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help with question... - 1/24/2011 7:49:35 PM   
slutcakes


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/30/2010
Status: offline 		men, or women dominants, how do you know for sure if your master loves you or if they are just enjoying your sexual energy? especially if we dated on and off before we knew about our similiar interests in bdsm and so forth? its hard to tell now that we're completely open sexually if he truly loves me. we became engaged before all this so ya :((
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RE: help with question... - 1/24/2011 7:55:08 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

how do you know for sure if your master loves you or if they are just enjoying your sexual energy?

You don't.

All you can know for sure is how YOU feel.

If you are having doubts now though, I would take a step back and reassess your own feelings.

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RE: help with question... - 1/24/2011 8:07:52 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

how do you know for sure if your master loves you or if they are just enjoying your sexual energy?

You don't.

All you can know for sure is how YOU feel.

Great point.

quote:

how do you know for sure if your master loves you or if they are just enjoying your sexual energy?


What's the difference? Put the "love" word entirely to the side and just focus on whether you feel content and emotionally fulfilled in your interactions with him. Trying to retroactively shove whatever you two are enjoying into some metaphysical nonsense box labeled with one of the most volatile, malleable, and confusing words in the history of the human language is just a recipe for self-inflicted disaster.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 1/24/2011 8:08:19 PM >

_____________________________

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RE: help with question... - 1/25/2011 1:38:17 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		i go on how i feel and what i feel from the person also what they say and how they say it. but you can never trully know whats in someones head. all you can go on does it feel right for you are you happy.

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RE: help with question... - 1/25/2011 1:47:27 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Ask him right before he is gonna blow

we all know guys have to tell the truth in mid-gazm.

*laffs herself into a coma.


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RE: help with question... - 1/25/2011 1:55:29 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Deeds, not words.


Take a look at his actions. Do they show love and care for you? Is it a reciprocal relationship- one in which you get as much as you give?

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RE: help with question... - 1/25/2011 6:57:41 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		I don't think love, respect are even questioned in a fulfilling relationship, not usually.

maybe you should ask him

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RE: help with question... - 1/25/2011 7:36:55 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		you should talk to him. some people feel that love and "feelings" interfere with M/s. he might be having some "issue" with reconciling love and various things he wants to do with you. it's worth a conversation. 

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RE: help with question... - 1/25/2011 9:39:25 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Is this related to the fact that you are seeking a third?

Are you worried that if he really loved you, he wouldn't need or want someone else?

If this isn't related to that, then why are you doubting his love.

What behavior(s) concern you or what seems to be missing?

What are you afraid of?

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(in reply to slutcakes)
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RE: help with question... - 1/25/2011 9:46:29 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

Deeds, not words.


Take a look at his actions. Do they show love and care for you? Is it a reciprocal relationship- one in which you get as much as you give?


This. It is the only way to really know. Words are crap. Someone who is abusing you may say they love you while someone else may not be comfortable expressing the words of love, but everything they do shows how they feel.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
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RE: help with question... - 1/25/2011 10:15:44 AM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slutcakes

how do you know for sure if your master loves you or if they are just enjoying your sexual energy?


I listen to his words and I watch his actions.  If the words are telling me he loves me and the actions demonstrate the same then I know he loves me.

I also know that when I make assumptions I am usually wrong!  LOL


(in reply to slutcakes)
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RE: help with question... - 1/25/2011 12:47:26 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		That's it take it like a good bitch..... "Of course I Love you babeeeeee"

BadOne

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RE: help with question... - 1/25/2011 3:31:59 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		well being we've been together for many years now and we tell each other we love each other all the time and we do things for each other all the time and we're there for each other all the time I'd say there's no doubt in my mind or his that we love each other and we're not just using each other for sex.

Imo time and his actions will tell you if he loves you or not.

(in reply to SailingBum)
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RE: help with question... - 1/25/2011 4:13:58 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slutcakes

men, or women dominants, how do you know for sure if your master loves you or if they are just enjoying your sexual energy? especially if we dated on and off before we knew about our similiar interests in bdsm and so forth? its hard to tell now that we're completely open sexually if he truly loves me. we became engaged before all this so ya :((


Really, really, really do not read anymore of those Twilight books or see the movies. 

You might want to see a counselor or therapist to help you decide if you are in a happy and fulfilling relationship.  I don't think you really need long term help, I do think that you sound confused and could use a person to talk to for a couple sessions to help you work through your feelings with this. 

_____________________________

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(in reply to slutcakes)
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RE: help with question... - 1/25/2011 5:30:57 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Does he spend any time with you doing nonsexual things? Go to a movie together? Talk about how your day went? Offers to come run errands with you so he can spend more time with you?

