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Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/26/2011 6:47:38 PM

SLAVEBOY32

Posts: 122
Joined: 2/26/2007
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I was wondering how common this was. Do any Dommes who are in relationships with subs that are more then casual, ever punish the subs for vanilla actions? Something that has NOTHING to do with the D/s lifestlye/being a sub...yet he still gets punished in a D/s fashion.

Post #: 1

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/26/2011 7:03:09 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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It depends on the relationship. In an authority based dynamic, the dominant does have the right and the ability to punish for any behavior that she wishes to correct. It doesn't matter what the behavior is if the power exchange involves real life and not just the parameters of a kinky sex scene. Not everyone will negotiate that kind of D/s relationship, and that's okay too.

Thing is, physical punishment mostly isn't effective as a behavioral deterrent, especially to a kinky person who may well enjoy some aspect of the punishment scene even if they don't enjoy the specific thing being done. In my authority based dynamic, I rarely use punishment per se. Positive obedience training is much more behaviorally effective, when it's necessary at all.

Fortunately my collared partners are also intelligent adults, and if they do something that doesn't work for me, I can explain why it doesn't work and what I'd prefer they do instead, and expect good results. If I couldn't, then I wouldn't want someone like that in my life. I am not interested in being a toddler mommy; I appreciate my adult human property being intelligent and competent and all about pleasing me voluntarily, because that's what makes us both happy.

_____________________________

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(in reply to SLAVEBOY32)

Post #: 2

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/26/2011 7:23:25 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Yes.

Not every command that I give is related to kink or D/s. That doesn't mean he's free to disobey just because he doesn't feel that it is something related to his submission. For example, if I tell him that I want him to be courteous to Domme X, it's no different to Me than telling him to be courteous to little old lady Y across the street. (Not that I'd expect him to be discourteous to either one.) If clear expectations are set, I don't see any reason to tolerate willful disobedience in either case.

_____________________________

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 3

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/26/2011 11:47:35 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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I should add that while there is no single right answer likely to work for everyone, you are going to run into HUGE FUCKING PROBLEMS if two people in a dynamic have totally different ideas about the scope of their D/s relationship. If person A thinks that kink belongs strictly in the bedroom and is totally not interested in giving or taking authority over any aspect of real life or their relationship outside the bedroom, and person B expects to live in an authority based real life dynamic where power is exchanged outside the bedroom, those two are probably not well suited to be in a relationship together.

There is nothing wrong with either lifestyle. Where you're going to run into wrong is when people don't communicate clearly about their expectations in a D/s relationship, and their expectations turn out to be drastically different. It's bad enough when you're aware of it and are working to negotiate a compromise. It's downright horrific if you just start acting on your assumptions without communicating them to your partner. Bad idea.

So basically if you agree to be "a total slave" to your girlfriend, and what YOU mean is "in the bedroom" and what she actually expects is power over your real vanilla life, you've just experienced a communication fail. This doesn't mean that D/s relationships themselves are made of fail, or that they can't work on a real life level. It means YOU failed to communicate and negotiate your likes, limits and boundaries clearly. Communication is a crucial skill in our lifestyle for a very good reason.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to SLAVEBOY32)

Post #: 4

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/27/2011 2:54:29 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

For example, if I tell him that I want him to be courteous to Domme X, it's no different to Me than telling him to be courteous to little old lady Y across the street. (Not that I'd expect him to be discourteous to either one.)

*tries to imagine clip being mean to little old ladies while you're not looking*
*fails miserably at imagining*

Very few things I pull the 'discipline' card out on have anything to do with BDSM - they're mostly things which irritate me personally.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 5

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/27/2011 3:10:56 AM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SLAVEBOY32
I was wondering how common this was. Do any Dommes who are in relationships with subs that are more then casual, ever punish the subs for vanilla actions? Something that has NOTHING to do with the D/s lifestlye/being a sub...yet he still gets punished in a D/s fashion.

Hello Slaveboy32, this is why I kind of miss those days of putting names on boxes, to kind of have an idea, what is inside the box.

You call self, a slaveboy, but you mean, do with me what you will in the bedroom. When I read slaveboy, I start thinking, ooh, someone who will get to know me simply as a lady he's interested in. Than, if he trusts my judgement, and enters into a relationship with me, where I don't have to tell him twice, this is what I like and expect, or you must behave this particular way, and be obedient [at all times]. Not too much trial, and error; you are simply going to do your best, to be obedient and enthusiastically so, while with me.

