RE: how strict are you?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: how strict are you?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: how strict are you?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: how strict are you? - 1/20/2011 4:38:44 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
Zevar

for

I arrived at a place within Myself where concern met solace...

...mostly because I saw this scenario when I read the above:

"Oh how do you do? I am Solace."
"Charmed. They call me Concern."
"A pleasure indeed."
"No, no. The pleasure is all mine."
"Oh do share the pleasure. Mustn't be greedy and take it all."
"Quite right."

It was all in a high brow British accent come to think of it. (Sorry, Mr. Ireland)

Anyway, congratulations!

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Zevar)

Post #: 21

RE: how strict are you? - 1/20/2011 6:15:40 AM

CeriseNin

Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

ok it appears Im going to have to say this: Im not referring to any slave in particular as an "it" I simply said "it" because many owners I know refer to their slave as "it" also many slaves refer to themselves as an "it" or "this girl" or "this boy"

now perhaps we can continue talking about the subject.

I have to say I agree with LadyTigresse, to a certain point. But there are times I feel that a slave may push an owner to see what happens. thought?

If I can push her into action, I've won.

But about punishment, I'm not into that dynamic. Just tell me: I wanted X but you did Z, don't ever do that again. I'll note and correct.

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 22

RE: how strict are you? - 1/20/2011 7:14:45 AM

HisEvelyn

Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline

I have never pushed Master 'to see what happens'. I make mistakes, I mess up. If the mistake is enough that Master feels punishment is warranted, the punishment usually fits the crime quite well. It also is handed down when he feels it's the right time. Occasionally, that means he does so immediately, with a word or a look. On occasion, he takes time to think of something appropriate. It's very important to Master to never hand out punishment when he's actually angry. He calms down first if he feels he cannot be rational about the punishment.

Most of the time, I'm pretty self-policing, simply because I never want to make him unhappy. Recently, I was having a terribly stressful day and Master told me to do something that I was unable to do. It was actually a mistake on both our parts, but I reacted with a sharp, snarky comment. This was unacceptable. But Master didn't even need to do more than be silent for two seconds, because I KNEW it was wrong to be rude in that way and apologized right away.

As long as I am truly remorseful for my mistake, and show an effort to improve whatever I did wrong or didn't understand? I am rarely punished.

(in reply to CeriseNin)

Post #: 23

RE: how strict are you? - 1/20/2011 3:44:29 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

how would you say you punish your slave? example, when your slave does something it isnt supposed to, do you punish it right then, or do you let it slide the first few times? Im sure this depends on how lenient (sp?) One is...just curious as to how others do it. I, myself, depending on the crime, depends on the punishment, and also depends on how soon it is delivered. thought?

~said in a cynical moment in answer to the title question~ not strict enough.

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 24

RE: how strict are you? - 1/20/2011 3:58:04 PM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

To err is human; to punish is divine. :)

I like highly disciplined master-slave environments where everything is clearly spelled out. I can (and have) functioned in more lenient ones, but I wasn't particularly happy with that aspect of the relationship. My guilt is such that, if I am not punished, it takes over and does the punishing for the dominant.

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 25

RE: how strict are you? - 1/20/2011 4:45:36 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

how would you say you punish your slave? example, when your slave does something it isnt supposed to, do you punish it right then, or do you let it slide the first few times? Im sure this depends on how lenient (sp?) One is...just curious as to how others do it. I, myself, depending on the crime, depends on the punishment, and also depends on how soon it is delivered. thought?

I do not define strictness based on a person's the frequency of dishing out punishment. I see strictness as the person's tolerance of accepting substandard behaviors than what are desired/expected. When such tolerance is reached.. the person acts to correct the substandard behavior in whatever means they deem necessary.

I don't use punishment... but I have NO tolerance for substandard behaviors! I apply the basic strategy of CERTAIN and IMMEDIATE response to correct substandard behaviors when they occur. My girls understand that I Will TAKE action to any behaviors that I deem unacceptable. They also understand such action will be NOW not later. The leash is tight!

