RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom

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SailingBum -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 12:31:08 AM)
Rite after I read the dictionary I'll tackle this BadOne

NocturnalStalker -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 12:54:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Just a bunch of total pretentious bullcrap. I doubt that there is an ideal Dom or an ideal anything, but what I do know, is that I wish there some new(ish) men around who didn't post like twats trying to educate the masses of poor pathetic sub women. I just love the White Knight complex. I have defended THREE online maidens! Said maidens have submitted to me ZERO times! Onwards, Midnight! Rides invisible horse ala Monty Python.

porcelaine -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 12:57:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RaceBannon The following was posted to another site, written by me but added to by many. It is merely a guide, not a set of rules for new submissives that are seeking mates online, or even out in the real world. It is not meant to offend, or be guidelines written in stone. For every suggestion there is exception, no two doms or subs are alike. It's simply a document to help those women who like many find the online BDSM site search frustrating or dangerous. Greetings Race, I was a little taken aback initially by your user name. Given the accolades and positive contributions Mr. Bannon has made to the leather community, I was uncertain if you were the individual bearing the same. Nonetheless, I extend a warm welcome in your direction. As for your piece, I don't find it offensive in the least. I believe leather men have a markedly different approach during the mating stage that coincides with their principles and the nature of the relationship they're seeking. I don't believe this is necessarily better, but truthfully hinges on ones orientation and whether you're drawn in that direction or another one. For what it's worth the information you disclosed in the beginning about what shouldn't be articulated is in alignment with my personal beliefs. However, I recognize that others have an alternate stance on the subject and prefer to share more of themselves to prospective (unforeseen) suitors. In terms of the behaviors mentioned, as you noted they run the gamut and while you referenced the individual as a dominant, I would insert gentleman in its place with the caveat that he's sincerely seeking to fill that place in his life. Whether it's temporary or permanent is not important, as neither should negatively impact ones breeding if they're inclined to display it. Overall, your piece provides a valid snapshot and offers timely reminders that may prove beneficial to those new and old. Although some may not find favor in what was stated, if your words resonate with one person that sincerely needed to hear them the gesture was not in vain. Namaste, ~porcelaine

lally2 -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 2:29:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Strong, confident people really don't need this spelled out for them. not all people are strong and confident though and many trip up on the wannabes and many get jaded in their hope. i think its really fab that you and others have found someone you can totally love and trust - i think the OP got alot of it right to be honest but even before i began to read the responses i knew the knee jerk reactions id read. there is nothing wrong in guidelining people and giving them something to aim for.

came4U -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 2:31:29 AM)
I found the coughs original blog-written in 2009, here: http://awesomenessandthegoodgirl.blogspot.com/2009/11/for-newish-girls-guide-to-finding-that.html?zx=91d4e8d60913b159 dunno why someone would wanna steal something so cheesy.

IronBear -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 4:27:15 AM)
Perhaps, instead of trying to reinvent the wheel, why not look into both areas of what we laughingly refer to as "The Lifestyle" and the history of an earlier time, well documented in the social histories of England. I refer of course to the Victorian Era Lifestyle. There are a series of ettiquittes regarding what it is to be a Gentleman in that society. This includes excellent manners, expected protocols when in a variety of social scenes and of course dealing with adverse conditions. I am well aware of the current trends of treating a gentleman who attempts to open a door for a lady or who stands when a lady enters a room of is about to sit at the table or even (shock horror) offers to help a lady carry parcels (shopping bags) with abuse, insults and other antisocial activities so prevalent in today's society with its "in your face" aggression and abuse. I have found that if one does follow the rules of good manners, others who notice are more likely to follow suit.

Elisabella -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 9:34:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble Psst.. ladies? Dominants lie. They cheat on their spouses, they steal from their employers. They are (gasp) human and all of the flaws the rest of us humans have hold just as true for dominants. So much this. I'm so sick of the people who think that all dominants and all submissives are wonderful people who know how to have a healthy relationship and if anyone does something totally jerky they automatically go for "oh he's not a real dominant" instead of "wow what a jerk dominant." I'd imagine at least 80% of the special snowflake club isn't even in a LTR.

