RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master



Message

kefgirl -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 10:45:21 AM)


To Littlewonder, noted that You have a plethora of postings since 2005. I am not blessed with Your experience, I am a novice. AGAIN, this was not a one off play session.
This is not about being wrapped in cotton wool, this is about basic human care.



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 11:00:07 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

I make it a practice not to associate with parentises who are clearly loco.


I read it as Crazy Parent which still seems pretty on topic...



littlewonder -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 11:30:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kefgirl


To Littlewonder, noted that You have a plethora of postings since 2005. I am not blessed with Your experience, I am a novice. AGAIN, this was not a one off play session.
This is not about being wrapped in cotton wool, this is about basic human care.


yeah....my "experience" doesn't matter. I was and still am human with human logic that says If you're wounded, take care of the wounds. Don't wait for someone else to say "oops...let me take care of that for you".

There are not set bdsm ethics or lifestyle or rules or whatever you want to call it. Your own responsibilities don't somehow negate the minute you decide to play with others or "discover" bdsm.

What did you do before you "found" bdsm?




kefgirl -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 12:06:32 PM)


Littlewonder This is not about the wound itself. It is about responsibilty. If someone gave you care of thier valuable property, would you not honour that trust.
If someone placed a living being in your care, would you not at least phone or mail said living being to adhere to your "acceptance of responsibilty".
That, Littlewonder is the point.



sexyred1 -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 12:07:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kefgirl


To Littlewonder, noted that You have a plethora of postings since 2005. I am not blessed with Your experience, I am a novice. AGAIN, this was not a one off play session.
This is not about being wrapped in cotton wool, this is about basic human care.


I don't think a persons amount of postings makes any difference in their life experience and Littlewonder gave good advice.

You seem to be trying to gain affirmation that you needed aftercare no matter who was involved in this, your own or another Master.

As others have said, there is no one way to engage, react or feel in any of what we do. Considering yourself as part of a "lifestyle" has no bearing on basic human behavior. You can never expect anything, you can only hope for like minded people to share your view on personal responsibility.

You may be right, basic human care should have been employed here, but you are not going to get the solace you are seeking here simply because we do not know enough about the communications that went on before this went down or after.

I can only echo the others in saying you need to know you are engaging with to have a sense of all parties level of basic human care.



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 12:18:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kefgirl


Littlewonder This is not about the wound itself. It is about responsibilty. If someone gave you care of thier valuable property, would you not honour that trust.
If someone placed a living being in your care, would you not at least phone or mail said living being to adhere to your "acceptance of responsibilty".
That, Littlewonder is the point.


I'm curious, what did YOUR Master say about his opinion on this situation?



Aileen1968 -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 12:51:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kefgirl


Littlewonder This is not about the wound itself. It is about responsibilty. If someone gave you care of thier valuable property, would you not honour that trust.
If someone placed a living being in your care, would you not at least phone or mail said living being to adhere to your "acceptance of responsibilty".
That, Littlewonder is the point.


It seems as if your master is the one who dropped the ball. He lent you out to another without...
a) arranging for you to be taken care of by the loaner master
b) caring for you himself
c) discussing the boundaries that the loaner master should have stayed within.

If you should be upset with anyone you should be upset with your master and yourself. It was no one else's responsibility for your care than between the two of you. If you didn't like the uncaring attitude of the one who caned you, then you should be discussing that with your master because he picked him.



Missokyst -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 3:20:21 PM)

I am going to take this further. If you have issues with that so called experienced master's lack of care after the fact, speak to him about it. And on a further note I would ask you why you choose to play with him in the first place? Punishment or not, each one of us has personal responsibility in the choices WE make.

You made the choice in accepting a master who hands over your punishment to another. How do you avoid this in the future? Don't do things that require detached punishment.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: kefgirl


Littlewonder This is not about the wound itself. It is about responsibilty. If someone gave you care of thier valuable property, would you not honour that trust.
If someone placed a living being in your care, would you not at least phone or mail said living being to adhere to your "acceptance of responsibilty".
That, Littlewonder is the point.