I would also add that one needs to balance this approach with Acknowledgment of Excelled behavior beyond my expectations with just as certain and immediate of a response.

lastly... meeting expected behaviors is not something I acknowledge one way or the other. It's expected! not just be myself... but them as well! We don't reward ourselves for doing what is expected!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 26

RE: how strict are you? - 1/20/2011 6:43:32 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

To err is human; to punish is divine. :)

I like highly disciplined master-slave environments where everything is clearly spelled out. I can (and have) functioned in more lenient ones, but I wasn't particularly happy with that aspect of the relationship. My guilt is such that, if I am not punished, it takes over and does the punishing for the dominant.

Quoted for truth.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to CaringandReal)

Post #: 27

RE: how strict are you? - 1/20/2011 6:49:53 PM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

To err is human; to punish is divine. :)

I like highly disciplined master-slave environments where everything is clearly spelled out. I can (and have) functioned in more lenient ones, but I wasn't particularly happy with that aspect of the relationship. My guilt is such that, if I am not punished, it takes over and does the punishing for the dominant.

the thing about that is the dominant has to be careful about how he expresses his instructions as she is quite literal and will do exactly what he says exactly the way she understands it with no deviation

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to CaringandReal)

Post #: 28

RE: how strict are you? - 1/21/2011 8:19:39 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK
Of course a slave is human and will slip up from time to time.

I don't punish "slip ups". Exactly as you say, to err is human. Carol forgets stuff.. particularly if I've been feeding her alcohol but also if she's just plain busy or any of the other normal reasons for forgetting something. For us though, forgetting is not the same as "I didn't want to obey so I didn't".

About the only reason I can see to punish an actual "slip up" would be if I thought that Carol was "slipping" because she just plain didn't care what I wanted enough to remember to make it happen. That situation would represent a larger problem though than something which could be fixed with a swat to the ass.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 29

RE: how strict are you? - 1/21/2011 9:19:50 AM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

I make a distinction between correction and punishment

punishment is for willful or repeated misbehavior and correction is if something she is doing in good faith is not the way I want then I tell or show her and she does it that way from then on, end of problem

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 30

RE: how strict are you? - 1/21/2011 3:39:42 PM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

May the Sunny Quote of the Day CM Tradition thrive!

Attachment (1)

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 31

RE: how strict are you? - 1/21/2011 3:50:11 PM

CherryNeko

Posts: 330
Joined: 12/29/2010
From: Mexico City
Status: offline

I have misbehaved just to see what he did about it, but we were playing. We get twisted like that. In reality I don't want to make him angry, not really. OP, if something is bothering your kitty enough to make her try to get a reaction from you, maybe she just wants you to pay more attention to her. Why don't you sit down and talk about it?

< Message edited by CherryNeko -- 1/21/2011 3:51:33 PM >

_____________________________

How many mornings do we have
Before this night ends?
I'm dying surrounded by white flowers
Which scatter in the sky...

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 32

RE: how strict are you? - 1/21/2011 4:10:02 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

everything is fine with us, I just wanted to hear others opinions. She slipped up once or twice but she has the idea of how things should be now. but thanks

(in reply to CherryNeko)

Post #: 33

RE: how strict are you? - 1/22/2011 10:01:37 AM

HouseOfMcFunky

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/8/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

I have to say I agree with LadyTigresse, to a certain point. But there are times I feel that a slave may push an owner to see what happens. thought?

I can't even really imagine doing that, personally. Now, I know everybody's different and what they get out of and how they do WIITWD is different, so I'm not trying to diss anybody else's scene. But to me that seems like it's both contrary to the whole sub/slave "thing", and also a total disrespect to the other partner.

ETA: Eep! I didn't realize I was logged into our couple's account. This was supposed to be from graceadieu (the sub half of this couple).

