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need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 2:19:44 AM   
confusedcherub


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/13/2011
Status: offline 		Hi to all the subs and slaves out there... I'm hoping you can offer some advice and an ''outsiders perspective'' to my situation. 

I have been with my Master for almost two years. We started off long distance & I've moved interstate twice for him during this time.  Essentially his work is very important to him but its started to take over his life; to the point where I now only see him once a month if I'm lucky.  When he does come over, we have fairly vanilla sex for around 30mins and then he leaves.  He is too busy to call me and respond to text messages.  There is no longer any D/s aspect to the type of relationship we have.  We were supposed to have a holiday together over Christmas but he cancelled at the last minute, leaving me stranded at our holiday destination.

I have tried to talk to Master about my concerns but he cuts me off and says something to the effect that its 'his way or the highway' and that he doesn't see anything wrong with the way things are.

What do you all think I should do?  Am I just being a bad slave in that I'm not trying to further modify my life for him?  Or am I being naive thinking that this is any sort of M/s or D/s relationship?

I appreciate any thoughts you all have.

from a very confused and sad cherub.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 2:31:45 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		You do not communicate by e-mail or telephone?

(in reply to confusedcherub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 2:36:12 AM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: confusedcherub
What do you all think I should do? 

"Get the hell out of the situation" springs to mind. You're being used. If that's making you happy then great. If it isn't (and it sounds like it isn't) then you need to find something that does.

Why don't I meet girls like this one? :)

Oh and I'm not sub, but I can still spot someone taking the piss. Which is what's happening to you by the sound of things.

(in reply to confusedcherub)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 2:39:58 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Why did you give yourself to this dickwad?

You're not a bad slave. He's neglecting you. When you try to talk to him about it, he won't address your concerns properly.

What a jerk. Kick him to the curb.


OP: when you let people get away with treating you badly, it will continue. It won't get better. It will only get worse. So hurry up and cut off contact with mister head-up-his-ass, before it gets worse.

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(in reply to confusedcherub)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 2:42:54 AM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline 		Basically you're a booty call. If you're miserable and he refuses to talk about it, then find someone who wants to actually have a relationship with you.

(in reply to confusedcherub)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 3:12:15 AM   
confusedcherub


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/13/2011
Status: offline 		Thanks all for your comments so far.

@rule - he doesn't email and only calls for a few minutes at a time, if he can fit it into his work schedule.  Or if he's very horny and wants phone sex.

@CeriseNin, daydreamerdaydreaming and RapierFugue - thank you :)  i guess you've confirmed my worst suspicions.  It seems that I am naive! I guess I've just been focussing too much on that proverbial carrot that he's been dangling. 

Is it too much to ask to be a sub/slave and want to find your soul mate?!!

(in reply to CeriseNin)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 3:13:24 AM   
confusedcherub


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/13/2011
Status: offline 		Sorry dreamer, I just realised I typed your handle incorrectly above

(in reply to confusedcherub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 3:18:11 AM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: confusedcherub
Is it too much to ask to be a sub/slave and want to find your soul mate?!!

Not at all, but there are, sadly, a great many dominants who utilise the D/s or M/s dynamic in order to royally take the piss.

If it helps any it's just as bad from this side of the fence ...

... my, what a Positive Percy I am today :)

I guess what I'd say generally (and this isn't always true, but is more true more often than you'd think) is to ask yourself "if I remove all the BDSM elements from this relationship, what am I left with?". If the answer is "I'm having a great life with someone I love, and who loves me" or "a great, fun time with no strings, which is what I want" then that's fine. If it's "nothing, or at best very little", then you have to question your own motivations and relationship.

BDSM on its own doesn't fix anything. And you're not even getting that ATM.

(in reply to confusedcherub)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 3:20:18 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		I am also thinking it is possible that you are not his primary relationship.

Is this your first D/s relationship?


My question to you is what would you tell your best friend if she was in this situation?

My guess is you already know the answer to this.

You entered into this relationship with certain expectactions and things were fulfilling then.
He doesn't see it as a problem now that things have changed, because it isn't a problem for him.
But this isn't the pretense that you became his slave under. You moved to be his slave, not a kinky something on the side.



