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Guts and first contacts - 2/3/2011 2:51:03 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		like many people, i'm scared to death of rejection. on the odd chance that i do work up the nerve to write a message to someone, it's usually rejected, which only adds to the nervousness for the future. =p
being skittish isn't a great way to project confidence though!

what are some ways that you have gotten over the nervousness about being rejected? i get the saying "the worst thing they can say is 'no,'" but when you're putting yourself out there, sometimes that is THE worst. =p haha

do you get so jaded with all the messages you get here that you don't bother to search for yourself?
how often do you make first contact with people who interest you?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/3/2011 3:00:31 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		On the first message, I simply let her know what resources are available, if she lives local to me - the local groups. Newcomers always appreciate that.

If there's an interesting picture, I'll comment on it. One woman had a picture of a raccoon eating out of someone's hand, for example.

I basically approach assuming that I'll likely get nothing but a friend if I'm lucky.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/3/2011 3:01:45 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I'm quite comfortable emailing someone cold. I kind of treat it like writing a cover letter when I'm applying for a job. I look at his profile and mention something I found interesting. And like a job application, the more I want the job the more effort I'll put it.

Also like a job application, I realize rejection is inherent in the process.

PM me a first contact email and I'll be happy to critique it.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/3/2011 3:04:51 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I am in sales, so rejection is part of the business.

In personal matters, I have confidence so I never worry about it; in my opinion, if someone is not into me, that is their loss and I devote no concern over it.

I never contact anyone first, unless it is someone from the boards who I want to make a comment on a post or something.

I suppose I should make contact with men who interest me, but hardly anyone does, so I just respond to the emails I get.

If I did make first contact and they rejected me, so what?

Seriously, confidence is really important in every aspect of your life.

I always say this; if you think you are the bomb, you are!

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/3/2011 3:23:30 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		thanks for the tips everyone -- kalikshama, i'll take you up on that sometime ^_^

confidence overall is something i've been working on for a while. with everything that's happened lately, it's finally time to really work on getting the confidence thing going.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/4/2011 8:04:04 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

what are some ways that you have gotten over the nervousness about being rejected?


Rejection happens and there really isn't anything you or I can do about it. I'm not everyone's cup of tea and that's okay. Ask yourself why rejection bothers you so much...do you see it as a rejection of you as a person or you as a random profile on the internet? Why does it matter?

quote:


do you get so jaded with all the messages you get here that you don't bother to search for yourself?


I have to be honest and say for a while, I was feeling jaded. That's one of the many reasons I stepped away from online interaction. I changed my screen name and then just lurked, waiting to see if there really was a reason for me to climb back into the saddle, so to speak.

When that jadedness happens, that's usually a sign that I need to step away and take a break. Jade may be a beautiful stone but being jaded has nothing to do with beauty.

quote:


how often do you make first contact with people who interest you?



I rarely make first contact unless it's with someone from the boards and they've posted something interesting. In the past, when I've initiated contact, it's usually to comment on something like an interesting journal entry or a photo from a profile. I may cold call for work but that doesn't mean I like to do it off the clock.

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 2/4/2011 8:05:21 AM >

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/4/2011 8:06:08 AM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

like many people, i'm scared to death of rejection. on the odd chance that i do work up the nerve to write a message to someone, it's usually rejected, which only adds to the nervousness for the future. =p
being skittish isn't a great way to project confidence though!


You're gorgeous and you're wonderful.

Anyone rejecting you is a fuckwit, and should be avoided like the plague.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/4/2011 8:10:48 AM   
sweetbiggal


Posts: 62
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		I rarely initiate contact.  I'm far too shy.  On the rare occasions that I actually do, it's because there was something in their profile that I could really relate to. Fortunately, I have met a few good friends that way.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/4/2011 8:17:41 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue


quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

like many people, i'm scared to death of rejection. on the odd chance that i do work up the nerve to write a message to someone, it's usually rejected, which only adds to the nervousness for the future. =p
being skittish isn't a great way to project confidence though!


You're gorgeous and you're wonderful.

Anyone rejecting you is a fuckwit, and should be avoided like the plague.


I agree...I love the threads you've started recently too.

Of course, it's good to hear those sort of compliments, but until you're able to let go of the fear of rejection, you're not going to be able to reflect the gorgeous wonderfulness that you have to offer.

Times like this, wouldn't it be great to have one of those Magic Eraser thingys that you could use to erase all fear.

(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/4/2011 8:29:01 AM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline 		Dear LillyBoPeep,
I think you're perfectly beautiful, very smart, with a lovely profile (though it might be a little long for many guys). 
Someone once told me: 1/3 of people you meet will like you; 1/3 will not care one way or another, and 1/3 will dislike you.   There is little point in worrying about being rejected by an image online.   Try to dispose of the "why doesn't he like me thought" immediately, because the more you carry that thought, the crazier it makes you; the crazier it makes you, the more insecure, and desperate you will feel, and that will eventually be the energy you send off.

