To Tell or not to Tell

To Tell or not to Tell (Full Version)

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RiotGirl -> To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 8:26:32 AM)
Alrighty, who here Tells on yourself if you some how manage to disobey? Be honest please. Tops - if you find you've broken a rule of some sort do you tell on yourself and apologize? Tho i dunno how a Top would break a rule.... but i'm sure its possible. Be honest be honest!! Granted its not a good thing to disobey. Sort of breaks down the whole reason. Generally find myself upset with myself so i dunno why i randomly do it. Like i dun obey for him.. not that it doesnt make me happy for him to be happy.. but i like to obey for myself. So to disobey is cutting myself short. Anyone here ever convince themselves to disobey and then try to convince themselves to not tell on themselves. LOL and yeah its relivent.. <grins> i managed to convince myself to give myself an extra 5 minutes online. i mean its only 5 minutes right. i could of easily miscalculated the time. Just 5 minutes.. and then its 10 minutes and now i'm up to 50 minutes. LOL i'm am at the point of convincing myself that i'm addicted to the computer.. (ooo thats a good justification to Himself and me) and to not be so hard or cranky with myself. If i dont tell on myself - i'll be the only one disapointed in myself! i mean who wants to disapoint their Dom right? i could side step...... hmmmm <wicked grin> Course i'll tell on myself, i found out the hard way that no matter how much i swear to myself i WONT tell on myself i always do. Arg me! Hmmmmm.. maybe i can skip telling on myself and do my own self penance? Gee that sounds like such a good idea! <grins> Ho hum - join me in why we cut ourselves short and cant escape telling on ourselves! So i, of course, can use "its normal" to justify it! <chuckles> 59 minutes..

ownedgirlie -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 8:50:17 AM)
In order for him to run me as well as he does, he needs to know me intimately - all of me. He needs to know where my head is at all times. In our early days, I did disobey from time to time, as I grew, and struggled, and reached out for my boundaries. I always told him, otherwise he would be making assumptions based on falsehood. Typically my disobedience was connected with fears. If he did not know those fears, he could not have guided me out of them. So yes, I always "told on myself," and while I have not disobeyed in quite some time, if I did again, I would tell him. Sorry, can't help ya on that one...LOL.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 9:06:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RiotGirl Alrighty, who here Tells on yourself if you some how manage to disobey? Yup. It's part of that whole honest and communication gig. If you are only honest and communicate on the good stuff, it doesn't really work.

KatyLied -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 9:09:13 AM)
Be honest and mature in your relationship. Why engage in a power struggle that is unnecessary? If I fail to follow through I admit it, why lie about it? What good is a power exchange if you can't/won't try to abide by the rules?

champagnewishes -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 9:41:31 AM)
I think what you must first address is your motives, not your excuses, for disobeying. The extra time on the computer...is it because you feel you deserve it? your entitled to it? you felt the initial time you were given was unfair to begin with? you have a hard time with this self disipline? Once you have clarity on the reason rather than masking or justifying your actions, that is what you approach your Dom with. Nothing is more shallow than simply saying "i disobyed..i know it was wrong and i am willing to accept my punishment". Little is gained by this type of honesty. And in the event He finds out, He will further be insulted by the excuses that start flowing. The best approach starts with self reflection...be accountable for your actions and leave the drama at the curb.

BitaTruble -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 9:50:30 AM)
quote: Anyone here ever convince themselves to disobey and then try to convince themselves to not tell on themselves. No. Never. I make mistakes, I get things wrong, but I don't set out to deliberately disobey. When I'm wrong, I acknowledge it and accept the consequences. To do otherwise makes a mockery of his collar. Your focus right now is on 'you' and not him. It's about what's fun and breezy in the moment and right now I see a woman who doesn't seem to care to much about being owned by her Master because being on line is more important than obeying his directives. You're just being bad and for a pretty trivial reason. That said, if that's your gig, that's your gig, but it seems to me that if it makes you feel bad to be bad, then you would take steps to ensure that doesn't happen. Or you can just call it all a game that you play when you're in the mood. Decide then do. Celeste

SenseofBelonging -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 9:58:35 AM)
i dont disobey intentionally. there are times when something beyond my control causes me to disobey a standing order but i always speak to Mistress about it right away, and rarely try to offer excuses....explanations, yes...but not excuses and i readily accept the punishment due. more frequently i will think about disobeying and although im able to control myself, will also tell Mistress about the thoughts, knowing that She will probably punish for those as well. Mistress doesnt put up with nonsense, so i simply dont disobey if i can help it.

PlayfulOne -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 10:13:23 AM)
Communication, honesty, trust, integrity, honor, all of those come into play. I amy not have rules but there are ways in which I conduct myself and interact that have a bearing on our relationship. If I alter or change those for some reason the yes she has a right to know what is going on. I try and be fair and consistant in how I conduct myself and handle what goes on. In a moment of what she would refer to as "random stupidity" became caught up in the goings on a few evenings ago and violated a house rule. I didn't even know it had happened till after the fact, she could have easily decided not to tell me or skewed the details in her favor. Her choice?, she brought it to my attention right then with nothing but the truth. We had a long diuscussion about the house rules and whle I was disappointed that a rule which has been in place for months just slipped by it wasn't the end of the world. Now there is a set "reaction" in place should it happen again. Its about the trust and commitment within the relationship. The commitment between us is stroing enough and deep enough that we would never dream of hiding things from one another. She also trust that I will remain fiar and reasoned with her and won't suddenly decide to bury her under the house for something that was basically small. Now say it with me, Hi, My name is riotgirl and I am addicted to the internet. Don't you feel better already. [:)] K

