RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! (Full Version)

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SexyBossyBBW -> RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! (1/26/2011 7:29:49 PM)

quote:

You can't have it both ways...
If you are interested in and looking for a niche, don't complain when most other people aren't looking for the same thing you are.
Ishtar
Bingo!~     If you (the OP) are sure of what you want to be used for, there isn't anything wrong with that.   
quote:

fucksuckwhore
I have in fact been used in exactly that way in the past. Once I'd done all her back ironing, helped her with her studies and boarded out her loft, I was dumped. So, question: is bdsm in reality about one person serving another? Or is it about glorious foreplay for good sex?
Grow up!   We've all been hurt before.    M




RCdc -> RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! (1/27/2011 1:09:13 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

I think the biggest issue you might have is that your name and profile image is male orientated. By that I mean that you have either catered for yourself, or not taken into consideration that females are attracted to the opposite of what you are portraying.


Females are not his target demographic:

quote:

Actively Seeking:

Dominant Men
Switch Men
Dominant Trans
Dom/Domme Couples
Male-Dom Couples



I didn't look at his profile as I only perv those that ask or the threads that appeal, but was working on his mandate on the other thread.




RCdc -> RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! (1/27/2011 1:18:28 AM)

Hi VC!
quote:

Of course there's sexual inequality - different things appeal to men and women, quick, call the papers! [8D]

I know ya being sarcastic[;)], but that's not sexual inequality, that's just personal preference. While there is a generalisation of men v. women it's not strictly across the board.

quote:

This site is pretty heteronormative (or at least the forums are), so in general most of the male pictures are on female-seeking profiles and most of the female pictures are on male-seeking profiles. Is it really such a surprise that people are going to recommend different content for male-seeking and female-seeking profiles?


You are right on that (heteronormative).

I'm not saying that I'm 'surprised' by this form of sexism... after all this is just a site of basically vanilla folk who practice BDSM... in other words it's no different from everyday life where sexism exists. But I do think there is a more knee jerk reaction to male v. female posters that is more prevalent in recent times (say... the last year or two) and it's becoming progressively more noticeable. Personal preference is one thing - but are we making sexism 'acceptable' by contributing to generalisations?

Fuck it's too early here for this discussion....[:D]




VaguelyCurious -> RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! (1/27/2011 2:45:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

Hi VC!
quote:

Of course there's sexual inequality - different things appeal to men and women, quick, call the papers! [8D]

I know ya being sarcastic[;)], but that's not sexual inequality, that's just personal preference. While there is a generalisation of men v. women it's not strictly across the board.

I meant 'inequality' in the sense that the two are different - in general men do need to behave differently to women on a dating site - and that's due to a generalised 'personal preference' we imagine all women to have (i.e. face-photos only, profile text you wouldn't be ashamed to read to your great-grandma, emotions.) and all men to have (as much sexiness and as few limits as possible, 'cuz all men are horndogs, yanno! [8D]). So the methods for approaching this general man and the general woman are going to be different.

(and I can't believe that I've been on this site long enough that I'm using a word like 'horndog'. All y'all are a bad influence.)

quote:


I'm not saying that I'm 'surprised' by this form of sexism... after all this is just a site of basically vanilla folk who practice BDSM... in other words it's no different from everyday life where sexism exists. But I do think there is a more knee jerk reaction to male v. female posters that is more prevalent in recent times (say... the last year or two) and it's becoming progressively more noticeable. Personal preference is one thing - but are we making sexism 'acceptable' by contributing to generalisations?

Having only been here a year I can't comment on any overarching trend, but I reckon that given that we're on a dating site (sort of, heh), and questions like the OP's revolve around dating (*cough cough*) those generalisations are kind of handy for people to know if you tone them down a bit from where I was exaggerating above.

Men come onto the Ask A Mistress board and want to know why women are ignoring their highly sexual first memos - are we supposed to tell them that their way of expressing themselves is just fine and not mention that they'll get much better responses from women if they tone it down, because that would be contributing to generalisations? It's contributing to the generalisation, sure, but it's also more likely to get them laid than telling them to carry on as they are because we won't judge them them would be [8D]

Highly sexual male behaviour directed at women seems to irritate women (in general) in a way that highly sexual female behaviour directed at men doesn't seem to irritate men (in general). Are you asking the men to pretend to be narked when they aren't, or the women to pretend not to be narked when they are? Or both to a lesser extent? Because those are basically the three options if you want to treat highly sexualised men and women equally, and none of them really look great.

quote:


Fuck it's too early here for this discussion....[:D]

Heyyyyyyyy, nobody's *making* you post in the morning! [:D]




