How do you juggle wife and the sub?

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How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 10:44:01 AM

TotalcontrolMI

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/20/2011
Status: offline

I was into a swing relation ship. Were wife wanted just to meet one male but she would let go and meet other couples. She has been a online sub for years. I have been controlling her about year and half. I don’t consider my self a master. Just more and controlling Dom. Light bondage toys, controlling how we have sex and were and what she is to wear. We just added cat nine whips riding crops, straps very little rope play paddles, Wife had me get a real-time sub to play with us wife get tuned on watching me control, the sub. She said I have become more of a Dom. Wife told sub we would meet her about 3 times a month but would not play every time. Lately wife back out on meeting sub and is saying once a month is plenty. How do I keep my wife and sub both happy? Sub all ready understand she come second how long will that last normal and
much is too little for most subs ? Trying to set some guild line with out pissing every one off.

Post #: 1

RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 10:47:19 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

OK... I am going to say this before anyone else does.
Your wife is the one in control and the dominant, not you.

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RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 10:51:28 AM

TotalcontrolMI

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/20/2011
Status: offline

I all ready knew that. But how do you keep them both happy?

(in reply to RCdc)

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RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 11:02:04 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Well if you submit to her, then you obey her and you should have made that clear to the third in the beginning and in that case, there is no keeping happy as everyone is aware. If your wife is the one who promised the third the trimonthly meetings it is up to her to negotiate the change and the third is totally within her rights to leave should this not be what she can submit to.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 11:13:31 AM

DarkSteven

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Have your wife deal directly with the sub. They're the ones calling the shots, and you're basically background noise. Since they're making the decisions, there's not much you can do to make them happy except keep out of their way.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 1/25/2011 11:15:24 AM >

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RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 11:16:29 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Since cross posting is frowned upon and one of the threads likely to be deleted, I will post what I said in the same thread in the Master section. That post follows:

This post was painful to read. Is English your first language?

I have a husband, a sub, and various play partners. All of these people know that I make time for them in My life. My relationship with My husband is the primary one, where most of the time gets spent. The rest of the time is divided between time where there is just two people and time where it will be more than just two. We base it on scheduling more than anything else. My other half understands that one play time a month (doesn't matter which one it is with) probably wouldn't be an adequate fit for the amount of play time that I want.

If your wife is an equal in your marriage, I'd highly suggest compromise. (She says one, you say three. Split the difference and make it two.) There is also the possibility of your wife only wanting to observe/participate one time a month and you and the sub have that arrangement and a separate play date that is just the two of you that occurs without her. My other half isn't at every scene, especially if I'm at a play party or a dungeon. If your wife isn't submissive to you, trying to force her to participate more than what she wants has a chance of backfiring. It wouldn't work for us if My other half had to be present every time I played. I think that is an asset for us.

ETA - I would suggest that you fill out your profile. I looked to see if there was a reason for the way your post was presented.

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RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 11:20:00 AM

TotalcontrolMI

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/20/2011
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Have your wife deal directly with the sub. They're the ones calling the shots, and you're basically background noise. Since they're making the decisions, there's not much you can do to make them happy except keep out if their say.

I am more or less in charge of the places and what they will do and wear. I have been left out of the dates and times.
I get the point it is wife friends she can decide the when and how often

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 7

RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 11:33:45 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TotalcontrolMI

Have your wife deal directly with the sub. They're the ones calling the shots, and you're basically background noise. Since they're making the decisions, there's not much you can do to make them happy except keep out if their say.

I am more or less in charge of the places and what they will do and wear. I have been left out of the dates and times.
I get the point it is wife friends she can decide the when and how often

Your not controlling anything - if you are 'left out of dates and times' then you are consensually topping from below.
It's up to them.

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RC&dc

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(in reply to TotalcontrolMI)

Post #: 8

RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 11:43:23 AM

TotalcontrolMI

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/20/2011
Status: offline

Since cross posting is frowned upon and one of the threads likely to be deleted, I will post what I said in the same thread in the Master section. That post follows:

I wanted to get the Masters point of view and the subs point of view. My wife has been a online sub for years. She found out online and real time sub can be exciting and interesting. She just is not into pain side of things. Wife is more in being control and is interested in more controlled orgasm . Se really enjoy read about bondage. She said watching real time bondage is so more intense then reading about it. Just telling her to join in last time even gave her more of a high.

(in reply to TotalcontrolMI)

Post #: 9

RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 11:46:45 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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(in reply to TotalcontrolMI)

Post #: 10

RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 12:04:15 PM

TotalcontrolMI

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/20/2011
Status: offline

Thank you for the information you have provided.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 11

RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 1:40:58 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TotalcontrolMI

I was into a swing relation ship. Were wife wanted just to meet one male but she would let go and meet other couples. She has been a online sub for years. I have been controlling her about year and half. I don’t consider my self a master. Just more and controlling Dom. Light bondage toys, controlling how we have sex and were and what she is to wear. We just added cat nine whips riding crops, straps very little rope play paddles, Wife had me get a real-time sub to play with us wife get tuned on watching me control, the sub. She said I have become more of a Dom. Wife told sub we would meet her about 3 times a month but would not play every time. Lately wife back out on meeting sub and is saying once a month is plenty. How do I keep my wife and sub both happy? Sub all ready understand she come second how long will that last normal and
much is too little for most subs ? Trying to set some guild line with out pissing every one off.

Whoa, what a mess...!

I just had to check your profile because you simply don't look like a scatty teenager (from your pic and sentence structure) who's out playing with adult dynamics.

Says you're 40....!!!! (that's all I read)

Lol - un-fucking-believable. Life - be out of it....

Focus.

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(in reply to TotalcontrolMI)

Post #: 12

RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 2:47:07 PM

0ldhen

Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TotalcontrolMI

I all ready knew that. But how do you keep them both happy?

Sounds like you need to have a sit down with both of them, preferably together, and get their input as to what each wants, expects and needs.

There are no guide lines, each relationship is different.

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(in reply to TotalcontrolMI)

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RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 2:49:28 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Lets see......juggle the wife and the sub?

How much do they weigh, (trying to figure out their rotundity and aerodynamics) and do you have any medical conditions that would prevent you from lifting them above your head? Other than the zorro mask, I mean.

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Post #: 14

RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 3:09:27 PM

0ldhen

Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Lets see......juggle the wife and the sub?

How much do they weigh, (trying to figure out their rotundity and aerodynamics) and do you have any medical conditions that would prevent you from lifting them above your head? Other than the zorro mask, I mean.

Maybe he could put them both in one of those giant inflatable balls.

http://www.zorb.com.cn/zorb-ball/index.htm

< Message edited by 0ldhen -- 1/25/2011 3:13:59 PM >

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Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't.

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RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 3:12:12 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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That is so John Travolta

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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Post #: 16

RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 3:19:15 PM

0ldhen

Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline

LMAO...........

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Post #: 17

RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 3:37:44 PM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

no charge....

Attachment (1)

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yep

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Post #: 18

RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 3:43:53 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Imo....you're screwed.

Good luck though.

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

Post #: 19

RE: How do you juggle wife and the sub? - 1/25/2011 4:17:19 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

How do I keep my wife and sub both happy?

Let them negotiate the times the three of you will be together. When that fails, your first priority is to your wife.

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