RE: "Willing to relocate"

RE: "Willing to relocate" (Full Version)

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Prinsexx -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 5:43:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chulain quote: ORIGINAL: Twoshoes The premise behind this thread is decidedly sexist. Perhaps you could elaborate. I think the deductions (not the premises) being drawn from the thread are sexist...why not? this isn't e-harmony is it?

Chulain -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 5:46:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx I think the deductions (not the premises) being drawn from the thread are sexist...why not? this isn't e-harmony is it? Especially given that I don't even know what e-harmony is.

Prinsexx -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 6:04:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chulain quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx I think the deductions (not the premises) being drawn from the thread are sexist...why not? this isn't e-harmony is it? Especially given that I don't even know what e-harmony is. http://www.eharmony.co.uk/?cid=53549&aid=1000&pid=6275895160&KEYWORD=eHarmony&mc=6275895160&cid%3d53549%26aid%3d1000%26pid%3d6275895160%26KEYWORD%3deHarmony and world wide should you fancy a punt

Chulain -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 6:07:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx http://www.eharmony.co.uk and world wide should you fancy a punt I'm all over it like I'm all over collecting Hot Wheels.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 6:09:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chulain quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious That would be because Fetlife is explicitly not a hook-up site, and the profile side of CM explicitly is - what's your point? My point is that people use Fetlife as a hookup site. What's your point, snarkasaurus rex? Yeah, jerks with no sense of netiquette use Fetlife as a hook-up site. It's explicitly designed not to be one - that's why it doesn't have an option for 'willing to relocate'. My point is that you're comparing apples with oranges. Irrelevant apples, for that matter - what does the structure of a totally different site that's not designed to do the same things as this one have to do with this thread at all? And how is 'people use Fetlife as a hookup site' the point of 'Fetlife doesn't have a "willing to relocate" checkbox, you know' (which you just said it was)? The one doesn't follow from the other at all. And it also has absolutely nothing to do with this discussion - I might be a snarkasaurus, but given the way you're just chucking random stuff at a wall with no coherence it's kind of hard to react any other way. quote: quote: Way to overreact to three words on a profile. Oh, yeah, the overreacting is up to 11. Sorry, but the way you reacted to SailingBum and Icarys was an overreaction. I can pull quotes if you really want...

Chulain -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 6:20:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious Yeah, jerks with no sense of netiquette use Fetlife as a hook-up site. You must have had a bad experience on Fetlife to be so bent up about it. You do know there are specific "personals" groups on Fetlife? You're saying it's bad etiquette to use a personals forum to look for people? quote: It's explicitly designed not to be one How do you explicitly design a web message/forum/social network system to not be used for personals ads? Is there some secret HTML formatting command for that? quote: My point is that you're comparing apples with oranges. No, we're comparing red delicious apples to Braeburn apples. Someone really peed in your Cheerios over there, didn't they?

VaguelyCurious -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 6:30:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chulain You must have had a bad experience on Fetlife to be so bent up about it. What?! No. I think Fetlife is teh shizz. It's just common knowledge that when Baku set up the site he deliberately designed a site to stop searching for hook-ups from being easy. How do you not know that? I can link you to interviews with him stating that, if you like... quote: You do know there are specific "personals" groups on Fetlife? You're saying it's bad etiquette to use a personals forum to look for people? Yeah, user-generated groups. Can you honestly not see there's a difference between user-generated content and site structure? You can't see the difference between using a specific group that is specifically for hook-ups with-in an overal set of groups on a larger site, and designing profile structure to facillitate hook-ups as easily as possible? Those two things look as similar as two types of apple to you? Sheesh. quote: quote: It's explicitly designed not to be one How do you explicitly design a web message/forum/social network system to not be used for personals ads? Is there some secret HTML formatting command for that? For example, you don't provide asl search features, or 'who's viewing me' lists, or gasp a 'looking to relocate' option. Seriously, how do you not know this? quote: quote: My point is that you're comparing apples with oranges. No, we're comparing red delicious apples to Braeburn apples. The fact that you think the sites are so similar is making my head hurt. I guess nuance just skips straight past you, huh? quote: Someone really peed in your Cheerios over there, didn't they? Really, really no. Fetlife is teh awesome. It's just... not a hook-up site. I don't know where on earth you got the idea I thought that was a bad thing. <ed because quote boxes hate me>

