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Humiliation - 2/1/2011 11:38:49 AM   
gordon2011


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline 		It seems every sub has a different perspective on what is humiliation and what isn't (and therefore abuse or something close to it). For those of you who enjoy this type of play, how do you define it?
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RE: Humiliation - 2/1/2011 11:45:26 AM   
wittynamehere


Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gordon2011
For those of you who enjoy this type of play, how do you define it?

I define humiliation play as anything that results in the person feeling humilitated, which is defined on wikipedia as "the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission."

Perhaps you meant to ask "for those who enjoy this type of play, how do you accomplish it"?

For us that would be through verbal abuse (namecalling, pointing out flaws), shaming ("how slutty you are for getting wet like that"), putting her into submissive, exposing, or degrading positions, forcing her to do embarrassing things, compromising photographs to possibly be shown to others, and so on.

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RE: Humiliation - 2/1/2011 1:20:26 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I will add to that list above, that humiliation can take varying forms from individual to individual.

Some people like extreme degradation, some like verbal, physical, public, all sorts of different scenarios.

I find that discussing what it is that I like in this arena is very hard to convey unless I know someone really well, lest they misunderstand me and my motivations.

That is because many men I have spoken to think humiliation is something that you like because you have low self esteem.

On the contrary, one can be confident and have high levels of self esteem and yet there is something very hot about feeling a certain way and the fact that one can admit to this and experience it, says alot about their self awareness.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 2/1/2011 1:22:12 PM >

(in reply to wittynamehere)
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RE: Humiliation - 2/1/2011 1:22:14 PM   
gordon2011


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline 		It is a difficult thing to discuss, and I fine easy to say the wrong thing if the lines of communication aren't clear and open.

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Humiliation - 2/1/2011 3:14:40 PM   
MaxsGirl


Posts: 355
Joined: 12/2/2010
From: The Arctic Circle
Status: offline 		It's so interesting how differently people react to it, and the variety of things that constitute humiliation.  For me, being called worthless or treated like an object won't humiliate.  "Degrading" language just reminds me of my place, and doesn't make me feel bad at all, even done publicly.  The things that I find humiliating are things that most people probably enjoy, and would see as a reward.

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(in reply to gordon2011)
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RE: Humiliation - 2/1/2011 4:21:14 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, but it is all about semantics here. Degrading to one person might be, You filthy, ugly, worthless piece of pig snot.

Another person might love that. Degrading to another could be, You are my naughty, nasty, cum sucking whore.

So it really really varies as to what words do to different people.

(in reply to MaxsGirl)
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RE: Humiliation - 2/1/2011 5:40:15 PM   
MaxsGirl


Posts: 355
Joined: 12/2/2010
From: The Arctic Circle
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Yes, but it is all about semantics here. Degrading to one person might be, You filthy, ugly, worthless piece of pig snot.
Another person might love that. Degrading to another could be, You are my naughty, nasty, cum sucking whore.
So it really really varies as to what words do to different people.


Exactly.  In my case, I feel far more degraded when he calls me "sweetie", tells me I'm beautiful, and treats me gently.  Strange, I know, but that's what does it for me.

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RE: Humiliation - 2/1/2011 7:02:21 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

Yes, but it is all about semantics here. Degrading to one person might be, You filthy, ugly, worthless piece of pig snot.

Another person might love that. Degrading to another could be, You are my naughty, nasty, cum sucking whore.

So it really really varies as to what words do to different people.


True dat.  But that itself wouldn't bother or humiliate me. Having an outsider over-hear it would though.  It would make 'him' look bad, therefore humiliating me in the process.


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RE: Humiliation - 2/1/2011 11:41:08 PM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		to me humiliation is making fun of me insulting me degrading me and i find it abusive. but is he calls me his slut in private at he right time then i love it if he called me jsut slut then i would ahte it but his slut is diffrerent. luckily for me master does not like humiliation either.

(in reply to came4U)
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RE: Humiliation - 2/2/2011 12:19:28 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		In our relatonship. It does not happen, it is one of my hard limits. Humilation just makes me sad and/or angry not hot.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)
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RE: Humiliation - 2/2/2011 12:26:49 PM   
hipsterkittyxo


Posts: 35
Joined: 2/7/2010
Status: offline 		I realized the other day, that as someone who considers themselves a cat, I'd be utterly humiliated if I was made to do puppy play.

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RE: Humiliation - 2/2/2011 4:52:36 PM   
SourandSweet


Posts: 66
Joined: 1/22/2011
Status: offline 		Now this has got me thinking.

He's done things which should humiliate me, but for some reason just don't.  I don't know if it's just the way I feel about him.  I'm quite sure that if anyone else did x, y or z to me I'd be mortified, but not with him.

Regarding name-calling - it kinda goes like this between us:

Him: You dirty fucking slut
Me (smiling): But I'm your dirty fucking slut my love
Him: laughs

:-)


(in reply to hipsterkittyxo)
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RE: Humiliation - 2/3/2011 2:38:00 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		I usually love humiliation. It is interesting and enjoyable, in a suffering kind of way, to do unspeakable things and be treated in an unspeakable way because it is solely for him. It's an extreme show of intimacy and submission, having to take being spoken to or treated a certain way. And, well, I just find it hot. Can't help it. I get off on it.