LaTigresse -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 10:44:58 AM)
Me being Me, I never look at anything as Me disobeying, even myself. However sometimes I do (grudgingly admit) make mistakes. In all seriousness, if I think I am wrong or have erred I have no problem admitting it. It's easy for me to say "I appologise, I screwed up" and just learn and try to not repeat the same mistake.

nikaa -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 12:32:17 PM)
I have NEVER gone against what he told me intentionally, however; there are times where I make a mistake or something slips my mind. I don't hide anything from Phoenix. He knows I am not perfect.He knows some days I will forget to journal, or eat as he orders, or interprete taking it easy different than he does. We don't dwell on these things, though we will typically discuss them IF he feels something is simply being avoided like journaling he will find out why or give me something to write about. laughsI don't know what I would do if I delibratly disobeyed him simply because I wanted to "my" thing. I personally would have to revaluate something within myself. Nika{Phoenix}

alwaysobeyingyou -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 12:51:10 PM)
I've never had someone more dominant than my current dom...but i weridly feel compelled to disobey him. He's what i've always wanted...but i want to fight him (im a swtich, but more submissive)... I don't know what to do about that... Can someone explain why? I am a very dominant person in real life, am I afraid to let go?

akisha -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 12:51:14 PM)
Well to tell or not to tell really wouldn't be the problem. [:D] First off it would be all over my face that i had done something wrong. Secondly, I suck at keeping secrets of that kind. All They's have to do is say... "So what did you get up to today" and i'm spilling my guts lol Or i'd be babbling about my day and say tell on myself not even thinking about it.[8\|]

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 12:52:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: alwaysobeyingyou I've never had someone more dominant than my current dom...but i weridly feel compelled to disobey him. He's what i've always wanted...but i want to fight him (im a swtich, but more submissive)... I don't know what to do about that... Can someone explain why? I am a very dominant person in real life, am I afraid to let go? Maybe. Or you just need time to become balanced and secure with the situation. Or you know it's ok to fight, so you enjoy that freedom. Or you aren't really in the right situation. Hard to say specifically, there are a few standard reasons, but only you can know for sure.

spankmepink11 -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 1:08:09 PM)
I'm not currently involved with anyone, but my past experiences are the same as many others. I tell on myself by either the look on my face, or by the fact that i could not lie to Him when asked directly if i , for example...wrote in my journal....or completed my entire workout...etc... Strangely enough however...i found He was more pleased by the fact that i was honest than He was displeased over the fact that i did not for whatever reason complete an assigned task. Of course...a discussion as to why said task was incomplete and how i would avoid repeating the mistake always ensued.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 1:22:02 PM)
There was times I could lie, but I'd be so eaten up by the deciet or fear that this next call would be the call of doom I rarely did.

LadiesBladewing -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 3:17:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RiotGirl Alrighty, who here Tells on yourself if you some how manage to disobey? Be honest please. Tops - if you find you've broken a rule of some sort do you tell on yourself and apologize? Tho i dunno how a Top would break a rule.... but i'm sure its possible. Be honest be honest!! When I lived in service and I screwed up, I told... when I'm at work and I mess up, I tell. I'd rather feel a -little- stupid and tell on myself for making a mistake than try to ignore it and spend a week wondering if I'm going to get caught. It was the same way when I was in service. It was easier to turn myself in than to wonder if someone was going to find out I screwed up. I wasn't one to intentionally disobey when I was in service, so there weren't a lot of incidents. These days, as an owner, I make occasional mistakes and miscalculations like everyone else. I mis-read people and situations, and set guidelines for myself and others that I later find myself unable to follow or maintain. When it happens, whether it is in relation to my co-matriarch, one of our off-site free members, one of our human seedlings, or even just to myself, I tend to be very forthright about what happened and why, and very open in discussing it and the impact it will have on our household and its members (including what I'll need to do to minimize any unpleasant side-effects from my miscalculations and mistakes). I don't see the point in trying to brush it under the rug, and I'm perfectly willing to admit that I made a mistake, own up to it, and work towards resolving the backlash. We're all human, and it happens. I understand that not all of our servants are going to be comfortable from the get-go in coming to me with mistakes they've made and 'fessing up. Most people don't want to take the chance of the discipline being more than they can deal with. I hope that, by seeing that even when it is -ME- that makes the mistake, and I own up to it and accept the consequences, they'll realize that we appreciate the honesty, and that we can help them learn to be both responsible for their actions and graceful under discipline... once they get there, it's a beautiful thing to behold. Lady Zephyr

Sensualips -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 6:24:40 PM)
I tell on myself if it is something important. If I consider it insignificant or not relevant, I have no problem concealing things with no remorse or second thoughts. I am working on that though.

twicehappy -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 6:41:51 PM)
I am the same way in the vanilla world as i am within my M/M/s relationship which is this; if you do something, good, bad, or indifferent, be a real live human being and own it.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 6:54:45 PM)
Hummm god question..Not being in a relationship, I would like to think I would tell on myself..however..I could just as easily not tell justifying to myself wether it was of import or not.I guess I will just have to see which pans out..be well..Tempting

catize -> RE: To Tell or not to Tell (5/2/2006 7:49:52 PM)
If the rules have been set out clearly and if I have agreed to abide by those rules then I am obligated to obey. If I am even slightly tempted to disobey, I ask myself these questions. How does disobedience honor my dominant? What purpose does it serve? How does disobedience further my submission? If I expect a dominant to keep his word how can I expect less of myself? If I answer these questions honestly it clarifies what it means to be the submissive in a D/s relationship. There is a huge difference between an honest mistake and a deliberate flaunting of the rules. Both errors are only compounded by deceit.

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