RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single

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chiaThePet -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 7:50:33 AM)
My thoughts on why some sub men are still single Cause they believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns? chia* (the pet)

SomethingCatchy -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 7:58:27 AM)
That doesn't make sense. If they believed, then they wouldn't be unhappy!

81song -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 8:42:25 AM)
Who knows why some men (or women) for that matter are single? In my case I have a long distance relationship and I am very much in love with her. She has know about my kink from the get go but she cannot figure it out as to the big old why. We have gone back and forth and up and down about it, then she just said, "well I have to accept you really are this way." I guess in my perfect world I would be with her and a steady Domme, all above the board. But back to the question, I think us guys (I call this the dick theory) go charging towards the door in the castle to get the girl and we bang down the door with our dicks, then once inside we we have achieved our goal we go limp and the girl in the castle is wondering what the hell!

chiaThePet -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 8:43:02 AM)
Cause they have Something Catchy? Alright alright alright......please forgive me everyone.....please forgive me. Just a little yoke. chia* (the pet)

LadyConstanze -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 9:25:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy I read all the replies, but I'm dumbfounded that anyone would consider a park REMOTE. All the parks I've ever lived next to seem to be major thoroughfares for locals. Most times you can't even move 12 feet without seeing someone. Lots of joggers, cyclists, families with children running around screaming, people with dogs. I feel more secure going to the local park than I do walking down my own street. I think the most remote it's gotten so far was my recent picnic with C. Maybe I'm just lucky that I've lived in urban areas that take pride in their public spaces. I'm absolutely shocked that people wouldn't realize that not all parks are crowded and some of us might live in areas where parks stretch for miles and miles and where you can walk for a good while without meeting anybody, or why would anybody would like to walk around while getting to know somebody instead of sitting down and having time to concentrate on the date and what they say... Additionally a date being huddled up in a raincoat or carrying an umbrella while looking after a dog is simply not my idea of how I want to meet somebody first... Odd, I always lived in urban areas, never lived very much in places where I didn't feel secure in my own street... I still don't get why meeting in cafe is so out of the question? Even better a munch if one is happening. I just like to sit down with people and talk face to face than walk. A lot of parks in the UK stretch for miles, some are former country estates with miles of woodland, pretty well maintained and certainly the community has taken a lot of pride in keeping it that way, but still it would be fairly easy for somebody to steer you away from people. Having a dog certainly gives one a level of safety, but it also distracts from how much attention you can give the person you are going to meet, and upon meeting I would like to concentrate on the person I am meeting. Now if I would meet the person in the park where I walk my dog regularly, chances are we bump into other dogs my dog is friends with and their parents, and they'll say hello and would expect me to introduce the person, or try to walk with us - again not a great situation to get to know somebody you meet for the first time. Of course then one could go to the big country estate turned into a park and march through the woodlands, but again not really great plus not everybody's idea of fun to walk for miles in a remote location. Come on, a cup of coffee is not going to break the bank, if it does chances are that the guy can't afford the petrol or the ticket for public transportation to show up for the date.

PeonForHer -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 9:55:14 AM)
FR I read of a psychology test some time ago in which blind dates were asked to meet at particular places. These would be 'ordinary' places (cafes and pubs) or somewhat more 'dangerous' places, such as a bridge. The results were such that it was clear that everyone found their date more attractive if they'd met on the bridge. A bit of dangerous feeling (not enough to present real physical danger, mind - no derelict warehouses late at night) is conducive to that romantic feeling, the researchers hypothesised.

LadyConstanze -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 10:02:03 AM)
Peon, maybe your dating would be more successful if you would meet them on the Eiffel Tower or have a first date for bungee jumping Just trying to be helpful

PeonForHer -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 10:38:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze Peon, maybe your dating would be more successful if you would meet them on the Eiffel Tower or have a first date for bungee jumping Just trying to be helpful You're talking my language, Lady C. That way, if a date turns out to unsatisfactory to me in some way, I could push her off or cut the bungee cord.

