RE: The Classic Dominant ! (Full Version)

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osf -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/1/2011 6:24:30 PM)

a tool belt from home depot to hang all your toys from



MsLadySue -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/1/2011 6:35:20 PM)

Great response. Thank you for a good giggle.



Tantriqu -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/1/2011 6:40:45 PM)

Yeah, don't listen to the vanilla porn stereotype of a pro-domme: latex/whip/stilettoes.
Think a decisive woman who holds your gaze and laughs without covering her mouth.



CelticPrince -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/1/2011 7:18:45 PM)

quote:

By this standard, a "classic dom" is a trolling horndog targeting the new meat.

Since I consider myself waaaaay above that (new meat is acceptable but), what's better than "classic"?

Or did you mean typical internet dom?

Focus.

Focus,

Nope I mean the genuine article when I refer to "classic" That is not to imply the internet Dominants cannot meet whatever standard might exist in peoples mind.

CP



CelticPrince -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/1/2011 7:24:56 PM)

quote:

I think it's a fallacy to perpetuate the myth that there is such a thing as a look or a particular style of the 'Classic Dominant'. The audience that you are hoping to reach, CP, when they are new to the actual world of BDSM, rather than what they've learned through porn, already comes with a stereotype in their heads that we have to teach them isn't what Dominant women are going to be like. They already have misconceptions about it because those hot fantasy chicks who run around in leather and spiked heals morning, noon, and night playing the bitch goddess continually just really don't exist.

Though, it does need to be mentioned here that submissive males aren't the only folks who fall into this trap. Male Dominants who are just getting started are just as bad. They even come to the boards asking how to make themselves into the classic Dom, thinking they can fool submissive women. They start thread after thread here with different variations of what boils down to the same question. That being, how should they act or what should they do to convince women that they are Dominant. Like getting tips from folks who have been doing this for a while will be enough for them to fake some kind of image. Speaking of images, look for the classic pic of the guy in a black shirt, stern look on his face, with his arms folded across his chest or holding some flogger that looks brand new and never been used.

As most Dominant women will tell you, the first year that we're active in BDSM in any situation other than just privately with a partner, we get flooded with garbage about what we're 'supposed to be'. It takes a bit to shrug that off and just be the type of Domme that we feel reflects us as a person. I'm sure that submissive women hear the same crap as well. Let's not add to that, shall we?


LKP,

Thanks for your input but I do disagree that there does not exist a recognized style of behavior that is appreciated by those ion the path. Indeed there will be variations but on balance there is a behavior that is more expected from observers.

CP



CelticPrince -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/1/2011 7:28:46 PM)

quote:

For me, there is no specific "look" a dominant individual needs to have. There are certain physical characteristics that appeal to me, but they don't indicate dominance per say. A person can dress a certain way and be sexy to me, but does that imply dominance? For me, no.

Again, for me, a dominant individual would behave in the way I described on this thread... http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=3512763.
This goes for both men and women.

Honestly, for better or worse, I see dominance and submission as personality traits/roles and not as some 'lifestyle' label. Maybe that's why I don't have one particular image in mind of what a "Classic Dominant" would be that actually coincides with the image so many folks on the profile side of CM come looking for or want to be.

Bones,

"look" is really just a form of adjective; I bet if you made yourself a private list of what you expect in a "D" you might well come up with a "look"

Thanks for you thoughts.

CP



CaringandReal -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/1/2011 9:00:01 PM)

Sean Connery. End of story.

Well, Ok, aside from him, there are all sorts of "classic" archetypes out there:

* tall, dark, and handsome (latin)
* tall, pale, and handsome (vampire)
* super geek who secretly runs the world from his home pc (has nice glasses)

Ok, I realize this is an imaginative (aka "Fun"--remember "Fun," you cynics?) thread, so here's how I've always visualized the Classique Dominant. I don't think any master in real life would have all of these qualities, however just a handful of these would suit me well:

