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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/10/2011 6:39:53 PM

AnnaOfAramis

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When you say "physical causes have been ruled out" did that include birth control pills (if she takes them)? The only time I ever found I was having a hard time it turned out to be the pills... I switched brands and then no problems.

anna

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/11/2011 3:34:58 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Therapy is absolutely useless unless the therapist successfully achieves rapport with the individual. This is something that a Dom can do, but it requires an implicitly empathic individual with a great deal of understanding who's more than casually acquainted with psychology and NLP disciplines. Be warned that it generally carries risks to the relationship - the white knight often has to be left behind as part of growing away from trauma.

Trauma will often express itself as tension in their physiology. External and internal massage can help with this and the use of tantric disciplines to guide the sub toward full-body orgasm is one approach worth investigating. There are many routes to this, but one of the simplest is to get hold of White Tiger Tantra. Alternatively, find a teacher and study the tantric disciplines directly - although this requires a great deal of commitment and will require more time.

I wholeheartedly agree about going down the Tantric route. The problem with Tantra Goddesses is they are hugely expensive. When I started having full body orgasms I had never taken much notice of Tantra but I felt obligated to investigate more. what was happening to me was fascinating, exhilarating and enlightening. I wanted my partner to achieve the same (men can have full body orgasms too). I spent time with 2 Tantra Goddesses but found what they had to offer misleading and the next thing I know, those wonderful full body orgasms had stopped. I now have them occasionally but nothing like as much as I used to.
Whilst reading more and more about Tantra, I realized that we had subconsciously found this very journey on our own and without any thought process. Once I put conscious thought into it they disappeared.
You can learn about Tantra in your own home without traveling great distances and paying huge amounts of money. I would suggest you learn on your own and keep her unaware and see what happens.
A full body orgasm is nothing like a vaginal orgasm and I personally believe that you never need to have a vaginal orgasm and yet can still achieve a full body orgasm.

I could talk about the full body orgasm all day but I won't because that is not what this thread is about.
I personally think that a woman is better off never to of achieved a vaginal orgasm than to know how it feels but has great difficulty reaching it. Not able to achieve a vaginal orgasm makes us no less a woman and you well know that sex is still enjoyable. The more pressure she puts on herself, the less likely she will achieve orgasm and the more frustrated she will become.
I don't know if this is true but I have heard it said that nymphomaniacs are women who don't ever achieve orgasm and that's the reason they can go on and on.

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Post #: 22

RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/11/2011 3:40:03 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AnnaOfAramis

When you say "physical causes have been ruled out" did that include birth control pills (if she takes them)? The only time I ever found I was having a hard time it turned out to be the pills... I switched brands and then no problems.

anna

Some antidepressants will impede orgasm too.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/antidepressants/AN01739

...Sexual side effects are common with antidepressants in both men and women... The severity of sexual side effects depends on the individual and the specific type and dose of antidepressant. For some people, sexual side effects are minor or may ease up as their bodies adjust to the medication. For others, sexual side effects continue to be a problem.

Antidepressants with the lowest rate of sexual side effects include:
Bupropion (Wellbutrin)
Mirtazapine (Remeron)
...

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Post #: 23

RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/11/2011 7:16:43 AM

sirssubk2008

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yes it does rule out the pill, and any other medications

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Post #: 24

RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/11/2011 7:23:28 AM

sirssubk2008

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[/quote]
I could talk about the full body orgasm all day but I won't because that is not what this thread is about.
I personally think that a woman is better off never to of achieved a vaginal orgasm than to know how it feels but has great difficulty reaching it.[/b]I completely agree! Not able to achieve a vaginal orgasm makes us no less a woman and you well know that sex is still enjoyable. The more pressure she puts on herself, the less likely she will achieve orgasm and the more frustrated she will become. True, the pressure however is not always there, usually only after it has been several weeks, which is when the frustration starts running into overdrive
I don't know if this is true but I have heard it said that nymphomaniacs are women who don't ever achieve orgasm and that's the reason they can go on and on.There are several reasons that "nymphomaniacs" are who they are and more often than not, there are a combination of reasons, and yes, not being able to achieve an orgasm is one of them.[/quote]