AAkasha -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 12:25:23 PM)
I don't think it's simply that sub men don't know when/how to spend money on women, on dates, or how to get by being frugal without looking cheap. I know some sub men who charm the pants off of women (no pun intended) with or without money and have no problems with courtship rituals. The bigger challenge I think is that sub men either want FREEDOM from the challenge/stress of courtship, and/or they are poorly equipped to do it. Courtship is a skill. So is flirting. Some men don't learn to do either, and don't practice either, and this is stuff many men figure out early in life through trial and error, through peers and older siblings, and through observing others doing it. How do you ask a woman on a date? How do you talk to her? How do you figure out who pays? As evidenced by this thread, there are as many acceptable first date options as there are women - but some thing some ideas are horrible, and others think they are great. Here's the challenge: Reading the woman. Getting a sense of how high maintenance she is. Identifying if she's going to have expectations of being wined and dined, or would be happy renting a movie or taking a walk. Initiating contact and then allowing her to take control if that's her vibe, or sharing control. All of this requires some intuition and finesse -- or, if a man is a "what you see is what you get" type, then he needs to communicate with a woman who is at that level also. Still, this requires identifying THAT type of woman. If I were single and a man wanted to date me, he'd know pretty fast (I think it's in my profile) some of my main passions. For example, hockey is one, and dogs/animals causes is another. If he wanted a sure fire fun first date, of course, anything hockey related would be interesting to me. If it's too expensive, he could also suggest we hang out at the local dog park - I would be in heaven. I love that place. The common theme here is he paid attention to me, my style, my expectations, my interests. Some women are a walk in the park type, some are the "pick me up in a limo" type, some are just comfortable meeting for coffee - -you can get a sense of this from some interaction and go from there. There is no blanket solution. Akasha

mummyman321 -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 12:57:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy I read all the replies, but I'm dumbfounded that anyone would consider a park REMOTE. All the parks I've ever lived next to seem to be major thoroughfares for locals. Most times you can't even move 12 feet without seeing someone. Lots of joggers, cyclists, families with children running around screaming, people with dogs. I feel more secure going to the local park than I do walking down my own street. I think the most remote it's gotten so far was my recent picnic with C. Maybe I'm just lucky that I've lived in urban areas that take pride in their public spaces. SC, Remind me not to move to your neighborhood! The local park by my house is 1,500 acres which is 2.3 miles by about 2.3 miles. Every park bench and picinic table is within about 25 feet of dense woods. The park is about 90% nature area. It is a beautful park with great walking/hiking trails and great picnic areas. Its a wonderful place to talk and walk if you already know someone. But even I can see this would be a high risk 1st time meeting place. Ten feet into the tree line and your gone. No one can see you. I would say that this is very typical of the type of parks you will see in my area.

hausboy -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 1:11:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy I read all the replies, but I'm dumbfounded that anyone would consider a park REMOTE. All the parks I've ever lived next to seem to be major thoroughfares for locals. Most times you can't even move 12 feet without seeing someone. Lots of joggers, cyclists, families with children running around screaming, people with dogs. I feel more secure going to the local park than I do walking down my own street. I think the most remote it's gotten so far was my recent picnic with C. Maybe I'm just lucky that I've lived in urban areas that take pride in their public spaces. In my city, the definition of a park = place to dump the body p.s. if the unicorn is invisible, how do you know it's pink?

PeonForHer -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 1:46:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hausboy In my city, the definition of a park = place to dump the body The first thing that sprang to my mind when I read of the suggestion of a park as the venue of a first meet was the murder of Rachel Nickell http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rachel_Nickell_murder_case on Wimbledon Common in 1992. But then, I figured that there are parks and there are parks. A crowded little park in the centre of a city in the USA isn't the same as Yellowstone National Park. Still, I don't suppose that either would be good for a woman wearing six-inch-heeled thighboots, as Dommes invariably do.

hausboy -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 2:09:26 PM)
Hey PFH I love going to State and National parks--I'm totally into the outdoors-- and that's one of those places that I would bring someone special once we got to know one another. I don't follow organized, Western religion--so the closest I get to a diety is spending time in the great outdoors admiring nature and its wonders. Not my first or second date choice, but if we make it through the first round of courtship, the woman that I really want to get serious with--she's the one I'd want to go hiking with! There's something about being in the woods that makes one open up emotionally to others.... you remind me......my first wife and I had our first BDSM "chat" while we were hiking on the Appalachian Trail together a few weeks after we first met....

