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RE: Disability - 10/22/2004 2:05:36 PM

jillwfsub4blkdom

Posts: 375
Joined: 7/2/2004
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Sir,
i wish You the very best with Your operation and recuperation afterwards. i don't think that Dominance has anything to do with physical strength. To me it is more of a mental aspect.

jill

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Post #: 21

RE: Disability - 10/22/2004 3:41:55 PM

Sheri

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/22/2004
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Speaking as a submissive who was living in a 24/7 relationship that BECAME disabled... I do not intend to speak as a Dominant however I think i've got a unique perspective ..

First of all a person who looks at the other PERSON as opposed to seeing the disability is the key.. however it can be very difficult to find such a situation.

Secondly, no matter what the disability.. people WITHOUT a disability don't always understand what is ok... I'd rather find somebody who was willing to take the time to learn about the limitations for my benefit as a submissive.

My former Master began to see only the disability and literally became vanilla on me... (thats a WHOLE nother Oprah episode). Those who are submissive and are suddenly thrust into a vanilla world are literally STARVED to death as their needs aren't being met..

SOME of us disabled submissives can look perfectly normal yet have HARD limits that CANT be broken for our safety.. Ex: I have had a brain tumor removed and have seizure potential. this rules out electrical play PERIOD no exceptions... I WAS a slave in which I trusted the Master I served to not put me in harms way HOWEVER as a slave I had no LIMITS.

Take heart.. there are good people out there who will see YOU for YOU, but don't condemn the ones that are wary and overly concerned... its a natural reaction.

(in reply to sub4hire)

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RE: Disability - 7/20/2005 3:51:21 PM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mystyblue

I am very submissive. I was married for 20 years to a vanilla man. I've been divorces 2 yrs and yearn for a D/s relationship. I am disabled but can do almost anything. I'm not paralyzed and can walk short distances. How do i prove to a Dom that He won't hurt me. I can take just as much as a "normal"sub. I am frustrated with people thinking that i will be hurt and i don't want to spend the rest of my life alone because of what people, Doms in particular, think. What can i do?

Im disabled too although Im Dominant and confined to a wheelchair. I have a similar problem but with women. Anyway,dont give up,keep interacting with Dominants every chance you get and in the end you WILL find someone who is relaxed enough with you to want to whip you till you.....whatever. lol. Good luck.

HalloweenWhite.

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RE: Disability - 7/20/2005 4:00:28 PM

HalloweenWhite

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoreanBob

Hi,
As a Dom with a disability I can tell you many will say it’s this or that, but if you watch you'll see very few that can actually get past an infirmity. Its like a 400 pound person with 3 big macs eating, nobody says anything to him; but everybody sneaks a look or comments. Many equate a wheelchair to no sex or limited sex and just won't tell you that matters to them.
Robert

As someone who actually -is- in a wheelchair and has a sneaking suspicion that what you say is true (even,sorry to say it,on this website). I would like to just say ty for saying it as clearly as you have. And btw, I agree,but it wont stop Me trying and it SHOULDNT stop the O.P.

I read some research on relationships and disabled people-it said,basically,women do better than men. Still aint going to stop Me. Maybe Im like jack nickolson's character in "The witches of eastwick"......."Im just your average horny little devil"

HalloweenWhite.

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RE: Disability - 7/20/2005 7:09:44 PM

subcheryl

Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
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To the original poster and those other who have disabilities, I applaud you all for having the spirit you all do. If I have a disability it is an injury to a knee that does not allow me to kneel for my master, the drs say that I will need a knee replacement down the road but at age 48 am too young for one now, LOL who wants one at 70, I want to enjoy life now. I told Master of this I have willing knelt for him but on the nights it gets too uncomfortable for me he understands and allows me up. I think alot of people are uncomfortable around people with visable disabilities, due to fact they weren't around people with disabilities as young people there fore have not developed a way of approaching them, also in movies you see the guy in the wheel chair who is crouchity and angry won't allow anyone help him cross the street and up the curb, so people don't know if they should even approach them, so sometimes you have to do the approaching which I know can be hard have had to depend on others at times with my knee and to ask for help is hard. But yes anyone worth their salt or Domness(is that a word) would get to know you, your limitations, and go slow to feel out what you can do or can't do. I wish you all the best in your searches, you deserve the best.

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RE: Disability - 7/21/2005 6:43:20 AM

softandshy

Posts: 297
Joined: 5/10/2005
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There is no reason you should allow the use of a chair to stop you HalloweenWhite. It would mean only that some submissive would be left without an ideal match. i can understand your concerns though.

