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Respect And Conversation - 2/3/2011 9:31:50 PM   
PrincessofSadden


Posts: 49
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline 		Princess has this habit of talking over me and interrupting me while we speak. I find this to be very annoying and disrespectful. I am most definitely her submissive but in day to day conversation i still expect to be able to get out a sentance or two before being run over... Any other submissive's have this?
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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/3/2011 9:43:43 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		It sounds like something that you need to discuss with her, especially if it bothers you enough to put it on a public forum.

As to whether or not I have been talked over and around...sure. When it happens though, it usually means that I am not paying attention to what is being said, and that is his way of forcing me to realize that.

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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/3/2011 9:46:38 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline 		I do this to my primary, because that is my natural mode of speaking. It hurts and frustrates him, so I consciously work on not doing it.  But it is seriously fucking hard as it is a natural speech pattern for me.  I do not mean to disrespect him; I have great respect for him as a person and as my beloved and my life partner as well as my submissive.  But I do "talk over" people because that's how I get a word in edgewise.  It's automatic for me.

With my secondary, we chatter back and forth and finish each other's sentences and talk over each other all the time, and neither of us minds because for us that is the normal way to talk.  For my primary it isn't, so he tends to suffer in silence and wait to get a word in when my secondary and I are in full swing.  Thing is, we both expect anyone who wants to get a word in to just start talking, and he won't do that because in his mind it's rude to talk if someone else is not quite finished talking.

We've had a number of sit-down family talks about it and considered instituting a "Speaking Staff" custom so that only the person with the object currently designated "Speaking Staff" should be talking.  Anyone in a conversation could pick up a random object, call it the speaking staff, and ask that the other two respect it and consciously stop talking until he had put down the object.  We do stuff like that, and consciously remain aware of respecting his conversational style and his needs, and it helps.  But it's not a complete fix.  It's something I expect we'll have to continue working on for the forseeable future, but we are doing it with positivity and mutual respect and clear communication, which helps a lot.


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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/3/2011 9:49:37 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I try very hard not to interrupt.

On the other hand, I sometimes talk with someone who rambles and feel forced to cut them off just to get a word in.  I dropped a woman from consideration because of this (and the fact that she instantly lectured me on why that was wrong).


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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/3/2011 9:54:28 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

and the fact that she instantly lectured me on why that was wrong

*snicker*
The nerve of some people

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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/4/2011 6:21:59 AM   
preytolife


Posts: 138
Joined: 11/29/2010
From: LaLa Land
Status: offline 		Nope, never had that happen really. I think if it ever did I probably laughed it off and told the Dom to hush and let me finish; I don't think dynamics should interfere with normal communication. That said...if I start rambling I do appreciate someone cutting me off and telling me to take a deep breathe. I do babble and I'm normally more comfortable with someone else talking and I'll comment if I feel the need. I can't say it's ever been an issue for me as long as I feel my opinion is valued... But then I'm not likely to open my mouth that much in public. I'm a mouse in public forums.

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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/4/2011 7:49:24 AM   
hipsterkittyxo


Posts: 35
Joined: 2/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I try very hard not to interrupt.

On the other hand, I sometimes talk with someone who rambles and feel forced to cut them off just to get a word in.  I dropped a woman from consideration because of this (and the fact that she instantly lectured me on why that was wrong).



Yeah, I dated this guy who like I would ask him a question, and he'd explain it like over and over in different words, and just keep talking and go on tangents, and not stop talking, ever, so once he answered my question, I just quickly changed the subject or started talking. Like, I'd call him, and he'd be like "oh i have to go." and then start talking about something and it would take like 30 minutes, and then he'd be like, "why'd you keep me on the phone." and i'd be like, "oh stfu already." i'm not sure what's worse, like interrupting someone, or letting them keep going and not paying attention to a single word they're saying.


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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/4/2011 8:46:31 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		try talking to her about it. if she starts to talk over you, respectfully ask her if you can have a few moments to express yourself. is it making you feel devalued in the relationship? like your opinions don't matter? convey those feelings -- people often don't even realize that they're doing this because, like LadyNTrainer said, it's a style of communication that has become natural to them. in my family (well when there were tons of us before everyone started dying =( ) people talked over each other all the time; somehow we could all keep up with the 5 or 7 conversations going on at once. it was how i grew up and it was natural for me, but when i left small-town life and met people who DIDN'T have big, chatty families growing up, i had to learn to change the way i conducted conversation.
also, when people get emotional or fired-up, it can be hard for them to remember manners and not to interrupt -- if your Princess has a tendency to be very "into" whatever she's talking about, that might also be a cause of it.

conversation is a delicate art. =p haha
being interrupted, or listening to someone drone on and on for aeons are both pretty uncomfortable, and they can be difficult to talk to people about because many people take things like this very personally.