PeonForHer -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 2:24:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hausboy Hey PFH I love going to State and National parks--I'm totally into the outdoors-- and that's one of those places that I would bring someone special once we got to know one another. I don't follow organized, Western religion--so the closest I get to a diety is spending time in the great outdoors admiring nature and its wonders. Not my first or second date choice, but if we make it through the first round of courtship, the woman that I really want to get serious with--she's the one I'd want to go hiking with! There's something about being in the woods that makes one open up emotionally to others.... you remind me......my first wife and I had our first BDSM "chat" while we were hiking on the Appalachian Trail together a few weeks after we first met.... I'm right with you, HB. I don't think there's anything to compare with being out there in the wilds. But, there you go . . . first meetings require different considerations. Me, my ideal choice would be a pub or a cafe next to a park. Something of nature at least to look at. (Or next to the local bridge. Heh.) With someone one knows a little, though, one could always suggest a walk with the local ramblers' club. The other ramblers would then be unwitting 'chaperones'.

Aynne88 -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 5:26:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW quote: ORIGINAL: Aynne88 quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I think he was more "pros should top for free' category. Of course, I don't think he ever really had the mental capacity to understand why most people wouldn't want to be in the same room with him without getting paid. No, I was thinking of someone else entirely. I think half of the regulars on the forums have him blocked. I know who LadyP. means. My secret admirer. [;)]. My curiosity is phucking with my generally not nosy self... Who? Check your mail! ;)

SthrnCom4t -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 5:38:16 PM)
When I was single, I had a lot of first dates. (more than second or thirds, for that matter grin). I had a few favorite restaurants that I would suggest for coffee, lunch or dinner, and were easy to find. Generally, they were within 5 miles of my house, but sometimes I'd drive into the larger city I was living outside of. I never had a bad experience, though sometimes I knew on the drive to the date, that it was a waste of time. (I was just bored and wanted to get out.) If he insisted on paying, AND I liked and wanted to see him again, I'd let him pay. If he wasn't insistent, OR I didn't want to see him again, I'd pay my own way.

Tantriqu -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 5:43:42 PM)
I insist on paying for the first several dates, at least. Once we're established and if they're financially able, we tend to alternate paying. Sadly, the poorest pups are least comfortable and the richest are the most comfortable with being treated. ONCE, the richest, an international lawyer, presumed I'd pay for his beer; I expect at least a gesture or a thanks. :-D he only made that mistake once. Edited to add: Do I smell [quiver] an EX-CATHOLIC SCHOOLBOY!?!? [gets out my knife and fork] My Favourite dessert!! quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer Oh well, you live and you learn. In my defence, I went to a boys' school.

PeonForHer -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 5:55:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tantriqu Do I smell [quiver] an EX-CATHOLIC SCHOOLBOY!?!? [:D] Oh no. I believe in sex before death.

LadyConstanze -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 6:01:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tantriqu I insist on paying for the first several dates, at least. Once we're established and if they're financially able, we tend to alternate paying. Sadly, the poorest pups are least comfortable and the richest are the most comfortable with being treated. ONCE, the richest, an international lawyer, presumed I'd pay for his beer; I expect at least a gesture or a thanks. :-D he only made that mistake once. If it's a coffee, I have no problem if he's paying, a meal, that would depend how well I know him and how comfy I am with him, but to progress to a meal, I would have met him over coffee before and we would at least get on, if I knew that he doesn't have a lot of money, I'd offer to go Dutch or avoid meals in restaurants. A guy with big gestures insisting that he pays as some sort of macho thing, I possibly would decide I pay for it all, just to show him he can't buy me. I like it if a guy is a gentleman, but a woman is only a lady if she doesn't take advantage of it, it's good manners if he offers to pay, it would be exceedingly bad manners to suggest a very expensive restaurant or order the most expensive dish, especially if you know he doesn't make that kind of money. I don't like restaurants for first dates, a cafe or a pub is much better, easier to just walk away and not feel guilty if he spent £3 for a coffee or a drink than if he spent £50 on a meal.

hausboy -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/26/2011 7:16:39 PM)
Okay...so this may be a tangent to the thread.... but let's say you go on a date....nice person but just doesn't make you want another date. He or she contacts you to see if you are available for another date--you tell him or her that you can't--busy weekend, etc. Do you: A. Tell them you enjoyed meeting them but aren't feeling the chemistry, and wish them well with their search... OR B. Just keep being "busy" and eventually they get the message C. Not write them back D. something else....(all ears on this one) Cuz I used to always do option A--thought it was the polite thing to do. And after the fourth or fifth nasty flaming email telling me I was a big loser, because they were such an amazing person, and I was missing out on a great woman, and so on....I just decided to go with option B or C. Hope that doesn't make me a total tool.

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