osf -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 9:49:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble quote: ORIGINAL: RaceBannon The following was posted to another site, written by me but added to by many. It is merely a guide, not a set of rules for new submissives that are seeking mates online, or even out in the real world. It is not meant to offend, or be guidelines written in stone. For every suggestion there is exception, no two doms or subs are alike. It's simply a document to help those women who like many find the online BDSM site search frustrating or dangerous. Here's a tip or two; When your online experience gets to be too dangerous .. turn OFF the computer. When your online search gets to be too frustrating .. go out into the real world and get to know some folks toes to toes and see if there is some chemistry with any of them which causes you to want to explore further. quote: -IT IS LIKELY a dominant guy will not start off by desiring you to be submissive at the get go. It is more likely that a dominant will expect you to be submissive otherwise you wouldn't be here in the first place seeking out a dominant partner. If a dominant expects you to hand over your authority, however, simply because of a label they gave themselves it is likely they are new themselves or an ass. In neither case does that preclude them from actually being dominant. Dominants come in a wide variety of flavors including but not limited to: exceptional, mediocre, experienced, ass, inadequate etc. Some are able to multitask a variety of labels as well. In other words, one can be experienced and exceptional, new and exceptional, new and an ass or experienced and an ass etc. and still be dominant. quote: -IT IS LIKELY a dominant guy will be very interested in you, and not just your sexual needs (though they will certainly get his attention). It is more likely that a dominant guy will be very interested in his sexual needs if BDSM is all about sex to him. Don't be fooled here, ladies. Your average dominant guy is going to think about his sexual needs first.. not yours. That said, BDSM is not all about sex for everyone and plenty of folks engage in the various letters associated with the acronym without any sexual pleasure required or necessary. It's your coloring book, so you get to choose the crayons you use and whether or not you color inside or outside the lines. quote: The dominant guy above all loves challenge Except for the ones who hate challenges or the ones who find challenges to be tiresome or who expect obedience to their directives and... so on and so forth. quote: Submissive women are the most challenging of lovers for they have great fantasy. Bullshit. Submissive or not, it's a people thing, not an orientation thing. quote: the burden of 'taking charge' of you. The dominant desires this burden because he knows you bring many gifts in return. Just an aside for the dom types. If taking charge is a burden.. you might want to reconsider your orientation. Just some food for thought. quote: -IT IS LIKELY a dominant guy is probably going to be damn good in the sack. hahahahahahahahaha quote: -IT IS CERTAIN a dominant guy will make many mistakes and have no fear admitting them (though sometimes it may take him awhile to fess up, or even discover he has made a mistake). He understands he is not all knowing because he knows he's human. A guy who believes he never makes mistakes or does not admit them with good cheer CANNOT be dominant. Bullshit again. Anyone can be dominant. (I have to say that the bit about admitting mistakes with good cheer actually made me chuckle.) quote: -IT IS LIKELY a dominant will not lie about being married or already having a girlfriend. Psst.. ladies? Dominants lie. They cheat on their spouses, they steal from their employers. They are (gasp) human and all of the flaws the rest of us humans have hold just as true for dominants. ::snipped out the rest of the book because...:: bottom line: Trust your gut and engage your brain. If you do those two things then find someone who makes your heart sing.. explore that.. it's a good start. quote: Psst.. ladies? Dominants lie. They cheat on their spouses, they steal from their employers. They are (gasp) human and all of the flaws the rest of us humans have hold just as true for dominants. but, but while i lie cheat and steal I can do it walking on water

Prinsexx -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 10:35:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: came4U I found the coughs original blog-written in 2009, here: http://awesomenessandthegoodgirl.blogspot.com/2009/11/for-newish-girls-guide-to-finding-that.html?zx=91d4e8d60913b159 dunno why someone would wanna steal something so cheesy. Well spotted. I don't know about a guide to dominance so much as a gude to plagarism.

leadership527 -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 10:54:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear I am well aware of the current trends of treating a gentleman who attempts to open a door for a lady or who stands when a lady enters a room of is about to sit at the table or even (shock horror) offers to help a lady carry parcels (shopping bags) with abuse, insults and other antisocial activities so prevalent in today's society with its "in your face" aggression and abuse. Just for the record, I've been opening doors, offering to carry bags, and the like my whole life. Despite the image that gets bandied about, I have NEVER (at least not that I can remember) had some woman throw my efforts in my face. Sometimes they have accepted... sometimes not. But I've never had anyone go off on me about it. Of course, I've noticed that people don't tend to "go off on me" in general.