--Mysterious
--Worldly
--Sophisticated
--Very Intelligent, and brilliant in the fields you know something about
--Disquieting, disturbing
--And Creepy
--Physically Strong
--Unbending
--Perceptive
--Unpredictable
--Ruthless
--Hungry
--Air of Superiority
--Wordy, fluent
--Arrogant
--Menacing
--Elitist
--Rapacious
--Brutal
--Principled, in his own way
--Great sense of humor...at the worst possible times
--Forgiving
--Caring
--Careful
--Patient
--Plotting
--Hidden
--Strong self-control
--Understanding, empathic
--Ucompromising
--Sense of entitlement
--Nobility of spirit
--Expects worship
--Perfectionst
--Excellent sense of timing and drama
--Knows how to have fun (his kind)
--Modest, understated
--Passionate

edited to delete a duplicate of "self-controlled." I guess I think this is important!



anniezz338 -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/1/2011 9:27:52 PM)

Well done, CaringandReal :)

George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Sean Penn, Johnny Depp

They live life on their own terms, don't boast or have anything to prove, amazing humanitarians, centered and focused, real, they make things happen, natural leaders, pettyness is beneath them, they expect respect and give much of it in return, and the list goes on.

I was reading an article about Brad and his work in the rebuilding of New Orleans. He said basically he didn't have a clue what to do but he was good at finding smart people that did. Good for him.



LadyPact -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/2/2011 1:41:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
LP,

Thanks for your input but I do disagree that there does not exist a recognized style of behavior that is appreciated by those ion the path. Indeed there will be variations but on balance there is a behavior that is more expected from observers.

CP

Not to sound disagreeable, but that's not exactly what you asked.

While I'm at it, exactly who are these "observes" anyway and how, supposedly, did they get a vote?

I won't speak to how 'classic' it is, but in My mind, that's not what being Dominant is about for Me.  Being Dominant to Me is about running this dynamic.  I do it in My way and not the way other people think it should be done.  It really wouldn't matter to Me if the majority of the folks out there don't agree with the way that I do it.  Heck, I'm pretty sure that's the reality of it anyway.  I'm not everybody's kind of Dominant.

Sure.  I could have canned you an answer about how a Dominant should be this or that.  I do have My own interpretations.  At the same time, I'm not trying to fit into anybody else's mold of what they think a Dominant is supposed to be.  I tend to think some folks would be better off if they did the same thing.



catize -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/2/2011 4:57:43 AM)

I know it when I feel it.



BonesFromAsh -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/2/2011 6:25:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Bones,

"look" is really just a form of adjective; I bet if you made yourself a private list of what you expect in a "D" you might well come up with a "look"

Thanks for you thoughts.

CP


Hello CP,

If you have a look at the thread I linked in my answer, you'll see I did offer my interpretation of a dominant "look". As I said, this has less to do with physical appearance and everything, at least for me, to do with attitude and/or behavior.

I get the feeling you're trying to get people to offer a description that would fit into what I call a 'Hollywood dom/me' role. I could offer the example of Heathcliff played by Laurence Olivier in the original Wuthering Heights movie, but while he was a sexy brooding character...he was also weak, angry, vengeful and overbearing. Not, in my opinion, the way a dominant individual conducts him/herself.

If Hollywood is what you'd like, here's a couple of examples I'd like to offer. Listen to the words and ignore the actor speaking them....the words are what matter.

Integrity

Character

As I said, dominance and submission, for me, are personality traits and characteristics and not some 'lifestyle' label or role you throw over yourself when attending a munch or engaging in kinky play with your partner/s.

The interesting thing is, all of the examples I offered could be used to describe both dominant and submissive people, regardless of the 'lifestyle' role they choose to place themselves in. Anything else is going to be an individual, and personal, experience. With that in mind...how can there be only one "Classic Dominant" example?




seekingOwnertoo -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/2/2011 6:40:20 AM)

OH! Thanks for this OP! I have always wanted to do this! [;)]

Intelligent, Well Educated, Witty, Classy, Accomplished, Talented ... Domme

Enjoys going out to dinner, as well as pubs ... likes going to hockey games ... and leaves me alone on football Sunday! [:)]

Is a great conversationalist, adventurous, self confident and self assured!

Has sadist streaks!

Just Perfect for Me!

And believe it or not ... I know two who meet the description! [:)]

Now, the challenge is to get one to fall in love with me! ROFL Because THAT is a challenge!



CelticPrince -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/2/2011 6:47:07 AM)

quote:

Celtic.... what do you mean by "Classic"?


