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Why? - 1/11/2011 7:03:23 AM   
slavefabian


Posts: 36
Joined: 5/29/2004
Status: offline 		Hello everyone, this could be considered an abstract question then again it may appear relatively easy, I'm not sure?

First permit me to convey, that ever since a freshman in high school I've always have attracted an extremely vast amount of homosexual and bisexual males, and not only that, but I recall a conversation with my Mother about homosexuality one day when I was much older and she said that for a very long time she honestly thought I was gay myself, also many other family and friends believed this true.

After the segue here is my question, why do you believe it is my profile appears to attract twenty times thee amount of gay and bisexual Dominant men as it does straight, or even gay and or bisexual Dominant women?

Is it totally sexual, and the whole men are from mars, women are from venus thing and my profile SCREAMS sex is my number one longing hope and desire for finding a Mistress, or perhaps I simply look gay?

Initially, I did not think very much of it, however after a while it has become to bother me, I.E. when I receive numerous mail everyday via Dominant gay men essentially saying the same thing, E.G. "have you ever served a Dominant man" "If only you were seeking a male Master/Owner" etc.

And let me pose this question as well, for anyone, how frequently do you receive mail from other members that do not coincide, and essentially is miles apart with what your profile specifically reads you are seeking? please do not ask me why I did not submit this one on Ask A Master.

~Fabian
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 7:16:05 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		99% of my mail is from people who are miles apart from what I seek - sounds like gay men are no more immune from the throwing spaghetti against the wall approach that's been my experience with hetero Doms and what the Dommes describe from sub males.

(in reply to slavefabian)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 7:42:19 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Well, your clothed pics, including the main one, seem to me to be a little feminine, which could attract gays.  And he profile itself lists your fantasy, which might turn off a lot of women.

But the main reason is that Dominant women are typically working their ways through their inboxes with shovels, trying to deal with the avalanche of messages, while their male counterparts have loads of time to send messages.  Including ones to you.

To answer your question, if I ignore the obvious fakes such as

hello master, how was your night , am slavemary and i really seek you as my master cos i really love your profile, you can get across to me if u believe am gonna be your better slave sir ,you can talk to me on my yahoo [email protected],

then I've had about one inappropriate message every six months, most of them from gay men.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 7:43:10 AM   
CherryNeko


Posts: 330
Joined: 12/29/2010
From: Mexico City
Status: offline 		Sweetie, your profile says you're willing to relocate. That's why you get messages from other planets.
Here's the solution: go to collarme.com and click on 'read mail.' Then look just below your username (up, right): there's an option called Mail Controls. Click it. It lets you select who you want to read mail from. Good luck with everything!

_____________________________

How many mornings do we have
Before this night ends?
I'm dying surrounded by white flowers
Which scatter in the sky...

(in reply to slavefabian)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 8:06:08 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		I'm not a dominant woman, so keep that in mind when you read the feedback.

I viewed the profile. The overemphasis on visuals is going to attract men. If you want to cut down on the male responders but also catch the eye of a woman, I'd recommend you take down all photos but two: your best face shot and your best clothed overall body shot. Many dominant women want to know more about your mind and its ability to serve her than your body. Two modest photos should be representative that the body is all there. The men are responding to the skin pics. Take them away and there will be less male respondents.

Likewise I'd also, if I were you, tone down the physical text descriptions of your body, especially in the first paragraph. Again, you have photos so why the need for text details--at least in public? You can always provide them in private if a mistress enquires. That sort of writing does attract more men...and some women will find it crude or inappropriate to express it in public.

Finally take down the link to even more photos on another site. Again, I think that most dominant women you would enjoy serving will want want to know more about whether your personality or mind is suited to their tastes than the details of your physique. I think showing those physical details at the appropriate time (when they are asked of you) will give such a dominant a most pleasant surprise, but to have a barrage of this stuff on your profile may make a female dominant think you are too vain to be worked with.

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to slavefabian)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 8:51:43 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I don't often read a person's profile before answering the question that they have proposed on the boards, but in this case, I skimmed yours to see if the above posters are correct.  In My opinion, they are right on the money.  I would agree with the changes that they have suggested to your profile and it may help to change some of the incoming mail that you are receiving.  The majority of women aren't really going to be interested in your description of your own body in such detail.  If I wasn't looking at the profile specifically for having information to answer your question, I wouldn't have stayed through the third paragraph.  While you literally have the whole thing peppered with the fact that you are interested in women, the text isn't written in such a way that is more likely to appeal to women.