Chulain -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 6:40:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious What?! No. I think Fetlife is teh shizz. It's just common knowledge that when Baku set up the site he deliberately designed a site to stop searching for hook-ups from being easy. How do you not know that? I can link you to interviews with him stating that, if you like. Well then he did a piss-poor job of it. quote: Yeah, user-generated groups. Well, we agree on something. That's what I don't like about Fetlife. quote: Seriously, how do you not know this? Because I'm not as blinkard as you? quote: Really, really no. Fetlife is teh awesome. It's just... not a hook-up site. And these are not the droids you are looking for. quote: I don't know where on earth you got the idea I thought that was a bad thing. Your sarcasm sucks. Would you like some lessons?

VaguelyCurious -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 6:53:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chulain quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious What?! No. I think Fetlife is teh shizz. It's just common knowledge that when Baku set up the site he deliberately designed a site to stop searching for hook-ups from being easy. How do you not know that? I can link you to interviews with him stating that, if you like. Well then he did a piss-poor job of it. Not in my opinion. I barely get spam there. People are rarely sexually aggressive in my direction (or, at least, not in a bad way [:D]) It's pretty easy to be left alone so you can have a laugh with the people you choose. quote: quote: Yeah, user-generated groups. Well, we agree on something. That's what I don't like about Fetlife. ...we agree that the groups are user-generated? Wow. Some agreement. (I'd be worried if you disagreed with me there, because that's not even remotely an opinion, it's just a fact about the site structure...) But we don't agree that it's a bad thing. I don't think it is. All I said is that the groups are user-generated. That wasn't a value judgement. quote: quote: I don't know where on earth you got the idea I thought that was a bad thing. Your sarcasm sucks. Would you like some lessons? That wasn't sarcasm. That was genuine surprise at your apparent lack of reading comprehension. Seriously, I don't think it's a bad thing. You seem to think I do. I have no idea where you got that from.

Chulain -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 7:19:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious Not in my opinion. I barely get spam there. People are rarely sexually aggressive in my direction (or, at least, not in a bad way [:D]) It's pretty easy to be left alone so you can have a laugh with the people you choose. They did a piss-poor job of designing it to not be used for personals. Duh.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 7:27:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chulain They did a piss-poor job of designing it to not be used for personals. Duh. No, they didn't. The place isn't a meat market. People use user-generated areas for personals, not the site as a whole. Duh. (Now we're back to my surprise at your inability to distinguish between site structure and user-generated content.)

VaguelyCurious -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 7:29:17 PM)
Look, enough. This is a stupid hijack of an already-kind-of-dubious thread, and I'm not carrying it on. Sorry, mods.

Chulain -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 7:58:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious Look, enough. This is a stupid hijack of an already-kind-of-dubious thread, and I'm not carrying it on. Fuckin' A, you started it. All I did was mention Fetlife, then you got bent up like a monkey on crack. By the way, I am not willing to relocate.

FukinTroll -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 10:05:09 PM)
FR~ I am jus trying to figure out how to change the whole thing to say: Coming soon to a bridge near you. I may need a Mod for that.

tazzygirl -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 10:22:18 PM)
quote: I have not been the target of an overly early "I am willing to relocate," but I have been the target of an overly early use of words like "boyfriend" and "soul mate." Tagging oneself as "willing to relocate" seems to put too much emphasis on that one factor. But I will acknowledge that the mere fact of the checkbox per se is not creepy. But the undercurrent I (and seemingly others) perceive (you can use "infer" if you like) is a bit off-putting. Fetlife doesn't have a "willing to relocate" checkbox, you know. Who is talking about the checked boxes? I was talking about when its plainly written on the profile.

