RE: Males, to what extent is your submissiveness sexually driven?

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RE: Males, to what extent is your submissiveness sexual... - 1/7/2011 7:26:49 AM

xssve

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To clarify, these are behavioral traits that evolved to promote genetic diversity, not necessarily character flaws, compulsions that to some extent, can be consciously manipulated.

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RE: Males, to what extent is your submissiveness sexual... - 1/7/2011 12:38:36 PM

LadyNTrainer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Most people have a certain regimen of what they need after play and/or sex. I don't think needing food and ten minutes down time makes one unsubmissive. Although it may make you incompatible for a partner who doesn't like giving you needed down time.

Good point. I think that a dominant who did not recognize or want to respect their submissive's normal human need for down time, food, rest, sleep, etc, would probably end up being the dominant of nobody in short order. You can be as domly-dom as you like if your partner is a fantasy, but if your partner is a real live human being, they are going to come with some basic healthy needs and limits.

That's not what I'm talking about, though. You can feel the need for sleep or food and still be considerate of your partner. When I feel tired or hungry after a scene, I'm not going to go right to bed or wander off to make a sandwich before checking if I need to give aftercare. I just got mine, so I no longer give a damn about my partner, right? That's the part that wouldn't be cool.

I don't stop being a good partner or a good dominant because I have human needs. I do make sure that my needs are met within the relationship while still caring about my partner's needs. I expect the same from my submissive. A person who drops their agreed-on role in a relationship and wanders off to do their own thing as soon as their needs are met, without caring whether their partner's needs are also met, is an asshole. That's true whether they're a dom or a sub.

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RE: Males, to what extent is your submissiveness sexual... - 1/7/2011 10:09:04 PM

Need4Squeeze

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LadyNTrainer,
I totally agree.

It's an interesting concept, though. I think men's motivation to please is stronger before, than after satisfaction.
But one should always be grateful and show that gratitude. Otherwise, there wont be a next time...

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RE: Males, to what extent is your submissiveness sexual... - 1/8/2011 8:22:21 AM

xssve

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It really depends on the person, the compulsion thing works both ways, I do experience that sort of psychic withdrawl occasionally, the grass is always greener, etc., but it doesn't take much, a look, a word or a gesture, to turn that into protectiveness, and that too is not an uncommon response, ranging from the guy who needs constant reassurance, to possessiveness, stalking, etc.

I'm pretty sure I'm preaching to the choir here, men are no more uniform in their emotions than women are, there are always going to be some trade off's in relationship pair bonding, the bottom line is going to be whatever it is for you.

Biologically, Men have evolved to ejaculate on the order of every Three days or so, sperm motility drops dramatically after Three days, whereas pheromone research indicates that while Women ovulate only once a month, sex at least once a week is optimal for regulation of hormonal balance, immune function, and fertility, and the American average is, lo and behold, about Three times a week.

So, "sexually driven" is not necessarily a bad thing, it's what we evolved to do, but it's sort of the enticement that gets you into the store, it's the value or utility you get that keeps you coming back.

It's that kind of romantic banter that keeps me inundated with a steady stream of hot, horny, babes.

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RE: Males, to what extent is your submissiveness sexual... - 1/8/2011 11:52:59 AM

trueshadow

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For me, it is a big part. That's why I'm not a tiny bit subservient in my daily life. I want to win and I will. I hire and fire people and deal with that all of the time.

However, I do like to have a relationship where I am submissive to my partner in most everything. I want a say, but I want her to make the final decision. And I do like a lot of hands-on interaction, much like any couple. But I suppose I wouldn't want her to take over my business. That would bother me. Our relationship, yes. My outside interests, not so much.

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RE: Males, to what extent is your submissiveness sexual... - 1/9/2011 7:50:01 AM

slavekal

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It's pretty much exclusively sexual. I don't have any inherent love of scrubbing toilets or crawling on the floor. As much as some people (who knows why?) try to take the sexuality out of this thing we do, it is sexual.

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RE: Males, to what extent is your submissiveness sexual... - 1/9/2011 9:27:41 AM

Tantriqu

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Isn't that the definition of a bottom, that they're in it primarily for sexual gratification and sensation?

I'm in it for the bonding, the gratitude I see and feel in a good man's eyes, as well as the amazing sexual pleasure and relief. Otherwise, it's just sex with a 6-foot Hitachi: a means to an end rather than an enjoyable mutual journey.

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Post #: 27