To me, a bedroom submissive, is a gentleman, who hopes to find an exciting girlfriend (Vanilla). I have nothing against anyone's definition of self; we just have to explain exactly what we mean, when we communicate. M

quote:

twicehappy
Between the watered down bdsm thread and the different ways of expressing WIITWD thread a lot has been said about the possibility or desirability of agreeing as a group on set(within reason) standard definitions of some of the titles or labels if you will that we use.

So in the interest of finding out if we can agree on definitions i am asking everyone who cares to add to this to give their definition of certain terms.

After a week or so i will add up the ones that are similar and see how it came out then post the ones who were the most repeated or agreed with.

If your vote is "labels or definitions are what they mean to you " this will be counted as a non vote. This is an experiment to see what the general consensus is.

Here are the terms;

Bottom, top, sadist, masochist, Dom/Domme, Master/Mistress, switch, submissive, slave, (Yes I define a submissive and a slave and a Dom/Domme and a Master/Mistress as separate entities)

(Now give me a moment to don my flame retardant suit and bullet proof vest.)

Here are my definitions of these words.

Top; one who controls the scene for play only.

Bottom; one who submits during the scene only

Sadist; one who enjoys inflicting pain

Masochist; one who enjoys receiving pain

Dom/Domme; the one who dominates, the one who is in control of, is responsible for, gives orders and direction to the sub/slave. This is something they are, a personality type, not just something they do only in the bedroom. A Dom/Domme is what they are whether or not they currently own a sub or slave.

Master/Mistress, is one who is dom/domme and currently owns a submissive or a slave. It is a title bestowed on them by virtue of such ownership. It also goes much deeper than the Dom/Domme relationship on the spiritual, emotional and physical levels in regards to the depths of the power exchange and the responsibilities involved.

Switch; one who can either top or bottom during play or a scene.

Submissive; one who yields power or control to the dominant on a limited basis both during day to day life and during scening or playing. Or one whose nature is submissive, one may be a submissive whether or not they currently are submitting to a dominant, it is what they naturally are.

Slave; one who yields control of all aspects of their existence to the dominant within the limits agreed upon prior to being collared (these are generally agreed upon moral limits, not to be confused with" I get it my way or I leave or Sam type behaviors). One who is considered to be owned by another as their sole property. One whose submission to their owner/s is total, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in and out of any scenes or play.

Not the final word, but something to maybe consider. M

< Message edited by SexyBossyBBW -- 1/27/2011 3:37:50 AM >

(in reply to SLAVEBOY32)

Post #: 6

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/27/2011 3:57:04 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I'm not following the part about 'being punished in a D/s fashion.' When I punish, I make sure that my sub does not enjoy it, and it could not be mistaken for kink play. There is a dynamic where play is pretend punishment, but that is another topic altogether.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)

Post #: 7

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/27/2011 4:14:34 AM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

Precisely! It seems to me, the OP is not enjoying the punishment, and finds this unreasonable/unfair, because in his head, D/s is only applicable to sex/bedroom funtime.

The fact that his lady, maybe thinks he is being a disobedient brat, that she may be doing (or not doing) things he feels should happen, outside of the bedroom, seems to be confusing him. It seems, they haven't had the conversation about the fact that she is always the dominant, and expects him to always understand this, and be the submissive. Misunderstanding between the two, to be sure. Apparently he's not been informed that D/s is life for some of us, including vanila mundane stuff. Not his fault.

They need to talk, IMO. M

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 8

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/27/2011 4:15:40 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

is this the whole on and off thing.

Ping 'On' - now we're Ds
Ping 'Off' - now we're not and anything goes....,

.... is why i just cant function with that on and off button going the whole time.

to me, as a sub, the status quo is, that i remain at all times consistant to the relationship im in. i dont stop being someones sub just because im not kneeling at his feet or geared for play.

so youre question is based i suppose around the issue of - are you in a relationship thats divided up into play time and vanilla time or are you in a relationship where youre dynamic is a constant - it seems that you think youre in the former and youre M thinks youre in the latter. time for a chat to clear things up maybe.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/27/2011 7:08:10 PM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SLAVEBOY32

I was wondering how common this was. Do any Dommes who are in relationships with subs that are more then casual, ever punish the subs for vanilla actions? Something that has NOTHING to do with the D/s lifestlye/being a sub...yet he still gets punished in a D/s fashion.

