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Analytical Chemistry - 2/5/2011 12:40:53 AM

shallowdeep

Posts: 343
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From: California
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Don't worry – while dimensional analysis, titrations, mass spec, and the like can be fun, none will be required in this topic.

A recent post in another thread here prompted me to ask a question I've been thinking about - one about the subject of "chemistry." The term gets thrown around with reasonable frequency when discussing feeling out potential relationships (e.g. "The chemistry just wasn't there" or "We had instant chemistry") but it's always struck me as a bit too vague to be particularly satisfying or meaningful as an explanation. Admittedly, sometimes things go well, and sometimes they don't quite click… but just what exactly does "chemistry" mean for you? How do you define it? How do you recognize it? Do you ever try to analyze what factors contribute to its creation?

In the post that caught my interest, Akasha went into some depth explaining how she might try to test and establish chemistry in one situation.

I'm hoping to spark some more discussion about specific things that have, in your experiences, led you to feel good chemistry and, perhaps equally importantly, things that have caused an otherwise promising new interest to fizzle. Possible questions: Do you actively do anything in an effort to probe for or foster chemistry? Are there certain words, body language, actions, reactions, attitudes, or other indicators you find yourself looking for from the other person? Have you noticed any steps others take during a new interaction that consistently tend to create a feeling of chemistry for you? How do you ultimately make the decision about whether or not it exists? How long does the process usually take? To what extent do answers to the above vary by medium - i.e. in person vs. correspondence, etc.?

Or is trying to analyze chemistry a futile enterprise best left to strange people in lab coats and protective eyewear? :)

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences!

Now, where did I leave those goggles…

Post #: 1

RE: Analytical Chemistry - 2/5/2011 4:56:41 AM

ThePeripatetic

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Honestly... I don't think I would be able to respond to any of your questions with any sort of certainty or clarity. I have no idea why things just seem to click with some people. Are there things I do to foster chemistry? No, I'm just myself, the chemistry is either there or it isn't. Are there things I look for? Sure, there are certain things I'm attracted to. But I've also met people where all the "boxes" could be checked off and all signs say "go" but for whatever reason the chemistry flopped. And usually I won't be able to identify exactly where the disconnect was. Same goes for your other questions, my experiences have always been so different and diverse, there's no way I could give a definitive answer as to the how's and why's.

I know what you're saying about the term being quite vague but my gut instinct says that you're going to be grasping at straws if you try to pinpoint exactly what chemistry entails. Je ne sais pas, c'est la vie!

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Post #: 2

RE: Analytical Chemistry - 2/5/2011 5:20:40 AM

DarkSteven

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I use the term Chemistry specifically to refer to the things I CAN'T quantify and understand.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 3

RE: Analytical Chemistry - 2/5/2011 6:57:18 PM

Focus50

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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OP, I clicked your profile expecting you to be the legal minimum 18 and never dated etc.... You're 26? <shrugs>

For those who have dated, chemistry is an 'X' factor that can't be consciously contrived or enabled. It's there or it isn't and you tend to recognise it either way without ever being able to define the wtf's and why's of what's happening between you. But when it is there (in *mutual* form), it's an addiction you can't get enough of.

Me, I know I'm off to a good start with body language.
Women "protect" their breasts when they don't like you - fold their arms; keep more distant; become conscious of one blouse button too many undone; pull their jacket/coat tighter etc. I see that and know that, under normal circumstances, chemistry has no chance. Maybe if we're marooned together, then time and lack of alternatives can change a lot of things. But in the real world, we've both moved on already....

And when a woman does like you, they stand closer; are more attentive; hands mostly by their side; ignore that the taller you can see down their top while talking face to face at close quarters etc. Suddenly you're not so interested in looking elsewhere.

The best thing about chemistry is that you notice you're not searching for ways to keep the conversation interesting or even going. It just..... does!

Focus.

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Post #: 4

RE: Analytical Chemistry - 2/5/2011 8:00:47 PM

LPslittleclip

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for me i try to pay atention to them as that way i can be more attentive this helps to focus on the partner. next i am honest with my comments and not exagerated hoping to have the same from them

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Post #: 5

RE: Analytical Chemistry - 2/6/2011 8:05:40 AM

strangedesire

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I suspect that a lot of what we call "chemistry" is in fact the influence of pheromones. And while we can influence our pheromones to a certain extent, you'd need lab analysis to really quantify things.