If he's only interested in sex, he wouldn't do anything else. However since you were already engaged prior to this, I feel confident saying that right now he's like a kid in a candy store. Going around grabbing all the candy he can in case this opportunity doesn't ever occur.

Talk to him and tell him to tamp it down, that he's making you feel unloved by being so sex focused. And that he doesn't need to o.d. on sex since it's not going away.


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RE: help with question... - 1/25/2011 8:40:09 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slutcakes

men, or women dominants, how do you know for sure if your master loves you or if they are just enjoying your sexual energy? especially if we dated on and off before we knew about our similiar interests in bdsm and so forth? its hard to tell now that we're completely open sexually if he truly loves me. we became engaged before all this so ya :((


what I find truly disturbing is that for one you are engaged and are unsure he loves you?? and two, it wasn't a priority before, why should it be now?

Do you love him? If so, why haven't you told him such?  Not to mention, if you want to know so badly, why not just ask him? How do you expect us to know if he does in fact love you or not?


_____________________________

It hurts.....that you call me a masochist


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RE: help with question... - 1/25/2011 11:26:02 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slutcakes

men, or women dominants, how do you know for sure if your master loves you or if they are just enjoying your sexual energy?


I just put on me telepathy helmet.  It's made of a material that looks surprisingly like tinfoil - but the guy who sold it to me on the corner of 5th and Broadway assured me it isn't.

All kidding aside, there really is no way to see inside of another persons head and deduce what they are thinking.  The best you can hope for is to deduce from his actions and responses.  Does he skip poker night because you've had a bad day at work?  Does he skip poker night and put down his riding crop when you're crying?  Those are good signs that he loves you.

In the end, all you can do is make the best judgment based on how he appears to feel.  There is no one way people show love and there is no way at all for us to tell over the net through a short description.

(in reply to slutcakes)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: help with question... - 1/26/2011 11:18:46 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		If I were to ask Carol how she knew I loved her she would laugh. To me the word "love" has specific and deep meaning and it's more than just a pretty word.... it translates into visible action. A long time ago someone somewhere was talking about love and they asked, "If you were arraigned in a court of law for loving your partner, would you be convicted? Would there be sufficient objective evidence?" In my case, the answer is "Yes, they'd throw the book at me."

_____________________________

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to slutcakes)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: help with question... - 1/26/2011 11:23:28 AM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slutcakes

men, or women dominants, how do you know for sure if your master loves you or if they are just enjoying your sexual energy?


You don't. Sex is sex.

quote:



especially if we dated on and off before we knew about our similiar interests in bdsm and so forth?


The dating dynamic was one thing, the BDSM dynamic another thing. How was the dating experience before you began discussing the BDSM dynamic? Where was the dating going, what was it leading up to? Was it casual dating, knocking boots, did your lives mesh to a point things could/would get serious?

How did including BDSM change any of the dating/relationship destinations or dynamics?

It's not a matter of either or. BDSM and your day to day life do not seem to be mutually exclusive, they can be as integrated as your nervous system is with your muscular system, and since your dating experience with him also included a shared interest in BDSM, I would say that they are integrated.

quote:


its hard to tell now that we're completely open sexually if he truly loves me. we became engaged before all this so ya :((


It's that last bit there that is the real issue. Your insecurities are just yours. You own them, you feed them and it is up to you to cope and deal with them. He can do little to help you with them, again they are yours. However he can do a lot to feed them and make them into something monstrous.

Has he fed them? Have you discussed your insecurities? Has he indulged himself in things that he knows full well make you feel insecure? On the same token, has he tried to ease your insecurities?

This is a battery of questions only you can answer and it will take a great deal of self examination to arrive to the answers. I understand that it is often helpful to get advice or a third person perspective on a situation, however this situation is way to personal for anyone here to help you with. You need to identify if it is your demons that are torturing you or if it is simply his dynamic isn't your dynamic an he cannot or will not meet your needs.

YMMV
SLURP


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RE: help with question... - 1/26/2011 1:16:12 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		How do i know my Sir loves me?     .......................  he keeps my brand of tea at his place ........................ he smiles when he sees me  ............................... he tolerates being bitten by my cockatoo- who isn't trying to hurt, just doesn't know when to let up .................................. he bought the guts to fix the second toilet - and installed it ............................. he holds my hand ..................... he talks about our future .................... he tells me i'm special ...................... in short, he is thoughtful, kind , tolerant, forbearing, and a lot of fun to be with.      Oh yes, he also tells me he loves me, and not just in the sack.

(in reply to FukinTroll)
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