RCdc -> RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! (1/27/2011 3:35:53 AM)

quote:

Men come onto the Ask A Mistress board and want to know why women are ignoring their highly sexual first memos - are we supposed to tell them that their way of expressing themselves is just fine and not mention that they'll get much better responses from women if they tone it down, because that would be contributing to generalisations? It's contributing to the generalisation, sure, but it's also more likely to get them laid than telling them to carry on as they are because we won't judge them them would be

Highly sexual male behaviour directed at women seems to irritate women (in general) in a way that highly sexual female behaviour directed at men doesn't seem to irritate men (in general). Are you asking the men to pretend to be narked when they aren't, or the women to pretend not to be narked when they are? Or both to a lesser extent? Because those are basically the three options if you want to treat highly sexualised men and women equally, and none of them really look great.


Not at all. I'm not talking about male and female differences... but the way people react to someone because of their gender regardless of the subject. I said to someone else the other day that I don't as a whole comment on the Mistress board (rare) but I do visit and see what goes on there. But from the POV of the submissive forum and general, I just see an inconsistency when it comes to the way that people relate to a poster. There is a post about male orgasms for example that really made me stop and go... 'ummm... k'. If the OP of that had been male and the subject reversed, this 'he' would have had a far harder time than the op - who happens to be female - did. I'm not guessing that, I'm talking seeing it happen before. Had the OP been male, it would have been coming down on him all about his age and his pressure and the sex.

quote:

Heyyyyyyyy, nobody's *making* you post in the morning!


I know, I know...but all is good because I have had copius amounts of coffee now and will make sense (not).[&:]




VaguelyCurious -> RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! (1/27/2011 4:43:51 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

Not at all. I'm not talking about male and female differences... but the way people react to someone because of their gender regardless of the subject. I said to someone else the other day that I don't as a whole comment on the Mistress board (rare) but I do visit and see what goes on there. But from the POV of the submissive forum and general, I just see an inconsistency when it comes to the way that people relate to a poster. There is a post about male orgasms for example that really made me stop and go... 'ummm... k'. If the OP of that had been male and the subject reversed, this 'he' would have had a far harder time than the op - who happens to be female - did. I'm not guessing that, I'm talking seeing it happen before. Had the OP been male, it would have been coming down on him all about his age and his pressure and the sex.

You're probably right, in a general sense. But in terms of that specific orgasm thread, there *is* a massive difference in the way we think about male and female orgasms, and I don't think that's totally out of whack with reality - as someone who gives both men and women as many as possible I know my expectations (possibly the wrong word - I mean expectations as in what I think will happen, rather than what I demand to happen) are different depending on gender [8D]

If it was a male talking about *male* orgasm difficulties I think he'd have gotten similar responses.




RCdc -> RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! (1/27/2011 7:49:50 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
If it was a male talking about *male* orgasm difficulties I think he'd have gotten similar responses.


Yes, you are probably right about that.




leadership527 -> RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! (1/27/2011 9:00:23 AM)

quote:

Sad thing is - people do see somehting like your profile name and have a stereotype in their head.

Sad? Why is this sad? People put forth an image of themselves. I do my best to see who and what they are. Then I make my judgements about whether they're going to be appropriate friends for me. Sometimes those judgements are good and sometimes not but honestly I meet a LOT of people each day and there's gotta be some way to do the initial sorting. I'm personally fine with it so long as I don't get too locked into my initial surface thoughts.

For instance, exactly as LP said, if her screen name was BloodyCutNTop my reaction to her would've been very different than it is now. Then again, it wouldn't be the same woman who used that screen name so perhaps my reaction wouldn't be entirely uncalled for. In the end, when we actually met impressions from real life would overshadow online impressions.




RCdc -> RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! (1/27/2011 9:15:17 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

Sad thing is - people do see somehting like your profile name and have a stereotype in their head.

Sad? Why is this sad? People put forth an image of themselves. I do my best to see who and what they are. Then I make my judgements about whether they're going to be appropriate friends for me. Sometimes those judgements are good and sometimes not but honestly I meet a LOT of people each day and there's gotta be some way to do the initial sorting. I'm personally fine with it so long as I don't get too locked into my initial surface thoughts.

For instance, exactly as LP said, if her screen name was BloodyCutNTop my reaction to her would've been very different than it is now. Then again, it wouldn't be the same woman who used that screen name so perhaps my reaction wouldn't be entirely uncalled for. In the end, when we actually met impressions from real life would overshadow online impressions.



Sad(as in unhappy, not pityslang) because sometimes it's a good idea to look beyond a name or what you think something is all about instead of spending time to communicate. Because it sometimes means that people don't even get as far as meeting.




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