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Post #: 6

RE: Analytical Chemistry - 2/6/2011 11:56:49 AM

AAkasha

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I can have instant attraction to someone based on his looks (we all have our favorite "types') but once I am standing next to him talking, that attraction can vanish fairly quickly if there is no chemistry.

By the same token, I can be in the presence of a man that I am not initially attracted to, but after getting to know him, I feel an attraction and the chemistry takes over.

I think the most important thing a man (sub or not) can take away from the concept is chemistry is that it's important that he allow a woman to get to know him in order to establish chemistry (it's often not instant), and he has to practice patience, good hygiene, manners, tact, class, etc.

I've been away from the 'single social scene' a long time, so I have no idea if this is a new thing (because of technology) or if it's a BDSM thing, but it seems like people don't go out and "socialize" any more. I am not talking about "going to munches," but I am talking about people in their formative social years - ie between the age of 15 and 25 or so, going out in groups and "hanging out," going to parties, in mixed company. This is where you learn to read cues, flirt, etc. My niece is 16, she's constantly doing what I was doing at that age - parties (no alcohol fueled parties, but kids her age getting together watching movies, swimming, going to the mall, whatever) - exposing herself and her peers to the opposite sex and learning to navigate the complicated road of "does he like me" and "do I like him?" and how you communicate interest, respond to interest, and establish chemistry.

I think texting, the Internet and technology may have changed a lot of this for people, but you can't skip this stage of social learning and expect to know how to date effectively in your 30s - learning to talk to the opposite sex and read cues is so important. Do people just text each other instead?

Akasha

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Post #: 7

RE: Analytical Chemistry - 2/6/2011 7:15:23 PM

MaamJay

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Actually I think what we're talking about is more BIOchemistry than Analytical ... and yes, pheromones are very likely to be involved ... but I also think that DarkSteven has hit the nail on the head LOL! Chemistry in the sense of attraction is hard to define in terms of why it works with some and not others ... yes, as Focus said, body language will tell you if it's there or not but doesn't tell you what IT is!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Post #: 8

RE: Analytical Chemistry - 2/7/2011 4:16:15 AM

Dreaddom

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As a laboratory manager in the vanilla world, I was intrigued to see the topic, only to read the thread...

But, I think the term 'chemistry' is correct to describe how some people are just drawn together. Think of it this way- two different chemical elements may 'bond' (yes, a technical term also) to form a compound - much like two different people will bond to form a relationship. However not all elements will bond with each other; some of them will never mix, even under the best circumstances. And sometimes you can have a situation where even when the conditions are favourable, a well bonded mix can be upset by another element (for example, a couple who thinks they are stable fall apart because another person has come along that one of the people in that relationship identify better with).

Every element has its own physical properties and constants, much like people have their own mental, emotional and physical parameters....and in both cases that's called 'chemistry'!

Sorry in advance if this is hard to follow...

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 9

RE: Analytical Chemistry - 2/7/2011 4:23:06 AM

RapierFugue

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From: London, England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dreaddom
Every element has its own physical properties and constants, much like people have their own mental, emotional and physical parameters....and in both cases that's called 'chemistry'!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0QKUWg6f1I

;)

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Post #: 10

RE: Analytical Chemistry - 2/8/2011 3:06:45 PM

SlevinKelevra

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/22/2011
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OP = Chemistry is what you could call the X factor, an unknown reaction between 2 people, that inmediately makes them connect. It´s the more materialistic way to say "Love at first sight" I guess....you can, however, foster a reaction, or sort of manipulate things to try to get the effects of that "chemistry reaction" but truth is, then it´s not chemistry, it´s plain old deceipt. You would be conning someone into a scam, even if you do not wish to do harm and do it to have its effects with someone you like, when the mask falls and she sees she´s chosen someone with whom such chemistry does not really exist, has been faked, etc, she can walk away or she can accept it, but if you like someone enough to wish to force such chemistry to be there, would you risk that chance she takes door 2 and leaves you alone ?