One day, though, he had me done up like a pony, which, while I know many people do enjoy that, for me is the most humiliating thing I could do - oh, the whole bit - he took the furniture out of my bedroom and covered it in straw and bales of hay and...well...it was a very interesting day. I hated it. I hate pony play, never wanted to do it, hated the thought of it, and that was something I found more humiliating than any of the other countless acts that would raise some eyebrows. I hated it while it was going on, but...looking back....afterwards, we had one of our most intimate experiences as a couple together.

Hmm...so...am I supposed to be "getting off" on humiliation? Or is it not humiliation if I'm actually enjoying it? Either way...I love it, whether it's while it's going on, or the afterglow.

(in reply to SourandSweet)
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RE: Humiliation - 2/5/2011 9:45:20 AM   
SubmProfMale


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/28/2010
Status: offline 		I found one definition that fits my feelings about humiliation~~ broken: subdued or brought low in condition or status; "brought low"; "a broken man"; "his broken spirit"; demeaned; stripped of respect.

And, as others have commented, while there may be some objective events that would humiliate almost all, it's mainly a very personal thing. Whatever pierces your armor. Name calling doesn't do it for me. I may feel embarrassed but not humiliated, particularly not in the erotic sense; not taken to that very demeaning place that cuts to the core and yet somehow still excites me.

For me, what humiliates most is being treated in a dehumanized, debasing way in front of others, in front of friends of my domme who know that I am, in the vanilla world, respected and accomplished. Being stripped of that respect in front of such people and treated in a degrading manner, whether it be through watersports or a severe caning that brings me to tears but where I am required to beg for more, or leashed and restricted to barking, not speaking, causes me to feel humiliated.

(in reply to Kaliko)
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RE: Humiliation - 2/6/2011 10:30:32 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Hmm, for me the difference between "good humiliation" and "bad humiliation" depends on both the context and the actual feelings of the other person. I really wouldn't be okay with, for example, being with someone that actually thought I was a filthy slut or being called that openly in front of vanilla people. Or with being called stupid or ugly. But when someone who actually respects me degrades me in certain contexts...... YUM YUM.

(in reply to gordon2011)
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RE: Humiliation - 2/8/2011 11:07:24 AM   
dackery


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/22/2010
Status: offline 		I believe when a sub goes into a situation and know ahead of time that there will be humiliation the mentally they are prepared. Knowing that this is all part of a session one knows its only another form of play and has very little effect on them

(in reply to graceadieu)
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RE: Humiliation - 2/8/2011 11:20:03 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I disagree. Unless you know your partner very well or have a script, how can you know what will be said in a session?

I have been involved in situations where I knew my partner very well, and yet something he said or tried to say as something new, totally pushed a wrong button for me and had a bad effect on me.

So, you cannot make generalizations about this type of thing.

(in reply to dackery)
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RE: Humiliation - 2/8/2011 11:21:00 AM   
TotallyDude


Posts: 184
Joined: 1/30/2011
Status: offline
quote:

It seems every sub has a different perspective on what is humiliation and what isn't (and therefore abuse or something close to it). For those of you who enjoy this type of play, how do you define it?


Humiliation is one of the things I really don't like. It totally gets under my skin and causes real suffering. As a masochist, this is pretty hot.

There are of course a few problems. I have a pretty healthy love of myself, in fact I'm absolutely smitten with myself, so I have sort of a high threshold and tolerance for humiliation. I mean it takes a great deal to get under my skin. Anything obviously artificial or scripted is going to, at most, bore me and make me feel awkward for the person trying and failing to humiliate me. This in turn makes me feel a sort of amusement and a pale sadistic glow of pleasure, which is a weird thing to feel during a scene.

The other problem is that when a lot of women realize humiliation is genuinely uncomfortable and unpleasant for me, they're inclined to stop or tone it down. Again this is counterintuitive and sort of amusing. It's like humiliation is only fun as long as nobody gets their feelings hurt, which I am pretty sure is the opposite of how I see it.

Also for me quips, insults and ripostes are more likely to be fun and invigorating than humiliating. Again I'm sort of thick skinned and I find wit hot. What's most humiliating is being reminded I'm in a position I really don't want to be in and can't do anything about it which means that it's more supplemental to a scene than it is a scene unto itself.

Threats of public embarrassment or discovery are also humiliating but again that takes a very particular type of woman to make it count.

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Fortune and glory, kid, fortune and glory.

(in reply to gordon2011)
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RE: Humiliation - 2/8/2011 3:55:36 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		Humiliation is all about feeling like "THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME", but it actually is.

The ideal humiliation usually involves outsiders blaming the victim. I.E. Being naked in public, an expert being beaten by a loser, someone saying something very stupid.

(in reply to TotallyDude)
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RE: Humiliation - 2/18/2011 10:41:54 AM   
mwdsub4u


Posts: 49
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		Humiliation, can be a lot of elements for people, there is no set answer for this question, its what humilates you, being used as a dog, lead on a leash in public, made to serve in front of Her/his friends, used at a play party , or big fetish event, dress as a maid, verbal abuse, its endless.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
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