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Comments, please - 12/28/2010 3:43:26 PM

ANewMe30075

Posts: 12
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline

I've been on collarme for awhile, but hadn't done any posts, so I figured I'd start with this one, received a email on my profile,

From: Shall remain nameless

Dated: 12/18/10 8:42 AM

I suspect a more fleshed out profile that is less in your face confrontational might get better results.

Anyone care to comment?

Post #: 1

RE: Comments, please - 12/28/2010 3:52:56 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

You might start here, with the Frequently Asked Question section. http://www.collarchat.com/m_76/tm.htm Plenty of good info there on profile writing.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ANewMe30075)

Post #: 2

RE: Comments, please - 12/28/2010 4:00:19 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I agree with Shall Rename Nameless

Lose the text in red. While I do sympathize with the frustration that caused you to add it, the people it is for won't respect it anyway and it will annoy your target demographic.

Other than #4, the rest of your profile is all about what you want. From what I've read here, Dommes want to hear about what makes you a good sub.

And always listen to LadyPact!

Best of luck to you,

KK

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 12/28/2010 4:01:12 PM >

(in reply to ANewMe30075)

Post #: 3

RE: Comments, please - 12/28/2010 5:16:05 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Your profile's first paragraph started off "I am only interested in... " and then closes with "Got it?" Do you REALLY need me to tell you that that is confrontational? I didn't bother to read any more after that.

And why not a pic of you?

It floors me that evidently you need advice on how to be submissive from a Dom,. but, you now have someone who was interested in you enough to write. So write her back, and thank her for her input. Politely, no snark. Implement her uggestions, and then ask her how the changes work for her. And you might wanna ask yourself why you got helpful criticism, and did nothing about it for ten days, and then asked a bunch of Internet strangers what to do. Unless you've got Dommes swarming about you, respond positively to the ones you ARE in contact with. Listen to them, act on what they say, and second guess them only if you need to.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 4

RE: Comments, please - 12/28/2010 5:46:22 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

I'm not local, under 40 (barely but still) not looking for a life partner... Didn't bother to read any more but according to your wish will leave you alone...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to ANewMe30075)

Post #: 5

RE: Comments, please - 12/28/2010 6:06:46 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

And no one under 40, or not local. So please leave me alone, no emails or chat requests. Got it?

Profiles that sound as though they're challenging the reader to a fistfight are not likely to melt a lot of female hearts.

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 6

RE: Comments, please - 12/28/2010 7:03:27 PM

ANewMe30075

Posts: 12
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline

Ironically, the part in red really worked well, the emails from the age/lifestyle inappropriate for me stopped.

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

Post #: 7

RE: Comments, please - 12/28/2010 7:46:01 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Maybe the inappropriate emails stopped, but have you counted how many would fit what you want that decided just not to go there because of what you said? Right... you will never know. You could have missed out on a great lady.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to ANewMe30075)

Post #: 8

RE: Comments, please - 12/28/2010 8:01:05 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Just an additional thought on the emails.

People tend to have a higher influx of mail when they are considered a "new user" which is the period of the first couple of months. Also, they implemented a handy new thing around here known as the spam filter since your arrival. Both of these changing may have contributed to the type of mail you were getting and may have had some of the responsibility in the change in volume.

We're kind of used to folks not reading profiles (ours) on this board. I could put up nothing but incoherent text and I'd still be receiving messages.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 9

RE: Comments, please - 12/28/2010 8:25:51 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ANewMe30075

Ironically, the part in red really worked well, the emails from the age/lifestyle inappropriate for me stopped.

Well, there is also the possibility that you are also getting fewer emails from those who DO fir your criteria but are turned off by your attitude.

