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when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 12:56:47 AM

phoenixmoonn13

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i have been trying to understand this and was after others input. to me its when you go past typing to the person , ie you talk on the phone or send texts. Masters says it is when you actually meet and touch.

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 1:07:34 AM

lally2

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yes its when you meet and touch. up until then you really dont know if the physical chemistry or attraction online will translate to real time.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 2/4/2011 1:14:30 AM >

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 2:38:40 AM

darkenchantment

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Yes, to me the same. You can talk online forever, and never really know the person. People can hide behind the keyboard, and seem to be different from what they are in reality. The phone is a step forwards; you can learn more from a voice than from the written word. But the ultimate step is to physically meeting, face to face, over that cup of really hot tea..........and seeing if the heat translates elsewhere. We all want the perfect package; the right mind, in the right body. One without the other is useless. This is the magick of it all! And of course, however much you have turned one another on online, this is where it ultimately comes to fruition.

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 2:58:32 AM

phoenixmoonn13

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we live together hes poly i am not the way we work iit is he has 2 online subs, i just find it hard when he uses voice with one. hes helping me work through my feelings, he says i am too honest to understand online and hes right, we met online and could never understand why people werent who they really are.

just good to hear others views

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 3:53:06 AM

LaTigresse

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For ME, it's isn't really real, until I spend physical time with her. That doesn't mean there aren't some emotions involved or invested, they just are not enough to get concerned about if the person decides to disappear.

I would guess that it is probably that emotional investment that is bothering you. Not to mention the investment of time he has with them, time he isn't spending with you. That is why, when I first start visiting with anyone seriously, even the beginning of online communication, I am honest about it. So everyone knows the score.

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 4:03:33 AM

GreedyTop

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what L:aT said

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 4:17:23 AM

phoenixmoonn13

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hes totally honest about it and i am free to be in the room or not if i choose. and he wont see them to touch this is something he promised and i know he wont go behind my back. i see most of what he does and says as i am often at his feet its my choice to look or not. and he has explained the emotional side of it all to me and the time hes with them is not a problem its just a learning process for me i went through the same when we first met online and he slowly introduced me to his other sub.

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 6:09:36 AM

DegradedCreature

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I consider online becoming real time at the point of meeting someone, when online I expect not to serve someone until I choose to do so after meeting. However I am open to making online friends.

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 7:07:11 AM

DarkSteven

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I'm sorry, phoenix, but he's been open about the fact that he's poly and he's come up with a way to continue that while bothering you as little as possible. Either it works for you at this point or it doesn't.

The fact of online vs RL means nothing, really. What matters is whether you can handle it or not.

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 8:42:02 AM

LadyPact

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I have to agree with the above. It's not real to Me until I've touched their face, looked into their eyes, and felt the energy of being in the same room with them. I can't have the same depth of feeling for someone if I haven't done those things.

I think Steven is right. If you are struggling when the other interactions are just online, how well do you think you'll do if poly is in the physical world?

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 9:07:07 AM

Elisabella

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quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixmoonn13

i have been trying to understand this and was after others input. to me its when you go past typing to the person , ie you talk on the phone or send texts. Masters says it is when you actually meet and touch.

To me a "RL" relationship starts when you interact in person, face to face.

Phone and text isn't an online relationship, it's a phone-relationship.

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 10:22:58 AM

NocturnalStalker

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I think online relationships are a waste of time. To be with someone emotionally but be unable to express seems like some sort of cruel tragedy than an actual relationship.

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 11:18:58 AM

phoenixmoonn13

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he wont be having subs rl so i am not wroried about that. and knowing i am the odd one out when it comes to what is rl or online has helped thank you all

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 1:11:05 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

For ME, it's isn't really real, until I spend physical time with her. That doesn't mean there aren't some emotions involved or invested, they just are not enough to get concerned about if the person decides to disappear.

This/\

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 1:20:24 PM

coookie

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I think it depends on the people. It can be very real or it can be a silly game. I have to agree with Steven though and even go the next step. If he is poly and you are holding him back from that, resentment will grow. I dont mean to be a little black rain cloud or anything though i believe you should really take some time to give it thought.

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 2:29:19 PM

DesFIP

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The person who feels that they have been cheated on gets to define it. It doesn't matter if it isn't real to him. If it is real to you, then it is real.

Myself I feel cybersex with someone else is real and takes away from the intimacy of our relationship. But we discussed this upfront and he knew, and agreed.

I wouldn't like to be the woman he's cybering with, and discovering that he didn't believe anything he wrote to me. And if he feels leading her on, or lying to her is acceptable, then why wouldn't he feel that was acceptable to me? Morality isn't sometimes on and sometimes off. You either are an ethical person or you aren't. His comment about you being too honest makes me believe he feels it's fine if he isn't. That would bother me a lot. Other people may not be always honest, we know this from reading the newspaper. That doesn't mean it's fine if I decide to rob a bank. Or if someone I loved did.

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 3:15:44 PM

NihilusZero

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If you're just talking about the acronym "rl", then all of the answers provided adequately describe the difference.

Whether each interaction is "real" in the sense of involving some genuine human-to-human connection) is is entirely based on the individuals, whether strictly online or in physical contact.

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 5:01:05 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixmoonn13

i have been trying to understand this and was after others input. to me its when you go past typing to the person , ie you talk on the phone or send texts. Masters says it is when you actually meet and touch.

We make our definitions, they don't make us.

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 6:35:19 PM

SexyBossyBBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
yes its when you meet and touch. up until then you really dont know if the physical chemistry or attraction online will translate to real time.

This is my thought and experience, which is why I say, meet as soon as possible in public. M

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RE: when does online become RL - 2/4/2011 7:51:32 PM

DesFIP

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It doesn't matter if 9 out of 10 people here say it's fine for him to scene online and on the phone with others. If she feels hurt, then those are her real feelings. And telling her she doesn't have any right to feel the way she does isn't going to change anything for her except for the worst. Because when he tells her that, he negates her feelings, he invalidates her and he closes down communication. None of which are good for a relationship.

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