It seems as if your master is the one who dropped the ball. He lent you out to another without...
a) arranging for you to be taken care of by the loaner master
b) caring for you himself
c) discussing the boundaries that the loaner master should have stayed within.

If you should be upset with anyone you should be upset with your master and yourself. It was no one else's responsibility for your care than between the two of you. If you didn't like the uncaring attitude of the one who caned you, then you should be discussing that with your master because he picked him.





lally2 -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 3:22:10 PM)

forgive me, but this sounds suspiciously like an online LDR where slave displeases, 'Master' who cant exact punishment so sends slave to some random dude who says he's the real business.

the fault lies with the 'Master' in that scenario and the man who cut youre skin and broke his cane on youre novice hide because he was angry with a sub from 5 months back and should be, henceforth, avoided like the preverbeable plague - because he's dangerous, unskilled, absurd, ignorant and a walter mitty.

lesson learned sweets.

and after reading youre profile, where youre clearly still looking for a Master im further convinced that this was online driven stupid.

so youre also responsible for allowing youreself to be sent to an unknown player by an online guy for 'punishment'.  this i think was far more about sending you off for some action to satiate massochistic needs.  so fine.  just pick youre player more carefully next time.  ask around the local community and get contacts of people who are known and know what theyre doing.

also to add.  when a disciplinarian is approached for punishment that is what they provide.  they do not have any responsibility for you beyond that point.  human decency, some follow through and care would be nice, but these people are out for their own jollies, live in a world of fabrication and incomplete knowledge and you will just be a number to add to their dubious resume of experience.

.... and now he has the tale of breaking his cane on youre arse - to the next woman needing 'correction'.

be absolutely honest with youreself here.  and when you are take a long hard look at what you did there and promise youreself youll be a bit more picky next time.




osf -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 3:40:54 PM)

what's a discipline session?



porcelaine -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 3:44:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kefgirl

Tal and greetings to all. As I am relatively new to living the life.I find myself in a need for impartial guidance.
Names of persons involved will never be released. This is non fiction.
A female slave who was 'submitting' to her in-loco parentis Master, during a discipline session , the Master broke His cane...leaving bleeding cuts.
The master in question is an expert in His field, and a highly experienced Master having been active in the lifesyle for over 30 years.


Greetings,

In your opening comments you mention the individual's experience. Am I right to assume that you made a determination based on this information that the outcome was an accident and not intentional? I'm not suggesting either position is true, but remind you of the possibility of something going awry.

quote:

1: Master has additional responsibility in caring for another Masters property- yes/no ?


No, his responsibility is to adhere to the agreement he made with your partner. If it didn't include aftercare he's not bound to provide it. Anything he does outside of what's negotiated is by choice.

quote:

2: The bleeding cuts became infected, yet at no point did this "Highly Experieced" in-parentis even bother to send the girl a txt msg to astertain that all was well -is this normal/acceptable practice -?


Do you attend to them after the session? If they appeared odd did you see a physician? Or did you assume a third party was going to address the physical ailments you're dealing with?

quote:

Yes, I understand I am capable of caring for infected wounds, however that is not my point. Repeated, constructive feedback would be most welcome.


In my opinion it was irresponsible of you to neglect your health given the situation. It may have been prevented if you'd taken action rather than waste your time dwelling on what should have happened. Finger pointing won't change the fact that you've placed yourself in harm's way unnecessarily.

Namaste,

~porcelaine



peppermint -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 6:04:57 PM)

quote:

1: Master has additional responsibility in caring for another Masters property- yes/no ?
2: The bleeding cuts became infected, yet at no point did this "Highly Experieced" in-parentis even bother to send the girl a txt msg to astertain that all was well -is this normal/acceptable practice -?


