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RE: Lohttp://www.collarchat.com/m_3523690/mpage_1/tm.ht... - 1/9/2011 3:09:47 AM

hematitan

Posts: 49
Joined: 6/25/2010
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It's hard for me to understand why genuine degradation would be appealing.

I understand finding humiliation appealing, because I like it in certain flavors. But to me, humiliation in a play sense is different than "real" humiliation. And I think just about all types of play can be done while maintaining respect for your partner and yourself (in general, obviously. Depends on the individuals).

I don't know. I've dealt with depression and similar issues. I've felt worthless, and like I didn't have the respect of people I care about. And it's a totally different feeling than what I look for in play or relationships, even with my enjoyment of "humiliation."

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RE: Love Without Respect - 1/9/2011 3:50:07 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
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Ello slavetoMsJ,

Really brilliant topic.

I can only answer from my personal pov - I don't claim to be any kind of expert on "love"!

For me, it would be impossible to love someone I didn't also respect.

When it comes to humiliation/degradation play, it simply wouldn't be fulfilling at all if it were with someone I didn't respect. The idea of humiliating someone I didn't respect (or care for, for that matter) just doesn't do it for me.

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RE: Love Without Respect - 1/9/2011 4:39:51 AM

CherryNeko

Posts: 330
Joined: 12/29/2010
From: Mexico City
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
See, for me, I love that because I actually am both a slut and monogamous and both sides of me co-exist happily. So I love humiliation and I believe that I deserve respect because I respect myself for being true to who I am and for having the self esteem and confidence to actively embrace my dark side.

I was with a man (my ex) who was new to this whole concept and at the beginning, he was good with this. He said he loved me all the time. However, as time went on and he became more and more into what we were doing, vs. who we were, he allowed boundaries to disappear and began to only see me as a slut who did not deserve respect the rest of the time.

That was the end because I lost respect for HIM, not being able to get that you need to treat someone who you are engaging with in this dynamic, with respect. So him telling me he loved me was no longer valid since respect was not accompanying that statement or actions.

I will never allow that to happen, no matter how intense and fun the dynamic is, because in the end, if someone is disrespecting me outside of the negotiated dynamic, they are not for me.

I agree. There can't be a lack of respect in love. That was very intelligent. I'm sorry.
I know it's the right thing to do, but still... you are very brave.

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Post #: 43

RE: Love Without Respect - 1/9/2011 7:50:21 AM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

wow, when did you get a slave?

as soon as i find one with self esteem issues and a death wish

I've noticed those tend to be in high demand, perhaps due to unforseen shortages? ;)

To the starter-of-thread, I want to comment but I am curious about something first: How long has your relationship with your mistress been going on, prior to this decision to degrade you?

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Post #: 44

RE: Love Without Respect - 1/9/2011 9:13:05 AM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
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wanting to be subservient to someone without renumeration other than emotional and sexual need seems self debasing to me, not that i'm complaining

most would consider that self esteem problems

i long ago came to terms with my deviant desires and no longer sugar coat them into being a higher spiritual and morality thing

so yes i'm sick, who wants to catch my disease?

< Message edited by osf -- 1/9/2011 9:14:34 AM >

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all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

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RE: Love Without Respect - 1/9/2011 12:06:34 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

Your submitting to it...

Some are vicious -L-

When it getsa *tiring* then all your doing is induring,and in my experience that can cause some real...issues.

The fear of just *talking to her*IS HARD, however its probably impoortant or one day you will give up.

Its *your* realtionship...whats it going to hurt if you ask permission to speak *freely*

Anyways good luck....chin up and remember SERVING is an honor...

D

(in reply to slavetoMsJ)

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Post #: 46