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Fighting - 5/1/2006 6:15:37 PM

SweetEscravo

Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
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I hate being angry and fighting with my dom more than anything. However, he and I have recently been not seeing eye to eye on a few important things and it has been extremely upsetting. We were even fighting at work yesterday (we work at the same place), which left me crying my eyes out in front of half the staff. I just can't handle his anger towards me. Even if he was the one in the wrong, I just can't stay angry at him. I feel like I'm making his life miserable, and I hate that. He told me we would discuss things tomorrow, but it is torture to have to wait until then. How do you deal with your masters/doms anger? How do you say "you are wrong about this" to him or her? I know we need to work this out, but right now all I want to do is crawl into his arms and tell him I'm sorry. That is the other thing- even when HE is the one who is wrong, I feel like I should be the one to apolagize. Is that normal? Its almost like I want to be the wrong one so he can talk to me, punish me, yell at me, and get it over with so we can go on happily. I don't know how to really confront him about things because I feel like he isn't understanding what I'm talking about, and he doesn't see how hurt I am.

I'm sorry for the rambling, but I was just writing the words as they came to mind.

Any responses are appriciated...

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RE: Fighting - 5/2/2006 1:09:20 AM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

I dont like dramatics, they unsettle me with anyone.
Fights with my Dom, god they are dreadful and my need to make everything all right again, makes me pushy for resolution, when i should give space.
No relationship is going to be a bed of roses all the time, a bdsm relationship is no different to a vanilla one. But i do believe that the effect on a submissive, are perhaps more penetrating than on the vanilla partners in life.
If he's in the wrong, and i definately know it, and i cant submit, ill safe word out with a particular safe word saved for such occasions. The consequence of using this word is usually everything stops, we take a break from the issue, usually a day. And then we communicate again, when the feelings have had a chance to settle.
Sometimes, im not that verbally articulate, so i will email him my concerns. And sometimes he'll respond via email or verbal. But there is always a face to face indepth talk of what is really going on.
I would in your case, seek permission tomorrow, to speak freely. If this is given, REMEMBERING that you are his submissive, discuss what it is that is bothering you. Put your case forward objectively and as consicely as you can. Talk, talk talk.
If you feel your anger rising, control it. Because it will sabotage you getting to where you both need to be.
If at the end of the day you still do not see eye to eye. Then you will have to either submit to what you have agreed to, His will, or renegotiate a limit, or get out of the relationship. Depends what you mean by 'a few important things'. Important to who, why etc.
Sorry your feeling so blue. Its far worse to be at odds with a Dom/me, than i have ever found it with a vanilla partner.
I wish you both a speedy resolution.
little1

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

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RE: Fighting - 5/2/2006 4:54:11 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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Tell him in plain English and don't hold back. You need to air things out in order for things to mend or end. By holding back what your feeling inside your only frustrating yourself and him. Listen to what he has to say and then say your peace. Try to come up with a solution that works for you both. If that can't happen it might be time to separate for awhile, or for good.

~Lashra

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

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RE: Fighting - 5/2/2006 6:40:13 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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You will do anything to "make things right again to make him happy" even if it means apologizing when you haven't done anything wrong, and even if it means ignoring what's really going on.

It's very common and understandable- but doing it isn't going to help in the long term.

When either of you is actually angry is NOT the time to actually work on the problem. So- be big and tough it out until you're both together. Use the time to really write out your feelings and ideas. Use I statements "I feel ____ when you do this. I don't know how to respond in this case and need your guidance."

You have to work on what's causing the anger initially- don't let the anger distract either of you from that. I'm sure he DOES understand the pain you are going through, but he's busy dealing with his own emotions and figuring out how to deal with this.

So give it time, come together and do the right thing for the relationship- which is expressing your TRUE feelings and needs, not simply covering up due to fear.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

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RE: Fighting - 5/2/2006 9:06:02 AM

ownedblackbeauty

Posts: 31
Joined: 2/21/2006
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the best thing there is, is honesty. tell Him how you feel. don't tell Him He is wrong, just tell Him how you feel. i dont know. i look up to Master, Sir as if He is my God. i worship Him. No one is ever totally right. i can't say that i have argued with Master, Sir, W/we have had disagreements. He always wins. HOWEVER! i know that sometimes He is totally wrong, i wont admit it to Him. just keep it to myself. i would not want to distort the image that i have as Him being my God.

Master, Sir is always right.

slave ty
property of Master, Sir and spankingbeauty (cm.com)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Fighting - 5/2/2006 12:16:00 PM

LL1aintbehavin

Posts: 104
Joined: 12/27/2004
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I don't think any sub/slave likes to approach their One and let them know that they are wrong in an issue. There seems to be no easy way to do this without being disrespectful, as you are pointing out one of their faults to them.
Being at odds with your One is a very painful thing. We depend on them to guide us and when we see that there is an issue that we can just not go along with, for whatever reason, it takes a lot of strength to get it out in the open. Even then it has no promise of resolution, but keeping something inside and burying it is not the solution either.
If there is something that i have to deal with and it is not pleasant, i usually keep it inside for a few days, yes i internalize the problem. I want to make sure that i have thought it through from every angle, and have found the best way that i should tell Him of my concerns without being as disrespectful as if i did it right away.
I hate being right also, but i obsess about things and could not let it go without talking to Him about it.
Best of luck in working out the issues that are troubling you both.
aintbehavin

(in reply to ownedblackbeauty)

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RE: Fighting - 5/3/2006 1:44:10 AM

MsMacComb

Posts: 808
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: My Mothers womb.
Status: offline

Being a good obediant sub is not the same as being a doormat. Tell him like it is.

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Not looking for anyone for anything, any time.

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)

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RE: Fighting - 5/3/2006 12:54:04 PM

SweetEscravo

Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
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Hmm, well, just as an update to everyone, he and I are pretty much through with each other, unless there is a miracle. Too confused to continue.

(in reply to MsMacComb)

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