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Female orgasmic disorder - 1/8/2011 9:21:44 AM

sirssubk2008

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I am curious if anyone has a sub/slave that suffers from this.
How do You handle it?

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/8/2011 9:30:29 AM

DarkSteven

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Never heard of it. Is it that she has a hard time in orgasming?

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 1/8/2011 9:31:18 AM >

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/8/2011 9:34:02 AM

DesFIP

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Has there been a diagnosis of why? Antidepressants are very common culprits in this. The solution there is to change meds since some of them don't cause it. History of sexual abuse is also another culprit, for that the only solution is therapy to deal with the trauma. Is the lover paying attention to what she needs sexually? Prior to menopause I orgasmed easily, these days it's easy to not be able to. I need him to keep stroking me at a steady speed, if he speeds up I lose it. For this, communication is necessary.

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/8/2011 9:36:53 AM

sirssubk2008

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Female orgasmic disorder is a sexual disorder that affects the way a woman climaxes during sexual activity. Women with female orgasmic disorder are unable to experience an orgasm despite adequate sexual arousal. Women with the disorder may also experience persistent delay of orgasm despite satisfying sexual experiences.

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/8/2011 9:40:26 AM

sirssubk2008

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The cause is early childhood trauma. Therapy has been going on for years, with some change but not alot.

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/8/2011 9:44:38 AM

sirssubk2008

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The true issue, as I see it is how to get a partner to understand that their idea of "You just haven't been with the right man yet. I can help you overcome this" When a partner has this attitude about it, the relationship usually takes a downhill turn after awhile because they get frustrated and take it as a blow to their manhood.

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/8/2011 10:02:19 AM

kalikshama

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Does she never have orgasms at all or is it just certain kinds of sex that fail to produce orgasms?

http://www.healthline.com/galecontent/female-orgasmic-disorder/2

With FOD, a woman either does not have an orgasm or has extreme difficulty regularly reaching climax. It is normal for women to lack this response occasionally, or to have an orgasm only with specific types of stimulation. The occasional failure to be reach orgasm or dependence on a particular type of stimulation is not the same as FOD.

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 1/8/2011 10:03:58 AM >

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/8/2011 10:09:56 AM

DesFIP

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Does she know what she needs to orgasm? Beyond that, is she shutting down her sexual response? It's not at all uncommon for women to learn to shut down. See when a woman is sexually confident, that energy can be felt by others. It garners more come ons. A woman sitting tall in her chair in a bar, looking around interestedly, will get lots of guys thinking she's looking to be picked up. So you learn to shut down, to close yourself off. Which is helpful in lessening catcalls in the street but a problem at bedtime. It helps if she can learn to arouse herself. Take a bubble bath, stroke fragrant oils on her skin, look in the mirror and repeat affirmations.

And explore touching herself to discover what feels good and what doesn't. So she can share it with her partner.

But if the guy is so insecure that he can't listen to what she needs, that his desire is more for her to find it pleasant than to feed his own ego, you will shut back down again. Finding a good guy is tough and that is what she needs.

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/8/2011 10:09:59 AM

sirssubk2008

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She can have orgasms, however it does sometimes take a long time, but there are also times where she will go for days, weeks and even months unable to have an orgasm. She has great difficulty achieving orgasms through self play on a normal basis and is completely unabe to when going through one of these time frames, so it is not just difficulty with a partner.
Physical issues have been eliminated as any part of the cause, and no psychological triggers have been identified.

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/8/2011 10:21:17 AM

kalikshama

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Well, now she may have performance anxiety.

I recommend:

1. practicing non-attachment and
2. getting the eroscillator, the only vibrator recommended by Dr. Ruth. You may wish to check out the hitachi magic wand vs eroscillator thread here: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3314696/mpage_1/tm.htm

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/8/2011 10:25:24 AM

sirssubk2008

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Does she know what she needs to orgasm? Beyond that, is she shutting down her sexual response?

And explore touching herself to discover what feels good and what doesn't. So she can share it with her partner.

But if the guy is so insecure that he can't listen to what she needs, that his desire is more for her to find it pleasant than to feed his own ego, you will shut back down again. Finding a good guy is tough and that is what she needs.

She does know how she has been able to orgasm in the past, however the same things do not always work. I don't believe that she is shutting down, as she is a very sexual person and becomes frustrated when she can not orgasm. She has learned to enjoy all of the forplay greatly, and sometimes this can be enough for her, but as you can imagine, going several days, weeks, or months can lead to a great deal of frustration. She never blames her partner because she knows it is her mind that blocks things.
She cannot reach the same kind of arousal by touching herself as she feels with a partner so this makes self play difficult. The things she has learned about her body and what feels good has been through partners because of this.

I really appreciate all of the imput from everyone, thank you!

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/8/2011 11:06:38 AM

littlewonder

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I have some of those very same problems.I cannot orgasm alone. I've tried since as young as I can remember and nada, nothing. It just doesn't happen. Without a partner I can go for a lifetime and probably never miss it and not even care.

Now with a partner in my life i still have times when it is difficult for me to orgasm and those times are usually for a variety of different reasons....I have a lot on my mind, I'm stressed, he's not stimulating me in the way I need, just not in the right mindset and sometimes there just is no reason at all. I have come to learn to just accept it and enjoy the foreplay and realize that it just isn't all that important for me. Spending time with him is. Sure it is frustrating though sometimes but I just take a deep breath and explain to him that it just isn't going to happen. Thankfully this time around I have an understanding man and he doesn't make a big deal about it. He gets what he needs and I'm happy to be able to give him that.

