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majiksub -> Weight (1/3/2011 2:42:24 PM)

[:@] I am a big woman and I tend to be up very up front about it.  So why is it after I have made it so perfectly clear that insults or negative comments about my weight will not be tolerated in any way that some Doms still have to go there.  I don't understand I may be a sub with lots of Slave tendencies but I am still a human.  Am I wrong in that assumption?



LegsKnees -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 2:47:22 PM)

I am not a sub, nor a Master, but I must admit I can feel for your situation. Don't tolerate that from ANYONE. EVER. 



peacefulplace -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 2:54:03 PM)

People believe they have some sort of inherent right to be rude to the overweight. I do not know why. Rude people are classless and usually have poor self images.

And anyone who believes he will cause you to both be sexy and lose weight by belittling you and trying to make you feel bad about yourself is an idiot.



leadership527 -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 3:02:20 PM)

Some dominants need to go there because dominants are a subset of humans and some humans have no manners, no courtesy, and were raised by rabid wolves in the forest.



JstAnotherSub -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 3:04:34 PM)

Some folks are assholes.  Some are not.  Hang around with the are nots.



sexyred1 -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 3:15:22 PM)

Some guys will pull out that card after being rejected.

It is the last resort of the weak, lame, insecure and dumb man to write a woman who is upfront about her weight and then, when she rejects him, to mouth off about her weight.

You can always lose weight but you can never fix stupid.



subsfaith -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 3:22:03 PM)

If you don't like it, change your behaviour...

So pick different doms....

Or change how you react to such comments.



sexyred1 -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 3:24:48 PM)

I assume your comment is towards the OP.

If so, why on EARTH should she change her behavior?? She is talking about how others write to her and then criticize her.




daddysprop247 -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 3:31:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsfaith

If you don't like it, change your behaviour...

So pick different doms....

Or change how you react to such comments.


i agree with this. to repeat the same actions over and over again yet expect different results in the definition of insanity, they say. clearly the OP is choosing to tolerate such people in her life, as well as choosing to be hurt by their words. the solution is simple...make different choices.

but to answer the OP's question as to why some will "go there" in the first place, there are a million reasons, but one could be that many Dominants are into humiliation, and will choose an area where the submissive is already sensitive to push those buttons. then some Dominants are very controlling, and may find a submissive's weight to be within the realm of their control as much as anything else.




NaughtybyNight -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 3:33:05 PM)

I'm a big girl myself and I was in the grocery store picking up a whole whack of junk food for my teenage daughter's slumber party.  I was picking up enough food and pop for eight girls.  The two women in front of my looked back into my buggy and were whispering to one another and then one of them turned around and said to me that I wouldn't be so fat if I didn't eat all of that junk food and that I shouldn't drink soda with sugar in it.  I was absolutely stunned that someone (anyone) would feel that they had the right to speak to me in that manner and give me unsolicited advice.

Well, I reamed them out.  I explained that it was for my daughter's slumber party and that even if it wasn't what did they feel gave them the right to speak to me in that manner. I also asked them if the person in my spot was in a wheelchair would they have said to them that if they hadn't have driven drunk they wouldn't be in a wheelchair.

Verbal and physical assualts on fat people seems to be the last acceptable prejudice.  I've been mooed at and barked at by strangers and even though I dress very well and always have my make-up and hair done women who dress like slobs and looked like they haven't even brushed their hair feel free to comment about my weight.

I have explained to every Dom that i've ever even thought of dating that humiliation around my weight is UNACCEPTABLE.  I had one guy who thought he could get around that.  He called me a fat whore just as we were starting a play session so I got up, got dressed and told him to drive me home and when he dropped me off after apologizing the whole way to my place I told him that he actually was more over weight than I was (he was) and he had a small dick to boot so he could go to hell.

We teach people how to treat us and if we accept being humiliated about our weight we can expect more of the same.