You mean punish my sub for getting a speeding ticket, kind of thing?

No, I would more likely say something like, "Well, pay it and don't do it again. Pay more attention to your speedometer."

Pretty much the same thing that I would say to anyone I knew that got a speeding ticket.

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to SLAVEBOY32)

Post #: 10

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/27/2011 10:38:12 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

for me i know that if i screw up i will get punished. i am Her slave and as suce a direct representation of Her so i must hold a higher standard in all that i do. i dont stop being Her boy when i put my uniform on i just have to obey certain rules of conduct while in uniform i am Hers at all times.

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to Aylee)

Post #: 11

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/28/2011 10:30:32 AM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

for me i know that if i screw up i will get punished. i am Her slave and as suce a direct representation of Her so i must hold a higher standard in all that i do. i dont stop being Her boy when i put my uniform on i just have to obey certain rules of conduct while in uniform i am Hers at all times.

I am giggling madly imaging an interrogation scene.

LP: How many in your deployment?
clip: I can't tell you. It is against the rules.
LP: You must tell me everything or it is the rubber hose. How many?
clip: NO! NO! Not the rubber hose!

Yeah. . . somehow I think that this conversation would not take place.

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 12

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/28/2011 1:16:10 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SLAVEBOY32

I was wondering how common this was. Do any Dommes who are in relationships with subs that are more then casual, ever punish the subs for vanilla actions? Something that has NOTHING to do with the D/s lifestlye/being a sub...yet he still gets punished in a D/s fashion.

In my world, there is nothing a slave will experience or do, that is off limits to our dynamic.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SLAVEBOY32)

Post #: 13

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/28/2011 4:10:51 PM

SthrnCom4t

Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline

Agree with LNT and LP.

_____________________________

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 14

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/28/2011 7:48:58 PM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

It would really help if the OP would return and explain what he meant. I am not sure what he means by vanilla action totally unrelated to BDSM. The only thing that I can come up with would be something like a traffic violation. Having one of your tail lights go out and not being aware of it, kind of thing.

Of course I do not have a punishment dynamic.

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)

Post #: 15

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/28/2011 8:08:53 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

for me i know that if i screw up i will get punished. i am Her slave and as suce a direct representation of Her so i must hold a higher standard in all that i do. i dont stop being Her boy when i put my uniform on i just have to obey certain rules of conduct while in uniform i am Hers at all times.

I am giggling madly imaging an interrogation scene.

LP: How many in your deployment?
clip: I can't tell you. It is against the rules.
LP: You must tell me everything or it is the rubber hose. How many?
clip: NO! NO! Not the rubber hose!

Yeah. . . somehow I think that this conversation would not take place.

quote:

I am giggling madly imaging an interrogation scene.

LP: How many in your deployment?
clip: I can't tell you. It is against the rules.
LP: You must tell me everything or it is the rubber hose. How many?
clip: NO! NO! Not the rubber hose!

Yeah. . . somehow I think that this conversation would not take place.

not quite like that but She did a interogation scene not to get actual info just playit was a blast the whole place was in on it

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to Aylee)

Post #: 16

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/28/2011 8:33:24 PM

Chulain

Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
In my world, there is nothing a slave will experience or do, that is off limits to our dynamic.

What does that mean?

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 17

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/28/2011 8:39:51 PM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

not quite like that but She did a interogation scene not to get actual info just playit was a blast the whole place was in on it

There was a show on, and I only saw a couple of episodes. It had the brother from "Everyone Loves Raymond," the principal of "Sabrina the Teenage Witch," and Gilbert Godfrey in it.

Anyway the "principal" (who actually plays a teacher) has a BDSM relationship where he is a sub/slave to the female who is the principal of the school. The "brother" tells him a secret and then is having nightmares of him in an interrogation being forced to tell the secret.

That is what came to mind when I read your post. Hence my amusement.

I will use some google-fu to see if I can C-mail you the name of the show and maybe a you-tube of it.

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 18

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/28/2011 9:03:30 PM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
In my world, there is nothing a slave will experience or do, that is off limits to our dynamic.

My sentiments exactly! However, this clue in may have run the OP off, since he hasn't been back to respond to his original question/our comments. M

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 19

RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/29/2011 5:29:03 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
In my world, there is nothing a slave will experience or do, that is off limits to our dynamic.

What does that mean?

What part exactly, do you not understand?

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Chulain)

Post #: 20

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