< Message edited by HouseOfMcFunky -- 1/22/2011 10:02:30 AM >

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 34

RE: how strict are you? - 1/22/2011 11:18:02 AM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline

It depends. For correction of small faults? Immediately. Punishment for a willful breach of the rules? That has to wait until I've had time to think of a fitting punishment and the right way to phrase it so that everything is clearly understood. Punishment without the slave being fully aware of what and why it is happening is useless at best, but more often counterproductive for the relationship (I dislike the use of the word dynamic as a replacement for relationship - it sounds like someone spending too much time in business meetings. :-) ) Needing to punish too often is a sign of a really poor match between sub and Dom in my opinion.

As for how strict I am (the original question,) that is a very dynamic* characteristic with me. It depends a lot on my mood and the situation. One might even say I'm mercurial.

*That's how you use the word dynamic.

(in reply to HouseOfMcFunky)

Post #: 35

RE: how strict are you? - 1/22/2011 12:19:35 PM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

To err is human; to punish is divine. :)

I like highly disciplined master-slave environments where everything is clearly spelled out. I can (and have) functioned in more lenient ones, but I wasn't particularly happy with that aspect of the relationship. My guilt is such that, if I am not punished, it takes over and does the punishing for the dominant.

Quoted for truth.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

:) Well I got one thing right, I'm gratified to see (what is it they say about stopped clocks? ;) ), particularly after my major agile programming metaphor fail. :p I think, though, that some dominants do not spell things out on purpose....just to be mean?

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 36

RE: how strict are you? - 1/22/2011 2:39:26 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

:) Well I got one thing right, I'm gratified to see (what is it they say about stopped clocks? ;) ), particularly after my major agile programming metaphor fail. :p I think, though, that some dominants do not spell things out on purpose....just to be mean?

Greetings CaringandReal,

I think there's a modicum of truth in your statement that may apply to some dominants. However, for the most part, the additional information rarely inspires logic oriented slaves from spinning their mental wheels irregardless if the details were provided for their benefit. Even when they know they're apt to second guess on occasion.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to CaringandReal)

Post #: 37

RE: how strict are you? - 1/23/2011 8:07:01 AM

ashjor911

Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline

Kink is an addiction
All of you wrote no
Did anyone consider being in a relationship with someone who can share your own kink?
I mean really think at it for a moment, if you want that relationship to work you or he/she will try hard to make it work, no matter what your kink is.
& if you like something why not sharing your idea with your partner, what would go wrong?

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 38

RE: how strict are you? - 1/23/2011 5:26:50 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
lastly... meeting expected behaviors is not something I acknowledge one way or the other. It's expected! not just be myself... but them as well! We don't reward ourselves for doing what is expected!

I've got a problem with this. If you only acknowledge them when they've done something superb and above expectation, then how do they get their need to please you be replenished? Beyond that, after time, the once superb is now everyday expectation, and they can't earn acknowledgment.

What's wrong with saying "thanks, I loved dinner" even if it was just a simple dish of meatloaf and mashed potatoes, or whatever your comfort food is? Because if it has to be a three course meal of steak and lobster to get noticed, and that's almost never on the menu, then why shouldn't they feel taken for granted and give up?

Years ago I had a job in a foundation where I read grant proposals and summarized them into a one page statement. It was rare for my boss to comment on them, but when I knew she liked or disliked a proposal and wrote my assessment emphasizing the value or lack of in funding them, I got an acknowledgment. She didn't have to, she hired me for this ability. But getting a "good job" would help me face the next stack of poorly written proposals with more spirit.

As far as rewarding yourself for not doing the expected, that's what caregivers are taught to do. Because if they don't, they burn out.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 39

RE: how strict are you? - 1/24/2011 9:48:42 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I've got a problem with this.....

since you are not in a relationship with me... it is irrelevant with me that you have a problem with it

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: how strict are you?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094