Um, it is generally accepted that Domes seldom message male subs. Are you stating that you had SO many messages from Dommes that you felt obligated to add a filter? Something just doesn't add up here.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ANewMe30075)

Post #: 10

RE: Comments, please - 12/28/2010 9:35:17 PM

Maynard

Posts: 66
Joined: 7/15/2007
Status: offline

Dear ANewMe,

I agree with the others, your red disclaimer is confrontational, and unneeded if you implement CM's spam filters. As a whole, your profile is written in away that makes you come off as more dominant vs submissive. There is nothing wrong with listing what you are looking for, but I suggest using less commanding language.

Sincerely,

me.

P.S. Is that a genital shield? I've been dying to ask. Since you don't want me emailing you, I had to post to your thread.

To everyone else: I've been mostly lurking on these boards for several years, and I very much enjoy all your posts.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 11

RE: Comments, please - 12/28/2010 11:42:11 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I message men that interest me. Men with negative or confrontational profiles or journal entries get hidden. If my first impression of someone reeks of attitude and entitlement, I am not going to leap at more of the same in real time.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Maynard)

Post #: 12

RE: Comments, please - 12/29/2010 12:21:09 AM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

ANewMe30075, do you have your mail filters set to block anyone who does not meet your requirements? You would be unable to get mail from possible friends from the message boards then.

I agree with what others said, especially this part from DarkSteven:

quote:

It floors me that evidently you need advice on how to be submissive from a Dom,. but, you now have someone who was interested in you enough to write. So write her back, and thank her for her input. Politely, no snark. Implement her uggestions, and then ask her how the changes work for her. And you might wanna ask yourself why you got helpful criticism, and did nothing about it for ten days, and then asked a bunch of Internet strangers what to do. Unless you've got Dommes swarming about you, respond positively to the ones you ARE in contact with. Listen to them, act on what they say, and second guess them only if you need to.

That avatar of yours is interesting but when I am looking at profiles of male subs, seeing a metal pussy would do nothing for me. Seeing cute puppies, cats, silhouette among dark trees, or even of something the man loves (other than pussy, lol)...like a sunset, a drawing, something quirky...these things catch my eye.

The journal entry is pointless and confrontational and shows impatience. Maybe several people were doing their best to burn you out that day.

I rarely make comments on profiles within the mail room because males seldom take what is said in the spirit that the advice was given. They remind me of writers...who have written their masterpiece...only to have an editor bleed their pen all over their work and demanding revisions. <grins>

Sorry to hear that the message wasn't what you had hoped for, but at least it wasn't from a scammer or spammer. Someone actually took the time to read your profile.

(in reply to ANewMe30075)

Post #: 13

RE: Comments, please - 12/29/2010 2:50:52 AM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline

As usual, I completely disagree with most of the people here.

Keep the profile confrontational. It works.

You will get emails from all and sundry on what to fix, why you're wrong, why you're such a douchebag, etc., etc.

From the women that you're interested in, this is what's known as an opener. They have opened a conversation with you because you're not boring them. Use this opportunity to explain how you're really an o.k. guy and you can prove it, want to meet?

I pulled 3 girls that way off CM before I got tired of it and tried something new.

The only thing I'd suggest changing is to make it slightly more confrontational, and add a slight bit more of braggadocio. Be a man, one that didn't afraid of anything. Despite what they claim, that's what women respond to.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

Post #: 14

RE: Comments, please - 12/29/2010 3:04:33 AM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

I don't think that the first, or last paragraphs are helpful at all, in that they are fairly negative, but I'm not your target audience
Your picture (I know, avatar) isn't helpful either. If you're going to put "tude" first and foremost, you will want to grab attention with beauty/ sexy photos.
Good luck, M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to ANewMe30075)

Post #: 15

RE: Comments, please - 12/29/2010 8:45:38 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

While I do not want a doormat, I sure as hell don't want confrontational. If something mattered very much with someone I already knew, I might tolerate confrontational once in a great while... like every four years if that. Any more than that and you can count on these things... we aren't suited to one another, we don't flow and agree and I'm thinking there is a far better way to handle a situation and confrontation is the wrong way. At that point I am evaluating whether there is enough respect to continue.

