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hipsterkittyxo -> male orgasm (1/25/2011 4:40:35 PM)
So, I'm not really sure if this goes here, but I identify as submissive and want responses from like-minded individuals. Basically, my owner really struggles with achieving orgasm. Like, it's not a new problem, I've known about it since the beginning and he doesn't seem to be too worried about it. Naturally, I get sore and tired after awhile and I don't complain or anything, and I don't begrudge it, I just can't really enjoy any sexy things we do because I feel like it's pointless because he doesn't get off half of the time, and the other half of the time, we have sex and then he can't orgasm from sex and I just give him oral. He's said himself that he wishes he could just like fill me with cum and la la la, but I don't think he knows what to do either. As far as like our dynamic, maybe I shouldn't be worried about this and I should just leave it all up to him, but I like legit care, if not like for our relationship, but for any future ones he has, because if it's something that could be fixed, by any means, I want it to be fixed. He doesn't really exercise ever, and he thinks the whole problem is due to his poor health, like he doesn't work and eats a lot of pizza. He's not grossly overweight, he's just like kind of chubby, so I don't really understand it, because I've dated much unhealthier people who like couldn't last more than a couple minutes. When we first started dating, he said it was because he had to get used to me/he had been single for years and was used to jerking off, and like he was used to jerking off like 5 times a day to porn since he stopped working, and that it had also been like a problem his whole life. I thought it was like porn addiction whatever, but we more/less live together and he stopped masturbating completely for awhile, and nothing really improved. He's also really low on testosterone. He's also about 27, if that matters. Maybe he's gay or it's a prostate thing? He had a vasectomy when he was like in his very early twenties. I really just don't know. I'm just like at a loss and it's creating a lot of anxiety, because I don't want to give 1.5 hour long blow jobs several times a day for the rest of my life, despite how orally fixated I may be and all of the instant gratification. I know that I don't really have a choice if I want to be with him, and it's not really my decision what we do anyway, and I gladly would do it, but I think I'm just burnt out. Furthermore, there's like no real spontaneity to sex, like if I want to fuck 10 minutes before I have class or I want to like fool around somewhere, it can't be like a quick thing, like we both know it takes forever. We talk about everything and I'm not like shy about talking about stuff, so I don't need to know how to do that, I just want to know if anyone has any ideas or if anyone has had any similar experiences. Or, tips for not being sore, and jaw exercises. Or if you think he's gay &/or I should just leave, that's fine too. Or, is it me? Am I like thinking about it in the wrong way or like am I not being submissive? Any responses are appreciated.

sexyred1 -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 5:20:38 PM)
Ok, found your thread. When something like this happens with men the first thing he needs to do is get a full medical check up. He could have low testosterone or any number of conditions which affect his ability to ejaculate. I am sorry you feel so badly; I would feel that way too, but remember this is not your fault; you sound very loyal and you are doing everything you can for him, but he has to help himself first. It sounds like you are in school and that is stressful; maybe he is stressed out as well. I hope you can get him to go to the doctor and that is the first step. Good luck.

preytolife -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 5:27:31 PM)
I had a play partner with the same problem. It might be psychological or he might need to visit the doctor to make sure nothing is wrong. Maybe he could consider a medication. If you're that frustrated and you'd rather not take the time to work through it I'd say leave and save both of you the trouble.

0ldhen -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 5:28:19 PM)
Sexred is right, get him to a doctor. It could be as simply as the low testosterone or something more serious like high blood pressure. After his check up if everything is ok, then post another thread like this and hopefully everybody will share tips and tricks.

DesFIP -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 5:37:49 PM)
You said that he's been tested and is low on testosterone. So that's your answer. He needs the shots. It's nothing to do with sexual orientation, it's a medical condition. Make him a doctor's appointment to address this problem. Preferably with a urologist and bring the test results that show the low testosterone.

kalikshama -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 5:38:30 PM)
quote: He doesn't really exercise ever, and he thinks the whole problem is due to his poor health, like he doesn't work and eats a lot of pizza. He's not grossly overweight, he's just like kind of chubby Exercise definitely can help your sex life: http://exercise.about.com/cs/exercisehealth/a/sexandexercise.htm http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/5884.html When my jaw gets tired, I ask him to "help", basically, do whatever he does when he masturbates. Or you could ask him if you can watch while he jerks off, then snuggle up a bit and help. quote: When we first started dating, he said it was because he had to get used to me/he had been single for years and was used to jerking off, and like he was used to jerking off like 5 times a day to porn since he stopped working Is he still not working? Maybe he's depressed? Exercise is THE best natural remedy for mild/moderate depression: http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/id/QAA326655 I'm going to address a whole other aspect separately.