Since I am on the subject, I would also agree with changing your main profile pic.  I'm not even into photography and the first thing that screams at Me is that the lighting is terrible.  I'm in full agreement with Steven that it does come across as feminine and unless you are specifically going for that look, it's going to turn a lot of women off.

One last thing.  You have literally listed yourself as an "expert" in no less than sixty-six separate interest categories.  Basically, it comes across as being full of crap.  Your profile text only mentions the things that you hope and dream for, but not one word of actual prior service to anybody.   Much of your text screams porn fantasy, so I'm not led to believe that you've had a long term dynamic in which to become an expert in the categories that you list.  You're supposedly an expert in public play, but you're a beginner in your local community.  You also list yourself as an expert at 1950's household, which any woman is going to know is the complete opposite of wanting to be in service to a woman.  That means a household where the underlying authority is held by a man,  Don't list "expert" regarding things you fantasize about.  Only those things where you have been in constant practice (that means actively doing) for a number of years.  Hoping and dreaming isn't going to make you an expert, so cut that down to having less than ten things on that level.  It will come across being much more honest.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 12:31:40 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline 		I agree with what others have said about the "scattershot" approach; most horny men don't actually read profiles much before sending "I wanna" emails.

This said, there is much about your manner and your word choice that says, "I am a beautiful, available sex object - come and take me, ravish me, use me, beat me, brand me, own me."  Which is absolutely amazing to see in a heterosexual man, because society just doesn't teach heterosexual men to submit to the strong, passionate desires of another person that way.  Mostly because women are not seen as even having those kinds of strong, passionate, aggressive desires.  So yes, you  may attract more men because of your beautifully masculine yet also delectably self-objectified offering. 

Some people will refer to your mindset as "feminine", but it isn't.  Gay male bottoms do it also, even the most masculine of them.  It simply constitutes an awareness that you are offering yourself submissively to a partner who has strong, aggressive drives and who is the viewer or the consumer rather than the object that is viewed or packaged for consumption.  In our society, men are supposed to fit that description, and women aren't. 

This article may help you understand: http://hugoschwyzer.net/2010/08/19/of-never-feeling-hot-the-missing-narrative-of-desire-in-the-lives-of-straight-men-reprinted/

I wish more men would learn to be like this.  There's nothing I like better than a man who knows how to actually offer himself, and nothing I like less than a man who claims to be submissive but still expects to be the consumer and the viewer (eg, I have to be "packaged" for HIS pleasure, not him for mine).  There's a lot more about your profile that says you and I aren't compatible, but in this aspect you're the perfect male property and a very good example for others to learn from.


_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to slavefabian)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 12:48:40 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavefabian
First permit me to convey, that ever since a freshman in high school I've always have attracted an extremely vast amount of homosexual and bisexual males, and not only that, but I recall a conversation with my Mother about homosexuality one day when I was much older and she said that for a very long time she honestly thought I was gay myself, also many other family and friends believed this true.

After the segue here is my question, why do you believe it is my profile appears to attract twenty times thee amount of gay and bisexual Dominant men as it does straight, or even gay and or bisexual Dominant women?

Is it totally sexual, and the whole men are from mars, women are from venus thing and my profile SCREAMS sex is my number one longing hope and desire for finding a Mistress, or perhaps I simply look gay?

Initially, I did not think very much of it, however after a while it has become to bother me, I.E. when I receive numerous mail everyday via Dominant gay men essentially saying the same thing, E.G. "have you ever served a Dominant man" "If only you were seeking a male Master/Owner" etc.

I suspect them males were/are attracted by your submissiveness. They either mail you because you are a near match for what they long for, ignoring the part which does not match their desire, or they mail you out of regret for what they cannot have. In the first case, you might respond "Thank you, but you lack the female parts that I require in a prospective dominant", and in the second case you might respond "Thank you for the compliment, but I am truly not interested in male dominants. Good luck in your search."

You might reduce the unwanted mail by adding to your profile "Not interested in males!"

(in reply to slavefabian)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 12:48:49 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline 		Fast reply - I will agree that some of the comments about your profile are on target, specifically the "expert" ratings you give yourself being a bad idea, and focusing a bit less on the "I want, do me do me do me" kink laundry list.

As to how you present yourself and your body, IMO this one is doing it right in the sense that he appeals perfectly to the tastes of someone who really is sexually aggressive and predator-driven, a woman who wants to be the taker, the user, the viewer and the consumer.  That's what he's looking for, and that's what he will attract.

