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Mental Collar - 1/26/2011 9:20:13 PM

nightfury

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What ways and how are you mentally collared by your Master or Dom? When did you realize you were?

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/26/2011 10:10:15 PM

littlewonder

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in every way imaginable and the very moment I laid my eyes upon him in real life.

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/27/2011 7:12:02 AM

agirl

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I hate control, but want HIS most of the time. I hate being told to do anything, but don't resent HIM doing so. I want to be free most of the time, but still stay quite contendedly tethered. I care whether I piss him off. I want him to do what I asked him to do, even when I don't want him to.

I don't know when I knew I was mentally *owned* in a way that I recognised it AS that. The *when* never seemed significant, the fact did.

I've been owned for years, but I was never owned in the way I am now when I first bent my head to have the *collar* I'd asked for sealed around my throat. That was just the beginning.

It's been downhill all the way since then...grin

agirl

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/27/2011 12:20:54 PM

lizi

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When I realized that I asked him for his advice in any area of my life that I was experiencing difficulty in. School, kids, broken plumbing, big purchases etc. Whenever I had something that stumped me I found myself wondering what he would do and what he would say about it. Not really the little questions, he expects me to solve problems and function on my own, but the things where I truly had to wonder what to do and how to do it.

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/27/2011 12:23:29 PM

sexyred1

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Isn't a mental collar what you have when you feel so connected to someone that you feel incomplete without them?

I think all D/s relationships have this element; at least mine do. With or without a physical collar.

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/27/2011 12:46:27 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: nightfury

What ways and how are you mentally collared by your Master or Dom? When did you realize you were?

Greetings nightfury,

I've never used this terminology to describe ownership and what is entails. In my mind his tether exists on many levels and the supposed separation (mental vs. physical) is nonexistent. I have always felt that the external yoke is a visual reminder of what exists on the internal planes and see the "mental collar" you've eluded to as testament of his possession in its entirety. In terms of realization, I suppose its the cessation of intentional struggle, questioning, and an abiding trust that is strengthened and deepens as the relationship matures. You reach a point where the manifestation of your perception provides an intrinsic knowing that is constant in its presence and reinforcement. I liken it to the state of becoming that is individual in its appearance but unforgettable for those that have crossed its threshold.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/27/2011 7:49:44 PM

CaringandReal

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With my former master it occured many times. One very memorable time when I really, really wanted to leave. I guess this was year 9 or 10? He thought about it for a long time and eventually told me no. And I could not leave, even though I desperately wanted to leave, because I didn't have his permission. I know it sounds stupid and maybe even like I was fooling myself. Do you think I didn't consider that option, very carefully, back then? How could I not? I also could not separate how much of my inability to leave was due to my own stubborness about keeping my commitments and how much was due to him, what he was doing or had already done to me. Again, I thought about this as carefully as I could, and could come to no good conclusions, but at that time in my life, keeping my commitments were not exactly uppermost in my mind. :( But the actual outcome, which in the end is what matters I believe, was that I did not leave the relationship even though I most badly wanted out at that time. Eventually (6-8 months later) I became content with his decision and a few years after that, when he started to become seriously ill, I was extremely grateful to him for not releasing me, because it allowed me to serve him heavily during his last years when he desperately needed this.

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/28/2011 3:51:27 AM

littlekitten1

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I just know that he owns my heart.... It's like he shot a claw deep into it, and it just wont come off. Not that I want to ^^ But when someone owns your heart, essentially it means you will do anything for them. Does that count as mental collaring? ... I just know in the end, I'll always want to be there for him and making him happy and so whatever pleases him =)

And yea... I could not leave him even if I wanted to x_x Not unless he releases me... I really feel this way.

Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic.

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/28/2011 4:30:00 AM

nightfury

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Great responses so far. Thank you all for your responses.

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/28/2011 9:24:54 AM

LadyPact

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Since clip is busy today, I'll answer in his stead.

For him, he actually realized it in (I believe it was) September 2007. We were having a discussion about My feelings on a physical collar. Out of the blue, he told Me that he already felt collared to Me. No mistake. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was, whether My leather was on his neck or not.

I honestly believe that clip has wanted to be owned his entire life. Even before he really knew what it was or knew the terms of it. That was the piece of him that he felt he was missing that he couldn't quite put his finger on that was inside of him.