NbN



NuevaVida -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 3:36:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: majiksub
So why is it after I have made it so perfectly clear that insults or negative comments about my weight will not be tolerated in any way that some Doms still have to go there. 


It is up to you do decide what you will or will not allow into  your world.  You can state your boundaries all you want, but that is not a guarantee that others will respect them.  It then becomes up to you to decide how to respond to that.  When people don't respect my boundaries, they tend to get pushed out of my world.

The fact is in life, some people are assholes.  So you're encountering some of them, so move on.  It's all you can do once a boundary is so blatantly crossed.  Likely they're trying to get a reaction.  Closing the door to that is your best defense.



NaughtybyNight -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 3:45:55 PM)

I have also found that a number of the so called Dominants that I've met are in fact men who hate women.  For whatever reason their rejection by women in the vanilla world has sent them into ours thinking that they can get any women they want and treat her any way they want because they call themselves Doms and we suffer for their bruised egos.

When they get rejected by what they thought was a "sure thing" (us big girl subs) they tend to flip out and show their true colours.

If a man can't look past your faults he can never appreciate your amazing qualities.

Good ridance to bad trash.

NbN



Lucylastic -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 3:48:06 PM)

Some people are ignorant pigs, not worth bothering with.




sexyred1 -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 3:48:18 PM)

NbN, while I agree with most of what you have said, I don't think saying someone's weight is a "fault" or "quality" is the best way to go.




majiksub -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 3:49:21 PM)

Thanks everybody.  In answer to all the unasked questions, Yes I recently had a Dom pull that out on me after he said he wouldn't.  As to those that have suggested that I change my behaveour I already have.  Since september I have lost 60 pounds and gone down two sizes.  And yes I told him that but he still called me a pig and fat.  I couldn't belive it.



subinlife -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 3:52:12 PM)

Delete, Block, and say next please!!
 
Best way to handle the issue.


Edited to add: good going on the loss.



salemartist -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 3:53:07 PM)

This is one of the reasons I dont like being lumped into the catogory of "Dom" all I can say is that the men that your talking or meeting with lack imagination and creativity. Even if it is in fact a reaction to being rejected, its a lame. even if the intent is to degrade or humiliate, its boring. I wont speculate as to why, but I see most submissives in the pool near me a good percentage are overweight. I tend to prefer a woman with some meat on her bones and at 250 lbs, im not an Adonis. What I do not like is a sub with low self esteem, skinny, average or overweight... A good positive outlook and personal self worth is more attractive then physical appearance.



LegsKnees -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 4:11:22 PM)

Congrats on the weight loss. Sounds like some of the men you are dealing with are only doms because they are self conscious, not because they genuinely enjoy it.





majiksub -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 4:41:26 PM)

I have to agree with you LegsKness.  I did not reject the man, in fact I was trying to please him when the incident happened. 



barelynangel -> RE: Weight (1/3/2011 5:04:17 PM)

I agree if you don't like your situation -- change it.  This change could be a lot of different concepts -- you change your weight if you are unhappy with it - which it sounds like you are, you change your profile to read differently and perhaps get a different tone or response, or you change how YOU react to it.  Those are really your only choices.    You know this is true, if you are an overweight person, i am sure this isn't the only place you have come across such people.  The difference is this place is anonymous -- which allows people to be an ass behind a mask so they don't have to "face" the person.  But to me, if you put your "I will not tolerate" concepts out there -- you are pretty much challenging people and giving them control over you.  I mean you have let them win by starting this thread.  They will know they are getting to you. 

If you feel its necessary to reveal your weight issues on a public profile, i wouldn't do so as a challenge as in you will not tolerate because all in all, whatcha gonna do?  These people who are commenting to you really aren't expecting communication with you outside of getting a reaction from you. 

So change your tone, explain about your weight but don't give them a challenge or ammunition.  Block those people who don't interest you and move on.  Delete the quantity and look for the quality.  That's the best thing you can do.

Good luck.

angel



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