I like this profile very much despite the fact that race play is a turn-off for me.  This is the first heterosexual male profile I've seen in a very long time that presents the male as a sex object for MY pleasure.   He isn't being sexually aggressive in the way that turns me off instantly.  He's not a taker, a consumer or a viewer.  He is presenting himself as a sex object to be taken, consumed and viewed.  That is incredibly refreshing and appealing, and it elicits a primal response from me.  I like, I want.  And it's not just the bod; I didn't perv the pictures until much later.

If he wants to attract a female predator type who will genuinely appreciate his mindset and attitude, I'm not sure I'd recommend changing that particular aspect of the profile, though he might tone it down slightly.  

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 1:07:18 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavefabian

Hello everyone, this could be considered an abstract question then again it may appear relatively easy, I'm not sure?

First permit me to convey, that ever since a freshman in high school I've always have attracted an extremely vast amount of homosexual and bisexual males, and not only that, but I recall a conversation with my Mother about homosexuality one day when I was much older and she said that for a very long time she honestly thought I was gay myself, also many other family and friends believed this true.

After the segue here is my question, why do you believe it is my profile appears to attract twenty times thee amount of gay and bisexual Dominant men as it does straight, or even gay and or bisexual Dominant women?

Is it totally sexual, and the whole men are from mars, women are from venus thing and my profile SCREAMS sex is my number one longing hope and desire for finding a Mistress, or perhaps I simply look gay?

Initially, I did not think very much of it, however after a while it has become to bother me, I.E. when I receive numerous mail everyday via Dominant gay men essentially saying the same thing, E.G. "have you ever served a Dominant man" "If only you were seeking a male Master/Owner" etc.

And let me pose this question as well, for anyone, how frequently do you receive mail from other members that do not coincide, and essentially is miles apart with what your profile specifically reads you are seeking? please do not ask me why I did not submit this one on Ask A Master.

~Fabian


Ok, for the record - 'cause it's noticably absent from your profile and your post.... Are you saying you're a straight/heterosexual/non-gay person?

Most of us go by much more than the written/spoken word when interacting with others. We also have instincts.... And yeah, your profile gives off huge gay vibes. Errrm, that and you likely hold the CM record for things you're "Expert" at.

So if your own family is getting that vibe, and I'm getting that vibe, and likely many others here are getting that vibe, and you're not officially denying that which your post complains of.... You seeing a common theme here - that maybe it's you who's in denial of what seems rather obvious to those who either know you or we strangers who have our own life experience to go by?

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to slavefabian)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 1:26:51 PM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavefabian

After the segue here is my question, why do you believe it is my profile appears to attract twenty times thee amount of gay and bisexual Dominant men as it does straight, or even gay and or bisexual Dominant women?


Maybe because of all the cock shots? Men, regardless of sexuality, tend to be more visually motivated than women.

quote:


Is it totally sexual, and the whole men are from mars, women are from venus thing and my profile SCREAMS sex is my number one longing hope and desire for finding a Mistress, or perhaps I simply look gay?


Well, your profile does pretty much scream sex.

quote:


And let me pose this question as well, for anyone, how frequently do you receive mail from other members that do not coincide, and essentially is miles apart with what your profile specifically reads you are seeking?


When I had a face shot and a more in depth profile, I was getting mail from all sorts of people.

Now I have a question for you, OP. How does one become an "expert" at beachcombing, TV news and hunting? Also...how can you "live for" both female supremacy (which, of course, you're an "expert" in) and gorean lifestyle? Makes no sense.

(in reply to slavefabian)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 1:33:07 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
So if your own family is getting that vibe, and I'm getting that vibe, and likely many others here are getting that vibe, and you're not officially denying that which your post complains of.... You seeing a common theme here - that maybe it's you who's in denial of what seems rather obvious to those who either know you or we strangers who have our own life experience to go by?


I can tell you why people get that vibe; it's in the link I posted earlier. 

He has what 99.9% of purely heterosexual men are missing.  He has a fundamental narrative of *being desired*, of being the object and not the pursuer.  Yes, that will get him identified as a gay or bisexual man simply because this is an attitude and mindset they don't teach heterosexual men in this society.

It will also get him identified as rightful prey by an aggressive female predator, which is what he is seeking.  We're also rare but we do exist.  And yes, a lot of the men we're most attracted to are gay.  I tend to date almost exclusively bisexual men, specifically because it is so rare for a heterosexual one to "get it".  This one gets it. 


