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Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 5:24:07 AM   
Stud2u


Posts: 5
Joined: 6/15/2010
Status: offline 		I have been on this site now for some time as well as a few others. While I have made a FEW good friends and have had some great kinky sex... In the end it is just great kinky sex. Does anyone find it difficult to develope a relationship that is much deeper than just the sex part??? To me the true reward is in the connection... And the act of Dominance and submission, the sex part being a celebration of that connection... Not what defines it.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 5:32:18 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Um... if you want more than just kink, how come your likes/dislikes list are just about kink?  Why is your username stud4u?  Where is the part of the profile that says who you really are?

As ye sow, so shall ye reap.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Stud2u)
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RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 5:37:25 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		As a sub female looking for more than kinky sex myself, I have the following suggestions:
- Add a LOT more vanilla stuff to your profile,
- Add some vanilla pics,
- And like DS said, reconsider your screen name.

I have read numerous posts from people who have developed relationships after meeting online. While they might not respond to THIS thread, having said it many times, if you stick around on the forum side you will see what I mean.

KK

(in reply to Stud2u)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 5:40:18 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		My relationship with the One who owns me is not just about kinky sex.

My guess is it is either your general approach or the people you are choosing.
Also, truthfully you have not been here that long, so maybe you are rushing things and not getting to know the women well enough before jumping into the sexual aspect of your relationship.

Have you tried going to muches and such in your area and meeting people that way?

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

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(in reply to Stud2u)
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RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 6:17:40 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Stud2u, all we know is what's in front of us. You are online, we don't know you, and there are very few pieces of information available to your audience. Lets look at this information.

Your username is a sexual reference. 
Your picture is of a nude chest.
Your very short profile is all sex and kink.

I look for relationships, not play, not hooking up, not casual anything. If I was looking and you wrote me an email I'd look at your name and probably be ready to toss the email out as I'd feel we were not compatible...your picture is of your nude upper body - people interested in relationships don't generally get naked. If I chose to look at your profile, my immediate summarization from seeing the pic and the name would have been verified. At that point I'd probably send you a 'no thank you' reply and go on my way. There is a short entry in your journal section way at the bottom about relationships and your interest in them. That's it, that's all you have out there in the way of announcing that you would like a deeper connection.

If you are interested in building something of a partnership and not quick kinky sex then why the heck aren't you marketing yourself that way? Other people can't read your mind, all we know is what you portray of yourself. You're 43, this isn't rocket science, if you walked into a cocktail party without a shirt, announced that your name was something sexual, and proceeded to give a list of the kinky things you like to do as opposed to the fact that you like playing cards and riding bikes - who do you think would come over to talk to  you? The woman in the corner looking for a soulmate or the woman who wants some action tonight?

You are not alone in what you desire. There are many many people here that are looking for a connection of the mind, not just of the body. I'd be remiss if I didnt say that the majority of women are looking for both, women seem to generally want a relationship. You seem to be an attractive guy, you seem to be articulate. Show yourself in your profile to be an interesting guy who is looking for a longer term partner and you should do well. Keep up your pic if you want but don't make it your primary. Change your name. Add some information to your profile about what you like to do outside of sex/kink, also put in something  that says about what you are looking for and that you want a deeper connection.

(in reply to Stud2u)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 6:45:30 AM   
preytolife


Posts: 138
Joined: 11/29/2010
From: LaLa Land
Status: offline 		Yup, pretty much what they said. I don't talk to people just interested in kinky sex and as a result, I avoid that problem. If you start with sex, don't expect it to be more than that. Half the men on here are very pretty pics and can list all the kinky things they like to do to other people... now what makes you different? It's probably not kinky sex related.

_____________________________

"No man is so good as to be free from all evil, nor so bad as to be worth nothing." - Norse Proverb

(in reply to lizi)
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RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 8:59:57 AM   
sirssubk2008


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline 		I agree with all the posts before mine.
You have to invest in a relationship and you only get back what you give.
Your profile is the starting point of any relationship, in that, a person either likes what they see or they don't.
Most likely, the type of person that will look twice at your profile is only the type of person that wants a sex only relationship.
I believe if you make the changes that previous posters have mentioned, you will find quite a difference in the type of relationships
that are really available.