< Message edited by sirssubk2008 -- 1/11/2011 7:24:59 AM >

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Post #: 25

RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/16/2011 5:35:55 AM

kalikshama

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The nymphomania label was historically a way to oppress women with a sex drive. I couldn't find any connection to inability to orgasm on a scholarly site.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypersexuality

Nymphomania during the Victorian era

Many Victorian era mental institutions treated nymphomania as an exclusively female mental illness. Women were classified as mentally ill for nymphomania if they were a victim of sexual assault, bore illegitimate children, masturbated or were considered to be promiscuous. Upon arrival at the asylum, doctors would give the woman a pelvic exam. If doctors felt that the woman had an enlarged clitoris, she would undergo treatments. These treatments included induced vomiting, bloodletting, leeches, restricted diet, douches to the head or breasts and at times, clitoridectomies.

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Post #: 26

RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/16/2011 8:25:14 AM

Michael75

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I had a sub once who believed she had this. Actually she had what appeared to be an over-sensitive clitoris and it was important not to touch it after a certain point. I felt kinda disappointed that nobody had identified this before me.

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Post #: 27

RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/16/2011 10:05:04 AM

sirssubk2008

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Joined: 1/1/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

The nymphomania label was historically a way to oppress women with a sex drive. I couldn't find any connection to inability to orgasm on a scholarly site.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypersexuality This is not considered a scholarly site by most educational institutes standards. Anyone can go in and make any change they want on wikipedia.
Nymphomania during the Victorian era

Many Victorian era mental institutions treated nymphomania as an exclusively female mental illness. Women were classified as mentally ill for nymphomania if they were a victim of sexual assault, bore illegitimate children, masturbated or were considered to be promiscuous. Upon arrival at the asylum, doctors would give the woman a pelvic exam. If doctors felt that the woman had an enlarged clitoris, she would undergo treatments. These treatments included induced vomiting, bloodletting, leeches, restricted diet, douches to the head or breasts and at times, clitoridectomies.
While all of this is definitely true, to get to the deeper understanding of what is now called hypersexuality, you have to delve into the psychology field. There is much to be learned about sexuallity from a psychological point of view and research in this area is slowly catching up.

< Message edited by sirssubk2008 -- 1/16/2011 10:06:44 AM >

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Post #: 28

RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/19/2011 1:09:28 AM

Awareness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008
Not able to achieve a vaginal orgasm makes us no less a woman and you well know that sex is still enjoyable.

This is pretty much part of the issue, right there. By thinking of it in terms of being dysfunctional, abnormal or suffering an inability to achieve something, the whole thing is cast in a negative light which many women make themselves responsible for.

In truth, very often the reasons why orgasms are more difficult to achieve for some women relate to the belief structures they've been inculcated with by their family, friends, peer group and the men they've been with. In many instances, the ineptitude and poor temperament of those men have only exacerbated things to the point where the women herself resists any attempts to assist with the issue because her deepest instinct is to resent anyone trying to help by declaring they're attempting to 'fix' her.

It's more useful to think of it in terms of life having guided you down a pathway which specifically inhibits your exceptionally strong ability to orgasm. There's nothing 'wrong' with such women, it's simply that the heights of ecstasy of which they're capable are being denied them.

Framing things in the right context is one step in removing the obstacles to achieving sexual fulfillment. The greatest barriers and capability lurk in their minds. And addressing their mind and their neurophysiology is crucial to guiding them forward and putting the days of inhibition behind them.

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/19/2011 7:11:19 AM

sirssubk2008

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Yes Awareness, I do agree that things center in the mind. Psychology has played a huge role in recovery and also to help a person know how to find a mate that is right for them.
My original question was mainly to find out how Doms/ Masters deal with it from their end, but also how subs/slaves deal with it. More or less I was looking for how it affects the relationship as a whole.
I am happy for all of the advice because although I have done great research, there are still a few things I didn't come across.

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Post #: 30

RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/19/2011 8:13:50 PM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008

The cause is early childhood trauma. Therapy has been going on for years, with some change but not alot.

At first I thought you were talking about your partner, but it appears you are speaking in the third person, referring to yourself as "she". That's why I'm using the pronoun "you".

You're seeing the wrong therapist for this issue. You need a new one, preferably someone who practices EMDR.