_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 1:45:35 PM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

I can tell you why people get that vibe; it's in the link I posted earlier. 

He has what 99.9% of purely heterosexual men are missing. He has a fundamental narrative of *being desired*, of being the object and not the pursuer.  Yes, that will get him identified as a gay or bisexual man simply because this is an attitude and mindset they don't teach heterosexual men in this society.

It will also get him identified as rightful prey by an aggressive female predator, which is what he is seeking.  We're also rare but we do exist.  And yes, a lot of the men we're most attracted to are gay.  I tend to date almost exclusively bisexual men, specifically because it is so rare for a heterosexual one to "get it".  This one gets it. 



LNT, That was an interesting link you posted as it relates to the bolded part in the above quote.

*taken from the article...

quote:



So many straight men have no experience of being wanted. So many straight men have no experience of sensing a gaze of outright longing. Even many men who are wise in the world and in relationships, who know that their wives or girlfriends love them, do not know what it is to be admired and longed for for their bodies and their looks. They may know what it is to be relied upon, they may know what it is to bring another to ecstasy with their tongue or their touch, but they don’t know what it is to be found not only aesthetically pleasing to the eye but worthy of longing.



I hope other folks take the time to read the article and offer their opinion on both it and your above quote.

Thanks for the link.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 2:44:26 PM   
slavefabian


Posts: 36
Joined: 5/29/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer
This said, there is much about your manner and your word choice that says, "I am a beautiful, available sex object - come and take me, ravish me, use me, beat me, brand me, own me."  Which is absolutely amazing to see in a heterosexual man,



Hello LadyNTrainer and thank you as well everyone else for your time and reply, you've all have given me a great deal to consider in the subsequent days, and to thee above specific quote, yes, truly indeed, although there is much more depth to me, this is something which is dearly special to me and such a relationship sincerely I'd forever cherish.
However it appears as if this union is far more attractive to more homosexual Dominant men than straight Dominant Women, which is why I made the reference in my initial post of "men are from mars women are from Venus," for it essentially appears to me that men view BDSM far differently from Women, in so many ways.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 2:53:42 PM   
slavefabian


Posts: 36
Joined: 5/29/2004
Status: offline
[/quote]
that maybe it's you who's in denial

Focus.[/font][/size][/color]
[/quote]

Please!!!!

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 2:55:18 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		Y'gotta work on your quotes, fabian.

(in reply to slavefabian)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 3:06:16 PM   
slavefabian


Posts: 36
Joined: 5/29/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

Y'gotta work on your quotes, fabian.


Yeah I know Bud, I totally butchered that one, however the point is, and make to mistake about this and let me be perfectly clear, I never have, ever will, not in my sweetest dreams nor darkest nightmares, have any homosexual desires in my life, what-so-ever!!!

~Fabian

< Message edited by slavefabian -- 1/11/2011 3:07:37 PM >

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 3:08:44 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavefabian
However it appears as if this union is far more attractive to more homosexual Dominant men than straight Dominant Women, which is why I made the reference in my initial post of "men are from mars women are from Venus," for it essentially appears to me that men view BDSM far differently from Women, in so many ways.


Some do, some don't.  For me personally, I'm wired to be a sexually dominant and aggressive predator.  I instantly lose interest in a man who says he is submissive but is clearly wired to be a taker, a user, a consumer, a viewer, rather than a pretty little sex object offered for me to pursue, take down and ravish at my leisure if and when I want him.  But when a man does successfully present himself in a "take me, ravish me" way, it gets my attention in a primal way that can get past a whole lot of incompatibility barriers.  Which I have to regretfully inform you are present in your case, but that doesn't mean you're doing it wrong for the next predator-wired female that comes along.


_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to slavefabian)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 3:11:07 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		You can still - up to one hour - edit the quote. Remove the three brackets after Focus and remove the slash from the initial quote.

In future, you might want to click the quote button on the upper right of a post.

You can also put text within quotes by marking it and clicking the quote button (above Font Size) in the Reply to Message window or in the edit window.

(in reply to slavefabian)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 3:23:12 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		 
Well slavefabian, you have gotten some great advice and I will refer back to one earlier; sometimes it does not matter what you write or what photos you post, everyone of us gets inappropriate emails from those who did not read the profile or...just people who write anyone who strikes their fancy.

In your case though, seriously, lose the "expert in everything" and maybe delete some of the explicit photos, which are probably not as compelling to the Dominant Women you seek.

Maybe more about what you can offer THEM. Good luck!

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 20
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