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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/4/2011 10:02:56 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		i have a habit of talking over Master sometimes because our schedules don't always leave us much time and i want to make sure i tell him what i need to say. Or i want to tell him before i forget in 5 seconds. Maybe ask her why she does it?

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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/4/2011 10:16:12 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

It sounds like something that you need to discuss with her, especially if it bothers you enough to put it on a public forum.



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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/4/2011 2:37:56 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		My response is to shut up entirely. And not say anything until he asks why. At which time I point out that he made it clear he didn't care about listening to me so I was doing what he obviously wanted.

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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/4/2011 5:19:38 PM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

My response is to shut up entirely. And not say anything until he asks why. At which time I point out that he made it clear he didn't care about listening to me so I was doing what he obviously wanted.


OMG this is awesomeness.

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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/4/2011 5:54:50 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

My response is to shut up entirely. And not say anything until he asks why. At which time I point out that he made it clear he didn't care about listening to me so I was doing what he obviously wanted.


OMG this is awesomeness.

I have to agree. When I read that, all I could think was simply beautiful lol.

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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/4/2011 8:05:17 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		By which point I am pissed off to the point of being cold and choosing my words to maximum effect. And he then has to either listen fully or say he doesn't want any communication. And me being bitingly sarcastic is not something anyone wants to experience frequently.

It's happened a couple of times. Which over 8 years really isn't that bad, considering.


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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/4/2011 8:12:05 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		i have adhd so when excited i can ramble so i need to be shut up as far as if my Mistress talks over me that is time to stop talking as what She ssaying is more importaint

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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/4/2011 8:23:11 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have a friend who is an aggressive converstationalist. It is rare that I get to say much in the conversation, since I'm not one to interrupt when someone else is speaking. That's ok, she's amusing, and since I can put her on speaker phone while continuing on with whatever it was I'm doing - she sometimes becomes a familiar white noise while I work

It annoyed me at first, when I first met her, but in time I became accustomed to her style and appreciate her for her genuine self, which includes the sometimes annoying parts along with the good.

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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/4/2011 8:37:55 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		opps I noticed you meant do any other submissives have doms that do this, so no. I don't. but I talk over Daddy.. And daddy hates it, he doesn't find it rude or disrespectful, but he does find it keeps me from truely hearing him and keeps him from finishing what he was saying, I just naturally am a talker and a butter inner, and find it hard to wait till my turn to speak if he says something I want to refute or respond back to.
quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessofSadden

Princess has this habit of talking over me and interrupting me while we speak. I find this to be very annoying and disrespectful. I am most definitely her submissive but in day to day conversation i still expect to be able to get out a sentance or two before being run over... Any other submissive's have this?


< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 2/4/2011 8:39:36 PM >

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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/4/2011 10:31:49 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Does it happen? Yep

Do I consider it a problem? Nope

However, speech restrictions are a part of our relationship. He decides when Alandra and I get to speak with him and when we do not. If we want to address we must have his permission first. Sometimes he will give permission and then either not pay attention or talk over us. Alandra and I find it an amusing quirk of his.

It is just part of him having authority within our life. There is nothing in our life that he cannot exercise his authority on. As far as respect, he shows it by allowing us to be who we are.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/5/2011 7:24:40 AM   
SourandSweet


Posts: 66
Joined: 1/22/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

My response is to shut up entirely. And not say anything until he asks why. At which time I point out that he made it clear he didn't care about listening to me so I was doing what he obviously wanted.


When we were first together he used to do this.  He'd assume he knew what I was going to say next rather than allowing me to finish. I'd shut up mid-sentence, look at him and wait.  Then, when he'd finished telling me what he thought about what he thought I was going to say, I'd explain that I wasn't about to say what he assumed, and if he would allow me to finish he would see that.

After a while he realised he was doing it and apologised as soon as I shut up.

After another while he stopped doing it.

I've never seen him do the same with anyone else interestingly.

:-)


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RE: Respect And Conversation - 2/5/2011 8:01:08 AM   
SlaveOwnerDave


Posts: 113
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Petaluma, CA
Status: offline 		I used to have to deal with someone who would ask Me a question---and then talk over My answer. This was not a conversational style with him, it was a way of attempting to exert power over Me.
So, I would answer the question, stopping at the end. The important parts of My approach were these:
1: Answer the question fully.
2. Never repeat the answer---if he had wanted the answer, then he would have been listening!
Eventually he caught on: He was transparent. He was losing.

This kind of thing did happen, occasionally, elsewhere. Later on in the conversation, I would get to a part which required knowledge of what I had said in the earlier part. If asked what I meant, I would say, "It's as I said, earlier." They learned to listen, or go away.

People with problems, I can handle. People who are jerks, I have zero tolerance.

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