It's funny. i work with folks who have disabilities, and i spent significant time in a chair myself due to a back injury. Periodically i still lose control of my legs (nerve impingement) and wind up back in the chair. But, perhaps because it's so normal to me, it didn't occur to me to worry about the issue until i was asked about health issues directly by the Mistress (it's been a while since i've gotten worked up about the reaction of J. Q. Public, mostly now i can feel empathy with his/her lack of comfort and ignorance). Then, suddenly, i found myself very reluctant to answer Her. i did, of course, but it brought home the possible difference in perspectives. We are who we are when all is said and done. Luckily that was how She saw it as well.

So there are still those out there to whom a relationship or play would be welcome and to whom disability or different ability isn't a major hurdle.

One thing i have chosen to do differently, though, is to make my own equipment. The Mistress requires each slave or sub to have his/her own toys and restraints to prevent accidental spread of disease (everyone is checked but you never can tell). This provided an ideal opportunity to make restraints, gags and such, that are appropriate to my physical needs. i've a belt now that protects and supports my back as much as it allows the Mistress to bind me. ;) The play collar i made is serpentine to reduce pressure on the spine at the neck. Both wrist and ankle cuffs are relatively large for a woman because those are weaker points on my body. i've enjoyed the exercise of creating these items. It also means i've learned how to make Her some more comfortable toys and balance or customize them to Her preferences. ~grinning~

*edited because i can be anal-retentive. There is a hyphen in that. :)*

< Message edited by softandshy -- 7/21/2005 6:51:56 AM >

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RE: Disability - 7/21/2005 7:00:06 AM

FangsNfeet

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I myself have never had problems with subs that had physical disabilites. But then again I have Rehab and Athletic training epxperience that has enlightened me on creativity.

However, I'm also a little meaner than most and have some of the wolf instinct philosophy. If it's weakend, out of place, or more vulnerable, then eat it. Truely, I've been able to treat everyone the same. But verbal abuse is a little easier to use on a handicaped person as well as humiliation. But on the same token, I've never became upset because of ones limitations but came up with various ideas that help them come over there limitaions.

I'd advise that you discribe in your profile a little bit about about your physical limintations and how you can enjoy and or handle a Dom picking on you about them. There's no reason of being thought of differently except by the fact that some Doms might find you to easy to take on and not a challenge. By no means do I suggest that you try to change yourself or toughen up, but rather begin expressing yourself more and letting every Dom know how much fun you really are as a sub who likes it rough and can play with the big people.

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RE: Disability - 7/21/2005 10:30:07 AM

HalloweenWhite

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softandshy. Thank you for saying that,it's great to know others feel as strongly as you do,even if you know they do its still good to hear it. There's no way Im going to give up lol. This is too important to Me.

HalloweenWhite.

(in reply to softandshy)

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RE: Disability - 7/21/2005 10:35:49 AM

HalloweenWhite

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Intriuged-much, What kind of verbal abuse?.

HalloweenWhite.

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RE: Disability - 7/21/2005 2:09:41 PM

FangsNfeet

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quote:

What kind of verbal abuse?.

Well for starters, lets say I have a sub that's in a wheel chair. I can say things such as "look at you, I'm always having to get shit off the self for you. What kind of service are you giving me here?" and "While you're stuck in that pathetic chair, "BLOW ME!" "
If it's due to fitness, how about I say "oh so you really can't keep up eh? Damn you Bitch, you're going to have to do something to make up for this."

But these type of statements aren't to be confused with an abuser who just wants to build himself up by putting other ppl down. It's all apart of scense and pushing them to be creative in finding otherways of overcomeing there disability as well as just picking on them from time to time.

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RE: Disability - 7/21/2005 2:57:27 PM

HalloweenWhite

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

quote:

What kind of verbal abuse?.

Well for starters, lets say I have a sub that's in a wheel chair. I can say things such as "look at you, I'm always having to get shit off the self for you. What kind of service are you giving me here?" and "While you're stuck in that pathetic chair, "BLOW ME!" "
If it's due to fitness, how about I say "oh so you really can't keep up eh? Damn you Bitch, you're going to have to do something to make up for this."

But these type of statements aren't to be confused with an abuser who just wants to build himself up by putting other ppl down. It's all apart of scense and pushing them to be creative in finding otherways of overcomeing there disability as well as just picking on them from time to time.

Ok,thanks for that, I was really curious. and (Not to be a whiney Dom) a bit concerned about the level of abuse-can of worms for me,you see.

Anyway Thanks.

HalloweenWhite.

< Message edited by HalloweenWhite -- 7/21/2005 6:08:17 PM >

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RE: Disability - 7/23/2005 5:07:23 AM

perfection20005

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You will find someone that will not be scared to push your limits once they know you. I too am disabled, and when Master and I first started, he was also scared of hurting me. The longer we are together though, the more he knows that I can take just about anything he can give me! Just give it some time, he's out there somewhere!!

perfection

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RE: Disability - 7/23/2005 6:56:12 AM

MstrHellsFury

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(very big smile)...out of our needs come our best creativity...well done..

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Post #: 33