(in reply to preytolife)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 9:03:34 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		You might also try meeting people off line.. face to face.. you know the old fashioned way..

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Stud2u)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 9:10:26 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline 		nothing to add really, as all the others said it already

I was in touch with countless fools who believed that I have to obey them online already, considered it to be great to talk on a pretty rude level to me online or believed that I would be stupid enough to remove whatever clothing to "proof" to them how serious I am and whatever other bullshit they came up with...quite frankly, nothing of that shit went far with me, as obedience only happens once he and I decide to move further, and not before I meet someone.

therefore as others said, its about getting to know each other as people first, 'cause if someone isn't interested in me as a person, it indicates to me that he is more after just some fun and/or some kink...and therefore simply incompatible

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to sirssubk2008)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 9:48:49 AM   
Stud2u


Posts: 5
Joined: 6/15/2010
Status: offline 		Thank you for so clearly pointing out the obvious... It seems I have some work to get to regarding my presentation.

(in reply to Phoenixpower)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 9:52:05 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with the OP and some of the replies, however...even when your profile is relationship oriented with no hot pics, there are few people looking for more than getting their kink needs met or getting laid.

So don't think that having a great profile that clearly states relationship goals means it is any easier to connect with the right person on a deeper level.

(in reply to Stud2u)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 9:56:56 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Wait! I cannot seriously have just heard a male bitching about how females are only interested in sex and can't seem to commit.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

I think I've fallen through the looking glass now for sure.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Stud2u)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 10:56:49 AM   
kdsusa7894


Posts: 193
Joined: 12/19/2010
Status: offline 		LOL@leadership. OP-what everyone else said about updating your profile. It is a very nice chest though. Not sayin, just sayin.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val To Aqua- Thanks!
Seduce my mind and you can have my body, find my soul and I'm yours forever...

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 10:59:39 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I was single for almost 10 years before I met Master.

Be patient. That's really the only advice I can give you.

(in reply to kdsusa7894)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 11:07:42 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		What everyone else said. Your presentation is that you just want sex. Don't be surprised that those who want more decided you weren't compatible and didn't respond.

Your journal entries are a little confusing. Are you into strict Old Guard type relationships or do you want one that is love based? I would be more clear on exactly what you want, on how flexible you are or aren't.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 11:54:12 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Does anyone find it difficult to develope a relationship that is much deeper than just the sex part???

You could try abstaining from the sex part and instead concentrate on the relationship part.

As you said, the relationship is much more important. You can find kinky sex anywhere with anyone.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to Stud2u)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 9:38:50 PM   
Chulain


Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
You can find kinky sex anywhere with anyone.

Even if it's just oneself.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 9:40:18 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		do more than just online met ups go to events and volenteer to help with them if you have a dungon nearby visit it and help out there. meet and greets munches to put a face to the name. i found my mistress online by doing just as i said i was willing to go and just meet i was honest in my posts, and be patient it will happen when it is supposed to

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 9:54:09 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stud2u

I have been on this site now for some time as well as a few others. While I have made a FEW good friends and have had some great kinky sex... In the end it is just great kinky sex. Does anyone find it difficult to develope a relationship that is much deeper than just the sex part??? To me the true reward is in the connection... And the act of Dominance and submission, the sex part being a celebration of that connection... Not what defines it.


Greetings Stud2u,

Most people will never form a connection via Internet. It has always been an option not a guarantee. Unfortunately, many register on sites like these with very unrealistic expectations. You've been given valid pointers and should expend energy cultivating contacts offline. It's much easier to see through a veneer in person than it is in a virtual setting.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Stud2u)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why is it so hard to find more than just kinky sex?? - 1/30/2011 11:42:19 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
You can find kinky sex anywhere with anyone.

Even if it's just oneself.



Hey, at least then it's sex with someone ya love!


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Chulain)
Profile   Post #: 20
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