shyslut -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 5:38:50 PM)
Agreed. He should see the doctor. Some ideas to help the immediate situation is to have him jerk it and have you enter the equation when he's much closer to getting off. Using long lasting lube might help you with the sore vagina.

hipsterkittyxo -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 5:40:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: preytolife I had a play partner with the same problem. It might be psychological or he might need to visit the doctor to make sure nothing is wrong. Maybe he could consider a medication. If you're that frustrated and you'd rather not take the time to work through it I'd say leave and save both of you the trouble. Oh, did your situation work out alright? Like was everything resolved? I'm not like overly frustrated, like I don't have any resentment or animosity, I just kind of recently started seriously dragging my feet about anything we do sexually. Like he has no erectile problems at all, so I like am hesitant to like hold hands or kiss, because like I know the next like 1-2 hours are like going to be like.

angelikaJ -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 5:41:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hipsterkittyxo So, I'm not really sure if this goes here, but I identify as submissive and want responses from like-minded individuals. Basically, my owner really struggles with achieving orgasm. Like, it's not a new problem, I've known about it since the beginning and he doesn't seem to be too worried about it. Naturally, I get sore and tired after awhile and I don't complain or anything, and I don't begrudge it, I just can't really enjoy any sexy things we do because I feel like it's pointless because he doesn't get off half of the time, and the other half of the time, we have sex and then he can't orgasm from sex and I just give him oral. He's said himself that he wishes he could just like fill me with cum and la la la, but I don't think he knows what to do either. As far as like our dynamic, maybe I shouldn't be worried about this and I should just leave it all up to him, but I like legit care, if not like for our relationship, but for any future ones he has, because if it's something that could be fixed, by any means, I want it to be fixed. He doesn't really exercise ever, and he thinks the whole problem is due to his poor health, like he doesn't work and eats a lot of pizza. He's not grossly overweight, he's just like kind of chubby, so I don't really understand it, because I've dated much unhealthier people who like couldn't last more than a couple minutes. When we first started dating, he said it was because he had to get used to me/he had been single for years and was used to jerking off, and like he was used to jerking off like 5 times a day to porn since he stopped working, and that it had also been like a problem his whole life. I thought it was like porn addiction whatever, but we more/less live together and he stopped masturbating completely for awhile, and nothing really improved. He's also really low on testosterone. He's also about 27, if that matters. Maybe he's gay or it's a prostate thing? He had a vasectomy when he was like in his very early twenties. I really just don't know. I'm just like at a loss and it's creating a lot of anxiety, because I don't want to give 1.5 hour long blow jobs several times a day for the rest of my life, despite how orally fixated I may be and all of the instant gratification. I know that I don't really have a choice if I want to be with him, and it's not really my decision what we do anyway, and I gladly would do it, but I think I'm just burnt out. Furthermore, there's like no real spontaneity to sex, like if I want to fuck 10 minutes before I have class or I want to like fool around somewhere, it can't be like a quick thing, like we both know it takes forever. We talk about everything and I'm not like shy about talking about stuff, so I don't need to know how to do that, I just want to know if anyone has any ideas or if anyone has had any similar experiences. Or, tips for not being sore, and jaw exercises. Or if you think he's gay &/or I should just leave, that's fine too. Or, is it me? Am I like thinking about it in the wrong way or like am I not being submissive? Any responses are appreciated. So he knows he is low in testosterone? Is he being treated for that? Has he been to the doctor about this? Since this makes you sore, are you using additional lubrication? A silicone based one might be best. I think you are jumping the gun in making a guess that he is gay or that you just don't do it for him. Likely it is a physical thing that may be remedied once he has a thorough evaluation.

hipsterkittyxo -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 5:42:12 PM)
quote: When we first started dating, he said it was because he had to get used to me/he had been single for years and was used to jerking off, and like he was used to jerking off like 5 times a day to porn since he stopped working Is he still not working? Maybe he's depressed? Exercise is THE best natural remedy for mild/moderate depression: http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/id/QAA326655 I'm going to address a whole other aspect separately. He's had problems with depression, but he doesn't think that has anything to do with it, and he's not like unemployed because he can't find a job, he like inherited money and quit his job and is just relaxing for awhile, or whatever.

