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Breaking the ice - 1/29/2011 2:09:46 PM

weird123m

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Joined: 8/20/2010
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As a young Dom, I've always had trouble being taken seriously and moving past initial first meetings and conversations. Any advice?

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RE: Breaking the ice - 1/29/2011 2:38:05 PM

LadyPact

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Yes. Get known in your local community where you aren't led in by your age. Instead, people will be focused on your abilities, personality, and what you can accomplish.

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RE: Breaking the ice - 1/29/2011 2:40:01 PM

XenoMaster

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First off, I'd get a pic that isn't so close up. It's kinda disconcerting.

In my experience I've had a hard time getting women much older then me to be interested so focus on the younger girls close to your age. Beyond that, stay in touch without being obnoxious and clingy, be charming, and move into kink as you're both comfortable with it. Think of it as dating outside the lifestyle with something you have in common.

Finally, unless the girl is hardcore 'wants to be a slave' right now don't make the lifestyle the only thing you talk about with her. It is fun at first but it will eventually bore her.

(in reply to weird123m)

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RE: Breaking the ice - 1/29/2011 2:43:19 PM

FukinTroll

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quote:

ORIGINAL: weird123m

As a young Dom, I've always had trouble being taken seriously and moving past initial first meetings and conversations. Any advice?

Are we talking Nilla or Kink?

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RE: Breaking the ice - 1/29/2011 2:54:14 PM

DesFIP

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Take workshops. Get to know people in your local community. If you make friends, someone will probably let you top them. That's experience. Read books and practice ties and implements at home. You can tie a chair leg up to get technical skill. You can hang a tissue from a string and learn how much pressure it takes with a cane to barely cause it to flutter and how much to rip it to shreds. Learn everything you can from everyone you can so when you do play with someone, they will feel safe and tell their friends that although you're young, you are safe to play with.

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RE: Breaking the ice - 1/29/2011 3:04:27 PM

LillyBoPeep

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You're pretty well spoken (from reading your profile), the super close-up picture is slightly odd, but it's better than NOT having one. So like the others have said, get out into the community and make friends. Go to workshops and learn skills and get more experience. Many women feel that older men automatically have more experience and that's usually what they're seeking -- so when you've got experience, you'll be able to compete in that arena. Get your thoughts out there in your community -- if they have a forum on Fetlife or Yahoo! groups or somewhere like that, join it and participate. Chat and let people know that you're well spoken and thoughtful. Go to munches and meet people in person. Go to parties and be respectful and mingle. Sometimes there are women who really LIKE playing with younger and/or inexperienced Doms so find them, if there are any in your community, and chat with them. They'll help you gain experience and confidence.

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RE: Breaking the ice - 1/29/2011 5:15:55 PM

nightfury

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These are all great advice. but let's say your not into the public thing and munches aren't your thing...Know what it is exactly you want in a relationship and how you want to be. A Dom seeking a sub or a Master seeking a slave, or something in between. Learn about yourself first and what you want. Be confident and know what makes a woman tick...You have to get in her mind if you want to get her in your life. If you are unable to stimulate them mentally to the point of wanting to be with you past that first encounter you will not have much success.

The biggest thing in this lifestyle is patience. Do not get discouraged at the missed encounter. You will find the right one for you someday when it is meant to happen. A food for thought...not everyone that you come across in this lifestyle is someone you necessarily want to have more to do with past that first meeting...so be thankful that you haven't found that right one just yet.

Just my humble opinion

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RE: Breaking the ice - 1/29/2011 5:44:40 PM

littlewonder

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be confident

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RE: Breaking the ice - 1/29/2011 7:33:47 PM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

be confident

Doesn't work for young doms. Or young anything, really, as they instinctively infer it as you challenging their proficiency....

The young tend to relate to rhetorical confidence; the kind that's more about puffing out the chest with can-do attitude rather than anything actually founded on proven skill, knowledge or experience.

IE, the kind of self-confidence that tends to attract crowds, laughter and paramedics. Which is fine, *IF* it just involves themself....

Focus.

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RE: Breaking the ice - 1/29/2011 7:34:21 PM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: weird123m

As a young Dom, I've always had trouble being taken seriously and moving past initial first meetings and conversations. Any advice?

Your question is rather complicated, actually. You're going to get myriad answers dealing with every type of potential problem that can being conceivably imagined, but the real problem lies in the fact that you need to be able to be perceptively attractive to a select audience. It's the old human trait of valuing marketing (at least initially) over substance.

It's an annoying game to play because you are kind of losing and/or morphing yourself in order to allow potential customers to find your "commercials" more quick-look appealing, but you are here asking after all.

You really have to figure yourself out and figure out the type of partner (or even friend) you want to attract. Once you do that, work on the traits of yours that are important to you and, if that alone doesn't work, you can play the game and find out how to best attract the kind of audience you want (e.g. those who want BDSM-play skills, those who want BDSM hierarchical tenure, those who want competent ropeworkers, those who want competent life-decision makers, those who want a dominant that can strictly enforce his dominance, those who want a dominant partner that can mind-fuck them into submission, those who want you to see their submission as a gift, those who want you to have local BDSM prestige...etc., etc. ad infinitum).