1. If your own Master did not feel you required any specific aftercare, why would you think this other dude should?  I think your anger, hurt feelings or whatever your problem is should be aimed at the person responsible for this whole situation, your very own Master. 

2.  The dude most likely thought your own Master was taking care of his own property.  Why would he believe anything else?  I believe it is normal for a Master to take care of what belongs to him.  Apparently your Master disagrees with that. 

Basically what I see here is this.  Your Master gave your ass to some dude because he decided you needed punishment.  You were punished severely, even more severely than you expected.  Your Master did not care enough about his property to make sure that you, his property had proper care after the punishment HE arranged for you.  Yet, you are blaming the other dude for this whole fiasco.  Blame the person who is responsible for this whole thing. 



Focus50 -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 6:24:32 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kefgirl

5:Said 'expert' disclosed AFTERWARDS that He has been waiting five months to break that cane over intense feelings "of anger" towards a former sub of His.
Perhaps point 5 may answer the 'why' question of non existant aftercare.


Crikey, talk about when psychopaths collide....!

His own words damn him, but what's your excuse? You've actually gotta get outside input on 'responsibility' and 'aftercare' etc because you can't recognise an abusive misogynist once draped in the SELF-proclaimed title of "master"?

Thing is, I "get" those who'd stoop to being violent, abusive arseholes - cowards need to survive and thrive, too (apparently). But I've never got those who enable them; the ones who seem to embrace victimhood.

My slave's well-being is my responsibility and whether I'm there or not, it never stops being *her* responsibilty, too. If I owned you, that cunt would have busted hands & ribs and plastic teeth now. But it's also moot, 'cause I wouldn't own you.

Focus.



IronBear -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 6:46:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

My slave's well-being is my responsibility and whether I'm there or not, it never stops being *her* responsibilty, too. If I owned you, that cunt would have busted hands & ribs and plastic teeth now.

Focus.


Stone the bloody crows Focus mate I agree with this 100%. We are definitely on  the same page. I just may have added playing a round or three of golf using a 9 iron on his balls and knees.. But then I'm just the evil fucker you won't introduce to your mun or other female relatives....



Hillwilliam -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 8:03:38 PM)

I'm looking at it from the other Dom's POV. If I damage another person's property, (beyond normal wear and tear ;-) it's My job to fix it



IronBear -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 9:02:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

I'm looking at it from the other Dom's POV. If I damage another person's property, (beyond normal wear and tear ;-) it's My job to fix it


But then Sir, you are a Gentleman are you not?



January -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 9:05:38 PM)

Hi kefgirl,

So, I looked at your profile and, like lally, I suspect there is more to your story. Your profile says nothing about being owned. So who is responsible for you, then? I'd say you are. You own yourself. Your profile pictures show an array of marked skin. Like you are way proud of your red stripes and welts. So is punishment--or masochism--the reason for impact play?

If it's masochism, you need to shrug off your victimhood, and choose folks who you are more compatible with. If it's punishment, suck it up, or find a better master.

Learn something about yourself from the cane-breaking incident. If you don't, your BDSM fantasy is going to get you hurt big time.

January



gungadin09 -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 9:21:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kefgirl
This is not about the wound itself. It is about responsibilty. If someone gave you care of thier valuable property, would you not honour that trust.
If someone placed a living being in your care, would you not at least phone or mail said living being to adhere to your "acceptance of responsibilty".


