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RE: What type of message to send? - 12/30/2010 2:13:59 PM

subinlife

Posts: 263
Joined: 5/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: letsgetnasty

Hmm, I'd rather it came from me when it comes right down to it. Maybe for you the best initial message would be, "Dear future sub/slave of mine, I dont know what to say and would like you to tell me what to say."

This would not get an answer from me.

Happy New Year All

(in reply to letsgetnasty)

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RE: What type of message to send? - 12/30/2010 2:31:00 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subinlife

quote:

ORIGINAL: letsgetnasty

Hmm, I'd rather it came from me when it comes right down to it. Maybe for you the best initial message would be, "Dear future sub/slave of mine, I dont know what to say and would like you to tell me what to say."

This would not get an answer from me.

Happy New Year All

Same here. If some guy msged me with that line I'd see him as a male sub, not a Dom and well...I'm not interested in subs.

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RE: What type of message to send? - 12/30/2010 3:02:22 PM

SomoneReal

Posts: 65
Joined: 7/5/2010
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Knowing that women get a shitload of messages from random spammer's, your best bet is to have a picture on your profile so that the "Image" icon shows next to your message. Than write something personal, and not a form letter.

Existence is what you make of it. Be patient and the search will be over before you know it :)

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Post #: 23

RE: What type of message to send? - 1/2/2011 8:45:06 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

If you want a GUARANTEED REPLY, then here you go... simply send the following email:

quote:

Reviewing your profile, I couldn't believe how much THIS made me think of YOU...

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ssXJtzFOjA

Granted, the reply may be "WTF?!!", but you'll get a reply!!!

lol

(in reply to RLMK)

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Post #: 24

RE: What type of message to send? - 1/2/2011 8:56:52 PM

soul2share

Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline

I tend not to respond to one line messages....I mean, c'mon. How does one respond to "Good morning."? And then there are the ones who presume to know that I'm their angel, or special sweetie, or any other sort of endearment......NOT! I don't seem to get many of the "Kneel bitch" cmails, I have gotten a few that comment negatively on my profile because they don't match what I'm looking for....which I don't get. When I read their profiles, it's obvious to me that I wouldn't be compatible.

Personally, the best advice I can give is READ THEIR PROFILE!!!! Or even better, read some of their posts.....you'll get a better idea of me if you were to read some of my posts than by reading my profile. I tend to not update it or do journal entries, because I spend most of my time here on this side. Treat me like a person first, get to know me, find out what makes me tick, what I like to do OUTSIDE of the bedroom.....that will get you much better results than a demanding cmail.

_____________________________

I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"...people are starting to take it as a challenge!

*Not a fuck was given.*

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RE: What type of message to send? - 1/2/2011 10:31:29 PM

omkfY

Posts: 104
Joined: 7/7/2009
From: State of Jefferson
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Women tend to hear what men would like to do to them pretty often. It's not original at all, it's rather ho hum...why be one of the masses? If a guy tries to be sexual with me in an inappropriately quick manner I toss him out. It's like walking up to someone and exposing yourself or entering a party and announcing that you'd like someone to blow you. It's not special or meaningful in any way to me for some random guy to tell me that he'd like to boink me.

The man that I am with now I met here. We've been together for almost 2 years. We have a smoking hot sex life and love spending time together in every way. He got my attention to begin with by being one of the rare men who took the time to get to know me without pushing for sex or talk about sex. He treated me as being valuable and worth his time. It worked.

Have you ever wondered whether dispensing said advice ultimately hurts your cause?

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Post #: 26

RE: What type of message to send? - 1/3/2011 1:32:00 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
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i agree with the others who have said "read and respond to something in the profile." when i signed up here, i had about 2 pages of messages in 30 minutes, most of which were from people who obviously hadn't read a thing on my profile. it's flabbergasting, and overwhelming, and i sailed over several of them just because i didn't know what else to do. one person wrote me a REALLY thoughtful message based on my journal, which was impressive. if he didn't live so far away, i'd have wanted to meet him. =p

don't demand photos from people when you don't have a photo of your own.
don't assume that just because someone calls herself a submissive, that she's submissive to anyone who writes her a message.
don't start using petnames without reason -- be respectful.

treat someone like you would if you were meeting them in person. just say "hello, i'm such-n-such, i read your profile and found x, y, and z interesting," just like when you meet someone in person -- what draws you to them then? their eyes? their mind after you've had a little bit of conversation? the rules of dating don't go out the window in BDSM.
overly sexual messages right off the bat turn me off, too. just because i'm kinky doesn't mean my universe revolves around sex. tell me something OTHER than what you want to do with my boobs. people who shoot right for sex come across as presumptuous (how do you know we're even going to get that far?) somewhat rude, single-minded -- all things i'm NOT looking for in a Dominant partner.

and yeah... the "tell me what to do next" message wouldn't get a response from me either...