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(in reply to CeriseNin)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 3:24:52 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		~FR~
*twitch*


OP.. I can only echo what others have said.. bail out.

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 3:26:21 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		No worries... Sometimes I daydream- and sometimes I dream at night....

Suggest you dump the guy ASAP and come back here with a new screen name. One that portrays you better, now that you've seen the light. The one you have now will attract assholes, like a drop of blood in the water attracts sharks.

A strong, confident sounding name will attract much more of the kind of positive attention that you deserve.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to confusedcherub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 3:26:46 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline 		It's a cliché but it bears repeating...

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”

Good luck.

(in reply to confusedcherub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 3:51:32 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		It sounds from what you say that he is just not that into you anymore.  Now, we are only getting your side so i am not going to say anything negative about him.  But 2 years is a long time and it doesn't sound as if this has been an issue for the whole time as you said you moved twice with him.  Taking your word that he left you stranded at your holiday destination over Christmas that should be a huge clue unless his reason was a life or death immediate emergency, even with work he would have known prior to your leaving for the destination that he wasn't going to make it.. 

However, he has laid down his views on this -- if you don't like it, you know where the proverbial door is.  So he is leaving the choice to stay or go in your hands.  He has pretty much told you that its not going to change.  It sucks, it really does.  But if this isn't what you want, then you need to change your circumstances. 

To me, if this hasn't been the norm for the 2 years you have lived near him, then something has changed for him and it really seems like he is no longer that into you.  If there is no M/s aspect to your lives you really are no longer his slave.  So its time to stop trying to be one and utilize the control he has given you over your life.

It sucks.  Good luck.

angel


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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 4:06:23 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I've just ended the D/s dynamic with someone local to me who couldn't be bothered to see me over Christmas or New Years. I got the "I'm busy, I'm busy, I'm busy, you have to accept My timelines" talk from him many times since we met. I'd long realized that I wasn't a priority for him, but being abandoned at Christmas really hurt. We'll be able to stay friends, because there was no booty call aspect to our relationship and we have lots of vanilla interests in common. I doubt this will be possible for you.

I'd like to say I agree with all the previous posters - you're being used, dump him, come back with a new screen name.

Best of luck,

KK

(in reply to confusedcherub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 4:13:26 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He's just not that into you. If he wanted to be with you, he would make time. Believe what his actions say, which is that all he wants is an occasional booty call. Move on with your life is my suggestion.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 4:16:12 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		My first thought is he is married, or at least in another relationship.

Value yourself enough to kick his ass to the curb.


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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 4:18:57 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Oh yes, ACTIONS speak much louder than words. I was seeing someone last year who told me he loved me but totally treated me like a booty call.

When there's a discrepancy between actions and words, go with the actions. Talk is cheap, yadda, yadda.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 4:21:43 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
The
Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
RapierFugue

for

... my, what a Positive Percy I am today ...


Excellent use of alliteration!

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 4:24:57 AM   
kdsusa7894


Posts: 193
Joined: 12/19/2010
Status: offline 		What everyone else said. Find someone that meets your own needs. Good Luck and chalk it up as lesson learned.

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Seduce my mind and you can have my body, find my soul and I'm yours forever...

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: need advice about my relationship - 1/13/2011 4:25:52 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh

It's a cliché but it bears repeating...

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”

Good luck.




Oooo... I was gonna say that!

Cherub - let me ask you something.

If a vanilla guy treated you like this, what would you do?
If your best friend asked you what she should do in this situation what would you say?
What is your gut telling you?


Yeah, I agree. Do that. People sometimes forget "my way or the highway" often means the highway is looking pretty darn rosey.

He's getting what he wants, you're giving what you want, and it's all good. Except it's not good - for you. For some women, what he wants would be enough. His way would be plenty. Some women would be perfectly fine with being a booty call. Not a thing wrong with it... except it's not what you need. That's really the only thing that matters. What do you need?

Best wishes, and good luck.
sunshine

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 1/13/2011 4:27:51 AM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 20
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