My experience has shown me that when a person wishes to move beyond the abuse and heal themselves, that a Dominants support and encouragement can be significiant an important aspect to their growth. However, I also know from experience that a person that wants their Dominant to fix them and doesn't internal take responsibility for there own physical and mental health... well there is nothing the Dominant can do to change it.
Amen, Amen, Amen!!!
The only one who can make the transition from victim to survivor....is the victim. Too often I see well meaning Dominants trying to "help" their submissives overcome past abuse when all they are really serving to do is keep them in that "victim" mentality. Like you said...if your car is broken, see a mechanic...ruptured appendix, go to a doctor....if it's your mind, spirit and soul that's been injured, see a therapist.
_____________________________
Peace and light,
~erin~
There are no victims here...only volunteers.
When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.
"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"
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RE: Is Submission "Real" When It Relives Past... - 
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