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CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single (1/30/2011 1:59:49 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: KeepMeUnderneath
I'm dieing to write something here but everytime I type anything I keep deleting it and writing something new because I don't want to say something stupid.
I'm newly single. (Yesterday) after a 5 year relationship. The first thing I've done after we broke up is come here to find someone more suited to me.
I'm probably the kind of person whom would be hated in a place like this because I'm here as a single man to escape the hardship I just came from.
Without knowing it, I think I was a submissive to her. I did everything she asked and got nothing in return. When I say nothing, I mean NOTHING. Its not like if I did something right I'd get a pat on the head and she'd say "good slave". If I did something right, I got nothing. And it wasn't a slave/ domme relationship. It was just, boyfriend and girlfriend. So, thats why I think some submissives are single, because what I learned is deep down we all do things for other people for something in return. Even if the only thing we get in return is the chance to do it again. I think deep down though, all they/ we want is a bit of something in return. Some men want it as sex, some men will be all philosophical about it and say things like "to be of servitude is enough return for me", but its always give and take, in any relationship. Even when we give to charity. All we want in return is for the charity we are donating to to do its job and make life easier for those whom we love but have never met and probably never will. Its not selfish, but its still something we want in return.
If you give and never take, you will end up a kind of, cliche pathetic, grovelling submissive. Begging and never receiving.
When you are single, you have no one that you have to give yourself to. Therefor there is no one to NOT give you what you need. You don't have to worship someone only to be forever disapointed because she won't acknowledge you or give you her effection. I don't know if any of what I have written makes sense. All I know is I don't want to purposely paint myself as pathetic because I have alot to give and would rather stay single than waste it on a women who is acting mean because she knows it will bring some desperado to her feet when inside, she is a kitten. I'd much rather a strong women whom is strong enough inside to know she doesn't have to promise anything because she is strong enough to give back to those who give to her and that if it is somehow interpreted as weak, she has the inner strength to handle it, as opposed to what I came from. All bitchyness on the outside but no bite on the inside.
I see you have just left a long term relationship...and still have issues you are working on so you can be at peace with yourself again. It is my opinion that you should take several months to decompress and think things over before hurling yourself into the dating scene again.
Rebound relationships are often...bandaids for past wounds. Few last.
Think about why you stayed with someone for five long years when she was giving nothing back to you at all. Was this really true, or simply how it feels like right now, when you are upset?
Next time, you want to feel loved and to be given the occasional pat on the head, and...you also want a woman with bite who doesn't pretend to be a bitch, to get what she wants, but just...IS one?
Now that you understand what you don't want, maybe you will have better luck in time finding what you need. Best wishes to you in your search, and I hope things get better for you over time. Unless all feelings for her are dead, things will get worse before they get better...so keep busy and get out of the house...and eat some chocolate when you are feeling low.
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