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advise needed - 12/29/2010 6:58:24 PM   
Gman25


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/27/2009
Status: offline 		Hello to eveybody,
  I recently met a girl that very much like and things are going well, i would like to share my interests of the world of bondage and domination with her. I really like her and dont know how she will react, should i take my chances and tell her or keep quiet and enjoy our time together.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: advise needed - 12/29/2010 7:05:14 PM   
SorceressJ


Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline 		You must learn the art of patience, grasshopper.
If this is something you would like to last, or even if you'd just rather not cause her to run screaming, I recommend you give it some time. Then, be subtle. Leave a couple of books on the subject just laying around on your coffee table, or casually admire a scene in a movie where some bondage may be taking place. Be good to her, do NOT force the subject or make it seem like all depends on it, gauge her reactions to these stimuli, and then, you will know how to proceed.
The best of luck to you.

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(in reply to Gman25)
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RE: advise needed - 12/29/2010 7:10:20 PM   
kdsusa7894


Posts: 193
Joined: 12/19/2010
Status: offline 		My first question would be how recently? Are you intimate with her? Very hard to answer this with limited information on her and your relationship with her, does she trust you, do you trust her? And from your profile you like it alot, lol. Are you content with NOT telling her and staying the way it is for now?

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val To Aqua- Thanks!
Seduce my mind and you can have my body, find my soul and I'm yours forever...

(in reply to Gman25)
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RE: advise needed - 12/29/2010 7:15:56 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gman25

Hello to eveybody,
I recently met a girl that very much like and things are going well, i would like to share my interests of the world of bondage and domination with her. I really like her and dont know how she will react, should i take my chances and tell her or keep quiet and enjoy our time together.


Maybe let her know you are on collarme????
Welcome.


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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

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RE: advise needed - 12/30/2010 7:41:10 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you don't tell her and you don't have your needs met, do you really think the relationship will last anyway?

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: advise needed - 12/30/2010 9:52:36 AM   
SthrnCom4t


Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline 		I'm all for discussing power exchange at a first date. Neither of us are very invested yet, so this is the time with the least amount to lose.

DesFIP is completely on point! "If you don't tell her and you don't have your needs met, do you really think the relationship will last anyway?"

Really, the more you're invested, the more you have to lose, the harder the conversation is to have. Throw all the cards on the table in a healthy, non-threatening, positive way and see what happens. If it doesn't resonate with her, it saved you both time. If she embraces it, you just accelerated the process of connecting. If she's neutral, but open, then you can share books, websites, introduce her to others in the lifestyle, and see what happens. If it's not her thing but she's open-minded enough to explore, she gets bonus points in my book.


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Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

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RE: advise needed - 12/30/2010 10:27:15 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Well, if she never had anything to do with it, don't overwhelm her, small steps and if she's curious take it from there, if not disengage politely and with the minimum amount of hurt, let's say if things should go terribly wrong and it's not her thing, you don't know her all that well, you don't really want to give her ammunition to spread nasty gossip. Just as a thought...

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Those who do and those who don't!

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RE: advise needed - 12/30/2010 11:24:25 AM   
81song


Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		Ah yes the P word, patience.  would say be right up front and at the right time tell her as soon as possible. Many outside the D/s world have some far out ideas what it is or not is. So I would be patience about it.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: advise needed - 12/31/2010 12:21:56 AM   
LegsKnees


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/26/2010
Status: offline 		Don't tell her... show her. Earn her trust and slowly start bringing some new things to the bedroom. Start with a light spank... eventually move on to blindfolds and soft handcuffs as she will allow.

Pretend like you are curious and ask if she will explore light bondage WITH you... that way it makes it seem unconfrontational and something you are exploring together, rather than forcing on her.

(in reply to 81song)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: advise needed - 12/31/2010 12:28:11 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gman25

Hello to eveybody,
I recently met a girl that very much like and things are going well, i would like to share my interests of the world of bondage and domination with her. I really like her and dont know how she will react, should i take my chances and tell her or keep quiet and enjoy our time together.



Unlike many, I am not going to suggest patience. In fact I am going to suggest go ahead and start bringing it up now.

The reason I suggest this is because I don't believe in letting a relationship get too far before you start to bring these things up. There are people who are completely repulsed by this and if you let things get too far, you may get a situation where someone tries to force themselves to like something despite themselves or someone tries to make themselves live without the things they crave in a relationship.

So, what I really suggest is to start casually bringing it up and see how she responds. You don't have to say it's something you are into, you can bring it up as a joke. I also suggest you try to determine just how important this all is to you. The more important it is, the sooner you should find out - IMHO.


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Gman25)
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RE: advise needed - 12/31/2010 1:35:30 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		I don't think it has to be a big whoopdee doo. You just bring up a topic in a light hearted manner and see how she responds.

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: advise needed - 12/31/2010 2:03:42 AM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline 		When you are ready for an either/or outcome (you know, the ultimatum), show her this post, and see how she responds.   Until than, I would say, enjoy your relationship, be honest when expressing yourself, and answer her questions about who you are honestly.
Good luck,   M


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"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to Gman25)
Profile   Post #: 12
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