So, I sure as hell will not... WILL NOT play the dramatics of game playing courtship that the guy with the rose indicates works so very well. I could not be old enough, sick enough or lonely enough to welcome that kind of idiotic drama into my calm and happy life. The only time I address anything with the rose is when he is stinking to high heaven and is advising a man how to deal with dominant women. The rose knows how to argue with a dominant woman and gain some attention, but he sure as hell doesn't know how to please one. Don't worry about a thread argument because he has me on block already. (wink)

I cannot see any healthy minded or emotionally balanced anyone that wants to walk into a relationship where there is surely going to be anger and confrontation. That bad boy persona just doesn't do it for me unless he never speaks and is just a toy. Since I don't work even that way... no thank you.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)

Post #: 16

RE: Comments, please - 12/29/2010 10:11:57 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I cannot see any healthy minded or emotionally balanced anyone that wants to walk into a relationship where there is surely going to be anger and confrontation. That bad boy persona just doesn't do it for me unless he never speaks and is just a toy. Since I don't work even that way... no thank you.

Exactly, relationships bring their own problems, some of them which we haven't foreseen, who would enter one that has red flags with "PROBLEMS" all over the place. It's almost like picking a person who's got a full fledged substance problem as a potential partner, you just know where that's going to head...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 17

RE: Comments, please - 12/29/2010 1:50:44 PM

ANewMe30075

Posts: 12
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline

Based on the comments I've received, here's a little more background on my current profile. Previously I had written a very respectable profile, covering points some folks have mention etc. Since I'm 50, I'm really only interested in dominates late 40's - mid 50's which narrows the choice considerable. Most profiles in the Atlanta area are young 20's & 30's, which I'm definitely not interested in. I'm not looking for a play partner specifically but instead someone to build a long term relationship with all the elements of BDSM. Actaully there were only 4 that caught me I, I contacted all 4 with a nice letter of introduction, actually met one - she indicated at the meet, after a bit of time she's a pro - told Thanks, but not the dynamic I'm interested in but sometimes I use a pro but very, very rarely. The others never responded for whatever reasons. So at that point my interest was pretty exhausted but left my profile up. I started getting a lot of responses from the younder ones, I surmised sine they figured I was older, I might be interested in services for a fee, money slave, sex, sugar daddy whatever. I'm basically a polite guy, if someone writes me an email, I always respond back to them indicating I'm not interested etc, and that takes time. Some just wouldn't give it up. So I changed my profile to what it is now. It worked for the most part, except for a couple of bi guys that just wouldn't give up. In the Atlanta area its pretty much a constant as to the dominates in my demographic, same ones week after week, very few little new blood so to speak.

So thats why my profile is what it is. The woman who made the comment was one from approx a year ago, we had communicated a few times but she just disappeared. Don't know why, maybe something I said or didnt say, I reviewed the emails seemed might be a start of a connection, so looked good. But she just disappeared, with no indication why. So I was surprised, out of the blue, she posted the comment about my profile.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 18

RE: Avatar - 12/29/2010 1:58:15 PM

ANewMe30075

Posts: 12
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline

Actually my avatar is a metal work representation of a woman's vulva I saw in a local gallery. Its has a special representation to me & what it stands for both phyically and mentally. I basically abhor when men & woman refer to it as pussy, clit or cunt or whatever. Such crude words for such a beautiful work of nature and art. It defines a woman & what makes her special, to be cherished and loved at least to me.

(in reply to ANewMe30075)

Post #: 19

RE: Comments, please - 12/29/2010 2:01:41 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Do you mind if I ask you a question?

If you're in the Atlanta area, why are you going the online route?

There is a thriving BDSM community in the Atlanta area with several munches that meet at various days through the week. ARM (Atlanta Regional Munch) is held the first Saturday of the month at 1763. There is also SELF, DomCon, and other major events that are held right there in your city. Have you taken any of these opportunities to get to know people?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ANewMe30075)

Post #: 20

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