hipsterkittyxo -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 5:43:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shyslut Agreed. He should see the doctor. Some ideas to help the immediate situation is to have him jerk it and have you enter the equation when he's much closer to getting off. Using long lasting lube might help you with the sore vagina. these are like the best ideas ever <3 thank you

hipsterkittyxo -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 5:46:23 PM)
quote: So he knows he is low in testosterone? Is he being treated for that? Has he been to the doctor about this? Since this makes you sore, are you using additional lubrication? A silicone based one might be best. I think you are jumping the gun in making a guess that he is gay or that you just don't do it for him. Likely it is a physical thing that may be remedied once he has a thorough evaluation. Yeah, we don't use any additional lube ever. He doesn't like know he has know testosterone, he just like is aware of how he doesn't grow very much body/facial hair, he has like a high pitched voice, he doesn't build any muscle, etc. I don't know if he's ever been officially tested. Just like since I've known him, he's always like, "Oh la la la I have low testosterone."

kalikshama -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 5:46:35 PM)
Here's my emotional aspect response: quote: Like, it's not a new problem, I've known about it since the beginning and he doesn't seem to be too worried about it. Sometimes with orgasm it is better to focus on the journey rather than the destination. Try not to place so much importance to his orgasm, especially since he's not. What do you guys do before the 90 minute blowjob? I've had wonderful scenes with men who have never taken their pants off, which makes me feel rather selfish after they've given me hours of pleasure, but they are calling the shots and I try to get them to let me reciprocate non-sexually.

kalikshama -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 5:50:41 PM)
quote: he like inherited money and quit his job and is just relaxing for awhile Then he should join a gym and hire a personal trainer. And take some gourmet healthy cooking classes.

hipsterkittyxo -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 5:56:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama quote: he like inherited money and quit his job and is just relaxing for awhile Then he should join a gym and hire a personal trainer. And take some gourmet healthy cooking classes. that's funny you say that because he canceled his gym membership like 3 months ago :s & just recently he was like, "oh haha the only food i make for myself is nachos & cereal" quote: Sometimes with orgasm it is better to focus on the journey rather than the destination. Try not to place so much importance to his orgasm, especially since he's not. What do you guys do before the 90 minute blowjob? I've had wonderful scenes with men who have never taken their pants off, which makes me feel rather selfish after they've given me hours of pleasure, but they are calling the shots and I try to get them to let me reciprocate non-sexually. Bwahaha, we play videogames and take naps and eat and watch movies mostly. He's not placing so much importance on his orgasm, but he's still always like initiating sex, and I feel like it's my responsibility that he gets off, like it's my job, he's supposed to be able to use me sexually and get off, I don't know if that's like unhealthy that I think that. I guess it's good that he incessantly continues to try, it's just making sex into a chore due to the amount of time and effort involved.

windchymes -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 6:02:03 PM)
Abstaining for a day, instead of 5x a day might make him orgasm a lot sooner. Since he's 27, not 17, his body is going to start to slow down a little bit, and it might be that his body needs a little more time between orgasms to "recover". Also, his brain is programmed to cum to porn and jerking off....it's going to take a little time to "reprogram" the brain to cum from making love to a real woman. Or fucking a real woman, however you want to think of it, lol.

kalikshama -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 6:07:25 PM)
quote: it's just making sex into a chore due to the amount of time and effort involved. It's not the time and effort, it's that what you're doing isn't giving you pleasure. Check out this "quickie" thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3536616/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm# Abstaining for a while sounds like a good idea, make a date, tease, tease, tease, build some anticipation, and then plan to get out all the toys, whip cream, whatever floats your boat, and have some gourmet sex rather than mac and cheese.

angelikaJ -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 6:08:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hipsterkittyxo quote: So he knows he is low in testosterone? Is he being treated for that? Has he been to the doctor about this? Since this makes you sore, are you using additional lubrication? A silicone based one might be best. I think you are jumping the gun in making a guess that he is gay or that you just don't do it for him. Likely it is a physical thing that may be remedied once he has a thorough evaluation. Yeah, we don't use any additional lube ever. He doesn't like know he has know testosterone, he just like is aware of how he doesn't grow very much body/facial hair, he has like a high pitched voice, he doesn't build any muscle, etc. I don't know if he's ever been officially tested. Just like since I've known him, he's always like, "Oh la la la I have low testosterone." So, see if you can cajole him into going to the doctor and also for heavens sake: use lube.

Twoshoes -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 6:13:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hipsterkittyxo Furthermore, there's like no real spontaneity to sex, like if I want to fuck 10 minutes before I have class or I want to like fool around somewhere, it can't be like a quick thing, like we both know it takes forever. Aw, that's terribly cute. And on a side note, having testosterone feels absolutely wonderful. We're talking more physical and mental energy, a certain tendancy to want to leap over fences and climb trees for no good reason whatsoever. I highly recommend it.

kalikshama -> RE: male orgasm (1/25/2011 6:29:41 PM)
Lots of medications can make it difficult to orgasm. Some antidepressants are known for their sexual side effects. Is he taking any prescription drugs? Or recreational, for that matter?

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