You're right that it's about responsibility, but if you still need to be told what to think, then here goes:

1. It's Loco's fault for damaging someone else's toy and not taking responsibility for fixing it.
2. It's your Master's fault for lending you out to Someone who's clearly a pycho.
3. It's Loco's and Master's fault for not clarifying who was responsible for what in this scenario.
4. It's your own fault for not making sure that #3 happened before you started.
5. It's your own fault that a) knowing your Master wasn't going to be there, and b) was depending on Someone else to "punish" You, didn't raise a red flag in your mind.
6. It's your own fault that, knowing that you had been injured, you STILL didn't bother to clarify who was going to be responsible for what in terms of care.
7. It's Loco's fault for not following up.
8. It's Master's fault for not following up.
9. It might also be your fault for not communicating to Loco and Master the seriousness of the situation; for example, if the cuts looked superficial at the time and became infected later, it might not have been obvious that you *needed* help in caring for them.
10. It's your fault for not seeing a doctor if the wounds were serious.
11. It's your fault for not being able to care for them yourself if they were not serious.
12. It's your fault for posing this question to a bunch of strangers instead of talking to the people who were actually involved.
13. It's your own fault that, having asked the question, you don't have the good sense to listen, and instead keep arguing with people over answers that they gave.
14. Above all- it is your fault for equating being Someone's submissive with being their child. In short: if you need a "parent"; if you aren't qualified to make decisions and take responsibility for yourself... then you aren't fit to consent to BDSM in the first place.

pam

P.S.- In my opinion, you're very lucky. Instead of complaining, you should be thanking your stars that it wasn't any worse. If you think that what happened to you was the worst thing that could have happened- think again.



Palliata -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/5/2011 10:03:10 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kefgirl


Littlewonder This is not about the wound itself. It is about responsibilty. If someone gave you care of thier valuable property, would you not honour that trust.
If someone placed a living being in your care, would you not at least phone or mail said living being to adhere to your "acceptance of responsibilty".
That, Littlewonder is the point.


No doubt the borrower has a lot of responsibility here. However, your Dom has a lot more - you're his and at the end of the day it is all in his hands. I get that it isn't about the practical fact of the treatment, but I think you're trying to keep from having to be upset with your master over this, and if you're GOING to be upset, he should share the brunt of it.



GreedyTop -> RE: In loco-parentis & Responsibility. (2/6/2011 12:23:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

quote:

ORIGINAL: kefgirl
This is not about the wound itself. It is about responsibilty. If someone gave you care of thier valuable property, would you not honour that trust.
If someone placed a living being in your care, would you not at least phone or mail said living being to adhere to your "acceptance of responsibilty".


You're right that it's about responsibility, but if you still need to be told what to think, then here goes:

1. It's Loco's fault for damaging someone else's toy and not taking responsibility for fixing it.
2. It's your Master's fault for lending you out to Someone who's clearly a pycho.
3. It's Loco's and Master's fault for not clarifying who was responsible for what in this scenario.
4. It's your own fault for not making sure that #3 happened before you started.
5. It's your own fault that a) knowing your Master wasn't going to be there, and b) was depending on Someone else to "punish" You, didn't raise a red flag in your mind.
6. It's your own fault that, knowing that you had been injured, you STILL didn't bother to clarify who was going to be responsible for what in terms of care.
7. It's Loco's fault for not following up.
8. It's Master's fault for not following up.
9. It might also be your fault for not communicating to Loco and Master the seriousness of the situation; for example, if the cuts looked superficial at the time and became infected later, it might not have been obvious that you *needed* help in caring for them.
10. It's your fault for not seeing a doctor if the wounds were serious.
11. It's your fault for not being able to care for them yourself if they were not serious.
12. It's your fault for posing this question to a bunch of strangers instead of talking to the people who were actually involved.
13. It's your own fault that, having asked the question, you don't have the good sense to listen, and instead keep arguing with people over answers that they gave.
14. Above all- it is your fault for equating being Someone's submissive with being their child. In short: if you need a "parent"; if you aren't qualified to make decisions and take responsibility for yourself... then you aren't fit to consent to BDSM in the first place.

pam

P.S.- In my opinion, you're very lucky. Instead of complaining, you should be thanking your stars that it wasn't any worse. If you think that what happened to you was the worst thing that could have happened- think again.


font size increased in the (probably vain) hope that bigger letters will help the OP grasp the content.



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
3.515625E-02