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TreasureKY -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/30/2011 6:37:47 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
... if you bother to actually read the whole thread, you will notice on page 1.... yes.. page 1 where I admitted to my error and thanked someone for pointing it out in a very straight forward manner.
Tazzy, I wouldn't be so quick to think you made any kind of error. To be honest, I would have replied to your original post that no, it isn't just you.
I've never assumed that someone stating in their profile that they are willing to relocate meant they wish to do so immediately and with just anyone. Heck, that's not what I meant when I checked that box... why would I think that of anyone else?
I will admit, though, that it did give me some pause when I'd see a dominant make it known that he was willing to relocate, either in checking the box or writing it in their profile. There might have been a small niggling of wonder over their employment status. That was primarily because I had over twenty years of experience with a man who was unable to hold down a job for more than a few months at a time and I had no desire to become another man's source of financial stability.
It was also partly because I grew up with the idea that a man made his career by staying with the same company for twenty years or more before retiring. I admit that some old thought patterns are hard to get rid of. [:)]
But really the main reason that I would feel uneasiness upon seeing a dominant man advertise his willingness to relocate had more to do with questioning the state of his underlying stability and fortitude.
Understand that when I was seeking a partner, much of what I was looking for was based on those dominant characteristics that I valued from my own personal perspective. For example, I know that I am much more confident in familiar surroundings and around people that I know. I am also happier in situations where I am not likely to be faced with unknown circumstances. In seeking a confident and happy dominant, I couldn't help but wonder at why he'd be willing to risk stability in his life. When I'm happy with something, I don't give it up easily.
There was also a question of conviction mixed in there. I'm not a dominant, but that doesn't mean I don't have dominant traits; I can be very proactive when it comes to running my own life. If I'm unhappy with where I am living or working, I don't hedge around figuring I'll do something about it some day in the future... I make a decision, form a plan, and take action! I don't embrace ambivalence well, especially if it is within my power to make a mediocre situation into a great one. Because of this, I would wonder about the conviction of a dominant who wasn't already living exactly where he wanted to live and doing exactly what he wanted to do.
All this isn't to say that I was rigid in my thinking. Just as I had reasons in my own life and situation for things being the way they were, I expected that anyone I talked to would have similar reasons. I didn't let a little niggling feeling keep me from finding out about those reasons or forming a very positive opinion of the dominant. In fact, Firm had the "willing to relocate" box checked on his profile, and I was the one who contacted him. [:D]
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