sexyred1 -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 11:10:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Strong, confident people really don't need this spelled out for them. not all people are strong and confident though and many trip up on the wannabes and many get jaded in their hope. i think its really fab that you and others have found someone you can totally love and trust - i think the OP got alot of it right to be honest but even before i began to read the responses i knew the knee jerk reactions id read. there is nothing wrong in guidelining people and giving them something to aim for. Hi lally2, I do understand your point and others who think this kind of thing is ok to post, and of course, anyone can post anything they want. The thing that is offensive to me and some others, is that there is a presumption that submissive women need help in figuring out what a Dom is or is not. I find this somewhat condescending. I get that some people are very new to the world of relationships, but most of us have been around the block and can use our own brains, perceptions, ideas, preferences and desires to figure out how a Dom should be in our individual minds. I don't see it as being jaded, which many of us can be, I see it more as the way it was written was overly romanticized and not really a guideline or suggestion.

mbes -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 11:13:12 AM)
This kind of thing just strikes me as yet another attempt to make bdsm seem so much more Special than it is to me. All those things that work in dating in the nilla world hold true here, and if you use your head in one area, you'll do just fine using it anywhere.

Prinsexx -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 11:13:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Strong, confident people really don't need this spelled out for them. not all people are strong and confident though and many trip up on the wannabes and many get jaded in their hope. i think its really fab that you and others have found someone you can totally love and trust - i think the OP got alot of it right to be honest but even before i began to read the responses i knew the knee jerk reactions id read. there is nothing wrong in guidelining people and giving them something to aim for. Hi lally2, I do understand your point and others who think this kind of thing is ok to post, and of course, anyone can post anything they want. The thing that is offensive to me and some others, is that there is a presumption that submissive women need help in figuring out what a Dom is or is not. I find this somewhat condescending. I get that some people are very new to the world of relationships, but most of us have been around the block and can use our own brains, perceptions, ideas, preferences and desires to figure out how a Dom should be in our individual minds. I don't see it as being jaded, which many of us can be, I see it more as the way it was written was overly romanticized and not really a guideline or suggestion. I just read it as sexist nonsense. Anyone think submissives were females only. Call me jaded?

windchymes -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 11:56:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine Greetings Race, I was a little taken aback initially by your user name. Given the accolades and positive contributions Mr. Bannon has made to the leather community, Not to mention to Dr. Benton Quest and his son [8\|]

IronBear -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 12:16:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear I am well aware of the current trends of treating a gentleman who attempts to open a door for a lady or who stands when a lady enters a room of is about to sit at the table or even (shock horror) offers to help a lady carry parcels (shopping bags) with abuse, insults and other antisocial activities so prevalent in today's society with its "in your face" aggression and abuse. Just for the record, I've been opening doors, offering to carry bags, and the like my whole life. Despite the image that gets bandied about, I have NEVER (at least not that I can remember) had some woman throw my efforts in my face. Sometimes they have accepted... sometimes not. But I've never had anyone go off on me about it. Of course, I've noticed that people don't tend to "go off on me" in general. Fair enough mate, I've had it a couple of times (being verbally abuse and called a poof) with the last one who had the dirtiest mouth I ever heard slap me across the face. Bad move, I grabbed a hand full of her hair and bitch slapped her across the room. Not one person including security raised a hand or said anything other than to agree with my actions. Mind you what the two girls with me did to her in the dunny is another matter. At the same Leagues Club a couple of weeks later I was complemented for my manners when some one watched me hold a chair for a delightful elderly lady after kissing the back of her hand when I was introduced to her.

petmonkey -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 12:31:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine Although some may not find favor in what was stated, if your words resonate with one person that sincerely needed to hear them the gesture was not in vain. points at this sentence and nods in agreement

LillyBoPeep -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 12:47:37 PM)
things that focus on the "ideal" will generally always fall short.

kalikshama -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 1:25:58 PM)
It's basically a less readable version of the acid test, which was helpful for me when I had sub frenzy. http://www.submission.org.uk/safety5.html I have certainly seen a few threads started by female subs who needed some common sense.

Phoenixpower -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 1:32:12 PM)
I didn't read it to be honest but skimmed through some responses as FR. I always thought that women have to introduce themselves to Stevie with Cookies at first, when they enter here and he then links them up with the weal twue doms...obviously got that wrong [:o]

CalifChick -> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom (2/7/2011 3:40:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: came4U I found the coughs original blog-written in 2009, here: http://awesomenessandthegoodgirl.blogspot.com/2009/11/for-newish-girls-guide-to-finding-that.html?zx=91d4e8d60913b159 dunno why someone would wanna steal something so cheesy. What makes you think that's not his site? Cali

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