Cali

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RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/20/2011 6:12:50 AM

preytolife

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Joined: 11/29/2010
From: LaLa Land
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Never been diagnosed, but possibly. It's not a huge deal as long as I still enjoy stimulation. Orgasm control and deliberate sexual frustration is horrible and unpleasant though.

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Post #: 32

RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/20/2011 1:40:49 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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~fr

Yes I have encountered it. You aren’t the only one or alone in your situation.

It took just a few hypnosis sessions to uncover the source of the problem that was rooted in her abuse at the age of 3 years old. Then it took 6 months work on my part to “unblock/unlock” her passions/orgasms.

It was all worth it. She became a functional, orgasmic person with a healthy sexual appetite.

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Post #: 33

RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/20/2011 1:43:07 PM

sexyred1

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(ponders what being hypnotized by RS would be like....)

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Post #: 34

RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/20/2011 2:02:48 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

^

" . . . you are getting sleepy . . . very sleepy. Now lay vewy, vewy still"

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I give good thread.

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Post #: 35

RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/20/2011 8:29:40 PM

sirssubk2008

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Joined: 1/1/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008

The cause is early childhood trauma. Therapy has been going on for years, with some change but not alot.

At first I thought you were talking about your partner, but it appears you are speaking in the third person, referring to yourself as "she". That's why I'm using the pronoun "you".

You're seeing the wrong therapist for this issue. You need a new one, preferably someone who practices EMDR.

Cali

No, the counselor I am presently seeing is the one that finally diagnosed me and has brought me as far as I've come with it. We have discussed the EMDR and are consulting with another therapist over the issue.

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Post #: 36

RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/20/2011 8:36:53 PM

sirssubk2008

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Joined: 1/1/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

~fr

Yes I have encountered it. You aren’t the only one or alone in your situation.

It took just a few hypnosis sessions to uncover the source of the problem that was rooted in her abuse at the age of 3 years old. Then it took 6 months work on my part to “unblock/unlock” her passions/orgasms.

It was all worth it. She became a functional, orgasmic person with a healthy sexual appetite.

Hypnosis was discussed but it is a very scary thought for me.

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Post #: 37

RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/21/2011 2:49:49 AM

Awareness

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That's probably because your concept of hypnosis is informed by Hollywood theatre. In reality hypnosis is simply induction of a trance state with directed visualisation. Trance states are nothing new to you, you drop in and out of them all the time. When you watch a movie, you're trancing, when you read a book you're trancing, heck when you read a post here, you're trancing.

The main symptom is a reduction in your awareness of the world around you and a generally increased focus of attention. This tends to put you in a state for linguistic suggestion and association which can be useful in modifying unhelpful responses to memories and other stimuli.

If you're a sub, you're familiar with it already. Subspace is most definitely a trance state. So hypnosis for you should hold no fears. They key here is to ensure you trust and have rapport with the practitioner.

_____________________________

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Post #: 38

RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/21/2011 11:32:53 AM

sirssubk2008

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Joined: 1/1/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

So hypnosis for you should hold no fears. They key here is to ensure you trust and have rapport with the practitioner.

Yes, this is where the fear lies. I've talked extensively with one hypnotist and couldn't seem to get the trust level needed. i've consulted with a few others.

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Post #: 39

RE: Female orgasmic disorder - 1/21/2011 10:43:46 PM

CalifChick

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Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008
The cause is early childhood trauma. Therapy has been going on for years, with some change but not alot.

You're seeing the wrong therapist for this issue. You need a new one, preferably someone who practices EMDR.

No, the counselor I am presently seeing is the one that finally diagnosed me and has brought me as far as I've come with it. We have discussed the EMDR and are consulting with another therapist over the issue.

This doesn't take years to diagnose and it doesn't take years to fix. You said "some change but not alot" after "years" of therapy. You started this thread 13 days ago. You could have had at least two sessions of EMDR by now. One or two more sessions and you could be completely free of your "issues" or very close to it.

You can choose healing, or you can choose the same road you've been on for years. Is that where you want to be? Do you want to be, in several more years, a little better but not alot? Some people get comfortable with a therapy "lifestyle", is that you? These are rhetorical questions, to really search for the truth, and not dismiss them out of hand as uncomfortable.

If you keep doing what you've always done, don't expect anything to change.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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Post #: 40

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