tazzygirl -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 10:23:44 PM)
quote: Tagging oneself as 'willing to relocate' is one tiny part of a profile - one of a thousand different things a person can tick or select a level of interest in or choose from a drop-down list. How is that putting emphasis on anything? Just because you've met some creepily overenthusiastic people doesn't mean everyone who checks a box saying there's not much tying them to their current location is inherently creepy. Again, its not the clicked boxes.. hell, half of them i dont even look at. Its when its plainly written on the profile, typically in the first few lines, that made me pause. You do assume alot.

tazzygirl -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 10:27:48 PM)
quote: He didn't say anything of the sort. In fact, he didn't even vaguely imply that. He just provided a set of circumstances other than creepy-basement-dwelling that might lead him to tick 'relocate', and pointed out that anyone who assumed basement-dwelling-dom from that is reading too much into it. You're jumping on him over nothing. And yet you state the following... quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious Look, enough. This is a stupid hijack of an already-kind-of-dubious thread, and I'm not carrying it on. Sorry, mods. quote: Look, enough. This is a stupid hijack of an already-kind-of-dubious thread, and I'm not carrying it on. Sorry, mods. If its dubious, why are you persisting? Dont like the topic, dont post. But, if you bother to actually read the whole thread, you will notice on page 1.... yes.. page 1 where I admitted to my error and thanked someone for pointing it out in a very straight forward manner. quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl quote: Possibly they have employment that allows them to be anywhere they wish. Or they are creepy basement dwellers who have no job. LOL.. thanks for putting it into a quiet, succinct perspective for me, pyro! And i mean that honestly. I was looking at it from the bottom side of the coin you offered. I didnt think about the top part ~ not to be confused with Top or bottom~. http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=3547181 Post #8. But I guess in all your glory and upstanding righteousness, you missed that. I asked and honest question, and get raked over the coals... after admitting that I didnt look at the topic from both sides of the fence. Dubious... give me a fucking break. [8\|]

MaamJay -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 10:45:30 PM)
OK back to the topic!! I think it's been pretty well established that merely stating (or checking the box if it exists) "willing to relocate" doesn't HAVE to mean that someone has creepy or evil intent! There are good reasons that have been cited for someone being willing and able to relocate. I'm not going to reiterate those. However, a couple of posters way back a few pages, suggested that if someone mentions it or asks about it early on, it's a big red flag and you should run. I take issue with that for the following reasons. At the moment, I am in travel-round-the-country mode, and on the way, I am meeting various subs. At the end of My doctorate I hope to get a job in a Uni ... pretty much ANY Uni! I have some preferences on where I'd like to live ... and some places they'd have to add a lot of perks to persuade Me to move there ... but I have to keep My options open. So, when I am meeting subs, I want to know right up front if, should things work out that we would both want to try to be together in the future, would they be willing and able to relocate. I'm NOT saying "you're the one" or "ok it's going to happen" or "move in next week" ... that would be totally ridiculous. On the other hand, I don't want to lose My heart to one who seems "just right" for our household, only to find there is no way he would consider (or be able) to relocate to Me wherever I end up. Ultimately, I do not want an LDR, I want a 24/7 member of the family. It could well be that the answer is "depends on where You end up Maam and whether there's a job there for me" ... that I would totally understand. But the key about that answer would be his inherent willingness to try ... and lack of ties preventing that. At My time of life, I don't want to waste My time developing an in-depth relationship with someone who cannot come to Me ... and I don't want to waste their time or emotional framework either. So I am totally upfront with My situation and why I am asking that question. Now that's just My personal situation ... but I am sure there are plenty of others in similar circumstances who, for valid reasons, want to know about the other person's possibilities upfront. It doesn't have to be a big red flag! Maam Jay aka violet[A] PS Master relocated to be with me after just 3 meetings in person lasting 5, 11 and 23 days over the course of a year ... and 6.5 years later we are still happy so it can work!

tazzygirl -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 10:58:23 PM)
Im glad you posted all that MaamJay. There are exceptions to every story. [;)]

IronBear -> RE: "Willing to relocate" (1/28/2011 11:08:19 PM)
My only objection to the relocating question is when someone tells me they are ready to relocate to my location and then is brazen enough to demand the price for an airline ticket First Class to boot..... That definately raises a Red Flag for me.

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