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 1/29/2011 7:35:45 PM >

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RE: Breaking the ice - 1/30/2011 12:25:43 AM

TotalDiscipline

Posts: 225
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quote:

ORIGINAL: weird123m

As a young Dom, I've always had trouble being taken seriously and moving past initial first meetings and conversations. Any advice?

First beeing taken serious is a weakness of them..not you.
Keep doing what you want. Dont try to belong to a group...be yourself.
Sooner or later..you will fit into a group...automagically.

Groups are often closed...because they mostly all agree that they have the holy grail.

< Message edited by TotalDiscipline -- 1/30/2011 12:27:09 AM >

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RE: Breaking the ice - 1/30/2011 12:40:42 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: nightfury

These are all great advice. but let's say your not into the public thing and munches aren't your thing...Know what it is exactly you want in a relationship and how you want to be. A Dom seeking a sub or a Master seeking a slave, or something in between. Learn about yourself first and what you want. Be confident and know what makes a woman tick...You have to get in her mind if you want to get her in your life. If you are unable to stimulate them mentally to the point of wanting to be with you past that first encounter you will not have much success.

The biggest thing in this lifestyle is patience. Do not get discouraged at the missed encounter. You will find the right one for you someday when it is meant to happen. A food for thought...not everyone that you come across in this lifestyle is someone you necessarily want to have more to do with past that first meeting...so be thankful that you haven't found that right one just yet.

Just my humble opinion

*agrees with this and the posts above it.. as well as Little wonders post*

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RE: Breaking the ice - 1/30/2011 11:39:46 PM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: weird123m

As a young Dom, I've always had trouble being taken seriously and moving past initial first meetings and conversations. Any advice?

Start by saying, "Drop and suck, Beeeeoooottttcccch."
Works like a champ, every time. :-)

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RE: Breaking the ice - 1/31/2011 12:05:40 AM

tazzygirl

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Yuh huh... and I have a lovely bridge to sell youuuuuuuuuuuu

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RE: Breaking the ice - 2/3/2011 12:32:30 AM

dreamerdreaming

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Get a better screen name. First impressions count. Put your best foot forward.

Edited to add: nice avatar pic! I like that its so close-up. Nothing wrong with that, in my book.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 2/3/2011 12:35:57 AM >

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RE: Breaking the ice - 2/3/2011 9:11:41 AM

Killerangel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

Get a better screen name. First impressions count. Put your best foot forward.

I agree with this. I'm not sure it's in your best interest to call yourself weird. Feel free to make your sense of humor or whatever known later on, but I'm not sure I'd contact you if I saw that. It could be funny but you don't really know how the person intended it - save that for person to person communication.

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RE: Breaking the ice - 2/3/2011 11:30:37 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: weird123m

As a young Dom, I've always had trouble being taken seriously and moving past initial first meetings and conversations. Any advice?

Start by saying, "Drop and suck, Beeeeoooottttcccch."
Works like a champ, every time. :-)

*melts*

*reminds self..he's taken, he's taken...*

lol

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RE: Breaking the ice - 2/4/2011 9:42:50 AM

Themasterofo1

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Joined: 8/29/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

be confident

Doesn't work for young doms. Or young anything, really, as they instinctively infer it as you challenging their proficiency....

The young tend to relate to rhetorical confidence; the kind that's more about puffing out the chest with can-do attitude rather than anything actually founded on proven skill, knowledge or experience.

IE, the kind of self-confidence that tends to attract crowds, laughter and paramedics. Which is fine, *IF* it just involves themself....

Focus.

haha not all of us young people are idiots. for example I don't drink, do drugs, get into fights, damage property etc etc

OP
I have a feeling that you aren't the hooligan type either. I agree with what others have said on here. basically get comfortable enough in your own skin and learn how to sell yourself, unfortunately people are usually blind to who you are until they take the time to get to know you, so if you can sell yourself right you're likely to hold their attention long enough.

p.s. sorry if this comes across as gibberish it is almost 4 am and I haven't slept yet

(in reply to Focus50)

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RE: Breaking the ice - 2/8/2011 2:58:23 PM

Dnomyar

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I agree with the better screen name. Do what I did. The biggest thing you have to learn is patience. Take your time at this and go slowly or you will crash and burn very quick. Talk to people and get to know what they are like. Be cordial. Once you get in the groove things will go your way. Get a big head and you will blow it all.

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RE: Breaking the ice - 2/8/2011 4:13:02 PM

StrongSpirit

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Someone gave the advice I hate "Be Confident". First, generally confidence is either had or not had. You can not 'decide' to be confident. Saying "Be Confident" is kind of like saying "Be Black" or "Be Gay". It is rather useless as advice.

You can however, do the following:

1. Talk about things you have real experience with - NEVER lie or exaggerate your capabilities. People generally care far more bout how you say something than about any claim of knowledge or experience.

2. Do not equivocate or temper your words with qualifiers. Avoid words like maybe. This is extremely important when there is no right answer (i.e. suggest one restaurant, not a choice of two). Take a stand and stick by it, but ...

3. Acknowledge your "opponent's" valid ideas. People respect you a lot more when you say "You are right, but irrelevant" or "You have a point, but not enough to convince me" a lot more than when you say "You are wrong and here's why."

None of these things even involve real confidence. They are habits that people think equal confidence, but are unrelated. But if people think they mean confidence, use them.

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