I have in the past though had a partner who would get angry and frustrated with me not being able to orgasm all the time and I'm sure it's what led him to stray. I beat myself up for a few years about that but learned to move on and found someone who doesn't feel that way with me and doesn't make me feel like it's all my fault and blames me for all our problems.

My advice is seek therapy, rule out any physical problems and don't blame yourself or beat yourself up about it. Come to realize that an orgasm isn't the be all to end all. Enjoy what you DO feel and don't worry about it so much. Just relax and breathe.

If a man really loves and cares for you then he will listen and be there for you. Just make sure you're upfront in the beginning of sexual relations so he doesn't blame himself for it.

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/8/2011 4:29:57 PM

sirssubk2008

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Well, now she may have performance anxiety.

I recommend:

1. practicing non-attachment and

What do you mean by non-attachment?

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/10/2011 4:48:18 AM

DesFIP

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I think she means not focusing on the orgasm. Just focus on enjoying what feels good. If you orgasm, great. If you don't, you still enjoyed being stroked and having intimacy. The more you worry about being able to, the less you will be able to.

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/10/2011 5:17:08 AM

Awareness

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Therapy is absolutely useless unless the therapist successfully achieves rapport with the individual. This is something that a Dom can do, but it requires an implicitly empathic individual with a great deal of understanding who's more than casually acquainted with psychology and NLP disciplines. Be warned that it generally carries risks to the relationship - the white knight often has to be left behind as part of growing away from trauma.

Trauma will often express itself as tension in their physiology. External and internal massage can help with this and the use of tantric disciplines to guide the sub toward full-body orgasm is one approach worth investigating. There are many routes to this, but one of the simplest is to get hold of White Tiger Tantra. Alternatively, find a teacher and study the tantric disciplines directly - although this requires a great deal of commitment and will require more time.

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/10/2011 6:22:22 AM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I have some of those very same problems.I cannot orgasm alone. I've tried since as young as I can remember and nada, nothing. It just doesn't happen. Without a partner I can go for a lifetime and probably never miss it and not even care.

Now with a partner in my life i still have times when it is difficult for me to orgasm and those times are usually for a variety of different reasons....I have a lot on my mind, I'm stressed, he's not stimulating me in the way I need, just not in the right mindset and sometimes there just is no reason at all. I have come to learn to just accept it and enjoy the foreplay and realize that it just isn't all that important for me. Spending time with him is. Sure it is frustrating though sometimes but I just take a deep breath and explain to him that it just isn't going to happen. Thankfully this time around I have an understanding man and he doesn't make a big deal about it. He gets what he needs and I'm happy to be able to give him that.

My advice is seek therapy, rule out any physical problems and don't blame yourself or beat yourself up about it. Come to realize that an orgasm isn't the be all to end all. Enjoy what you DO feel and don't worry about it so much. Just relax and breathe.

If a man really loves and cares for you then he will listen and be there for you. Just make sure you're upfront in the beginning of sexual relations so he doesn't blame himself for it.

This is has been very important to me.

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/10/2011 9:48:46 AM

sirssubk2008

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Therapy is absolutely useless unless the therapist successfully achieves rapport with the individual. This is something that a Dom can do, but it requires an implicitly empathic individual with a great deal of understanding who's more than casually acquainted with psychology and NLP disciplines. Be warned that it generally carries risks to the relationship - the white knight often has to be left behind as part of growing away from trauma.

Trauma will often express itself as tension in their physiology. External and internal massage can help with this and the use of tantric disciplines to guide the sub toward full-body orgasm is one approach worth investigating. There are many routes to this, but one of the simplest is to get hold of White Tiger Tantra. Alternatively, find a teacher and study the tantric disciplines directly - although this requires a great deal of commitment and will require more time.

Thank You Awareness...
I understand the issue of rapport with the therapist, mine has been with me for 8 years and I wouldn't trade him for the world! he has helped to realize many things and I have come a long way in the last 5 years. I know alot about how trauma can affect a person's overall well being, and most therapists do not touch much on the sexual aspect, which is why I have decided to direct my studies into an area of working with abuse survivors and more specifially to help them regain their sexuality. I know I have a long way to go, and alot to learn in this aspect, personally as well as professionally, but I see a real need for this.
I will definitely investigate your ideas of tantric discipline and full-body orgasm in great detail. Thank you

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/10/2011 11:58:16 AM

sirssubk2008

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I think she means not focusing on the orgasm. Just focus on enjoying what feels good. If you orgasm, great. If you don't, you still enjoyed being stroked and having intimacy. The more you worry about being able to, the less you will be able to.

Well I can definitely understand that, and typically that may not be as big of a problem, but at the times when a person is right there at the top of the peak, and crash back down, it isn't easy to not think about it. There are times when the peak never comes and those are the times when it isn't so bad.

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/10/2011 5:10:18 PM

DesFIP

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Understandable. However if part of the problem is that you're worrying about achieving it, then the worry can prevent it. Anxiety never helps.

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/10/2011 5:43:51 PM

sexyred1

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If a woman can have an orgasm, she can have one again. You need to be acutely aware of what you need to get off, you need to be in the right mindset, be in a high state of arousal and be comfortable with your partner.

You also need to be able to communicate exactly what you need.

Not having a negative mindset about it will help; performance anxiety is guaranteed to produce nothing.

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