Peripatetic,

I think Prin just below might have summed it up and one only has to apply that to the characteristics of a prefered Dominant.

CP



Prinsexx -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/2/2011 7:23:41 AM)

It's really very interesting reading the thread and looking though the stereotypes. They are culturally specific. Whilst, as a very English woman, I can appreciate some of the stereotypes, I only know them from films, or movies or indeed when watching my own mother swoon over 'classic' Hollywood movies.
I seriously think (as I am wont to do upon occasion) that we all internalise ideals as an escape from reality. What we see on screen is not what we get. We get actors without lines, aimlessness without direction and lives without plot.
If you wanted to kill me you would just have to buy me a season ticket for Les Miserables. How a bloody musical about a social revolution and starving peasants can still be running only God (if there is one) knows.
It's all about suspension of disbelief. But then so is the internet, so are avatars and so are typologies. Which is why, the only way I can take stereotypes seriously is with a pinch of humour.
The chances are that even the most handsome of Doms will go grey and lose their teeth. That they will grow paunches and go up one too many sizes in leather trousers. Or get arthritis in the arm that so faithfully flayed up until that point.
Catergorically the only thing I have ever been able to rely upon? It's is my sense of smell.
So don't put on after shave when we eventually meet.




KnightofMists -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/2/2011 8:38:54 AM)

it's a Classic Dominant an Old person..... and if they are really old they become really valuable... that's when you go to an antique auction to sell them and make lots of money!!!! Then you go and buy yourself a new model with all the bells and whistles and laugh at the poor fucker that is stuck with that older model that doesn't work anymore that they spent to much money for!!!!



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/2/2011 8:52:53 AM)

When I think of a "Classic Dominant," I think of my father. That really isn't as creepy as it sounds. He was classically handsome, with dark looks and a deep voice, but that's not really what makes him stand foremost in my mind as the epitome of a dominant man.

He never shirked responsibility, and he never shrunk under it either. He had laughter in his eyes, and a quick smile. He was provider and protector, leader and guide by example. He never had to demand anything from anyone, because the respect he inspired made any request from him, a desire of the person to perform.

When we fell on hard times, he walked the streets picking up cans and bottles. He was a proud man, but his pride was less important to him than his responsibility to his family to provide for them.

His work ethic was so strong, that when he became ill from cancer, and could no longer work, his employer respected and loved him so deeply, that he continued to pay his salary until my father died, and my mom was able to collect the insurance.

At his funeral, a dozen different people stood up to testify to how my father had taken responsibility for helping them, when they needed it. He cut firewood for one single mother, who didn't have heat. He filled sand bags for friends who were in fear of their home flooding. Just two examples of how he saw a need and stepped up to meet that need. Service acts? From a dominant? Hell yes.

To this day, he remains the classic example of a person who inspired others to obey and serve him, because he could be relied upon to make things happen.

So, when I picture in my mind what the image of a "Classic Dominant" is, I see crinkles at the corners of the eyes as evidence of laughter, and a mischievous smile that reveals not only amusement, but just a hint of playful trouble coming to you. THEN I look for the evidence of integrity of character, that classically dominant individuals leave in their wake - because classically dominant people have classically submissive people who sing their praises.




windchymes -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/2/2011 9:39:20 AM)

I loved your post, Winnie, it brought tears to my eyes. I also lost my father to cancer, so I can relate, but that's not why I'm writing.

Not only could he be a "Classic Dominant", but he sounds like a wonderful and inspirational Classic human being. The kind we see less and less of as time goes by. [:)]



Hillwilliam -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/2/2011 9:49:48 AM)

*Looks in mirror*


Yup yup, dats Him. [8D][8D]



Prinsexx -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/2/2011 10:33:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

When I think of a "Classic Dominant," I think of my father.



Thank you so much for that. I would have liked your father very much. My kind of dominant personality.



JstAnotherSub -> RE: The Classic Dominant ! (1/2/2011 10:43:00 AM)

That brought tears to my eyes.  Your dad sounds a lot like mine.  I lost mine at 57 to cancer too.

I have often said my mom and dad had a D/s relationship.  He lived to provide for her and see her smile and she lived to please him in every way.

They had their roles in the relationship, and it was flawless.

Thanks for the good cry.



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