Decide you are awesome, because you actually are, take chances, and let the chips fall where they may.   Everything is valued, but nothing matters.   People who don't care for you, should not factor into how you feel about yourself, so dispose of them as soon as possible from your mind.    M

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/4/2011 8:34:55 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		thanks RapierFugue and BonesfromAsh (edit: AND SexyBossyBBW -- just saw your comment) -- i really hope this thread doesn't come off as me mining for compliments because it's really NOT. =p i type a lot here (and a variety of other places), but in person, i'm pretty shy. so the shyness is always there, it's just something i carry around, and writing to someone has some of the same "eep!" associated with it as talking in person to someone does.
and i figured confidence is probably an issue for A LOT of people, not just me, so it couldn't hurt to have a discussion about that, could it?? maybe some more confident people can share, and some of us less confident ones can pick up a bit of knowledge to think about. i've been thinking a lot about what sexyred1 said in her post, for instance, and realizing that while i've thought i'm just a "modest" person, maybe i'm actually self-deprecating. =p
in my last relationship, i actually had a rule about self-deprecating comments or captions on pictures online, so i'm really remembering why he gave me that rule.
and often times i do take rejection as a rejection of me as a person; early on in my life, it was usually because of something i couldn't change, like my hair or my skin color, and so that permanence of rejectable qualities has just stuck with me throughout the years.

but it's better to find that one person who really truly likes you as a whole person, than to be "okay" for a bajillion other people.

and i'm glad you've enjoyed the topics! ^_^

< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 2/4/2011 8:36:11 AM >

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/4/2011 8:54:07 AM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

and often times i do take rejection as a rejection of me as a person; early on in my life, it was usually because of something i couldn't change, like my hair or my skin color, and so that permanence of rejectable qualities has just stuck with me throughout the years.

but it's better to find that one person who really truly likes you as a whole person, than to be "okay" for a bajillion other people.



I'm just traumatised coz you didn't pick me :)

<sobs inconsolably>

;)

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/4/2011 9:13:00 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		hahaha =p what? 

(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/4/2011 10:03:51 AM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

hahaha =p what? 


To write to for "first contact"! :)

Tell me I at least made the shortlist or I'll start blubbing again ;)

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/4/2011 10:11:29 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

If there's an interesting picture, I'll comment on it. One woman had a picture of a raccoon eating out of someone's hand, for example.

I basically approach assuming that I'll likely get nothing but a friend if I'm lucky.


Usually, I am not even considering the possibilities when I email someone. Hell, I've emailed because the profile was on my screen when I logged in, I saw something in the photo background I found interesting, and wanted to say something like "That is a really gorgeous vase! Is it Rookwood?" I love art pottery and voila! that is what I noticed in the photo.

Other times something they've written caught my eye and I was compelled to comment on it.

Never do I consider I am emailing my potential dream sub/slave. Simply letting the person know I enjoyed..........whatever.... For me it's no different than real life. I've told complete strangers I love their coat/bag/glasses/whatever. I am not looking to hook up with them, just complimenting them. Trying to brighten their day yanno.




_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/4/2011 11:16:16 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		haha RF - yes you were, but again -- skittish!

most of the messages i do send out are because someone has an awesome car (there's a guy with a red corvette that makes me want to pass out haha) or some other cool/cute/interesting/weird/thought-provoking photo.
or sometimes the profile says something really profound.

other times i do write to people because i'd like to get to know them. i don't come out with "oh wow! we should totally date!!" but just a "hello" and something that i liked about the profile. but when someone doesn't want to continue the conversation, that's fine, no problem. but i can't help but feel a little rejected. =p haha
it's just me and my lack of confidence.
perhaps 2011 will be the year to fix that.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/4/2011 11:20:35 AM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

haha RF - yes you were, but again -- skittish!


There are ways round that ... see me for details ;)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
it's just me and my lack of confidence.
perhaps 2011 will be the year to fix that.


Well I'd get on a plane without a second's hesitation, so for as much as that counts for in your confidence stakes (probably not much I grant you!), I think you'll have a fine year. You deserve happiness and contentment.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/4/2011 11:22:00 AM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		1. You are female.

2. You are pretty

3. You are young.

4. You are submissive


First, you don't have to be confident, you are submissive. Screw trying to project confidence, just be yourself

Second, young, pretty, submissive women are in HIGH demand. I guarantee you any and all first contacts you make will be appreciated. Even if the guy is not looking for love (and honestly a lot more of us are looking for love than women think are), chances are the worst that will happen is you will get a picture of a dick back.

Dating for a young pretty submissive woman is a POSITIVE SUM GAME. The odds are stacked in your favor. While it is possible to lose, the more you play, the more you will win.

It's kind of like buying a lottery ticket for $10 that has 50% chance of winning $300. Even if you are the poor sack that loses 3 times in a row, it doesn't take a math genius to realise that you should STILL play, and as often as you can.

(Note, I heavily suggest women, particularly submissive women, email men. When you email men based on what they say on their public profile, you give yourself a better chance of finding the right men as opposed to responding to men whose email may just be a carefully crafted they sent based on your personal profile)

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/4/2011 11:34:33 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

First, you don't have to be confident, you are submissive. Screw trying to project confidence, just be yourself



Really? Could you explain why she doesn't need to have or project confidence?

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Guts and first contacts - 2/4/2011 12:19:34 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I am an optimist i never had the chance to e mail someone when i was first on the board i was a victim of the "fresh meat" thing. I had met an few and no spark no interest if they did not want me i figured hey their loss theer are others out there i would be more compitable with. So i did not worry about rejection sure i have gotton some i just let them roll off my back and continued my search. I did not let myself get jaded i kept my mind open alive and after a year i found my Master. Going on in 5 years this month. So don't give up if ssomeong rejects it is their loss not yours.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 20
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