RE: BDSM and Family Life

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RE: BDSM and Family Life - 12/27/2010 7:40:17 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThePeripatetic

And I'm not really thinking in terms of how people "hide" this part of themselves. That's not what I mean at all. I'm just curious to hear about any creative approaches people take when there might be a "conflict" between the lifestyle and daily-life (and again, don't mean to say that they can't be compatable). Hope that makes sense.

No, it doesn't make sense. You might need to be far more specific about what kind of conflict you are talking about.

For christ's sake describe one or give an example ..lol

agirl

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RE: BDSM and Family Life - 12/27/2010 9:18:54 PM

DesFIP

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He's didn't make me wear bondage under my clothes at my son's football games. That's not appropriate. The bondage came later, once we got home and warmed up.

It is no different than vanilla sex. You don't do it on your parents dining table while they're watching tv ten feet away. You have dinner and spend time with them and then go home and have sex.

As to any other conflicts, we don't see any. Could you give an example?

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RE: BDSM and Family Life - 12/27/2010 9:40:15 PM

ThePeripatetic

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I apologize for being so vague. You'll have to excuse my naïveté. As I said previously, I'm young, single, never been married and therefore have never personally experienced something akin to a lifetime commitment with a partner, kids, etc. Perhaps there is no 'conflict' so to speak for many of you. But what many of you have described is a dynamic where the female is the submissive. I know it's not politically correct to say this but in general, that is an accepted, 'normal' gender role in most cultures. Okay, I can see how this can be lived out pretty easily in the day to day.

But how about things that don't jive so well with "accepted norms"? And no I'm not talking about over-the-top stuff that you would only read in BDSM erotica. Examples could include owning bondage furniture or having reinforced suspension points? obviously these are things that might be difficult to explain to the chitlins. How about heading off to the monthly fetish event decked out in your kinky garb? Maybe you change after you've left the house, etc. I feel like there are a number of things that kinky people choose to participate in that shouldn't be visible by the kids. Well then, what's your solution?

A really interesting response that highlights exactly what I've been getting at is 'petmonkeys' post early on in this thread... About the couple with a getaway cabin that they utilize to indulge in their kinks. Obviously this probably won't work for everyone but interesting nonetheless.

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RE: BDSM and Family Life - 12/27/2010 9:53:31 PM

littlewonder

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when I was in a relationship where we owned bondage furniture it either looked like normal furniture or was easily folded up or able to be put away so that no one saw it. Suspension points were for hanging plants, easily explainable. As for going to kink events, don't really do those very often but when I do I don't really wear fetish garb. I usually just wear a simple black dress that every woman has in her wardrobe with a nice pair of heels. If I did wear some kind of fetish garb then I changed elsewhere or wore a coat on top of it. No different than when I would go to a Halloween party. It's called being an adult and being aware of what is appropriate or not appropriate for a certain time and place. Again, all of this is no different than everyday normal life. Do you leave your sex toys lying around for everyone to see? I would hope not....then again some people seem to be missing those societal cues.

Now if you're talking about being a male sub and societal norms, I know my fair share of "vanilla" women who have relationships where she wears the pants. It's actually pretty common these days...they're what I call the "yes dear" relationships...or what we normally call being pussy whipped. So being a male sub to most people would just be seen as him being just that...pretty typical these days.

I think you're new and you're still caught up in all the fantasy la la land porn that you have seen online. Ignore all of it and just find a person you'd like to get to know and want to spend time with and let the rest just fall in place.

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RE: BDSM and Family Life - 12/27/2010 10:11:27 PM

ThePeripatetic

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Thanks for the replies littlewonder. I really do appreciate the feedback. And I'd be interested in hearing more about regular furniture that doubles as bondage furniture, etc. Thats basically the stuff I was interesting in hearing about. As well as dynamics such as male subs and Female Dommes seeing as that's more applicable to my situation, however I didn't want to only limit this thread to that scenario.

And while I may be new to this site, I'm not exactly new to the scene. No I don't have 15-20 years experience under my belt seeing as I'm only 26. But I have been collared to an experienced older Mistress for a decent amount of time and She broke me pretty quickly of the "fantasy la la land" mindset. Wouldn't at all call myself an expert but certainly not a newbie either.

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RE: BDSM and Family Life - 12/28/2010 12:00:37 AM

ThePeripatetic

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Okay, I've got it figured out now... I was just talking with a friend of mine trying to explain about this discussion thread I started and how it's gotten a little off track. I was trying to explain my original intent for why I posted and her response was, "Oh, you mean like in the movie "Secretary" when James Spader's character is talking to Maggie Gyllenhaal on the phone and telling her how she can only eat four peas..." Here's an example of the sub sitting down and having dinner with her family and her Dom giving seemingly innocuous directives that she is able to perform right in front of mixed company. He's able to exert so much control over her in a very 'vanilla' setting.

Urgh, I love that scene and I'm kicking myself for not thinking of it sooner.

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RE: BDSM and Family Life - 12/28/2010 1:39:50 AM

SexyBossyBBW

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For myself, there is little balance. I raise my little one, that adults are supposed to have realtionships, outside of them. The little one is fairly independent and nosy, and would want to involve self with anyone I'm dating.
I cannot bring a first or third date home, because I don't want lil one attaching self to a potential, who may not be around for long term. For myself, the dynamic has to fit within my life and family, with nothing outside of gentleman behavior shown in public. In private, when we're home alone, or we are at a hotel, the rules go out the window. M

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