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Post #: 11

RE: Analytical Chemistry - 2/8/2011 3:15:47 PM

TotallyDude

Posts: 184
Joined: 1/30/2011
Status: offline

quote:

I'm hoping to spark some more discussion about specific things that have, in your experiences, led you to feel good chemistry and, perhaps equally importantly, things that have caused an otherwise promising new interest to fizzle. Possible questions: Do you actively do anything in an effort to probe for or foster chemistry? Are there certain words, body language, actions, reactions, attitudes, or other indicators you find yourself looking for from the other person? Have you noticed any steps others take during a new interaction that consistently tend to create a feeling of chemistry for you? How do you ultimately make the decision about whether or not it exists? How long does the process usually take? To what extent do answers to the above vary by medium - i.e. in person vs. correspondence, etc.?

I like you, bro. Lookin' for the Konami Code of attraction.

Or to keep your chemistry conceit alive, lookin' for the Philosopher's Stone. Goin' all Christian Rosenkreutz.

Keep fightin' the good fight, my friend.

Love,

The Dude

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Fortune and glory, kid, fortune and glory.

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Post #: 12

RE: Analytical Chemistry - 2/8/2011 3:30:55 PM

sexyred1

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Not only do so many overanalyze to death everything about BDSM and relationships and life in general, but now someone is asking to analyze one of the most intangible concepts there is.

Why would you try to analyze chemistry? Do you hope to find some combination of atoms and molecules that you can patent and become a super billionaire? I could see that as an incentive or more selflessly, trying to help people find their "soulmate" if you believe in that.

I have often bemoaned my lack of chemistry with someone who on paper offered me all that I thought I wanted, yet I could not fathom them touching me with one finger. I often wished I could take this from one person and smush it together with that from another and have the perfect thing.

And, even if you have EARTH SHATTERING DEFCON LEVEL 10 chemistry with someone, the relationship could be bad for you. Believe me, I know.

I know that for me, chemistry means I want to be with you, want to talk to you, want to listen to you, want to touch you, want you to touch me, your smell is delicious, you make me feel amazing, you make me feel right, etc. etc. And even then, sometimes, it goes all wrong. But what goes wrong is not necessarily the chemical reaction that brought you together, it is the aftermath of that.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 2/8/2011 3:32:18 PM >

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Post #: 13

RE: Analytical Chemistry - 2/8/2011 4:33:18 PM

Dnomyar

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Sexy you have great chemistry. I look at it this way. You can tell in the first minute if you have chemistry with someone or not. Dont try to analyze it to death. That will give the chemistry time to dissapate.

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Post #: 14

RE: Analytical Chemistry - 2/11/2011 9:14:44 PM

cloudboy

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Yes, I would describe chemistry as an unconscious fit.

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Post #: 15

RE: Analytical Chemistry - 2/12/2011 2:56:44 AM

shallowdeep

Posts: 343
Joined: 9/1/2006
From: California
Status: offline

Sorry to have neglected this, and thanks for all the responses. Consensus is usually good… even when the conclusion is that I like to overanalyze things.

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

Why would you try to analyze chemistry?

Curiosity pretty much sums it up. I certainly wasn't seeking or expecting universal, deterministic answers… let alone a secret code to profitably patent. :) But, for better or worse, I am rather analytical; the question I'm more prone to ask is why wouldn't you want to analyze X. I usually enjoy hearing varying perspectives and, if nothing else, it seemed like a somewhat different topic for this board.

I suppose, in general, explanations of the "that's the way it is" sort rarely feel satisfying to me – even when a system honestly is so ineffable or fuzzy that there just isn't a better response. Maybe to use something possibly a bit more neutral by way of explanation: if I get angry or upset, at some point I almost inevitably find myself asking, "Why? What specific things made you feel that way? Why did they do that? Any interesting observations?" Even when an answer can't be pinned down, I suppose I am guilty of usually finding something to enjoy in attempted deconstruction. I'm not sure how much sense that makes, but perhaps it better explains where I was coming from?

Still, I sort of anticipated the response and understand it… at least until neural network research catches up. (Don't worry – I'm joking.) And I think there were some good points that came up, perhaps especially one of yours: whatever it is, even great chemistry's not everything.

Thanks again!

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 16

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