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/28/2011 9:30:34 AM

myotherself

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I honestly believe that clip has wanted to be owned his entire life. Even before he really knew what it was or knew the terms of it. That was the piece of him that he felt he was missing that he couldn't quite put his finger on that was inside of him.

That describes my feelings to a tee.

Until very recently I described myself as a masochist with some vague sub tendencies. Then I met the Master I'm with now, and more than anything I want to be owned. This has come as a revelation to me - I would describe the feeling as being akin to being smacked in the face with a sledgehammer

Once the initial confusion and even panic subsided, I accepted it and now I feel at peace within myself, and probably the happiest I've been for many years.

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/28/2011 9:45:41 AM

Genobee

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I'm currently single, but in my experience...well...
Before I even get involved with someone, the process has already taken place.
It honestly is just how my mind has been formed to operate.

I think about the idea of submitting both in images and thoughts.
I of course think about less kinky things too that are very important,
such as if there could be a future between me and her for a big one,
but that is apart of the before process as I avoid potential interests who I don't believe will lead to anywhere.

After I am in a relationship with such a women, my thoughts are constantly fixated on her.
It is like obsession in many ways, but from a submissive standpoint. As I get closer with her, my wantingness to please and submit grows.
This is a mix of what I would enjoy as an act of her worship and of what fantasies I could fulfill for her as her humble loving pet.
These desires, thoughts, and mental images are very powering mental collars for me in terms to submission.
That's my answer to it; I but only hope it was close to what you were asking~

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/28/2011 11:28:42 AM

littleone35

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I have been mentally collared to Master since we met. I do have a physical collar but the mental one has been there the whole time and it is stronger than my hysical one. I am collared to him in all ways.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/28/2011 11:37:34 AM

sirsholly

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I don't think in terms of a mental collar, invisible wedding ring, etc.

He has my heart and I have his.

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/28/2011 8:41:46 PM

pittbunny

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Hello Again Sir Nightfury!

When i started training to be Master's sub, i found an interesting website, (www.enslavement.org.uk), which discusses the concept of Internal Enslavement (IE), the emotional and mental state of love for one's Master and love of submission. i highly recommend it. i think of IE as the mental collar.

i first started to feel IE when i realized that my fear of pain in BDSM scenes was not as strong as my desire to submit to whatever He needed to feel pleasure. The IE manifested itself even more when i found i could experience orgasms from His verbal commands, without being physically touched. W/we both realized i was mentally collared when i sincerely offered to participate in a polygamous relationship,despite my deep fear of ending up as the odd girl out, because i knew that kind of relationship would bring Him pleasure.

i've had a LOT more experience with vanilla relationships than with the M/s lifestyle, and in vanilla relationships i always bolted or fought back when i felt disrespected, unappreciated or threatened. But in my M/s relationship, when i consciously decided that i would trust Master's judgment and submit to His decisions without fear, our bond flourished and everything came together. i feel only trust,appreciation and respect both for and from my Master because of my total submission. i think that's why my mental collar is so secure.

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/28/2011 10:31:41 PM

nightfury

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Thank you for the link pittbunny. It will certainly come in handy to refer to.

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/29/2011 6:29:02 AM

LillyBoPeep

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that's a great link pittbunny :) i read it earlier this morning after someone passed it along to me in chat. it really describes my own feelings on how this stuff "works" pretty well.
i felt similar feelings in my last relationship -- the desire to submit being more consuming than the fear of anything else. i felt like i was owned when i found myself thinking (even when he wasn't around) "would what i'm doing make M happy/proud/satisfied with me?" if the answer was no, i changed what i was doing. i was drunk outside of a strip club (haha) when i told him i loved him, but i was able to repeat it all word for word sober the next day because it was SO true. i realized i couldn't leave him even if i'd wanted to, and i think death is the only thing that really could've separated us, as it has done...

soooooooo

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/29/2011 8:14:33 AM

nightfury

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They say drunk words are sober thoughts...

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/29/2011 8:38:49 AM

leadership527

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I don't really have an answer to this one. Carol and I have been together for a long time and at this point there are a bajillion ties that bind us. I tend to view us more as a single entity than two distinct individuals.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Mental Collar - 1/29/2011 2:52:37 PM

LillyBoPeep

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very true nightfury =p it just shuts off the filters that keep you from saying things you otherwise feel. =p

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