(in reply to omkfY)

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RE: What type of message to send? - 1/3/2011 1:47:39 AM

LillyBoPeep

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Joined: 12/29/2010
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oh p.s. i feel i must add -- just because the ratio of men to women here is probably like... 10 to 1, we also sometimes send out messages of our own. please don't take the advice as if we're sitting here expecting to be catered to, we're just trying to share what will make you stand out. i think men sometimes feel like they are always oin the spot to initiate, but i've initiated contact with people loads of times. sometimes they write back, sometimes they don't.
the worst thing someone can say to you is "no." it won't kill you, but it can be nerve-wracking to take a first step and put yourself out there.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

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Post #: 28

RE: What type of message to send? - 1/3/2011 1:55:21 AM

Awareness

Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RLMK

So, I've read your profile, think you sound quite interesting, and seen some lovely photos... Obviously, my impulse is along the lines of "Oh, the things I would love to do to those breasts, legs, etc, you exhibited in your photos" but to send a woman a message along those lines seems rude.

Dude, your first problem is your intent.

I'm the last person to usually say this kind of thing, but when you're focusing on body parts, you're pretty much always going to come across as a horny frat-boy. The question is whether you're curious about the uniqueness of the chick herself. For a large percentage of people this is primarily a head-game and online, that's pretty much where you've got to pitch your approach.

Generally, I rarely take what women say in their profile too seriously. I'll purposefully push the envelope. If a sub has the temerity to fill her profile with instructions, I do not follow them. If her profile says "go away", I'll flick her a message just to see if I can draw her out. If a woman can't engage with me in a fun, playful way then she probably has issues and I'm not interested. Part of the problem is that dudes here are so desperate for pussy they barely apply any screening of their own. What's important is that you be every bit as selective as the women are - because if you're not, the chances of you wasting time on a head-case are significant.

Bottom line - be interesting. Read the profile and respond to something in it - preferably in a way which isn't begging for attention. And for fuck's sake, work out if she's compatible with you first before even engaging. I'm not into chicks who want hard-core humiliation and devaluation of their identity - and running into one that's particularly hot doesn't change my mind one iota. You also should have clear standards and criteria and be capable of communicating them when required. Compromising yourself for a piece of ass is weak.

Oh, and never, EVER use the word 'lovely'. This is a word for women and gay men to use. As is the word "fabulous" and the phrase, "I really enjoy the music of Barbra Streisand."

(in reply to RLMK)

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RE: What type of message to send? - 1/3/2011 2:00:09 AM

LillyBoPeep

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Awareness -- spot on and hilarious ^_^

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RE: What type of message to send? - 1/3/2011 4:17:14 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mbes

quote:

ORIGINAL: letsgetnasty

Hmm, I'd rather it came from me when it comes right down to it. Maybe for you the best initial message would be, "Dear future sub/slave of mine, I dont know what to say and would like you to tell me what to say."

That would so not work for me. But hey, that just goes to show that we're all different. Tis a good thing!

I was totally going to write the same thing. What arrogant presumption! ... not to mention an excellent example of inability to lead or pay attention to details. Not in a bazillion years.

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: What type of message to send? - 1/3/2011 4:20:03 AM

CherryNeko

Posts: 330
Joined: 12/29/2010
From: Mexico City
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RLMK
think you sound quite interesting

Talk about that.

_____________________________

How many mornings do we have
Before this night ends?
I'm dying surrounded by white flowers
Which scatter in the sky...

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RE: What type of message to send? - 1/3/2011 4:47:22 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

If you want a GUARANTEED REPLY, then here you go... simply send the following email:

quote:

Reviewing your profile, I couldn't believe how much THIS made me think of YOU...

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ssXJtzFOjA

Granted, the reply may be "WTF?!!", but you'll get a reply!!! lol

That is a HOOT!!! Thank you for posting it!

To the OP:
Do you know how to approach a woman when you see her at a party, the coffee shop, at the cleaners, during a basketball game? That's what you say to her. Unless you are just looking for a piece of nookie nookie... then, your original approach would be fine.

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

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RE: What type of message to send? - 1/5/2011 11:32:19 AM

Sundowner

Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RLMK

So, I've read your profile, think you sound quite interesting, and seen some lovely photos... Obviously, my impulse is along the lines of "Oh, the things I would love to do to those breasts, legs, etc, you exhibited in your photos" but to send a woman a message along those lines seems rude.

Is my version of CM a dud or has the OP's profile disappeared? I thought most of the advice was really good, surely not the sort of posts to induce cyber-CM-suicide.

Good though the advice is, it can be soul-destroying to write a sensible, personal message of reasonable length only to recieve no response or, worse, have it deleted unread by a filter.

[Hey Mods - there's a thought - include a note of any filter criteria in everyone's profile; it'd be helpful for both poster and reader as a shorthand way of clarifying turnoffs which the poster hasn't thought to include in their profile. Nothing wrong with a note showing "Mail from anyone outside Alaska will be deleted" or "Mail from anyone over the age of 35 will be deleted". And it'd save so much frustration, subsequent vilification and needless traffic]
<Hi XI - how are you? No fee required for this helpful suggestion (as if)>

But do not dismay OP; I reckon that about 1 in 20 of my approach messages get a worthwhile response (and yes, I can work it out - 95% of ppl either ignore me or think I'm a dork). But I've met about half a dozen CM ppl in r/l as a result and played with some most enjoyably. I must have sent around 150 approaches over the years (I'm not a serial messager) and - given the nature of this medium - that's not a bad return on investment.

So, even though the OP appears to have disappeared, my point is to recommend perseverance - with whatever style of message seems appropriate for you to your Loved One (or if in doubt take the advice already given) - and you will quite likely find, in amongst the dross, some worthwhile diamonds.

(in reply to RLMK)

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Post #: 34